Chapter 1
"Well, fuck this stupid thing!"
Raven is unaware that a certain younger brunette is casually leaning against the front door of her apartment and is currently staring at her. Octavia's hand fidgets with the need to help the woman out but she knows that when Raven is pissed at her brace, it's better not to offer help or even comment on it.
Octavia cannot not do anything either. She sees the other woman reaching her limits. "Do you want some coffee?" she speaks up and startles the woman who momentarily tenses up while her brain analyzes the voice.
A small smile appears on Raven's face and she has to consciously remind herself to school her expression into something a bit more neutral. She clears her throat and turns toward the woman who evidently broke into her apartment – again.
"Yeah, sure. Thanks. What brings you here, O?"
Octavia is already walking towards the kitchen. She sighs at the question like it isn't obvious why she's here. Raven would've missed the exaggerated exhale if it wasn't for the fact that she's following her to her kitchen. She tries to at least. It's more like she's wobbling on one leg as she drags the other one along. That damn leg is making her life miserable.
"Can't I just drop by because I miss you?" Octavia shakes her head in disbelief. She doesn't want to argue but can't just let it slide when her feelings are getting dismissed like this. She also cannot believe that Raven doesn't give a fuck about her. She doesn't want to believe that even though everyone tells her to 'just give up already.' She wants to say so much more but bites her tongue – figuratively and literally. After all these years, she still has trouble to not, not speak her mind.
Raven bites her lip, not knowing how to reply. She really likes it when Octavia is around but the conflicting feelings are often too much to handle. She instinctively wants to reach for the whiskey now that they're in the kitchen but keeps her hands balled up into fists instead and tries to clear her mind.
Of course, this is the moment that Octavia decides to turn around and face Raven. Her eyes flit towards Raven's hands before she drops her own gaze in what Raven assumes is defeat. Octavia's voice is barely above a whisper when she speaks next.
"I can also just go. Yeah, I'm going." She mutters the last part more to herself than to the other woman. As she turns away toward the front door again, all sorts of thoughts go through Raven's mind. The most prominent one being: 'don't let her leave like this, you idiot.'
Octavia is already at the door when Raven suddenly surges forward and trips over her own feet – or brace in this case. She curses in Spanish as she lays splayed out on the floor.
The younger brunette tries to keep silent, tries to take this serious but to no avail. She bursts out into a laughter that is soon turning to be uncontrollable. It really doesn't help when Raven glares at her. Octavia knows that look, though. She knows that Raven doesn't know that she can distinguish her glares, but this one has no malice behind it, so she can laugh without getting into too much trouble knowing that Raven is fine. Besides, she's the toughest woman Octavia knows - she'll be fine.
Raven puts her arms over one another and pointedly stares at the wall in front of her. She's not really mad as she would probably laugh if someone else fell as comically as she did. Her brace definitely needs to be looked at now. She's not even sure she can get up and doesn't want to try and fail in front of Octavia.
Still giggling a little, Octavia walks up to Raven. "M'lady," she jokes while extending her hand for Raven to take. Raven hesitates for a second before accepting the help.
"Thanks."
Octavia jokingly takes her hand, kisses it and takes a mock bow. Raven has to fight to keep that smile off her face. The glint in her eyes still shows and Octavia feels a surge of emotion knowing that she can still do that to Raven. And was that a blush?
This is the thing that Raven misses and loves so much. This is also the thing she cuts short whenever it comes up. She can't allow herself this pleasure. So she stays silent. She looks at her brace, trying to figure out what to do with it.
Octavia sees her eyebrows furrow. She observes the brace herself in one quick glance, careful to not let Raven notice she did so. Raven spots her anyway. A scoff threatens to escape as she knows the women already analyzed every problem in the device already.
Raven clears her throat, ready to move this along. She's done talking for the day. Actually, she isn't but, damn, she can't let Octavia in. She just cannot. Before she can say something she's bound to regret later, Octavia speaks up.
"I'm going to take your brace with me to fix. You either use your cane in the meantime or come back with me?" Octavia's voice started strong with a statement, not a question but she ended rather weakly. She internally scolds herself for it.
"OK," Raven relents easily.
Way too easy for Octavia's taste. Calling her surprised would be an understatement.
"Wh-what?"
"I said OK," Raven repeats.
Octavia perks up. "OK, great! Shall we go now, or...?"
"I meant no… I'll use my cane. Bring it back when you're done?" Raven's voice is unsure and full of doubt. Octavia knows it's because the woman thinks she'll take back her offer. Little does she know that she'll take everything she can get right now.
"No problem, how does tonight sound?"
"Sounds good, O." Raven is pretty sure her voice gave away her excitement at the younger woman returning later.
Octavia tries really hard to keep her composure and to refrain from hugging the woman standing before her. "Where's your cane?"
Raven frowns for a second, not understanding why she needs to know before she remembers she's standing in the middle of the hallway with a banged up brace.
"Bedroom closet, you'll see it right away."
Octavia hurries to retrieve the item and can't help but quickly glance around in the room. It's much cleaner and neater than she imagined it would be. I mean, yes, it was a disaster, but she imaged a shit storm of empty bottles and clothes all over the floor and bed and files everywhere. There were a few bottles; empty as well as half full and there were clothes on the floor and wait – is that?
When she opens the closet, her eyes fall upon a note sticking out of the bottom of a pile of clothes. It looks like her own handwriting. She grabs it and turns it around. She already knows what it is and her heart nearly beats out of her chest. Raven kept it. She kept the photo of the whole gang at graduation. In the middle are Raven and Octavia smiling brightly at the camera. Well, Octavia is. Raven is looking at the woman beside her and smiling widely. Those were good times. Octavia can't believe she kept it and knows it must mean something even though it's tucked away.
She hears Raven calling out to her; asking why it's taking so long. She quickly puts the photo back where she found it and picks up the cane.
"Sorry, I had to navigate through all your mess."
Raven rolls her eyes and holds out her hand for the cane. She nods toward Octavia as a thanks. The woman smiles at her in return. Raven hands her the brace she took off while the woman went to look for her cane.
"Right, OK. I'm gonna go. Call me if you need anything?" Octavia knows it's a futile suggestion but tries anyway.
"Sure, O." Raven plays along while her eyes flit toward the door.
Octavia takes the hint and takes her leave. "See you, Reyes."
Raven totally deserved hearing that tone of voice. The one that says 'I'm done trying for today. You've worn me out.' She knows she's being really shitty towards Octavia, the only one that still makes an effort, but she can't help it. It's part of who she is now.
She walks toward the kitchen to make herself the coffee that Octavia would make her. Now that she isn't here anymore, she'll make it an Irish one.
**
Octavia is standing in front of her apartment, fidgeting with her keys until she finds the right one. At that moment, Clarke comes out of her own apartment. It's across from hers. At first, they meant to take one next to each other and maybe tear out a wall to make it one big house but they soon found out it wouldn't even be a possibility because it all the walls separating the apartments from one another are bearing walls, even a door could be too much. It would be too much; Octavia already did the math on it.
Clarke looks at the metal in Octavia's hand, immediately recognizing it. How can she not? She spent hours watching Octavia as she made it from scratch. "How is she?" There is so much sadness in her voice that it breaks Octavia's heart.
"Why won't you ask her yourself?" There's anger in her voice and Clarke cannot blame her. She cannot blame Clarke for not contacting Raven either. The whole situation is messed up. There are tears in her eyes and she blinks them away as she apologizes to Clarke. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess she's… You know what? I don't even know. She barely talks to me." She leans her head against her own front door. Octavia is too tired for this. She doesn't even know why she's doing it anymore.
Yes, she does.
"Hey, alright. Wait. Let's get you inside." Clarke walks over and takes the keys from Octavia's hand. She opens the door and nudges the woman inside and gently takes the metal object and puts it aside.
Octavia basically faceplants into the couch, eliciting a snort from Clarke. She lets the woman be for the moment and goes to make some hot cocoa. They say that chocolate makes everything better.
Clarke nudges Octavia's legs in a silent request for her to scoot over. The brunette speaks something unintelligible into the couch. Clarke is tired of waiting but decides against kicking her legs off the couch. Instead, she gently raises them, sits down and let them fall into her lap.
She starts tracing patterns into the woman's legs. It doesn't take long for Octavia to start squirming. Clarke smirks knowingly. The brunette is very ticklish. The blonde doubles her effort and suddenly stops. Octavia lets out a content sigh thinking she's off the hook. She couldn't be more wrong.
The blonde suddenly puts her hands on Octavia's sides and starts tickling her like crazy.
"S-stop, stop! Clarke!!" It isn't until Octavia is crying with laughter this time, as opposed to sadness, that Clarke lets go. It takes Octavia a minute to catch her breath again. "Thanks, Clarkey."
"Anytime, O. Do you wanna talk about it?"
Octavia shakes her head, "Maybe later."
The blonde goes to retrieve the brace so Octavia can do whatever it was that she was going to do with it, but when she comes back the brunette is already asleep. She never ceases to amaze the blonde with how quick she can just fall asleep everywhere and at any given time. She chuckles to herself and drapes a blanket around the brunette, kisses the top of her head and lets herself out.