You've got to be Squiding Me Part 2
*Before the Shenanigans*
“Alright I’m leaving now” Shaw announced as she stepped out the bedroom fully clothed tucking her gun in her pants and searching for her boot knife.
“Mhm” Root replied distracted, from where she was perched on the couch, crouched over her laptop, having been there for two days already.
“Root go and take a shower and try and eat before you pass out or something. I’m not dragging a dead girl out of this apartment” Shaw grabbed her mug of coffee before grabbing Bear’s leash as he trotted over to her.
“Yeah I love you too, sweetie” The taller woman did not hear a single word.
Shaw scoffed “Whatever” before leaving slamming the door with a thud. Root sighed, one day that thing was going to fall off its hinges.
Root finished not too long after Shaw had left and decided to stretch and caught a whiff of herself, she really needed to bathe.
“Is there anything else you would like for me to do today?” she asked The Machine.
/No Analogue Interface has completed her mission and is in need of some rest/
Root pouted “But I’m not tired, please. Make it an easy and fun one” she pleaded.
The Machine gave in /Analogue interface needed downtown/
Root smiled and quickly cleaned herself up, actually showering, washing her hair and eating some left over lo mien before healing out the door and onto her Motorcycle.
“So where am I headed”
The Machine directed her to the exact location which turned out to be a warehouse, why was she not surprised. She doubled check to make sure she had all her weapons before moving to survey. She sneaked around the back easing herself in silently, fully expecting gang members, weapons and money laying around.
Oh no, not by the least but instead this scene was an animal auction.
“Okay I know Sameen’s always talking about wanting another pet but I don’t think this is what she was referring to” Root said slightly taken aback, looking at some wildly exotic creatures which included a parrot to her right, giving her the whistle.
Okay that’s just gross animals shouldn’t be able to do that.
/You said you wanted something easy and fun/ The machine counters.
“Fun includes shooting kneecaps” she pouted.
/Nine o’clock/
Root whipped out her gun, that contained a silencer, and shot a security guard before he could get to her first. He fell to the floor yelping before Root knocked him out with the butt of her gun.
“Okay now it’s getting fun” she smiled.
/Go around the back, there you will see a rather large container, be careful with handling/
Root does as she's told, trying not to alert anyone to her presence, not that anyone would actually care about her.
Then she sees it. This slimy monster squishing around in a rather large fish tank, that has a slight smell to it. But to be fair she was surrounded by a shit load of well... shit.
“Well what am I supposed to do with it?” her face curling in slight disgust.
/They have named this creature Squidward. I believe his name has been derived from the children’s show titled Sponge-Bob. About a sponge named bob, and his friend Patrick whom is a starfish/
“Yes I know the show, not a very original name. But why do I need to take squishy head here and not any other animal?”
/Squidward is the very last male of his specific species of squid, and his rare DNA. If he is sold at this auction the species will deplete and extinct themselves. However there are three females of his kind left and to reproduce../
“Yeah, alright I can figure out the rest” Root sighs. “But I can’t carry him on my bike”
/There is a vehicle waiting for you just outside the backdoor. There is also a ramp that you can take Squidward down while still on his trolley. They have made sure to secure him properly/
Root smiles “You think of everything”. She steps closer and gets a whiff of Squidward though. “Phew, Sam’s not going to be happy about this. Maybe I’ll throw some bubble bath in your water.”
Suddenly The Machine beeped in her ear /I DO NOT ADVISE THAT. IT CAN POISON HIM/
“Alright fine, calm down.” Root breathes trying to sneak a fucking squid out of this damn warehouse.
The driver of the car seems to pay the squid no mind ass he helps Root load it into the trunk. He’s probably been paid to not even glance at it which just makes things easier for her.
He’s a real gentleman taking up to her apartment and setting the tank in the tub causing the squid to rile up a bit. Of course before he leaves he needs to give Root his number and as he closes the door she throws it in the bin.
She makes her way back to see this fricken Scuba- Doo thrashing around in the tank.
/Squidward appears to be in distress. You should try running the water to calm him as well as sing to him/
Root face falls into a thin line, she opens her mouth then closes, before finally speaking “You want me to sing, to a squid?”
/It will calm the creature/ The Machine reassures her.
Root sighs but gets on her knees running the bath lowly while starting to hum lightly first then sing the theme of SpongeBob. Needless to say Squidward was not impressed. Root thinks he actually calmed down so he wouldn’t have to hear her singing anymore which was fine with her as she made her way up the stairs.
Then Shaw comes home and throws a fit and upsets Squidward again, just fucking great. But after the threat of no sex for a week this thing needed to get out of here fast. Last species or not, if it disturbed her sex life, it had to die.
“Okay you heard what Sameen said, either this thing goes, or it dies” Root tells The Machine.
/I have understood Primary Asset Shaw and her wishes. A species expert and Zoologist by the name of Erick will pick up Squidward. Eta about ten minutes./
Root smiles “Perfect. And could you also have two orders of Sameen’s favorite steak delivered too”
/Placing order now/
“Thank you. But I do have a bone to pick with you, why didn’t you tell me Sameen was hurt” Root frowned.
“Because I asked Her not to” Shaw’s voice came from behind Root making her jump. Shaw tries and fails to hide the little smirk tugging at her lip.
“Why?” Root asks bringing her finger to touch the split in Shaw’s lip.
Shaw hisses a little “Cause it’s nothing I can’t handle”.
Root hums before leaning in and gently pressing her lips to Shaw's and over the split.
Shaw feels little somersaults in her stomach and tries to push down the feeling even as they part but Root rests their foreheads together and caresses her cheek.
Shaw clears her throat “You know what you gonna do with that stink thing yet?” tilting her head to the tub.
Root scrunches her nose “Was thinking about wrapping it and giving it to Lionel for an early Christmas present” she shrugs.
Shaw actually blows a little laugh and Root can feel her chest flutter at the thought that she caused that.
“She’s sending someone to pick him up in about ten minutes” Root parrots The Machine and Shaw nods.
“So about the whole week of no sex thing..., am I off the hook?” Root asks running her hands along Shaw’s arms to play with her fingers, head tilted and eyes twinkling.
Shaw smirks “Maybe there’s a way you can work it off”
Root quirks an eyebrow moving to close the gap between their lips, though not touching “And just how might I do that?” as she gets closer with their lips brushing Shaw pulls back suddenly and starts limping up the stairs.
“Baby oil, body lotion, ice pack, and a cold beer. I’ll be in the tub soaking until that thing is gone and when he is, only then can you try to redeem yourself”
Root gawks at her retreating figure then looks back to the squid “Hope your balls hurt when you try to impregnate other squids” she huffs before plopping down on the tile floor, wishing this zoo person to come earlier.