How to Get Your Best Friend Suspended
Soft lips on his, sweet, but never any sort of spark. Electricity was non-existent. The woman underneath him was his lover, but he could never love her. A thin layer of clothing separated the friction between them, however, Ryan had no intention of allowing that barrier, that excuse to cease its existence. He couldn’t find a reason to be happy in this moment, although any other teenage boy in their right mind probably would be. But then again, since when was Ryan in his right mind?
She smelled like a mixture of jasmine and vanilla, soft and succulent. When Ryan’s hands entangled in her silky hair, she let out tiny sounds. Ryan reminded her that they were alone, she didn’t have to bite her tongue.
The mattress dipped beneath them, the sounds of springs squeaking filling their ears. Her lips moved down from his mouth, and found their way to his neck. He feared that this would be her opportunity to finally suck the life out of him, like the vampire that she was.
Her hands were trembling as they fumbled across Ryan’s bony spine. As her hands neared his waist, he moved up into a sitting position, as to discourage her from pushing any further, but her body arched up, mirroring his position, lips never breaking contact with his skin.
Her mouth found its way back up on his, and Ryan still felt nothing. Perhaps his heart was empty, perhaps he wasn’t capable of feeling. Her hands found their way onto his chest, perhaps attempting to feel the ghost of a heartbeat that once was. They moved their way down, thin fingers against a muscular stomach. Finally, they found their way to his belt buckle, attempting to remove the metal piece from the missing hole of the black leather.
Ryan’s eyes popped open, and he pulled back from her as quickly as he possibly could, jumping back to the footboard of his bed, his body no longer in contact with hers, his heart pounding, but not for the reasons one’s heart should be pounding when in bed with a pretty girl.
“N-not yet,” Ryan stuttered, unsure of what else he could say. He could feel his heart attempting to crack his ribcage. He went to do his belt back up, but luckily, Keltie had been unsuccessful in her attempts.
“Are you fucking kidding me Ross!?” Keltie’s face switched from an expression of love to pure anger. Ryan knew this was a bad idea. He shouldn’t have told her his dad wasn’t home, he shouldn’t have let her lips find his. He should’ve ended it before she even had the opportunity to kick her shoes off at his front door.
Ryan just sat, eyes wide, and breathing heavy, words refusing to fall out of his mouth. The silence between the two of them was a ticking time bomb.
“George Ryan Ross! We’ve been together for what? A fucking year? All I can get out of you is a fucking bogus makeout session! You know, you should be lucky to have me! Most guys would fucking die for an opportunity to sleep with me, and what are you doing? You’re fucking rejecting me! I’ve been patient! I’ve waited! And you know what? I feel like you just don’t want me anymore!” she screamed, opalescent tears streaming down her pale face. Bang. The time bomb had exploded.
“Keltie,” Ryan started.
“Oh no, don’t you fucking ‘Keltie’ me with your puppy dog eyes and your fucking sad voice. I’m sick of it! I don’t ask for much out of you, Ryan! All I want is for you to treat me like a regular girlfriend! Is that so much to fucking ask? You know what? I’ve wasted a whole fucking year of my life trying to get you to care about me as much as I care about you! And for what? You won’t even kiss me back half of the time anymore!” she continued, her eyes once filled with love, now filled with saltwater and a look of pure rage.
Ryan felt trapped, his back pressed up against the cold wood of the footboard of his bed. He was appalled that Keltie had all of that anger bottled up inside of her, that Ryan had shaken it until it had exploded. Now the contents lay in front of them. Ryan had no clue what he was doing, where to go from there. He had no game plan, so now, it would be an in the moment decision. He hadn’t anticipated this.
“Are you gonna fucking say something?” Keltie asked, still looking angrier than Coach Stump had been when they lost the first game in the championship round last year.
“I was afraid you’d cut me off,” Ryan sighed.
That was obviously the wrong answer because tears continued to flow down Keltie’s soft cheeks, heavier than they had before. Her black eye makeup fell down her face, beginning to form little patterns around her cheeks. It reminded Ryan somewhat of spiderwebs.
“Hey, hey, don’t cry. It’s okay. I still want you,” he lied, reaching out and attempting to wipe tears from her eyes.
“Why don’t you ever show it, then?” she sniffed, knocking away his hand and using her own to remove the trail of tears that Ryan has caused.
Ryan paused for a moment. If he wanted to continue the facade, he had no choice of what to do. His hands cupped her face, and his lips came crashing onto hers, and he immediately regretted his decision as she began to kiss him back. She wasn’t lying when she said she loved Ryan, and he knew it. He, unfortunately, wouldn’t be able to share the same sincerity.
She tasted like saltwater, and Ryan was all too familiar with the feeling. Her hands were still shaky from crying moments ago, and yet, still strong enough to squeeze Ryan’s shoulders and pull him back on top of her.
Her breasts were soft against his chest, Ryan could feel her heartbeat. Her hands ventured up his shirt. She broke contact with his lips to discard the white and black striped fabric onto the grey carpet of his bedroom floor. Ryan’s naked skin was pressed against the soft knit of Keltie’s pink sweater.
Their eyes were locked in the momentary break of mouth to mouth contact. Keltie whispered a soft “I love you,” but Ryan didn’t say it back.
Ryan had passed the point of no return, and forced himself to live with the idea that he had no other choice. Keltie was his only option anymore.
His hands went under her shirt, the skin on her stomach was smooth. Ryan made a mental note of the texture for reference in writing later on.
He continued up, awkwardly attempting to cup her breasts with her bra separating rough flesh from soft. Keltie laughed against his lips, obviously amused as she moved her hands off of his shoulders, and utilized them to guide Ryan’s boney fingers along the rib-band of the garment, all of the way to the back where the eyelet and hook met. Ryan shuddered at the thought of him and Keltie in the same position as the two pieces of metal, perfectly attached.
He fumbled with it, unsure exactly how it worked. Keltie attempted to be helpful, arching her back as to give Ryan a better angle, but to no avail. Ryan didn’t understand why it was necessary to create this pointless and difficult to unlatch device.
In that moment, he saw a chance for escape. He pulled off of her and sat up.
“I can’t,” Ryan whispered, wiping saliva off of his swollen lips. Keltie scrambled up into a sitting position, frantic to ensure that she would keep him reeled in, even if just for tonight.
“Here! I’ll do it for you! Don’t worry! It’s all good! It’s okay!” she stammered out, before twisting her body to unhook the garment Ryan had struggled so much with. She skilfully pulled it out through one of her sleeves, the piece of lingerie covered in white lace and a few small rhinestones. Ryan didn’t really care that there was a girl on his bed prepared to give everything for him, but was rather curious as to how she had managed to pull off a stunt like that.
She pulled her sweater off over her hear, the pink chunky knit falling next to Ryan’s discarded t-shirt. Ryan had never seen her shirtless before, and honestly? He was far more impressed than he expected to be.
“There! Problem solved!” And she went back in to kiss him, but Ryan’s hands pushed her away.
“No, I can’t do- I can’t do this,” he breathed, motioning towards the clothing beginning to pile up on the bedroom floor.
“Is this- is this your first time?” Keltie asked carefully. Was that why she thought he was so reluctant? Oh.
“Ye- I mean, that’s not the problem here!” Ryan almost admitted.
“Unbelievable! What the fuck is your issue!?” Keltie screamed again. Ryan had a little trouble taking her seriously, considering that she was kind of exposed. Very exposed. He almost had to stop himself from laughing, because her breasts bounced as she yelled.
“I-” Ryan started, but couldn’t seem to find the rest of the words in his mouth.
“Spit it out Ryan! Or I’m leaving and never coming back!” she yelled at him, her eyes beginning to fill up once again. Ryan felt afraid of what he knew was coming next. He took a deep breath, and remembered Z’s encouraging words, “You can tell her. She deserves to know. You know her by now, you can trust her. She’ll be relieved.”
“I’m gay.”
“You’re what!?” she screamed, face turning bright red with anger.
“I- I’m gay. I like guys,” he stumbled, unsure how exactly he could invent a time machine within the next few minutes, and go back to moments ago, when Keltie was blissfully ignorant. She grabbed her sweater, pulling it back over her head, completely embarrassed.
“I-I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I didn’t know how,” he sighed, hands shaking, realizing that this was it. She knew. It was her move now.
“So what the fuck was this? What was any of this? Why the fuck did you ask me out in the first place? Why the fuck did you make me waste a year on this facade!? Why!? Answer me Ryan!” she had moved from sad into a state of absolute hysteria.
“I don’t know,” he breathed. He felt bad. This wasn’t a good idea.
“So, what? The second I leave do you go and suck dick!?” tears streamed down her face, which was slowly turning bright red.
Ryan's mind trailed back to the frat party at U of T earlier that month, the one a former varsity player had invited him and Spencer to. He was drunk, the guy whose cock was down his throat was drunk too. Ryan didn't even remember his name. Thank god Spencer was busy helping Jon with some politics assignment and hadn’t gone.
Ryan didn't dare tell Keltie, he just sat and stared at her, unsure of what to say.
“Holy shit! You have!” she yelled. Ryan exercised his right to remain silent, but Keltie was still prepared to use everything he didn't say or didn't do against him.
“Fuck you Ross! Everything you ever said was a fucking lie! Fuck you! You’re one sick bastard! Fuck you!” she swore, standing up and storming out of his bedroom. He was paralyzed as he heard her run down the stairs sobbing, then slam the front door shut. He heard the ignition of her car start to run, and tires
Her virginal white bra still lay on his bedroom floor. He wondered if she had left it on purpose. His head was spinning. Did that really just happen? Did he really just do that?
He pulled out his cellphone and saw a plethora of notifications, but ignored all of them to text Keltie a quick: Please, don’t tell anyone keltie
It took mere moments before she responded with Fuck you.
He dropped his phone and brought his shaking hands up to meet his face. He tried to focus on his breathing but his thoughts whirled quickly through his head, distracting and erratic. He sat for a minute at the edge of his bed, the frazzled prickling of anxiety spreading from his abdomen, threatening to overwhelm him.
Ryan picked up his phone again, his movements feeling mechanical, and his arms like lead. He put his music on shuffle and Eleanor Rigby played, smooth and soft. He leaned to the side and he body dropped slowly to the bed. His face turned toward the bed and he could still smell her in the sheets, jasmine and vanilla. He curled in on himself, his long legs folding awkwardly over themselves and his arms pressed tightly against his chest.
He let his mind wander along, song after song until his eyes grew heavy and he drifted off to sleep. He woke up again several times, startled and disoriented but would then refocus on the music and fall back to sleep.
Ryan awoke the next morning to a blaring alarm cutting off Semi-Charmed Life halfway through. He had left the lights on and his legs and back were stiff from sleeping curled up. He stretched, his legs catching on his tight jeans. His clothes were disheveled from sleeping and he’d kicked his socks off in his sleep.
He got up and stripped the bed, mentally reminding himself to do laundry when he got home.
He got dressed, pulling on a pair of white jeans and black sweater. He didn’t want to put any effort into his appearance but that was overpowered by the need to still look great after breaking up with your girlfriend. He didn’t bother to shower though.
Ryan grabbed his phone and checked it. He’d gotten a few messages but chose to ignore them and thrust it into his back pocket before heading downstairs. It seemed as though his father had failed to return home the night before, but Ryan shrugged it off and grabbed himself a piece of toast.
He packed his hockey bag and left it near the front door.
The ride to school was uneventful but crowded, as per usual on the TTC. When he got to his locker, Spencer was waiting for him. They walked to class together and Spencer kept glancing at Ryan nervously.
After Jon’s announcements were finished Mr. Beckett gave them a free period to work on a creative writing assignment for the book they had read, The Catcher in the Rye.
Instead of pulling out the assignment, Spencer turned to Ryan, “Okay dude. What’s wrong?”
They had known each other for long enough that Ryan couldn’t hide anything from Spencer, not that he tried to very often.
Ryan shrugged, “Keltie and I broke up last night.”
“Ah. Are you okay?” Spencer asked gently. Behind Ryan, Brendon snorted.
Ryan ignored him, “I’m fine. A little down but it’s no big deal.”
“If you’re sure,” Spencer agreed uncertainly.
Ryan nodded.
“Well okay. Wanna hear how I totally embarrassed myself yesterday?” Spencer said, perking up.
“I’m always in the mood for that,” Ryan teased.
“You and me both,” Brendon muttered.
Ryan spun around angrily and Brendon looked up from his phone innocently.
“Nobody asked you, shithead,” Ryan seethed.
“You’re in class, I can listen if I want,” Brendon replied coldly.
Spencer patted Ryan’s shoulder, “It’s fine Ryan, he can listen if he wants.”
He winked at Brendon, “Maybe with this material you’ll be able to come up with some good insults.”
Brendon huffed and put an earbud in.
Jon walked into the classroom, nodding to Mr. Beckett as he came. He sat down next to Brendon and dumped his bag on the floor beside him.
“Hey guys! What’s happening?”
“Spence is about to tell us of his idiocy,” Ryan informed him. Over the last couple of weeks, Jon had been inserting himself into Ryan and Spencer’s friendship duo. Initially Ryan had been apathetic, but Jon was a great guy and Ryan was really starting to like him.
Jon grinned, “I’m sure it’s not that bad.”
“Well you can be the judge of that,” Spencer said. “Okay. Right. So I met this girl.”
“Is this the one you talked about before?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah but I’m going back to the beginning to fill Jon and Brendon in,” Spencer waved him off. “Okay so her name is Linda Ignarro and she’s in my World Issues class. Anyway we were talking about the election coming up and she absolutely destroyed this one conservative douchebag who was defending Stephen Harper. So, I’ve been wanting to talk to her ever since. I think she’s a liberal like me and it’d be nice to like swap opinions about party politics and whatever right?”
“How invigorating,” Ryan said sarcastically. In all honesty, Ryan was getting a little bored with Spencer’s heterosexual bullshit. He could easily just talk to her.
“Shut up Ross! Anyway, I got a job at Tim’s and turns out she works at the same one,” Spencer continued.
“And you still haven’t talked to her even though it’s been like two weeks since you started working there,” Ryan added. “It’s like you’re trying to defy fate.”
Spencer jabbed a finger at Ryan, “Aha, got you there! I have talked to her now! So it’s busy and I’m rushing and I was putting the lid on this one guy’s coffee at the same time as I was walking and I moved to get around another employee and splashed coffee all over her back.”
“Oh my god,’ Jon groaned covering his eyes. “You didn’t.”
“Yeah I know,” Spencer agreed. “She screamed a little cus it was boiling hot and I’m just like shit what do I do? I tell her I’ll cover her cash while she gets changed and runs cold water over her back or whatever. And she runs off and comes back in a new shirt like twenty minutes later. By then it had calmed down so we started chatting and she gave me her number!”
“Congrats!” Ryan enthused.
Brendon snorted, “What a fuck up.”
“You can’t get girls to even talk to you, let alone get a girlfriend,” Ryan snapped, turning around again. “So fuck off.”
“You know, maybe I don’t want a girlfriend Ross,” Brendon said.
Ryan caught Brendon’s gaze and stared at him trying to determine the meaning of what Brendon had just said. Was he dissing Ryan’s ex-girlfriends? Maybe he just didn’t like girls? Brendon raised his chin and looked at Ryan down the length of his nose. Jon’s eyes darted back and forth between them, nervously waiting for a bomb or it’s equivalent to go off.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Urie?” Ryan asked, narrowing his eyes.
Brendon dropped his head down again, “You know what? Forget it Ross, I don’t want to talk to you.”
He put his other earbud in and Ryan scoffed, “Well that’s rich considering you’re the one who keeps talking to me.”
Brendon ignored him and focused on the blank paper in front of him.
“So uh,” Jon said, anxious to continue the conversation. “How’s your girlfriend doing?”
Spencer’s eyes widened in panic.
“Well probably not too great,” Ryan replied, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. “We broke up yesterday.”
Jon’s face fell, “Oh shit man, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
Ryan felt the familiar sensation of guilt and fear squeeze his lungs. He struggled out a “It’s no big deal” before turning back to his work on his desk.
Spencer patted Ryan’s shoulder but continued to talk to Jon until the bell rang.
When Z arrived for creative writing class Ryan chest lightened. They decided to skip third and fourth period together, and they sat outside on the bleachers next to the football field. The more he talked about what happened the less guilty he felt about the whole situation. Z laughed when he told her that Keltie had left her bra at his house, but for the most part she was solemn and calm, occasionally putting in her own two cents.
They went back inside for lunch, and they sat at Ryan’s usual table. Keltie was nowhere to be seen.
Ryan skipped his gym class, but he went to his next two classes. Biology was boring and Ryan wished he had skipped. Brendon Urie was a pain in French class as usual, tapping away at his desk next to Ryan’s and making snide comments at the teacher. Normally Ryan would have made fun of Brendon, but he didn’t bother today. Urie kept giving him sharp looks, which Ryan ignored.
Z agreed to skip last period with him and they decided to meet at his locker after seventh. He packed his homework into his bag and waited for her. Brendon stopped by his locker and glared at Ryan lounging against his own, but didn’t comment when Ryan didn’t bother to head off to class.
By the time the class bell had rung Z still wasn’t there. Ryan rolled his eyes, and started in the direction of Z’s locker. As he turned the corner into her hallway he heard raised voices and noticed a crowd of girls.
As he got closer he recognized Z’s voice and he felt his stomach drop when he realized she was yelling at Keltie.
“You fucking bitch!” Z screeched, stepping towards Keltie.
“Leave me the fuck alone! He broke my heart, he fucking used me, I can say whatever I fucking want!” Keltie snapped back.
“You cannot! He trusted you enough to tell you in the first place and then you just go around telling whoever fucking pleases you about it! It’s none of their fucking business!” Z’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and Ryan jogged over to her.
“Z’s what’s going on?” he demanded.
“She told people,” Z replied through gritted teeth.
Ryan turned to Keltie in shock, but she just stared hatefully back.
“Oh please, as if I was spilling any big secret,” she sneered. “Everyone knows he’s a fucking fag anyway.”
Ryan stepped back, feeling light headed.
Teachers and students had started poking their heads out of classrooms to see what the commotion was about. A teacher with a loud voice called out “Students! Be quiet and get to class!”
Z ignore him and and held her ground against Keltie.
“You take that back right now and never talk about it again, I swear to god,” Z threatened.
Keltie scoffed, “What are you gonna do about it, dump a slushie on me?”
“Take it back,” Z warned again.
“No.”
Z’s arm was up like a flash and she hit Keltie’s cheek with a loud Slap! Keltie’s mouth fell open, but she quickly recovered and lunged at Z, knocking Z back into the lockers.
One of Keltie’s friends yelled for a teacher, but Ryan just stared numbly as his friend and his ex-girlfriend struggled with each other, scratching and pulling. Keltie had Z pushed against the locker and kept hitting her back into it, her head hitting it once with a loud crash.
With effort, Z pushed keltie off of her and flung her to the side. Keltie went down hard slamming into the lockers a metre and a half down the hall. She crouched as if to spring at Z again, but she was grabbed from behind by a teacher just as Z was being restrained herself.
The two girls were dragged off to the office and Ryan was left in the hallway with Keltie’s friends. They were all giving him icy stares, but his own heart was beating so wildly in his chest that he barely noticed. He turned away from them and walked down the hallway, as students from the surrounding classes were peering out in curiousity to see what all the noise had been about. Brendon Urie was standing in one of the doorways his eyebrows raised and Ryan’s eyes met his.There was no judgement as usual, just curiosity and maybe a bit of sympathy and Ryan looked away disgusted.
Once he made it outside the school he collapsed on the stairs and stared blankly out at the streets. His thoughts returned quickly to what had happened, and he couldn’t keep the unrelenting dread from settling as he thought about how loud Keltie had been. The whole school would know about this by the end of the day.
He pulled out his phone and sent Z a text asking for details on what had happened, and praying she hadn’t yet been taken into see the principal yet and could still respond.
She responded quickly; she was telling her friends about the breakup and that you were gay in my philosophy class, i heard and confronted her. then you showed up. the rest is history as they say
And then, gtg they’re taking me in to see boss man
Ryan shut off his phone, and tried to breath.There was still twenty minutes of class left. He could have just shown up for law late but the idea of going to class at that point made his stomach clench.
He sat outside on the steps for the rest of the period. There weren’t many people around, but a women did walk by the school with her basset hound. Ryan smiled at the way the little dog puttered by on such stumpy legs.
Some students walked by him too and he nodded at them. They were chattering away, and the one girl in the group giggled into her hand when she saw him. Ryan tried to convince himself that he had imagined it but with the recent drama he was was unsuccessful.
Finally the bell rang and Ryan picked up his bag and trudged back inside. People bustled around as usual, but Ryan felt as if everyone was staring at him as he walked toward his locker.
Spencer was already at their lockers when Ryan got there.
“Hey man!” he said. Ryan nodded in acknowledgement and spun the dial on his combination lock.
“So I heard you dumped Keltie cus you’re gay? Why didn’t you tell me?” Spencer shook his head. “The rumours these lowlifes come up with.”
Ryan froze, hand still on his lock.
Spencer noticed and said, “Hey Ryan, you okay? You look kind of pale.”
“That’s...” Ryan took a deep breath and pulled off the lock. “That’s not a rumour.”
“Oh,” Spencer said. “Shit man, sorry that’s gotten out. I guess Z and Keltie didn’t really get into a fight cus you were cheating on Keltie with Z then?”
“Ah. Well they got into a fight but it wasn’t because of that,” Ryan trailed off.
“Sounds like a story,” Spencer told him, grabbing his backpack.
“I think they both got suspended,” Ryan said. “But I’ll hear from Z later.”
Brendon walked up beside Spencer. He squinted at Ryan and then said, “You guys both made the varsity team.”
Spencer turned around, his whole face brightening, “Wait seriously? They’ve posted the list?”
Brendon shrugged, “Yeah, on the Gym office doors.”
“Yes!” Spencer squealed.
“Chill, Spence,’ Ryan told him. “That wasn’t exactly a surprise.”
“Live a little RyRo!” Spencer chided him. “You’re allowed to be happy about nice things.”
“Did you make the team?” Ryan asked Brendon, trying to keep the disdain from his voice but failing.
Brendon scowled, “Of course I made the fucking team. And here I was being nice...”
Ryan stared at him uncertainly, “Sorry. Uh, congratulations then.”
“Yeah whatever, Ross,” Brendon said slamming his locker. He spun on his heel and stormed away.
“What a drama queen,” Spencer snickered.
“Yeah,” Ryan said, watching Brendon’s back disappears into the throng of students. “Yeah, I guess so.”