robbers

R O B B E R S

chapter 4/6
part 1/2

iv. oh, won't you be my livewire?

Camila is lying on Dinah's bed.

"All I'm saying is you haven't gotten laid in a fucking long time," Camila rolls her eyes.

How did they got into this topic, again?

"I don't need sex to be happy, Dinah." She exhales, and she's telling the truth because (yeah, sex is pretty fucking pleasuring but) it really hasn't been in her mind, recently.

"Walz, please...Why don't you just go blow out some steam?" Dinah peeks her head out of the closet.

They're trying to decide on an outfit for Dinah to go sing in a café.

Although Camila thinks about her answer, she knows it's right on the tip of her tongue.

Lauren.

The way she speaks about something that matters to her, the way she perks up when someone understands something she likes, the fact that she smiles at strangers in a complete different way she smiles at her and their friends.

Lauren's been plaguing her mind with little things she never knew she wanted to know about someone.

She's seeing everything clearly--different. It's like...Lauren swooped in and with her unique-self, she taught Camila things no one has ever thought of teaching.

Fuck it. She doesn't want to keep this a secret.

"I like someone already."

Dinah stops everything she's doing, drops all of her clothes and turns around to look at Camila.

"You little shit. Who?"

Camila laughs a little.

"Um, Lauren...?"

Dinah brights up a little but her voice drips knowledge nevertheless, "Oh, yeah. Knew that already." She picks a top and a white short from the floor.

Camila's bewildered because
What The Fuck?

If Dinah knew, is it possible Lauren knew too?

No, No. That is not in her plans.

That can't happen.

"Wha-," she gulps "what do you mean? Does she knows?"

Dinah laughs a little, throwing the top she chose over her head, "Oh, Chancho, Lauser's really oblivious. Don't worry about that." Dinah looks at herself in the mirror then at Camila on the bed.

"But you need to do something about it. I mean it."

Camila knows she should, it's been what? Four months they've known each other now.

"Um, I know. I just...It's cli-It's going to sound cliche but," she shakes her head, "I'm waiting for the right moment."

Dinah shakes her head too, "No, Walz. Then you're going to be waiting on forever because we all know that in that head of yours, you're afraid she might not feel the same way so you're just waiting for her to do something about it instead of you."

Camila plops down on the bed with a sigh, arms spread out dramatically.

"I know. That's kinda true but I was also--like, I wanted to take her out first, you know? Maybe pretend that we were all going to dinner and then everyone else would bail and I'd have everything prepared and--I don't know, kiss her when I'm dropping her off at her apartment?" She rolls her eyes, so fucking cheesy.

"Well, life does not like plans. So. Go with your gut, but do it quick or else she'll think you don't have feelings for her," Dinah lowers her voice but Camila hears it all the same, "which I really think it's stupid because you're as subtle as a fucking hurricane."

Dinah receives a pillow to the head and Camila leaves to her apartment.

She's been lying on the couch, feet up and head down, when she receives a text.

5pm
Lauren:
Hey, U up for a concert?

Camila blinks. Once. Twice.

5pm
Camila:
What

5:01pm
Lauren:
Troye Sivan is throwing a surprise concert at 7. I have 2 tickets.

There's laughter bubbling up in her chest because of the joy and pure affection she's feeling right this instant.

'Cause, it's a joke right?

5:03pm
Camila:
What

One minute goes by and she still thinks it's a joke.

Because, like. A concert--A Troye Sivan concert--is kinda perfect to say something isn't it?

Like, during--because...Lyrics. Or after, when they're heading home.

She doesn't know, she's just kinda feeling giddy--that is, if it turns out to be true.

It if does turn out to be true, she'll feel the Universe is on her side. And that's definitely good for her self-esteem.

Words like this is it and this is your chance or go for it reverberate in her mind, echoing in all the right places to make her more confident about doing something.

Incoming call from Lauren

Camila greets her with a tentative smile and, "You're joking right?"

Lauren laughs that adorable laugh of hers and, "No, Camz. I'm not. Will we be going or what?"

After ranting for five minutes or so (about how awesome he is and his lyrics and his tunes), they end the call and Camila sighs happily, plopping back down on the couch.

They agreed that Lauren should come over in twenty to help Camila with her outfit and to have a few drinks before the event.

She feels hopeful. That she'll get to know if Lauren feels the same about her.

But that goes all downhill when Lauren gets on Camila's apartment.

She has bloodshot eyes and wet lips and disheveled hair because when she's mad she runs her fingers through it--slightly pulling at them, like it'll get whatever's making her feel this way out of her brain.

Camila hates it how Lauren is this sad and bothered by something and all she has to offer is talking.

And maybe a hug.

But Camila hates it. Even if she's going to be enveloped in Lauren's smell and arms, hates it because it's one thing being this sad yourself but it's another seeing someone you care about so much in that state.

Because in your head--even if you don't fully know yourself yet--you have an idea of what your thought process or what you should do to get all of the tangled webs of bad thoughts--or the repetition of something that happened to you that you're not particularly fond of--out of your mind.

But Camila has no idea how to help Lauren, so she settles with a hug by the door and urging her to the couch, hugging some part of the sadness away and talking until it all gets too small for Lauren to care. (Except Camila knows is useless because. Well.)

They talk about how Lauren's sister--Taylor, is in the hospital because of her current boyfriend.

They talk about how every time Taylor dates, a part of Lauren's brain lights up with attention and a part of her heart dies because ever since Taylor turned 18, she's been dating toxic-reckless-reeking beer 24/7 men.

They talk about how Clara and Mike and Chris all talk to her about it, saying that it's not good for her because they don't care about her--all they care about is sex and getting adrenaline off of things that almost kills them--kills her.

They talk about how Taylor doesn't listen.

Ever.

Because she's so far into self-loathing that she doesn't see that she's worth more than them and that they don't deserve her. Not one bit.

They talk about how Taylor got into a crash but she's going to be fine and that she just needs to stay in the hospital for observation.

And--knowing that--Camila also settles with making Lauren forget everything when they're in the show.

Camila buys her a sunflower and before heading in to the venue she settles the sunflower just behind Lauren's right ear.

Lauren thanks her with a smile and even if it's small, Camila beams internally at the progress from red eyes and trembling frowned lips to the turned up corners of her mouth.

When they enter, Camila spots a bar and thanks every god that she didn't forget her ID at home. She buys Lauren her favorite beer and an average alcoholic (don't judge her, it's a confident boost sometimes) drink for her.

Lauren thanks her with another small smile.

When they're waiting for the show to start and there're songs playing (songs that Troye probably chose himself) Camila bolts out all the lyrics she knows and make silly faces and silly dances and silly poses.

Lauren thanks her with a slight giggle.

Camila smiles at the sound.

When Troye enters the stage, Lauren is grinning and her eyes are shining and Camila wants to keep Taylor in her pocket so she can't never get hurt again by douche boyfriends and Lauren can be like this for a little while longer than the approximately 1 hour show.

When Camila hears the intro to a song, her mind takes her to the chorus and she's bound to make Lauren feel less worried so when Troye gets to the bridge and

tell me all of the things that make you feel at ease

she holds both of Lauren's hand with her own and squeezes lightly, mouthing the words to Lauren with a serious face. She isn't sure if Lauren understands but it was worth a shot.

Lauren smiles and nods her head.

She doesn't let go of Camila's right hand though. And when Troye sings his last song--DKLA, Camila thinks about Taylor.

Before they leave to Camila's apartment, Camila makes them stop at a café because she's hungry for cookies.

"Hot chocolate." Lauren blurts out as they sit.

Camila looks at her strangely for a bit.

"A warm blanket, a familiar tv show or movie and a familiar face, too." Lauren smiles sadly, Camila thinks it's because it all came crashing down--clogging all of her brain, "I'm sure there's more but. Those are essential to making me feel at ease."

Camila takes her hand, intertwining their fingers and she wants to say that she'd like to try helping her sister.

She'd like to try anything to help Lauren make feel at ease.

They get home with two hot chocolates with mini marshmallows in it.

It's past two in the morning and while Lauren gets out of her sweaty concert clothes, Camila takes the fluffiest blanket she owns and covers her bed with it, settles her computer on the Netflix home page, the hot chocolates on her bed side table and changes her clothes, too.

Lauren wants to watch The Parent Trap.

Camila watches Lauren, instead.

"She's gonna be okay." Camila says into the computer-lit darkness, not facing Lauren but the computer instead.

After that, with every gulp of her hot cocoa, Camila can sense Lauren's stiffened body relaxing.

Camila exhales a soft sigh.

It's not only when Lauren is snoring softly into Camila's neck that she recalls every moment they had and every opportunity she missed to kiss Lauren and probably make her forget about everything.

Camila isn't feeling regret about it because Lauren being okay is more important than a dumb kiss.