Tipping Point
Part III: Canopy
"It is not the strength of the body that counts, but the strength of the spirit."
- J. R.R. Tolkien -
"The real battle in life is between hanging on and letting go."
- Shannon L. Adler -
"The best men are not consistent in good - why should the worst men be consistent in evil?"
- Wilkie Collins, The Woman in White -
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Later, they would say that they had been blind not to see it. The signs were all there. Why hadn't they seen them? Later, they would try to put together the pieces of how they ended up here. Everything had happened so gradually, routine had just taken over.
But at this moment in time, later was not yet in sight and the problems of the present were too big to overlook.
They cleaned up the splinters and shards of the window and ordered a replacement. Peter brought Derek and Stiles a blanket as they stayed on the steps of the porch, Burly curled around their feet. The older man then did his best to keep the rest of the pack away from them. They all wanted to know what had happened, but the faraway look in Stiles' eyes was signifying that he wasn't ready yet. He sent them back in to get ready for school, then he gathered his daughter, brushed her wild hair and went out with her to get breakfast.
Stiles watched them go and wished he could go back to an easier time when he used to worry about grades, popularity and what his next meal would be.
He looked at Derek, noticed that the cuts and bruises on his face and arms were already healing. Soon, they would be gone, and no one would be able to tell what had happened to him. But just because the wounds healed didn't mean that the pain he had caused was insignificant.
"I'm sorry," he croaked out, then he cleared his throat. "I guess the sleeping arrangement no longer works. This has gotten out of control."
Derek turned so quickly to him that he thought his neck would break from the motion. His brows were furrowed. "Improvements are necessary, true."
"No! No more improvements. No more experiments. It's no longer safe."
You're no longer safe here.
"You're not an experiment," Derek said, his jaw clenched.
"Yeah?" Stiles challenged. "But I feel like one. Everyone is constantly watching me, waiting for me to explode. You're treating me like a ticking bomb, and I'm so tired of it. If I'm so dangerous, maybe you should all get out of the warzone."
Derek visibly bristled as he threw off his blanket. "This is not going to work, so stop it."
Stiles also threw off his blanket now as he stood up. "Stop what? This whole goddamn nightmare? Wish I could! I'm so tired of waiting to see what catastrophe will happen next. This has all gone to hell, and I've no idea how to salvage this." He rubbed his eyes roughly. "People are dying. People are getting hurt. And I can't do shit about it."
"Yeah," Derek said drily. "You're not a god. That's how most of us mortals feel."
"But I'm the one causing it!" Stiles balled his hands into fists, breathing heavily. "This is all my fault." He could hardly look at Derek. It was a mystery to him how the alpha could stand his sight. "I caused the rift with the Order, heck, I'm the reason they're here in the first place. It's my power feeding those demons. I attacked Cora and now you. And I..." Those words would hurt the most.
Derek furrowed his brows. "And you what? Caused the second world war? Are responsible for racism? For floods and tornados and tsunamis?"
Stiles flinched back, his eyes wide. "How can you joke now?"
"I spent years blaming myself. Not only for the fire but for everything that happened afterwards. It became a mindset, an expectation that whatever was going wrong did so because of me. Because I deserved no better. And from there, it's a slippery slope. Bad things happened because I no longer knew how to accept anything else." Derek took a deep breath, steadying himself. "Thinking about blame gets us nowhere, and I know that it's easier said than done. It takes a lot of effort to think about the situation objectively - about what can be done now that whatever happened has happened."
Stiles looked at Derek, really looked at him, and noticed that the man had grown so much. He was no longer the walking train-wreck he once had been. It seemed that he had come to terms with his past and knew how to work past all the issues deriving from it. He was no longer inactive due to being too afraid of making the wrong choice, nor was he too impulsive when it came to his actions. He knew where he wanted to go and how to get there.
Derek looked at him as well, scanning him as if he was a discovery, something unimaginable. Ever so slowly, he reached out a hand and cupped Stiles's cheek. It made Stiles feel like he was unspeakably precious, but at the same time like he was fragile and easily breakable. Maybe, right now, he was.
"It's selfish of me to ask, but I need you to hold on. Don't throw it all away because you think that's what would be best. Don't make that choice for us." His other hand moved up as well so that Stiles' face was cradled in Derek's hands, and he had no choice but look into earnest, worried hazel eyes.
Stiles had to suppress a gasp at the revelation that Derek knew better what was going on inside his head than he had ever let on. There had been so many times he had thought of leaving, removing himself as a threat from the situation. He had told himself that everyone would be better off. He was the wild card that no one could control, and this game had already become dangerous enough as it was.
Right now, it was incredibly hard to believe that. He knew that he had a whole list of reasons for thinking that way but right now, the list was blank. All of his doubts were quiet.
He wished they could stay in this little, safe bubble. The world as a whole had fallen away, and there was only them. Normally, the concept of 'them' would be complicated enough, but right now, it was easy. If only it could stay that way. But the bubble always eventually burst.
With the way Derek was holding him close, he probably would've sworn to always stay by his side for as long as he let him. But, alas, before he could utter a word, they were interrupted by Scott, who looked sheepishly at the scene he had so unceremoniously broken up. Stiles jumped away from Derek as Scott rubbed his neck, looking anywhere but at them.
"Scott," Derek acknowledged, his brows furrowed, but there was no indication in his voice to give away how he was feeling about the interruption.
"Sorry but... eh, something happened. Something important, and I thought it couldn't wait, and you've also specifically told me to come to you whenever there's a new development, and so, I mean, here I am. "
Derek raised his brows, a brief handwave inviting Scott to continue.
Scott kneaded his fingers and gulped. "Allison is missing."
In only ten minutes, the whole pack had gathered in the living room for an emergency pack meeting, Scott still too upset to sit down. He was walking a hole into the carpet, but no one had the heart to reprimand him.
"Let's try to be logical about this. Panicking will get us nowhere," Lydia reminded them, a hand on her chin. "She's been gone for two hours max, and since there haven't been any devastating news yet, it's safe to say that she wasn't involved in anything yet. There's still time to stop her. We need to find out where she would go."
"We can't estimate her destination without taking a major risk. I think we have to split up to cover more ground," Jackson said, and Derek nodded.
"Jackson's right. How many possible destinations are there?"
But Stiles wasn't listening anymore. He was already two steps ahead of them because he knew something that they didn't. He knew how to find Allison, but his method was rather unorthodox.
Just as they were splitting into groups of four, the door burst open and in came Jordan, out of breath and with his hands rolled into fists.
"The Order is on the move. You better find your friend before they do," he announced, stepping into the middle of their little circle. His eyes immediately focused on the alpha, waiting for his reaction.
Derek sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Just what we needed, more trouble." He fixated Jordan with a look. "You've just become part of my team. Congratulations."
"Peter, Malia and Stiles, you're gonna get in touch with the Sheriff and try to secure the rest of the town. You might be able to sniff out anything suspicious that way as well." Derek's stance was firm despite Malia's unsatisfied grumbling, so Stiles didn't even try to complain. He had his own plans anyway.
As soon as every group was set up with a destination and a plan of action, they all moved to get ready. They all knew that time was essential, but they still needed to be prepared. Danny equipped every group with one set of earpieces for communication and informed them that he would keep track of them that way as well.
Stiles noticed that Jordan kept shooting him tense looks, and so he was not surprised when the phoenix singled him out after all the instructions had been given.
"I don't like this," he admitted quietly. The notion of whispering was ridiculous in a room full of werewolves with heightened senses, though. "I should be with you, protecting you."
Stiles almost rolled his eyes. "I'm perfectly safe with Peter and my dad, not to mention that Malia is scarier than any of you could ever hope to become."
"Something about this doesn't feel right to me. The timing, that it concerns one from your pack. This feels like a storm is brewing on the horizon."
The time for waiting is over
Stiles swallowed. "You're right. Seems like the time has come."
Jordan's head, before turned in the direction of the ongoings all around them, whipped around to stare at him. He gripped his shoulders with an almost painful grip, his eyes widened.
"That sounds like a goodbye."
Stiles forced a smile. "It isn't. I'm not saying goodbye ever again."
The last time he had gone on a solo mission, he had caused all his loved ones pain and anguish. He couldn't do it again.
Jordan didn't release him immediately, his fingers digging uncomfortably into the flesh of Stiles' shoulders, but he found that he didn't mind. It was comforting to think for just a second that you could simply hold on to something to stop change. Sadly, it didn't work that way.
"You went against your orders," Stiles acknowledged, unable to hide his astonishment. This was a man of principle, and he had just broken one.
Jordan grimaced. "Technically, I didn't. I was discharged this morning for questionable loyalties. I will have to prove my dedication to the cause at a later trial."
"Gladiator-style?"
Jordan's face darkened. "I wish."
"You won't have to commit seppuku, will you?"
"Isn't that like a crossword puzzle but with numbers ?" Scott asked with confusion written clearly on his face. He had stopped pacing and tried to focus on something else to get out of his head, but it seemed that eavesdropping on a conversation hadn't helped to clear his mind.
"That's sudoku, Scotty. Big difference."
"Oh."
Jordan finally released his grip on Stiles and laughed. He clapped Scott good-naturedly on the back, his eyes sparkling with mirth.
"Let's hope it won't come to that. Neither to seppuku nor sudoku."
Scott nodded, though it was obvious that he had no idea what the first word meant. He tried to smile, which came out as more of a grimace, and clapped Jordan right back on his shoulder. Scott was simply good even when he made mistakes, his pure intentions always shone through. Stiles realized that it was his fault that Scott hadn't rekindled his relationship with Allison out of a sense of duty as Stiles' best friend, and while he at first had appreciated the sentiment, he had always known that it was out of pettiness. He just didn't want them to be happy when he also wasn't that lucky.
"We'll find her, buddy, don't worry. She's gonna be fine." Stiles bumped his shoulder softly against his best friend's. "And do me a favour. Don't hold a grudge because of what happened with me. You don't need to prove your loyalty that way."
He wanted to smile in encouragement but found himself pressed tightly to a chest, arms wrapped around him with a persistence more appropriate for suffocating than embracing him. After he realized what was happening, he returned the embrace just as fiercely.
They would get back Allison, Stiles swore it. No one else should get hurt because of the mess he made.
The pack had been sorted into three teams: team alpha consisting of Derek, Boyd, Jordan and Laura would cover the town centre, team beta consisting of Lea, Jackson, Lydia and Isaac would cover the nemeton and the warehouse district, and team gamma consisting of Cora, Erica, Scott and Danny would cover the school and the hospital. Stiles's team, team epsilon, was not even mentioned anymore as their duty appeared to be clear to the leader so that no more instructions were necessary.
But he had another thing coming because Stiles was not at all happy with the task he had been given. A man on a mission, he marched into Derek's office and flinched when he realized that he was interrupting something. Derek's eyes flew over to meet his, no amount of guilt detectable in his gaze. Lea's arms were still slung around his shoulders, her face pressed to his neck. She was breathing heavily, almost like she was trying to inhale his scent. When Stiles entered, she didn't even take notice and just continued as if he wasn't standing in the door, gawking at them.
Derek gripped her shoulders and gently pushed her away from him. Only then did she look up and straight at Stiles, who tried very hard not to begrudge her perfect pixie cut and those dark lashes. It was painfully obvious how well they fit together, she and Derek, he didn't need the reminder.
"Oh," she said, smiling at Stiles. She quickly patted Derek's cheek. "I'll see you later, then. Be careful, yeah?"
As she passed Stiles, she brushed her shoulder with his even though there was enough room for her to pass through without the need for bodily contact. Her hand even briefly touched his, fingers almost tangling with each other. What confused him more was her gently pushing him into the room so that she could close the door behind her as she left.
"I didn't mean to interrupt." He wanted to sound casual, but he couldn't manage to keep the bitterness out of his voice. Not after what he had just seen. The bubble had burst once again. But this time it seemed that he had been outside of it from the start.
The katana was lying on the desk, ready for battle. The alpha looked up from the weapon, taking Stiles in with furrowed brows, then he sighed.
"No."
"What do you mean 'no'? I haven't even said anything yet!" Stiles crossed his arms in front of his chest. There were a lot of things he wanted to say. He wanted to snarl that he could have come back later so that they could continue snuggling, he didn't want to interrupt the perfect alpha couple after all. The preferred answer to that would have been 'No'. No, there was nothing going on between them. No, Derek didn't have feelings for Lea that he subconsciously suppressed when Stiles was around because of their stupid bond.
You mean nothing to him. You just force him to think the opposite. Remember how you started. He never wanted a relationship with you until you started to manipulate him.
"You're not going off alone."
"What?" Stiles shook his head, trying to find his way back to the conversation. "No, that's not why I'm here. But thanks for the vote of confidence."
Now Derek looked annoyed as well. "Experience has shown that you're not trustworthy in that regard." Stiles bristled at that but before he could say anything to defend himself, Derek continued, "But since you've already talked it through with Jordan, I'm guessing I'll also get informed."
"Sorry for not talking to you sooner. You seemed busy anyway." His tone was anything but apologetic. He didn't want to be bitter. If only he could accept that there were other people more equipped to make Derek happy. And if he really loved him, he would want him to be with somebody that made him happy, right?
Derek's face softened in confusion. "What do you mean? You knew where to find me."
"I feel at home here with you." Stiles remembered Lea having said that to Derek. They had their routine now and Stiles had almost felt bad for having been there at the time. It had felt like he had been intruding on their space since he normally would have been at school at the time. But maybe he had needed that reminder. The pack was their home, but it wasn't Stiles'. He had to remember that.
"You can't just order me around. I'm not one of your betas. I'll do my best to help find Allison, but there's something I've got to take care of first."
"You've got to be kidding me," Derek said through gritted teeth. Then he slammed his hands onto the table, levelling Stiles with a glare. "Let me reiterate: You're not going off alone."
The alpha clearly didn't trust him. Stiles had been foolish to ever believe otherwise. "And I won't. As I've already stated as well, I might add. I'm taking my team as we're clearly not assigned another meaningful duty, oh powerful alpha."
Derek's face stayed in a hard line. "Where to?"
After Stiles told him, his expression darkened. He stepped around the desk, closing in on Stiles. "Why would you go there?"
Stiles pressed his lips together, having expected the question but yet unsure how to reply. There was no simple answer.
Derek wiped a hand down his face to hide his frustration. "I could come with you."
Stiles shook his head. "You're the only one with the Oni katana. You are the only one who can defend the others from demons, so no, you're better off looking for Allison."
The alpha exhaled, his nostrils flaring, showing how displeased he was. But he nodded. "Fine." He took another step closer, caging Stiles in between the alpha and the desk, then he crashed their mouths together. Stiles almost yelped in surprise but he had no opportunity to do so. He had to catch himself gripping the table, his back being forced to bend. It was an uncomfortable position but comfort was the last thing on his mind just then. The kiss was the roughest they had ever shared yet. There was a bruising strength behind it, something that spoke of desperation. It was all-consuming, devouring, absolute.
"You're infuriating." Before the word was even completely out of the alpha's mouth, it was already colliding with Stiles's again. There were teeth at first and a harsh breath as he leaned away. Anger. Stiles tried to catch his breath. But then, a softer kiss was pressed to his upper lip. "Don't cause trouble." Lips once again moulded against his, this time the kiss was slow but very thorough, almost reverent. Derek's kisses were their own language.
Once they had broken apart, Stiles had to clear his throat. He felt like all the things he previously had wanted to say had been stolen from him. He straightened, fumbling with his hands, unsure of what to say now. What had they been talking about again?
"I swear this is becoming a habit. Us making out in your office pre-battle, I mean."
Derek didn't find his attempt at humour all that funny going by his cool glance. "With a better outcome this time, hopefully," Stiles amended. At Derek's furrowed brow, he added, "With certainty. No hope necessary. Everything's gonna be a-okay."
As if he could ever hide his uncertainty from an alpha werewolf. But Derek didn't call him out on it. It felt like they were at a tipping point and no one wanted to misstep and fall. They both felt that they would reach the peripetia of the culminating past events later that day and were unsure of the direction it would tip to.
Stiles looked at the katana on the table, feeling both impressed and precarious about it and almost wanted to reach for it, if Derek hadn't caught his hand before he could make contact. The memory from the In-Between of the same weapon used to strike down the alpha left him uneasy and full of foreboding.
"You," he started, grasping Derek's face in his hands and bringing him down for a quick kiss. He deserved this, he told himself. There was no telling what would happen after this day. He hated this. The uncertainty, the fear, the doubt. "You better don't cause trouble, either."
"I'll find you," Derek said, full of conviction, almost like he was speaking an oath, though the meaning of his words was not quite clear to Stiles. "I'll always find you."