1
The sun is starting to go down, the sky is already colored in beautiful orange and red, some little clouds are still white with a little bit of blue. Clarke is just lying on her blanket at the beach, feeling a slightly cold breeze that lets her hair move with it. She watches how the sky gets more colorful with every minute and also darker and darker, knowing that she has to go back home very soon because the curfew doesn´t allow people under the age of 18 to be outside after 9pm. But Clarke wants to take her time, watch this sunset, breath the chilly air and just think. Tomorrow everything will be changing for her. This is gonna be the moment she got prepared for, for her whole life – at least that´s what it feels like. Her evaluation will be tomorrow. So she has to stand in front of 3 people, evaluators, answering questions about her like ´What is your favorite color?´ or ´What is your favorite book?´. Clarke knows that this is huge, one false answer and she gets a low rating.
Since the government declared love as a disease, called Amor deliria nervosa, you get the cure once you´ve turned 18. An operation that cuts away your ability to feel love and with it all the problems, because humans get crazy when they´re in love, it makes everything dangerous. But thankfully America is now “love-free”. There were some people who tried to fight against it or tried to flee, but within the fences everyone is safe now.
Clarke has to think about the uncivilized land behind those fences some times, the Wilds. She knows she isn´t supposed to think about those things but there is something about it, she doesn´t know what it is. But it attracts her, makes her feel excitement.
She´s getting up and shakes her head, tries to get rid of those thoughts. Her mind has to be free for tomorrow.
Before people get the cure, they have to take some tests so they can get a ranking. This makes it easier to find a partner for them. You get a list of 4 to 5 people with a similar ranking and you can choose which one you´re gonna marry. It is that simple. It´s all structured and organized without love.
The sun is very low now which tells Clarke she should head back home now, she packs the blanket into her backpack and starts running. She doesn´t know if she is running towards a nice planned future, or if she is running away. Away from the beautiful sunset and the cold air and the thoughts she had about the things behind the fences. Knowing, that after the cure she won´t be able to really feel this beauty anymore. Surely, she will be able to still see everything, but something deep in her head tells her that it won´t have a meaning for her.
“Could you please just answer the question, Clarke?”
Clarke rolls her eyes. The whole morning was stressful enough, she had to get up every early and her mom insisted on getting dressed nicely while she asked her some questions to be prepared for her evaluation.
“But you just asked me this, like, 3 times already..”
There was no chance in arguing, her mother only gave her a dead glare and Clarke knew this was it.
She sighed, “My favorite color is blue. It reminds me of the ocean and makes me calm.”, she repeated in a bored tone.
Her mother, Abby, stopped the car and looked pleased.
“See, it wasn´t this difficult, was it? I just want you to be prepared. You know how hard it is going to be for you to get a good rating because of your dad.”
Before Clarke could answer something, her mother continued speaking.
“Anyways. We´re here.”, she gestured to the big white building that made Clarke feel sick by just looking at it, “Now go and take your test. I am sure it will all go fine if you just answer everything like we practiced.”
Abby quickly patted Clarke´s shoulder. Somehow Clarke wished that her mother would just hug her, let her feel that really everything will be alright. But things like hugging are acts of too much affection, so nobody really does that. Maybe Clarke will understand once she got her cure.
She gets out of the car and walks towards the entrance of the building. She gets more and more nervous with every step, she can feel how her breathing becomes quicker. Just before she could reach the woman at the entrance, a hand on her shoulder is holding her back.
“Hey Griffin! I had to run real fast to catch you before you can go in.”
She heard how the person behind her started to pant.
“Octavia!” Clarke holds the urge to hug her friend back, she is too close to the building now, she can´t afford that someone might see her like this. “I thought you forgot it.” She lets out a sigh.
“How could I? You cried over this evaluation for the last 2 weeks.” Octavia smiles at her, Clarke can see that she knows she would hug her if she just could. “I just wanted to wish you good luck, please don´t freak out in there. Just don´t think about... you know. Whatever! I´ll be here waiting for you, alright?”
Octavia holds her hand out, a big smile on her face. Clarke looks at her, she feels so thankful to have a friend like her, she takes her hand in her own and shakes it, feels how Octavia squeezed it.
After Clarke gave the woman at the entrance her ID, she guided her into a small room with only a couch. The woman told her to change the clothes and wait until someone comes. The room makes Clarke feel uncomfortable. Everything is white and looks perfect and so.. sterile. She doesn´t dare to touch anything, is even afraid to sit on the couch because she would leave an imprint on it.
The only little colorful spot in the room is the blue coat that lies on the couch, perfectly folded -of course. She starts to undress herself. When it comes to her underwear she looks around, she can´t help but feel being watched. But Clarke can´t do anything against it, she has to be naked under this coat.
God forbid that this whole evaluation would be at least a bit more comfortable with clothes on, she thinks as she gets rid of her underwear and quickly let the coat fall on her skin. It gives her goosebumps, it feels cold and everything feels more realistic now, there is no way back. Just her in that room... naked under a blue coat, in which she bets she looks stupid, waiting for a person to tell her she can meet the evaluators now.
Her hands get sweaty and the time seem to stand still. Clarke tries to think about the questions and what she should answer but all she can think about is her dad. She knows this is the last thing she should think about before her evaluation, even Octavia told her to not think about it, but she can´t help it.
Her dad got lost the night before his second operation. It happens from time to time that the cure doesn´t work. The chance that it doesn´t work is very low but the opportunity exists. Before the cure was like it is today, it had many side effects and even caused death. But that how it works, the brave people who sacrificed themselves so we can have it better. Sacrifice the few, to save the many.
So the cure didn´t work on Clarke´s dad, he still had the disease in him, love. She remembers how he used to hug her, so tight and warm. If she had a problem she could ever go to him, he understood everything, every feeling, because he wasn´t numb to them, like the other adults are.
But one day her mom rushed into Clarke´s room while her dad hugged her and planted a kiss on her forehead. So she told the government that her husband might not be cured, that the operation didn´t work and they decided to try it again on him.
The night before he was supposed to go into the lab was the last time Clark saw her father. His face is still burned into her memory. How she slept but hands were trying to wake her up. The room so dark, the moon was the only light to help her see her dad. Even in this darkness she could see the sadness on the face of her father. She thought there was a tear running down his face, too, but she wasn´t so sure about this.
He didn´t say much. He just gave her a kiss on her left cheek and said “They can´t take our love from us. Always remember that.”.
And with this, he was gone. Clarke never saw him again after that night. They told her he committed suicide, but Clarke doesn´t want to believe this. She like to think that somehow he managed to escape. Escape this cage, climbed the fences and lives in the Wilds now. And maybe just waiting for a right opportunity to come and get her...
The door cracks open and Clarke jumps. She was too deep into her thoughts she didn´t hear the ´knock-knock-knock´. A face of a blond woman appears, she looks angry, maybe because Clarke doesn´t make any attempts of going towards her.
Oh god, get yourself together now, Clarke. This doesn´t make a good impression.
She shakes her head, inhales, holds the breath for 3 seconds and exhales, before she gets up and walks to the woman, who now holds the door for her.
“The evaluators are ready. Just go inside the room across from this one.” She points to a door next to her. Every door looks the same, there aren´t even any signs that would tell you what lies behind a door.
And with this, the woman walks away. No more words or anything.
Clarke feels her nervousness rise up again and her palms get sweaty as she reaches out to open the said door.
It seems like this room is even more bright, so at first, Clarke doesn´t see any thing and has to blink several times before she can make out something. When her eyes adjusted to the light, the first shock hits her. There aren´t just 3 evaluators like usually. She can see 4 people sitting in front of her.
It hits her off guard, so she doesn´t say hello when she walks into the room, too focused on the fact that there will be four people now who are gonna judge her. A high voice fills up the room, that seems to have a great acoustic.
“Welcome.”
Clarke looks to the first person, the person who spoke to her. “Hello. My name is Clarke Griffin.”
Now she composed herself. She scans the persons. She already saw the woman who just spoke to her, next to her 2 men, both looking like they already sit the whole day in this room and can´t wait to get out of this room, but they have a smile on their face. It looks forced what makes Clarke even more uncomfortable. And next to those men... her eyes wander to a chair that is a little bit more away to the others. A girl. She looks like she is around the same age as Clarke but Clarke´s mind is already gone.
The girl just sits there but Clarke can´t look away. Something is different about her. For some reason Clarke feels like she wants to know more about her, spend time with her.
Maybe it is the way how the sun shines through the window, just directly at her. Makes her look even more beautiful, like an angel. Her brown hair falls into loose curls and her eyes... Clarke can´t look away. She gets lost into her eyes when suddenly she hears a thud and Clarke gets rid out of her thoughts and jumps. Tries to locate where the noise came from.
“Can we begin?” One of the men asks, annoyance in his voice.
Clarke coughs. “Um, y-yes. I am sorry, I was just nervous for a second.”
The woman answers, it looks like she will be leading this evaluation while the others take notes.
“Okay. Just answer these questions truthfully.” She makes a pause and Clarke tries very hard to not look into the direction of the girl again.
“Your favorite color and why?”
This is good! Just like I prepared, Clarke thought, when she sees in the corner of her eyes how the girl shifts, scoots closer to the table, head in her hand, like she is focusing on Clarke. That is the moment when her mind goes blank. All she can see now is the girl, she looks to her as she speaks.
“Orange.”
One of the men lifts an eyebrow. “Why orange?”
But Clarke ignores him. “But not like normal orange, the orange you can see when the sun goes down and hits the ocean. That is the moment when everything around the sun goes orange. This is the most beautiful color. It makes me feel calm and small in comparison to the world.”
Clarke hears a gasp from the other end of the table and she gets rid out of her daze again, realizes what she just said.
“I.. I mean..” She stutters, but it is too late. There is no way how she could save that.
In comparison to the world... How stupid am I? They are gonna think now that I´m a dreamer, or even worse, that I want to go away, see the world, see what lies behind the fences.
The men scribble something onto their papers and Clarke begins to sweat.
“What an...”, The woman searches for a word, “... odd answer. Okay, let´s move on. What do you want to do after school?”
Clarke knows she has to answer this correctly now, this could be her last chance.
“I want to go to to the college in our city and study medicine. Like my mom. She is a doctor, helps people, and that is what I want to do, too.”
The woman looks pleased with this answer, it feels like a stone falls from Clarke´s heart. She got this. She just has to focus and remember what she prepared.
If there wouldn´t be this girl sitting and watching her intensely. At least she stopped moving, so Clarke doesn´t get distracted to look into her direction.
The time flies by and the woman keeps asking her question, while the men take notes of her answers. Sometimes making some weird sounds of approval or disapproval, what causes Clarke´s heart to stop every time.
“Okay! That´s it. You can go home now, we are going to send you the list of your matches. Thank you.”
The woman doesn´t even look up from her paper and gestures to the door.
“Um... O-okay. Goodbye.” Clarke goes to the door and opens it. But before she goes through it, she turns around, tries to get a last look of the girl. She didn´t move during the whole evaluation and is still sitting there, her head in her right hand, watching directly into Clarke´s direction.
Green eyes meet hers and that is when Clarke felt something strange inside her. She can´t say what it is, but it doesn´t feel bad. More like a whole new feeling, emotion, she never had before.
Clarke looks into her beautiful green eyes for a few seconds before she remembers she has to go. She turns her head and goes out of the room, already missing seeing the green.
And she knows that this isn´t good.