Everything You Are

Riley leans her head against the wall, closing her eyes as she pays attention to the bump, bump of the subway cart. She knew she shouldn't have moved so far from her parents. Now it took nearly two hours to get to their place, and she still had over an hour until the stop at station A.

Luckily she had just bought the new Hart To Hart album and could listen to it on the ride home. Still, the ride was always lonely, especially at this time of night, but she had a late class. She feels the cart lurch to a stop and she can hear the sound of footsteps, people getting off and getting on, over the sound of her music.

Suddenly there's a tap on her should and Riley takes one of her headphones out, looking up to meet eyes with the stranger. "Is this seat taken?"

Except, she knows this stranger. Not personally, but she knew her enough. Riley shakes her head no and the blonde smiles, sitting next to her.

"I'm Maya." She says, and Riley wonders if she's trying to be ironic or if she genuinely believes Riley doesn't know who she is.

"Maya Hart, I know." Riley says, taking her other headphone out and sitting up straighter, turning to Maya. "I'm Riley. And I was just listening to your album."

"Oh yeah? Which one, Ordinary Girl or Hope Is For Suckers?"

"The new one," Riley says, wondering if it would be overstepping her boundaries to ask about it. She had had the chance to listen to it more than a couple times, and she wants to know so many things. "It's really... hostile. Like the person in the songs is losing themselves, but nobody seems to notice."

"There are a lot of things the fans don't notice." Maya says, unzipping the backpack she had brought with her. She pulls out two blankets, both leopard print, and hands one to Riley, who takes it with a confused look. "I don't always like to travel by tour bus. It's not like I'm some A-list celebrity who is always being mobbed by fans. I was surprised you even knew who I was."

Riley's not sure how to feel. Maya seems so different from the Maya Hart she knows from interviews. "Let's just say you've helped me through a lot of things."

"What type of things?" Maya asks, looking at her like she actually cares. Riley realizes that maybe she created a person in her head who wasn't real at all. Riley shrugs, not knowing if she should continue. She felt a lot of uncertainty lately.

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. But I'm not going to judge you."

Riley's chest suddenly hurts, hurts as much as it did that night, and she bites her lip, trying to figure out her words carefully.

"My boyfriend and I broke up." She finally says, her voice small. "Which happens, I know, and I was sad at first." She has to breath between every few words. She's not even sure if Maya can understand what she's saying, but at least she has someone to tell this to. She's not sure her parents would understand. Or maybe they would, but either way, they're not who she wanted to talk to. Not about this.

"And I didn't even know why I did it, it just felt like the right thing to do. But it hung over me for weeks." She studies Maya's face for a moment before continuing. "We weren't right for each other, but we should have been. We should have been." Suddenly her eyes are hot and she looks away from Maya, swallowing hard.

"But we weren't. Because I like girls." Her hands tighten on the seat beneath her. She hadn't said those words to anyone that wasn't some anonymous stranger on the Internet. She knew it was okay to feel this way, but she felt... guilty for some reason. "I like girls, but I also like boys, and I'm just really confused."

That didn't even explain the half of her feelings, but it's the best she could do. She looks down, the water droplets staining her pants a darker black than they already were. She feels Maya's arms around her and she feels... warm. And safe.

Finally Maya pulls away and lifts Riley's head with one finger under her chin. Their eyes meet and Maya smiles. "It's okay to be confused. I'm confused a lot, too."

"Really? How?" Riley asks, tilting her head to the side.

Maya debates if she should say anything. She didn't want her personal information to just get out and not be personal anymore. Finally she decides she can trust Riley. "A lot of ways." Maya sighs, bring her knees up to her chest and pulling the blanket tighter around her.

"My dad left me when I was young. And I had learned a long time ago not to let it affect me. But then..." Maya leans her chin on her knees, chewing her lips. "Then Mason left the band, and my best friend left me, and it seemed like everybody started leaving."

There's a comfortable quiet for a while.

"I'll never leave." Riley promises, taking hold of Maya's hand. There's a connection between them that Riley can't describe, but her ears are burning.

"That's sweet," Maya sighs, squeezing Riley's hand. "But you don't even know me. I wouldn't be making promises you can't keep."

"I don't know you personally," Riley agrees, "but I know you enough. I know you're the type of person who keeps her feelings locked away when you don't want to hurt other people. And you're the type of person who is willing to listen to strangers problems on a subway. Your the type of person who gives her fans blankets and cups of hot chocolate after concerts when it's snowing outside."

Maya doesn't know what to say. Maybe some people do pay attention after all.

It isn't too long before they finally end up in New York City, and Riley stands up, picking up her own back pack and handing the blanket to Maya. "This is my stop."

Maya stands up and slings her own backpack over her shoulder. "Mine too. Keep it."

Riley nods and gets off onto the platform. She wonders where all these people are going, and if any of them are as lost as she is.

"Hey, you live around here?" Riley hears from behind her. She turns to Maya.

"Yeah."

"I'll be here for a few days." Maya says hesitantly. "I'm staying at the Sheraton. Ask for Dixie Piper."

And then Riley watches Maya leave, and for the first time in he longest time, she doesn't feel so lost or alone anymore.