A small form was visible from the doorway. Shrouded in blankets, stark against the contrast of the dim surrounds. Aside from the beep of the keypad as Delphine let herself in, the room was quiet.
A steadying rhythmic release from the cannula the only reassurance life. As she edged towards her love, conscious not to disturb Cosima’s much needed slumber.
Delphine resisted the urge to brush Cosima’s cheek, she instead slipped into her clinical mindset. Brushing aside thoughts of consequences and retribution that were all too sure to come with anything connected to Rachel. Delphine absorbed herself in checking and rechecking Cosima’s vital signs. Making sure that despite everything Cosima was still breathing and always would be even if Delphine was no longer present.
Once these had been administered, a different weight settled on the doctor’s shoulders. Knees buckling, she dropped to her lover’s side. A sob ripped from inside her. Called by the howl of anguish, tears soon fell in turn. Disrupting the stillness of the room, as Delphine’s mind whirled with thoughts recently suppressed. Previously held back with only the need to make sure that Cosima was still hers. Still breathing. Still alive.
A rustle of sheets behind her alerted Delphine to her counterpart’s possible wakefulness. Hiccupping in the vain hope of Cosima simply moving in her sleep, Delphine yet again pushed aside her anxieties. Remaining in her position wary that any movement could wake Cosima, forcing her gaze to continue to stare anywhere but at her cherie.
To no avail as a softly spoken “Hey,” was heard from behind her. Delphine turned forgetting her own discipline with tears still evident upon her face. Eyes betraying the uncertainty and fear of what these next few moments may hold.
Words such as “What’s wrong?” and “What did you do?” already formed between them as Cosima tried to dredge from her mind the meaning behind Delphine’s tearful façade. A further crumble of Delphine’s face and a shake of the head the only reply.
Delphine froze, unable to form a more substantial reply.
Cosima realizing this started the struggle to raise herself into a seated position. The effort to rise creating a rattle-like wheeze to her breath. Kick-starting Delphine automatic response of assistance breaking her static position. Helping her as a doctor would to their patient.
Only when Cosima was settled in amongst her collection of pillows and blankets, did Cosima turn to Delphine. Who had left herself on the fringe of things unsure of current her place beside the ill woman.
Unlike other conversations that had turned into arguments, Cosima reached for Delphine. Seeing the need to ground herself and Delphine in the contact, before all the drama that was likely to erupt.
Cosima observing that this change in positions was still unable to begin the telling of events from Delphine, she instead asked the first question that popped into her head.
“Did you break your promise?”
When a definitive “no” was heard, Delphine started to talk. An urgency resounding throughout her tale of her absence. The success of the bone marrow procedure, Kira’s consent, Sarah’s acceptance and of course Rachel’s plan all along. Her sentences ran together, the sudden gravity coming off her words. Needing Cosima to understand that she had tried despite the outcome. Forcing herself through stutters and pauses. Expecting at any moment to be thrown out as a rebuke for the damage that had occurred.
Instead all she got was a gentle caress of her entwined hand.
A tug was the only retribution Delphine received in return for when her voice faltered in the conclusion of what had only transpired mere hours ago. The tug led to Delphine meeting Cosima’s eyes, for the first time after since entering the room. Viewing only love and worry coming from Cosima’s framed ones.
Delphine reluctantly lowered herself onto her lover’s fragile form mindful of her the tubing snaking from around her ears. Murmurs of comfort were the only thing that passed Cosima’s lips that night.
They laid like that for the rest of night. Roles for the first time reversed. With Cosima encapsulating Delphine’s grief riddled body. Ignoring if only for the night, everything other than the safety of each others’ arms.