Chapter 9
Fear
Sure she’s afraid at times because it would be dumb not to be. The Marines taught her how to fight and the ISA taught her how to fight dirty. That doesn’t mean she can’t be defeated. She’s been beaten by better fighters, by superior numbers and by sheer bad luck. So she takes reasonable precautions and pays attention to what’s going on around her. Still, she’s never been paralyzed by fear. Fear is something she can use to give her a little extra jolt when it’s needed, that’s all.
Anger
She knows that several people think anger is the only emotion she ever feels. In some ways anger is the easiest but, even then, she rarely gets worked up the way she sees other people do. Annoyed and irritated sure, but it’s rarely rage. Rage is saved for special occasions: Cole’s death, Samaritan's mind games, Root’s death.
Happiness
It’s not like she’s never been happy but she has to admit she’s never felt ecstatic either. Satisfied, content, untroubled; are they the same thing as being happy? She can never quite decide. Even the best moments she can remember feeling little more than pleased. Still, there are many times she’s been pleased, that has to count for something. A good meal, good booze, a job well done, playing with the dog, the rush from driving a fast car, being honestly appreciated by someone she respects, finally escaping Samaritan, sex, kissing Root.
Sadness
She knows she’s supposed to feel sad. She’s not sure she does. Maybe when her father was killed? Though no one else thought so. When Cole was killed she felt angry. When Root died she felt angry. Only it’s not the hot rage she knew with Cole’s death, this anger is icy cold. Is it because of what Samaritan did to her? Or, did she care more for Root than she imagined she could?
Then Reese dies and Harold leaves and she’s not angry anymore. Samaritan is destroyed. Greer, Lambert and Blackwell are dead. Her anger fades away without a focus. What is left? She feels something. Is this sadness?