Part 1
I stir and open my eyes to see unfamiliar surroundings. It takes me a second to register where I am. The pale, chinked logs and floor to ceiling stone fireplace reminding me of my location. I smile and softly laugh to myself.
You’d think it being my birthday weekend I’d be someplace warm. Maybe sitting on a beach but instead I’m in this cabin surrounded by snow that’s ten feet deep. Granted, it’s a gorgeous cabin...and for the price I can’t complain, but seriously I grew up with this shit. Anything to make my Prisa happy though.
I languidly stretch on the leather sofa and immediately feel fingers card through my hair.
“Have a good nap, babe?” Clarke’s voice sings to me.
Rolling onto my back I pull the blanket up to my nose and rub the fluffy thing over it to hide my smile. “Of course, you know what Harry Potter being on tv does to me.”
I curl into a ball as Clarke hits my shoulder and I fall onto the floor.
“You wound me,” I exclaim through my laughter.
“Rude,” she says with a furrowed brow. Her shining blue eyes betraying her playfulness.
I climb back onto the couch with my back resting against the armrest and pull her back against me. Settling her in between my legs and resting my chin on her shoulder. Burying my nose into her hair and my eyes falling to the laptop she is still holding.
“Whatcha working on?”
Clarke hums barely realizing I’ve said anything. There are times when she writes that I think a nuclear bomb could go off and she wouldn’t realize it.
“Hey babe, I just sprouted purple wings,” I softly coo.
Clarke simply types away in her own world for almost a minute before her mind catches up to what I said.
“Wait...what?”
Her upper body turning as her hand pulls my face to hers. Her fingers scratching my scalp by the base of my neck as she kisses me softly. Her plump lips inviting mine to dance with hers. She pulls away before I can deepen it though.
“I’m sorry baby. What were you saying?”
I wrap my arms tightly around her and say, “It wasn’t important. I just asked what you were working on.”
“Just a fluffy one shot for you,” and her fingers begin to click away at the keyboard again.
I sigh and close my eyes. The smell of smoke and the crackling of the fire soothing me further. While I may love the beach I could definitely be convinced to do this more often. My Princess growing up and not experiencing snow. Getting to see her face lighting up when I surprised her with the cabin rental reservations.
I decide to read so I pick up my well worn copy of Curious Wine. One of my favorite books and with it’s winter cabin setting I figured it would be perfect. As much as I love my technology I still can’t give up my books. The feel and the smell of the pages.
My reading is interrupted when Clarke’s excited chihuahua voice exclaims, “Babe, it’s snowing!”
Her elbow connecting with my ribs in her haste to leave the couch and her computer being tossed on feet. My ‘Ummph’ being lost in the sound of her pounding feet running towards the bedroom.
I follow her path to find her pulling drawers out and emptying all of their contents on the floor. Hands moving enthusiastically through the piles. Her face alight while she mutters to herself.
“Babe.” She says in her serious tone and I know I’m in trouble. That tone being the one she always uses when I’m being asked to do something but I really know that I’m actually being told I’m doing it.
“Babe, can we go snowboarding?”
“Babe, I really have no desire to break anything else. So why don’t you go and I’ll go sit in this awesome hot spring pool I have in the other room.”
When she turns and hands me my pants, I know my fate is sealed. Leaving my comfy clothes for the restrictive confines of my ski pants. I top my outfit off with merino wool sweater and poofy vest. Taming my hair with my favorite beanie and grabbing my gloves, I head to the kitchen knowing Clarke will take absolutely forever to get dressed.
I put the kettle on and grab mixes and marshmallows from the cupboard. Collecting two mugs and placing them with the other ingredients on the counter. The kettle whistles and I fix the cups and then pour the water over it. The warm steam floating against my face. The velvety rich chocolate flooding my tastebuds with happiness when I bring the cup to my lips.
Clarke finally comes out twenty minutes later. Seriously, twenty minutes later and I swear she’s wearing everything she owns. Like we are in the arctic or something.
“Do you think you’ll be warm enough?” I ask laughing.
“Shut up it’s like forty degrees out!”
“That’s like hoodie weather. Plus you’re going to be active. Won’t you sweat to death?”
“I look cute!” She looks at me, almost threatening me to disagree with her. Her jaw set and pouted and her eyes fully challenging me.
I take the time to slowly rake my eyes down her body. Lingering where I know the offending garments are hiding the parts of her that I would much rather use for my activity. Gliding down her warm hills instead of snow covered ones. Carving lines down her body with my tongue. Conquering runs and claiming my prize.
“Eyes up here,” her voice breaking through my daydreaming, and with a glance I catch her fingers pointing at her own eyes. My eyes obey reluctantly. Raising to meet her gorgeous blue ones.
My pouting turns to an attempt not to laugh. “No, don’t dilate your pupils at me. You aren’t getting out of this. We are going snowboarding,” punctuating her control with an arched eyebrow as she takes a sip of her chocolatey drink.
I laugh as I watch her sip her drink because as much as we may joke about me being an alpha and her being an omega, the omega rules the roost. There’s no denying that she gets her way, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
~~~~
The creator of hot tubs is a person I would be friends with, because after a long day of falling, I am silently thanking that person. The hot water soothing my muscles and aches. My ego possibly bruised worse than my ass.
Clarke gives my ego time to enjoying the peace and quiet as she lays in a room as far from the water as possible. She enjoyed helping up on my feet too many times this day, and part of me wanted make her enjoy my type of comfort, but I know better. I will never understand her aversion to this sort of comfort.
I don’t know how much time passes as I simply exist in this heated water heaven. But my heaven is disturbed with an ungodly yowl piercing through the silence. That silence even further disturbed with Clarke banging into the doorframe as barrels into the room holding up the tattered pages of my favorite book as a weapon. Panting, she doubles over in her skimpy sleep clothes when she sees me leaning against the edge of the pool. Harshly whispering, she asks, “What the fuck was that?”
“I have no idea but can you not murder with my book.” I want to comment on the fact that she is panting and nearly naked without me, but I focus on my book instead. “It’s my favorite.”
I move over to where my sweats are thrown on the floor and I pull them over my bare legs. Still only sporting a bikini top because I don’t want to waste time finding a shirt. I move into the living room grabbing a poker stick and smirking at Clarke who is still frozen in place.
Slipping my feet into lushly padded snow boots, I trudge out into the snow looking for the source of the disturbance. The water droplets on my skin making the cold sink into my bones. The day’s forty degrees was the night’s twenty, and I really should’ve grabbed a shirt and jacket, or maybe all of Clarke's snowboarding clothes. Skin biting, I try to keep the shake in my hands under control as I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness surrounding the cabin.
I finally see a small black streak against the snow and takes a minute for my brain to realize what it actually is before I drop my weapon and take off after it. Running nonsensical shapes into the snow before I’m finally close enough to dive and pin the scrawny creature in the snow. I feel the impact and know the fall has done damage but I gently lift the little hissing furball and it looks unharmed.
I stand and stalk back towards the cabin where I can see Clarke doubled over in the window. Her face flushed so red with laughter that I can see it clearly even before I come close. Her hand coming up to support her against the frame of the floor to ceiling window as she wipes at her eyes.
When I hit the heat of the warm cabin, my skin feels like it’s been lit on fire. I look down and see the angry red marks trailing down my skin and water rushing down my chest. Ok, so maybe diving through the snow in a bikini wasn’t my smartest idea.
My attention is drawn back to the reason all of this started when the tiny creature starts raging in my hands. I swear it is vibrating as it hisses and spits it’s displeasure at us. I slowly run my fingers through the almost solid black fur. Feeling the tension slowly leave the tiny body as it grows quiet even if I can tell the tiny kitten wants to act tough.
Looking to Clarke, she has the biggest smile on her face as she softly says, “Fuck, you are so adorable.”
“Not now, Clarke. Will you please just sit with it while I shower and warm up?” I don’t give her a chance to answer as I pass the slumbering beast to her gently. As I pass through the doorway leading to the hallway that eventually leads to the bathroom I call out, “And I’m not fucking adorable!” My lips tick up into a smirk when I hear the growl start again.
Oh, this is going to be fun...
Part 2
My eyes focus in on the unfamiliar surroundings. Tracing the dark paneling and heavy wood grain. I can barely believe how much has changed in a year but how much it strangely feels the same.
I bring the glass to my lips and swallow the liquid. Blinking as it marks it trail with a burn on it’s way down. The faint aftertaste of cinnamon finally hitting my tastebuds. Tapping my fingers against the counter to catch the attention of the bartender as she flirts with middle-aged men for extra tips.
Her green eyes meeting mine as she refills my glass for the who fucking knows how many times. I can clearly see the pity in them but I don’t want it. The only thing I want is to not feel, to not think, not to remember. I need to not remember blue eyes and blonde hair. I need to not remember late night smiles and not being able to sleep without her. I need to not remember having it all fall apart. To slip through my fingers as I watched and not be able to do anything to stop it.
I need to forget red tinged blue eyes as she cried that we couldn’t do this anymore. I need to forget that break in her voice and how I ached to fix it. How it felt like I was drowning knowing that I was the cause of it.
I feel the sting behind my eyes and shake my head to rid myself of the past. Memory lane won’t help me tonight. Instead I down the rest of my glass and signal for another.
“I think maybe you’ve had enough.” She says while trying to politely smile at me.
“Just one more before I head out.” I reply not bothering to hide the drawl that thickly coats my words now.
She looks like she may deny my request but then fills my glass before moving to close my tab. She slides my card across the bar and smiles before she walks away.
I focus on the amber liquid as it swirls in the glass. Shapes forming and disappearing making me wonder if this could be considered art. Maybe that's just my drunken mind trying to see anything but the pain of the past. The pain of my failures. Of my shortcomings
Lifting the glass one last time I pull the burn to fill the hole. The hole that loving created. Draining it all but still feeling.
I leave my seat behind and walk into the cold that has become my life. The weather graciously matching my life. Leaving the suffocating heat of the bar behind, my feet following the familiar path home. Though it’s not really home. It’s become simply where I sleep. Most days I can't even say that though, I just stare at the four green walls that's become a prison.
Eighteen minutes. Eighteen minutes is what it takes me to make the walk home. With each step feeling my demons circling closer. Hearing their footfalls. Feeling their teeth gnashing at my back. Knowing I can’t outrun them forever.
Walking in the door, I grab my laptop. Hoping something will distract me but the internet lets me down. I see people falling, cat videos and updates from my favorite celebs and youtubers but nothing can hold my attention. Finally I click on my facebook icon and fall into the proverbial rabbit hole.
I see her smiling face but she’s not alone. There’s another smiling face in the posted picture. Several candids fill my newsfeed of the pair laughing in different poses and making memories.
I feel the hot liquid hit my hand before I register the tears sliding down my face. Mixing with the sting of heartbreak is the feeling of betrayal that she could move on so quickly. She can be free and be happy while I’m left here...alone.
Unlocking my phone I bring up her contact. Seeing her smirking face flipping me off in her classic pose. The part that kills me though is my hat adorning her head. Childishly wondering where it ended up along with the littlefoot I gave her. The ways I gave her my heart when my words failed me. Hoping that they made it into a box instead of being tossed out with the trash.
Pulling up my broken playlist I settle myself on the couch. Grabbing the bottle to my left knowing that it’s the quickest way I’ll sleep tonight. I leave the page open to their smiling faces with the caption “Date Night” underneath. The words of James Arthur ringing in my ears.
You were supposed to love me
You were supposed to love me
You were supposed to love me
You were...supposed...to ...love...me