Confessions, Arguements and Forgiveness
“I—I…can explain.” You stutter out once again.
“You’d fucking better.” Dave scowls, face an unreadable mask.
“David! John saved our lives! He’s been your best friend for months now—let him speak before being so negative!” Rose elbows him in the ribs.
“Yeah Dave! Stop being such a poop head!” Jade agrees with her girlfriend, elbowing Dave in the ribs, on the other side from her girlfriend. Dave just grumbles, rubbing his sides.
“I’m an alien.” You say, defeated.
“Obviously, but why?” Dave narrows his eyes at you.
“Well, eleven sweeps ago, my ‘parents’ gave their genetic matter to the drones. That genetic matter was then fed to the Mother Grub and mixed with all the other genetic matter of the other kismesis and matesprit pairings. Then I was—“
“Ok, ok, I get it. Don’t want to hear your entire life story. I meant what were you doing on Earth.” Dave interrupts.
“Oh. Well I’m a scientist. My moirail and I travelled to Earth to learn more about its inhabitants and culture!”
“You were studying us!? All that time, I thought you liked me, but in reality you were just using me!”
“What! No, I…I…” You shift your gaze from side to side. “Ok…maybe I was a bit…but I like you! You’re my best friend beside Karkat!”
“I don’t want to hear it.” Dave’s facial expression darkens. “You used me John. Like I was a fucking sex toy. Pick me up, use me only when it pleasures you, and then hide me in a shoebox under your bed so your parents don’t find out.”
“I-I never…!” Tears spring to your eyes, much to your utter disgust. “Dave please. I love you.”
“Right. Sure you do.” He narrows his eyes, and it’s only then that you realise he lost his shades in the hub-bub from earlier.
“I’d never use you Dave! Please believe me. You’re my best friend, and I owe you my life!” You try again, but he isn’t having it.
“I should have let you get hit by that car.” His voice is firm and quiet, hitting you like a ton of bricks.
You start crying again. You can’t help it. Big, fat, blue tears roll down your cheeks as you sob and shake. You spin on your heels, facing your ships console. You don’t want them to see you cry.
You can’t speak, but you can hear Rose and Jade’s angry whispering, and Dave’s even angrier yelling. You’ve never seen him like this before.
“Alright fucker, I helped the drones with the busted up—hold on a minute. Johnen, are you crying!?” Karkat’s voice reaches your pointed ears.
“No.” You sob, very obviously crying.
You hear furious footsteps thundering before you. You flinch, expecting him to yell at you for crying, but he never does. Instead, he wraps his arms around you, pressing his lips against your hair.
“Johnen…” He murmurs, rubbing soothing circles into your back. “What did he say?”
Are you really that transparent? Although it must be pretty obvious, even though Dave has stopped yelling and is currently glaring holes into your back.
“Nothing.”
“Oh bulllshit! Your eyes are leaking and you’re shaking and you look sick!”
“It’s nothing Karkat, I’m fine.” You say, voice barely above a whisper.
“Johnen, please.” He places his hands on either side of your face and gently forces you to face him. He wipes away some of your tears with his thumb. “Don’t cry. I hate it when you cry.”
“I’m sorry…” You hiccup, desperate to stop the flow of tears.
“Don’t be…Now, what did he say?”
“N-Nothing…” You lie through your teeth. Karkat rolls his eyes, opening his mouth to softly interrogate you further, but a calm, angry voice interrupts you.
“Dave said that he never should’ve rescued John from that car on the first day they met.” Rose says, and Karkat visibly recoils.
“He what!?” Karkat all but shrieks.
He lets go of you and lunges towards Dave, fist raised. You can do nothing to stop it as Karkat’s fist collides with Dave’s nose with a sickening crack.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” Karkat yells, kicking Dave to the ground. Jade and Rose back away slowly, doing nothing to stop it.
“What the fuck is wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with you? All grey skin, and orange horns. It’s fucking weird.” Dave spits out, wiping blood from his nose. “A-and you’re telling me, my best friend is one of those…things?”
At least he’s still calling you his best friend.
Karkat growls low in his throat and grabs Dave’s shirt lapel, pressing their noses together. “How fucking dare you. Apologise. Now.”
“If anything, you should be apologising for getting up in my personal space. Going in like to kiss me or something, amiright?” Dave looks at you dead on, mouth lifted into a smirk. Nervously, you turn away, refusing to meet his gaze. If he doesn’t like you like this, then there’s nothing you can do about it. You’re pretty sure he hates you now—that’s probably why’s he so desperately eyeing the amulet clutched in your palm.
“No, fuck you. You don’t get to decide when or when not to be friendly to my moirail. You don’t get to treat him shit one second and nicely the next just because you’re scared of me!”
“Scared of you? Who said that? You’re no more scary that a fluffy kitte—“
“You want to repeat that?” Karkat snarls, whipping out his sickles and pressing them to Dave’s throat. A trickle of bright red blood runs down his throat. You flinch, fixated on the trail of blood. You know he hurt you, but you don’t want to see him get hurt.
Dave says nothing, quite wisely too. You can tell Karkat is working himself up into a rage, which could be quite disastrous for everyone on board your ship. As his moirail, you need to calm him down.
You step forward, placing a hand on his shoulder. He growls a little, but doesn’t make any move to brush you off.
“Yeah yeah, I know. Just…give me a second, okay?” He murmurs. A little reluctantly, you step back, but keep your hand on Karkat’s shoulder.
“My moirail is one of the best, most pure-hearted trolls I know. He has done nothing but help you these past few months, and you have treated him like shit. He gave up a lot for you—even parting with some of his gold hoard! Highbloods never do that. Ever.” Karkat jabs his finger at Dave’s throat. “He’s flushed for you, and you’re taking advantage of that!”
You blush, furiously. “Alright Karkat, that’s enough. I don’t want blood on my ship.”
He shuts up, but doesn’t let go of Dave’s shoulder. Gently, you pull him away, wrapping your arms around him and rubbing his back in soothing circles. With little-to-no resistance, Karkat slips into a calmer state, safe from revealing any more embarrassing secrets.
Putting your moirail down on a nearby comfortable chair, you turn your attentions to the rather shocked looking humans in front of you. It pains you to see a river of blood running from Dave’s nose. His eyes seem distant and unfocused, like he’s not really there.
“Anyway, like I was saying.” You clap your hands together, startling Dave out of his trance. “I’m what you’d call an alien. A troll to be specific. The Empress sent me and my moirail on a peace mission, to gather information and to dictate whether or not we should form an alliance. I was to go down to the planet below to make observations, while Karkat would stay on my ship, ready to beam me up in case anything goes wrong.”
Rose nods her encouragement, and Jade hums in acknowledgement. You don’t really need their encouragement, but it’s nice.
“I met Dave, and he saved my life. I was indebted to him. In turn, I did my best to help him in any way I could. He taught me so many things about human culture! But while there I discovered…this.” You place down the Betty Crocker packet mix.
“That’s the same packet from the day we met!” Jade exclaims, green eyes wide. “Remember? You just burst into Dave’s apartment screaming about the end times. Which…makes a lot more sense now.”
“Yes! Who you humans call Betty Crocker is what we trolls call the Imperious Condensation. She was the previous empress, and a cruel one at that. Feferi, our current empress, defeated the Condesce in the Arena of the Fuchsia-Bloods and took over as empress. As per tradition, she was supposed to kill the Condesce. But…she couldn’t do it. So she banished the Condesce into space, hoping to never see her again. But...now she’s back, and we’re all fucked.” You finish, quite delicately you may add.
“What’s going to happen to Earth?” Jade asks, eyes wide with fear and worry. “If this Condesce lady has taken over Earth, what’s going to happen to it?”
“Well…bad things. She already had her clawed grip on the Earth, but now she and her armada have completely taken over it.” You look down at your feet, trying to appear sympathetic. “I’m afraid that you can’t go back.”
The three humans in front of you open their mouths in protest, but you hold up a finger to silence them. “That’s why we’re taking you back to Alternia, to see the Empress. She’ll know what to do.”
“Johnen, are you crazy?” Karkat shrieks, jumping up and waving his arms in your face. “You can’t take them to see the Empress! They’ll be killed!”
“Karkat, it’ll be fine!” You give him a wobbly smile, eyes sore from crying. “I mean, if we can use the amulets to change their appearances it should be fine! Besides, Empress Feferi would be sure to allow them to stay. I mean, times are different now and all. Trust me, okay?”
Karkat just purses his lips, and folds his arms into his chest. “And what if they’re discovered? They’ll be torn to shreds!”
“Just trust me Karkat!” Karkat just raises his eyebrows and shakes his head slightly as you turn to address the three humans in the room.
“So it’s gonna be a while getting to Alternia, around…one earth week I think?” You move your hands in a so-so motion. “So um, in the meantime, I’ve organised some rooms in the ship for you to stay in.”
“I assume you pulled said rooms out of thin air?” Rose quirks up a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.
“No!” You blush. “I always have extra sleeping quarters prepared on my ship! And when the Condesces’ invasion was drawing near, I had to be extra careful!”
Rose shrugs. “Makes sense.”
“Good, Karkat’ll show you to your rooms. I’ll focus on setting up the ships course.” You grin at them as Karkat leads them down the ships corridor and towards the sleeping quarters.
But once their retreating backs (particularly Dave’s) are out of sight, you sink down onto the floor, back to the ships console. You put your head on your hands and try to hold your sobs back. You’ve saved your friends…but at what cost?
* * *
“Johnen! Stop doing that you fucking asshole!” Karkat swats your hands away from his hair, glowering at you, sopor slime dripping from his hair.
You just poke your tongue out at him, sopor slime coating your left hand, which is curled up in Karkats hair.
It’s been a while since you’ve snuggled with your moirail properly. The two of you are curled up in your recuperacoon together, which you haven’t done in a while. Karkat insisted the two of you do the because of the whole Dave fiasco. He’s trying to get you to talk about your feelings. As usual, you’re ignoring him and smearing sopor slime in his hair.
Karkat sighs exasperatedly. “Are we gonna talk about Dave or are you going to continue smearing slime in my hair?”
“I’m gonna keep smearing slime in your hair.” You run your hands through his hair to emphasise your point.
“I was employing some of that human sarcasm. Leave my hair alone.” Karkat once again swats your hand away, but to no avail.
“I don’t know Karkat, I think it’s an improvement!” You grin and laugh as you dodge the punch he sends your way.
“I’m serious Johnen! Stop it!”
“Alright alright…” You withdraw your hand, a little regretfully.
“We need to talk about Dave—hey! No, don’t look away from me! This is serious!” Karkat leans forward and cups your cheek in his hands. “He fucking hurt you Johnen. You never cry, but that bitch made you sob all your eye juices out!”
“Eye juices? That’s what we’re calling them now?”
“Don’t change the subject!”
You look away the best you can in your current position, staring not at Karkat but at the wall behind him.
“I’m really digging that shade of grey right now.”
“Johnen.”
“It’s really nice. Really makes the room look nicer, right?”
“Johnen please.”
“It really makes you think about life and death and the universe and stuff.”
“How? It’s a fucking wall.”
“Exactly, and sometimes, being hurt makes you appreciate the little things in life. Like, this wall is keeping us alive? Without it, the ship would be falling apart and…and…” You wipe under your eyes, quickly before Karkat sees.
Unfortunately (or fortunately) Karkat sees your tears.
“Johnen…” He whispers, pity in his eyes.
“I know, it’s pathetic, isn’t it?” You give him a weak and wobbly smile. “I mean really, he didn’t really do anything for me, yet I did everything for him. He said such horrible, shitty things, and now I’m all hung up on it like I didn’t expect it to happen!”
“Johnen…you’re not pathetic…” Karkat murmurs, pulling you closer to him. “And it’s not your fault. You were best friends! You were flushed for him, of course you’re hung up on him!”
“My feelings for him…aren’t exactly past tense.” You mumble against his chest. He just pats your back in response, making a soothing purring noises that vibrate against your ear.
“Oh Johnen…” He sighs. “You’re far too soft sometimes. But it’ll be okay. If he tries any shit, I’ll fucking take his ass. And don’t you dare try and say otherwise, because I will! You’re my moirail, and if he breaks your heart, I’ll break his face.”
“Alright Karkat, whatever you say.” You smile, closing your eyes. Slowly, you find yourself drifting off to sleep to the sound of Karkat’s soothing voice and the purring vibrations coming from his chest.
* * *
It’s been four days.
It’s been four days on your voyage to Alternia and Dave hasn’t spoken to you once since you took off. You haven’t even seen him since you took off.
You’re currently at the ships console, fiddling with the controls and trying to look like you’re busy. Of course, no ones in the room, so you really don’t have to try and fool anyone. But, you’ll try anyway, because it takes your mind off Dave.
Dave…
You miss him.
You miss how it used to be.
You miss how the two of you used to be together. Of how he was your best friend, and you would joke and laugh and play video games together. You miss how he smiled so easily when you were around. You miss your weird conversations. You miss him treating you like a friend.
“…John? I mean, uh, Johnen?” A familiar voice calls out cautiously from behind you, making you freeze up.
“Dave!” You whirl around, surprise evident in your voice.
Dave looks awkward standing there, amidst the chaos of your ship. Despite having guests, you and Karkat haven’t exactly tidied up the place. You feel somewhat embarrassed about the state of the place, even though you know Dave’s apartment is in a worse state. Well…was…
“What are you doing here?” You ask, before going over your words. “I mean…in this part of the ship. Where I am. I haven’t seen you in four days. Don’t you hate me now?”
“I…I don’t hate you.” He looks forlorn, red eyes downcast.
“Are you sure about that? I mean…you said some pretty shitty stuff to me four days ago…”
Dave winces at your words, as if your words actually hurt him. “I’m sorry for what I said. It was super shitty of me, I mean, what the fuck was I thinking? You saved my life. And you’re my best friend. Like, in the bro code, you don’t just treat a bro like that because it turns out he has grey skin and orange horns and—“
“Dave, I accept your apology. You’re still my best friend. But…that hurt, you know? Those things you said…that was some fucked up shit.” You cut him off before his ramble can get too long.
Dave looks away, eyes a little damp. “All I can do is apologise. I know what I said was wrong, and I’m so fucking sorry…”
“I know you are. I think you were just scared and confused and lashed out at the first person you saw…which happened to be me.” You shoot him a wary smile.
“Don’t make excuses John, what I did was shitty and you know it.” Dave frowns, turning back to look at you. “Fuck man, I get what your angry friend was talking about. You are way too nice for your own good. Even to someone like me, even after what I did, you’ll forgive me.”
“Yeah I know, I’m pretty great.” You grin, before turning serious. “But in all seriousness, I want to be your friend. I mean, I guess what you said was right, about me using you to observe the humans. So this time, it’s completely honest, I mean, it was before but this time, I’m not observing you for science or anything!”
“John, we already are friends. I mean, I think my entire species is dead now? So I think I need all the friends I can get.” Dave grins, throwing his hands in the air in a ‘I dunno’ motion.
“That’s um…optimistic of you?” You grin a little. “But humans aren’t an endangered species…yet. The Condesce wouldn’t kill the planet. That’s not her style. The humans are safe…for now. They're in danger-but they're not dead. And you’re definitely safe.”
Dave smiles sadly and moves over to stand next to you. He bumps your shoulder with his and looks out the windshield, at the black, expansive nothingness your little ship is currently hurtling through.
“That’s good. Like, now I’m not an endangered species? That’s pretty relieving.” Dave smiles wryly. “Man, never thought I’d be alive to see the extinction of the human race.”
“And you won’t.” You say firmly. “Once we get to Alternia, I promise we’ll organise a fleet to take back Earth and take down the Condesce. Once and for all that bitch is going down.”
“Haha yeah that sounds pretty sweet.” Dave shakes his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I’m saying this…but I’m kind of glad the Earth got taken over by a tyrannical alien. I mean, I’m in space now. I don’t have a shitty apartment in a shitty neighbourhood. My only friends aren’t on the other side of the country and I just…I’m glad I met you.”
“Oh…Well I’m glad I met you too!” You grin at him, before turning back to look at the void outside your windshield.
Somehow, this peaceful science mission turned into an alien invasion, and now billions of lives are depending on you and your little band of friends to get an army to save them. It’s not going to be easy, taking down the Condesce, but you’ll do your best.