Seras little snippet thread

“Ho dot’s not goot.”

“Yah, Hy tink diz iz bad.” The four jagers looked on at Mechanicsburg from the forest. And yet…

Despite the massive airfleet parked outside. Despite the promise, and challenge they’d taken on. The burden of searching…

The Doom Bell had rung.

They could go home. Unless the Baron was here to stop them.

The four of them looked at eachother, then at Jenka.

She rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but watch Fust.” She grumbled as she slid off her bear and with a sigh adjusted her clothes pulling down her mask and suddenly instead of a Jager, she looked like a human woman, a bit gray, but human.

There was tension in her group. The idea of going home, but forced to wait right at the last moment… She sighed, and started jogging along the forest until she reached the road and then jogged down.

Jogging wasn’t too strange. Humans jogged when in a rush.

But to her surprise she made it all the way to the gate without any of the ships shooting, sending an army or anything. She walked up to the gate that was closed and one of the door guards opened it. Glaring out at her.

“What do you want? Town is closed to tourists.”

“Hy vant to know if de Doom Bell haz truly rung. If de Heterodyne has returned. If de Jagers ken come home.”

He looked surprised but her accent was undoubtable.

“Yes, the Heterodyne has claimed the castle. Agatha, Bills daughter.” He explained as the massive gate opened and Jenka took a moment to look at the wonderful little town that opened up behind them.

Home.

“Und de Jagers? Ve are velcome? The Baron iz not here to schtop us?”

“Not that I’ve seen. We had a few injured down at Mamma Gkika, and the Mistress already healed them, They’re guarding her. You’re the first to arrive since the bell.”

Her heart clenched.

“The Mistress… She velcomes us?”

The man's eyes were filled with understanding. “She proclaimed full citizenship and protection to the monsters. She’s protective of us. She’s a good one, but not like the Masters. No, she’s more like her Grandfather in some ways.” He practically gushed. Which was saying something.

Any Heterodyne would instill loyalty in the men and women of Mechanicsburg, but to have them truly love them?

She turned and waved her arm in a signal. The other three and Fust would catch up. She had to know.

Her mask was back up, to hide her lack of teeth, as she walked into Mechanicsburg for the first time in… Well she had been busy even before the Masters had gone missing… Almost Fifty years? Yes, back when she was sent off by Saturnus. Teodora had not been interested in her as a companion. Teodora truly hated the Jagers, and so Saturnus sent her away, back to being a diplomat.

Boring tedious work, but at least it had more benefits than searching every hamlet for three hundred miles looking for any of the blood.

She noticed that the streets while busy weren’t what she had heard. The last she’d heard from a Jager working with the Baron that she had stopped to talk with, was that Mechanicsburg had turned into a tourist trap. The Minions fleecing fools coming here for a scare for all their gold.

She looked around, and it felt… Like home. A bit brighter than it had been under Saturnus. And not quite as… Smokey as it had been when Ominox kept tricking people into attacking the city.

Ah, the Magma Bees. Those were good times.

She had intended on staying near the entrance, wait for the idiots, but…

She heard it. Jenka felt her feet moving forward before she could think. The longing for the noise, the decade of fear that she would never hear it again.

A coffee shop.

She approached the window, not at all surprised to see an entire pack of people inside. The smell of coffee meeting her nose.

Nice coffee.

She stepped inside to a madhouse, which was normal, any room a Heterodyne was in was a madhouse.

“YouHoldThisAndDon’tLetGo!” The blonde girl that was Heterodyning dashed around the room and she was literally vibrating like someone had fed her a sonic Beetle Clank that Old Iscarriot Heterodyne had used to make.

They weren’t useful in combat. All they did was buzz like crazy, but for some reason despite Jenka being pretty sure iscarriot was an idiot, the damned things always seemed to be in the exact right spot to get him out of trouble.

Although she still remembered him leading the hunting party right off that cliff, and she wouldn’t forgive him for that.

Anyway she remembered… Who was it? Not Dimo, one of the other boys had eaten one at Iscarriot’s demand and he had vibrated in the same way.

The fact the Vibration had meant the bugs in the old swamp had all been attracted straight towards him and not her was the reason she didn’t curse old Iscarriots name.

He wasn’t one of the good ones, but he was a fun one… Sometimes.

This one though?

The Blonde ran the coffee shop like a chorus, a waved hand and her minions acted. Her demands the ringing blast of a drum guiding footsteps.

Yes. She was a strong one.

Also vibrating, Jenka should probably mention that again. And then there was a noise, the coffee machine made a noise that made Jenka wonder if that coffee machine had just Heterodyned.

And then a single cup of coffee was poured out.

“YesThisWillBeItThePerfectCupOfCoffeeAllWillBowToMeAsICOMMANDTHECOFFEEWORLD!”

“Ah, Mistress. Please allow me.” The cup was covered, stopping her from drinking it and oh boy Jenka was pretty sure the girl was going to smash that one… Wait, was that Carsons Grandbaby!? He smelled like the old man!

“FineButYou’llRegretIt!” She proclaimed and even the boy looked disturbed for a moment before downing the drink.

“I-I-I-I-I-It’s Perfect.” The boy whispered after a few moments.

Wow. That must have been good coffee, was he crying?

The fact he was proclaiming not just the coffee, but the coffee cup was perfect told Jenka it wasn’t just good coffee, but really good coffee.

This was the sort of madness a Heterodyne brings.

Just what everyone wanted. To be part of something great.

That was of course when green eyes, buzzing or not locked onto her, and suddenly rushed across the room. Jenka fought her instincts and didn’t move as the Heterodyne. Buzzed to a stop in front of her.

She looked her up and down. She looked so young.

So young.

“AJager!IWasWorriedYouWouldAllGetIntoTrouble!WelcomeHome!DoYouWantSomeCoffee!?”

Jenka blinked.

She swallowed, thankful for her mask.

“Hy vould love some coffee Mistress.”

“EXCELLENT!YouCanHaveTheSecondCup!”

“IT’S PERFECT!” The boy wailed and Jenka just smiled under her mask. What the hell.

—--

“Uh Jenka, are hyu alright?”The Jagers asked my newest returned Jager and I smiled at all of them.

“The Mishtress, iz a Coffee Spark. It iz perfection.”

These three! I’d hoped to see them!

“You!” I called out and the entire Coffee shop went quiet as I hurried over. Man I felt like I had so much energy it sure was a good thing I got that cup of coffee and the second and third one I told Lilith I could totally drink all the coffee I wanted it was just coffee nothing wrong with taking a little extra coffee I felt great! Definitely having more coffee, yes right I after make another perfect cup.

“Mistress?”

“YouFour! IKnowYou. TheWildOnes!” I spoke and then I very pointedly calmed down and reached a hand, taking… Dimo’s clawed hand in my own. “I know what you did. The burden you had must have been hard. Welcome home.”

They looked stricken for a moment, then embarrassed, and so I laughed as I pulled them into the shop and made sure they took some seats around Jenka.

She was still slowly wiping a finger along the rim of her cup as if she could find perfection in the circular lip.

She’d snap out of it… Probably!

Once they were all settled I turned and started making another cup.

“HeheheheheheMWAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Yes! PERFECT COFFEE! I WILL SHOW THEM ALL! STARBUCKS? HAH! THERE WILL BE A HETERODYNES ON EVERY STREET CORNER! I’LL CONQUER EUROPA THROUGH COFFEE! I WILL-”Agatha Heterodyne!”

“OhShitLilith!” I cursed, which was even worse! Lilith hated when I cursed!

“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times! Proper Ladies don’t take stimulants!” I backed up even as the perfect cup poured… Nooo! I wanted it! I was so close! I was going to taste Nirvana!

“Ah! Lilith! That’s my ear!”

“Heterodyne or not I will spank you if I have to!” She said and I quialed! Noooo! Not in front of my Jagers!

She pulled me out of the shop under the shocked eyes of four Jagers and… Aww Fust the bear was so cute!

—---

The Baron left within a few days. He simply couldn’t stand outside my little innocent unimportant comfy town that wasn’t doing anything wrong!

Or maybe it was because he was irritated that the party had been nonstop for days.

“Wooo!” I cheered as another group of Jagers showed off, juggling swords in a group with every Jager in the area throwing their swords into the pile, mostly trying to get them to drop them and get stabbed.

My jagers had returned.

My people had come in en masse. To meet me, a horde of Jagers descended from a troop transport, and they had all kneeled to me, their eyes begging for an answer to the question on their minds.

Would I accept them? Was I like my father and uncle?

Was I good, or bad? In every way that matters.

The generals with their massive bulk had led the horde and when I walked up to them and gave each of them a hug welcoming them home. The horde had erupted.

The fact I’d proclaimed a party for the return, not of the Heterodyne, but for the return of the Jagers back home had won me even more points.

I cackled as one of the swords descended landing on a Jagers foot causing him to yelp and then the whole house of spinning blades came down, I was wheezing in laughter as all the Jagers kept their fake smiles on as they were pinned to the ground in odd angles in an attempt to avoid the blades, most of them had only gotten stabbed once or twice.

Of course I was laughing at the one that hadn’t.

“Ah, diz isn’t fair, all uf hyu tossed you svords at me!”

“Hy don’t know vot hyu’re talkink about, hyu’re jusht clumsy.”

“Yah don’t be zo clumsy!”

I was still laughing even as I walked out among the sword filled bodies and started yanking blades.

“Go to the medical area. I’ll need to actually put you back together.” I decided and offered the Jager his arm back which he instantly slapped into his face.

Yes he used his detached hand to faux salute me.

I smacked him on the butt to get him moving as I continued moving, ignoring his yelp.

This was what it should be like. My smile brightened the look on every Jager, and I could see the years of uncertainty fall off their shoulders and faces as I moved among them.

The fact I was sniffed quite a bit wasn’t out of attraction…

Well okay some of the Jagers had waggle eyed me which earned them a laugh and my own face shifting into a promise that many of them had qualified under.

Lilith had also looked murderous when they tried.

Heh.

But they were checking my scent to reassure themselves. These were men and women that had spent centuries with my family.

And then the last two decades unsure if they would ever see another Heterodyne.

So I gave them the comfort they needed. We partied. I walked among them, laughing and talking to them all, and there had been many fights for my attention.

Which only made me laugh harder so more fights broke out to please me.

Such was life around the Jagers.

Once the impaled Jagers were all up, I followed them to the medical area. It was actually just Mama Gkika’s but instead of the Jagers all hiding downstairs, they were up stairs, partying with the actually human waitresses that were all dressed up as Jagers.

Wait, they had faux Jager teeth! Cute! I’d have to talk to them about that. I wanted to upgrade my chompers.

I felt my smile become sharp, as I considered just how sharp I could get it.

Yes. I wanted everyone to quail under my teeth, a smile a smirk! Just a glance should spread Terror to all those who dare look upon me!

“Mwahahaha!” I cackled even as I grabbed my gloves to start fixing up my boys.

This of course didn’t cause the Jagers to back off, oh no it only made them more excited.

I was adjusting flesh and fixing bone when I heard a disturbance behind me.

The noise of a Jager I’d learned was about 40 decibels higher than a normal human on average, so when I heard more noise I turned. Watching as a pair of Jager carried a much shorter but much fatter man between them his arms held in theirs as they seemed jolly shouting out to move out of the way.

Patting the Jager I’d been working on on the arm I turned and walked forward.

“Now what is this all about?”

“Mistress! Ve gots de firsht vun! Thiz time! Ve vaited by de gates ve know dey’d do it hyu know?”

“Yah dey alvays do!”

“Zo ve vaited!”

“Okay okay. What exactly did you get the first one of?” I asked, waving at the very pale, very fat man.

“Why the first to come offer tribute!” The Jagers called out and the whole crowd cheered as if someone had just won a sports game.

Jagers.

I rolled my eyes and looked the man up and down.

“I don’t see any Tribute.” I added and that caused the Jagers to still.

“Yah dot’s keend uf veird.”

“Hy deedn’t see henny carts vit gold or jewels either.”

“Jusht diz guy on hiz horse.”

“Hyu tink de horse vas tribute?”

“Vell Hy hope not, it’s probably eaten by now.”

“I AM NOT HERE TO OFFER TRIBUTE! LET GO OF ME YOU BRUTES!” Screeched the little fat man and the Jagers looked at me of course. I nodded.

And he was dropped onto his ass. He rose up sputtering and outraged. Oh he had one of those stupid looking mustaches that were just massive and ungainly, and it wiggled as he moved.

I really wanted to shave it off cause it looked awful.

“I am Terricus Millian! Son of Terrian from the Teutonic Terriblese Millian family! Heir to the throne when my father dies! I have not come to offer tribute! I am here to see if this new ‘Heterodyne’ is anything but a false whore like my father suspects!”

The room instantly went dead quiet. Only the noise of a drink still being poured from one of the waitresses continued and from the way she was glaring and the beer was overflowing there was a reason for that.

Hmm.

“You… Aren’t very smart.” I finally decided and that earned sharp smiles from every Jager and human in the room.

He sputtered again making his ugly mustache wiggle around on his face like a particularly ugly caterpillar.

“How dare you! You Trollop!”

“Mistress? Do ve keel him?”

“Yah ve should definitely keel him.”

“W-wha! You can’t make threats against me! I’m-”

“We aren’t killing him.” I interrupted just to make it clear. “Now I’m assuming you have a message if you aren’t here for tribute?” Because I was a new Heterodyne, every family in the area should be on their way with carts of tribute to hopefully spare them from my Personal attention.

“Hmph! Of course not! If you are this supposed Heterodyne, you certainly don’t look like much so hear the words of my father! The Teutonic Terriblese Milian family will offer no tribute, no weregild, no support or faith to the Supposed Mechanicsburg Heterodyne! We as a separate nation signed with the Pax Translyvania have nothing to fear from you!”

“That’s what I thought you would say. See his father must not like him. He sent his disagreeable son to try and cause me to react badly. If I attack him then I’d be breaking the Pax, and all he’d have to do is survive until the Baron removes me. Or I remove the Baron. I suspect your father would be pleased with either option.”

“Nonsense! As if a girl child could threaten the Baron!”

“Like I said, stupid.” I said nudging a Jager at my side, oh that was Maxim! He grinned cruelly as we both looked at the man…

Hmmm.

“Capture him.” The action was instantaneous. Terricus was hauled back up in the arms of two Jagers, and they weren’t as kind as they had been before. Their goofy silliness was missing as they bared their fangs in anger.

“Y-You can’t do this! I’m protected under the Pax! My death would be-”

“Oh don’t be silly. You’re my guest! My first guest. So of course I’m going to show you the fullness of my… Hospitality. Get me the restraints. So our new guest won’t… Hurt himself.”

He struggled of course, but he was a fat moron, and the Jagers were Jagers, he screamed and flailed which ended up more as a game as the Jagers started messing with him, as we all left Mama Gkika’s following after me, and right into the Barber shop.

He was soon in a chair, and of course the barber shop had shackles for his chairs, and I grabbed one of the still bloody swords that I had pulled from the Jagers before.

“Now do hold still… I’ve never done this before!” I laughed as Terricus screamed so high the glass in the barber shop wavered.

—--

“He won’t be back.” I said almost sadly, as we watched him stumble and run down the road away from Mechanicsburg.

“Ve should hef keeled him.” Mama Gkika offered. “The Baron vould not hef counted it as a shtrike againsht de Pax.”

“No, but he would have heard of it. If I’m going to break the Pax, I’m going to truly do it. Besides, it gives me an excellent excuse.”

“Ho? Hyu mean?” She asked, suddenly very excited.

“No, unfortunately not that kind of excuse.” I admitted. As much fun as it would be to go have a talk with this Terrian whatever too long name. The Pax was clear, and I had agreed in a sense to follow it.

“Sheme.”

“It’s an excuse to get things started though. Do you think Terricus likes his hat?”

“It’s a very nize hat.”

“It is, isn't it? I wonder how long it’ll take for them to realize it really doesn’t come off?” I asked, watching the hat which had a torch on the top leaving a small trail of smoke along the fat man's path.

I’d shaped it after the Schmott Guy Hat the Jagers had given Gil, but instead this one said “Schtupid Guy.”

Also it lit on fire, and I wasn’t going to tell the poor man that the fire would eventually burn through the material.

Well I’m sure he’d be smart enough to be near a river or a source of water when the heat started burning through the top of his head.

“How’d I do for my first shave?” I asked Gkika who laughed in delight, and brought her hand up.

“Hyu cot a leedle close.”

I grinned remembering all the blood, Yes I probably had. Oh well! That ugly mustache was gone, and if I had taken some flesh well that was just his own fault.

“I’ll work on that. I have a feeling he won’t be the last fool that comes to try and taunt a Heterodyne for their own benefit.”

“No… Ve shouldn’t allow diz. They should not insult hyu.”

“I had my spark locked down for most of my life, I couldn’t build a clank if I wanted to. I’m used to insults, but you know what makes it all worth it Gkika?”

“Vot?”

“The knowledge that someday soon, I’ll have them cowering and whimpering in terror before me always with the reminder in the back of their head that they brought my wrath upon themselves. Now enough of this nonsense. Did you hear the Jagers were going to do a Heterodyne Boys play?”

“Ho no.”

“I know! It’s going to be terrible! Last I heard Jenka had agreed to play Adam, I mean Punch.”

“Vot? Vot about Judy?”

“That’s the best part! Fust the bear! Lilith is going to be so mad!”