I'll Still Be Here When You're Ready-Spanna
The fluorescent lighting of the hospital gave Spencer's face a sickly shine that made Hanna want to look away. She felt sick to her stomach when she thought about what had put her girlfriend in this situation. It had been her fault, all of it. If she hadn't kidnapped Noel, if she'd done a better job, if she'd taken the camera with her... There were so many places she could have done better, could have prevented what had happened.
She honestly didn't know why Spencer even wanted to be with her anymore. In the last week, Hanna had scared the shit out of Spencer by disappearing and then she'd gotten the brunette shot. And they'd only actually gotten together four days ago. Hanna would completely understand if Spencer decided she was too much trouble. Especially when both Toby and Caleb had shown up at her bedside, declaring their undying love for her. But she had just rolled her eyes and proudly announced that she was taken. In the present, Spencer opened her eyes.
"Hey," she said, her voice raspier than usual. Hanna forced a smile.
"Hey. How are you feeling?" she asked. Spencer tried to shrug, but groaned in pain. Hanna frowned and moved closer to Spencer, making sure she hadn’t torn anything open.
"You aren’t supposed to move your shoulder, remember?” she chastised. Spencer rolled her eyes. In the last couple of days, Hanna had proven herself to be a complete mother hen, which was simultaneously sweet and annoying.
“I forgot,” she said innocently. Hanna shook her head in amusement before turning serious.
“Your parents stopped by again," she said cautiously, knowing Spencer wouldn’t take kindly to the news. As expected, Spencer rolled her eyes.
"I said I don't want to see them right now," she said harshly. Since the revelation that Mary was her birth mother, Spencer had announced that she was recovering from being shot and it was too much to deal with right now, and had refused to see her or her parents. The only relative she'd allowed in was Melissa, who had surprised her by appearing more quickly than she would have thought possible. Her older sister had sworn she didn't know, and Spencer believed her. For one thing, she had no reason to lie. For another, Spencer was fairly certain she would have thrown it in her face during one of their nastier fights if she'd known.
Hanna held her hands up in a show of innocence.
"And that's what I told them," Hanna said. Even when Peter had tried to insist that Spencer was asleep and wouldn't know, Hanna had dutifully kept them out. She’d nearly broken down when she noticed Veronica discreetly wipe away a tear, but she’d promised Spencer. Honestly, Hanna had been shocked upon learning that Mary was Spencer’s biological mother. She saw so much of Veronica in Spencer.
"But you know you're going to have to deal with it sometime. I can’t keep them out forever," she added. Spencer groaned again, this time in annoyance.
"Yes, I know. But the doctor herself said I should avoid stress until I'm healed, and my parents lying about me being adopted certainly qualifies as being stressful. I've already got enough to worry about between Noel losing his head and Jenna going missing," she said, spitting out the other girls name. Hanna raised an eyebrow.
"Do not worry about Noel Kahn. And Mona’s looking into Jenna. You just worry about getting better,” she said. Spencer’s eyes narrowed at the mention of Mona’s name, which did not go unnoticed by Hanna.
“What?” she asked.
“I don’t trust Mona,” Spencer said. Hanna’s eyebrow rose higher.
“What else is new?” she asked sarcastically.
“All I’m saying is that you left her in charge of Noel, who was tied up unconscious and bleeding out when you left, and when you got back he was gone. From what you’ve described of his condition, he couldn’t have escaped without help. And then she was supposed to keep an eye on Jenna, who managed to slip right past her and show up at that house with a gun and shoot me,” she emphasized. Hanna frowned, considering the idea.
Spencer had a point, she had to admit. She didn’t know how Noel could have gotten away from that cabin without help. But why would Mona help him? And why would she let Jenna go? Besides, Caleb had been there too, and he hadn’t noticed Jenna leave. The idea of Mona being an accomplice made her blood boil. If she was to blame for Spencer being hurt… Well, their friendship would be over, that was for sure.
“Spence, don’t worry about Mona, okay? Don’t worry about her, or Noel, or Jenna, or anything besides you and your family,” she said seriously.
"I'm just not ready," Spencer admitted, suddenly looking and sounding much younger than her twenty-three years. Hanna nodded. She couldn’t imagine what Spencer was feeling right now.
"Okay. Do you... do you want to talk to me? You could try saying what you want to say to them to me, as a practice run of sorts," she offered. Spencer smiled appreciatively, but shook her head.
"Thanks Han, but I don’t even know what I want to say. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it," she admitted. Hanna squeezed her hand.
"I'll still be here when you're ready," she promised. Spencer smiled. For the first time in a long time, she actually felt like she had someone in her corner, who would love her unconditionally, and support her no matter what. That wasn’t something she’d felt since Toby, and she’d forgotten how good it felt.
"Thank you," she said softly, grateful she understood. Hanna nodded again.
While she couldn’t even fathom finding out Ashley wasn’t her biological mother, she did understand the desire to keep your feelings inside, hidden from everyone. Not talking about it made it easier to pretend it didn’t hurt, at least for a while. But eventually it would all come pouring out. And when it did, she was determined to be there for her girlfriend.