Can I Hold Your Hand? -Spanna
Spencer did not want to visit the abandoned Radley Sanitarium. In fact, she'd be happy if she never heard the name or laid eyes on the place again. But ever since they figured out that Andrew wasn't A, Hanna had been on a warpath to find out who was. Armed with the knowledge that Charles was a DiLaurentis and had been admitted to Radley, this seemed like the best place to look for more information. And it was a good idea, she just wasn't sure how she got roped into doing it. Well, that was a lie. She knew exactly how she ended up here. Aria was refusing to do anything that had anything to do with the dollhouse and Emily was busy with Sara. But there was no stopping Hanna once she put her mind to something, and despite her own unease there was no way in hell Spencer was going to let Hanna do this alone. So here she was, standing outside the foreboding entrance of the place where she'd once been committed.
"Did you remember to bring a flashlight?" Spencer asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking. Hanna rolled her eyes, and held up a flashlight.
"Of course I did. I'm not completely useless," she snapped. Spencer suppressed a sigh. They hadn't even walked through the door yet and they were both on edge. She wondered what was making Hanna so uneasy. She'd never been locked up in this hellhole. Then again, since their escape, Hanna spent most of the time staring blankly at things or snapping at people, so it wasn't exactly out of the ordinary.
"Where do you think the records are?" Hanna whispered as they slipped through the front door. Spencer had been prepared to pick the lock, but there was no need. It was open.
"Um, they're in the old children's ward," Spencer said, swallowing thickly. She remembered seeing the rows and rows of file cabinets the night she'd seen Alison.
"How do you know that?" Hanna asked curiously. Spencer bit her lip and briefly explained what had happened that night. Hanna raised an eyebrow.
"Was it really her?" she asked. Spencer shrugged.
"I don't know. I never asked," she admitted, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Now that she thought about it, she wasn't sure why she'd never asked Alison about that night. It had never even occurred to her to ask the blonde. And now she didn't know what scared her more, the idea that it had been real or that it had been a hallucination.
"It probably was. She visited me once, you know. When I was in the hospital," Hanna said absent mindedly. Spencer nodded. She was only half listening, but she was grateful for the sound of something besides her own pounding heart.
"Are those the files?" Hanna asked suddenly, stopping outside a doorway. Spencer bit her nail nervously, tearing off a hangnail. She hadn't even realized that she'd led Hanna down to the children's ward, her body was moving from memory. She peeked into the room. The rows of file cabinets were still there, but they'd been knocked over, folders strewn all over the place. There was an old bathtub in the middle of the room, filled with water, papers floating inside.
"Are you coming?" Hanna asked impatiently, seemingly oblivious to Spencer's unease. Spencer took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. She started to follow Hanna into the room, trying to ignore the panic she felt any time she was near Radley. Impulsively, she reached out and grabbed Hanna's hand. The blonde turned to look at her, eyebrow raised. Spencer blushed, but couldn't bring herself to let go.
"Can I hold your hand?" she asked sheepishly. Hanna rolled her eyes and squeezed Spencer's hand.
"Come on. It's gotta be here somewhere," she said, leading Spencer toward the cabinets. Spencer sighed gratefully, relieved that Hanna wasn't commenting on what she thought was a weakness. She wondered if Hanna also thought it was a weakness, not being able to be here without breaking out in a cold sweat.
They began rifling through the papers, but couldn't find any DiLaurentis files. She noticed Hanna’s hands still and she looked to see what she’d found.
"Spence? Do you want this?" Hanna asked softly, holding out a file. Spencer saw the name "Hastings" scribbled on the front. She took the file from Hanna, her hand shaking, thankful that Hanna didn’t comment further.
"I don't think Charles's file is here," Hanna said. Spencer sighed. All this for nothing. Something caught her eye.
"Wait. Look at this," she said, pointing at the tub. Not letting go of Spencer's hand, Hanna inched toward the tub. Floating on top was a file. The ink had bled all over the place, but Hanna could faintly make out the letters "DiLa" before the rest completely blurred.
"Someone else got here first," Spencer said. Hanna frowned.
"What makes you say that?" she asked. Spencer raised an eyebrow.
"Do you think that the one file we want to look at just happened to walk over to the bathtub filled with water?" she asked sarcastically. Hanna tilted her head, her nose scrunching up.
"Okay, fair point. All the more reason to get out of here," she said. Spencer didn't need any encouragement to leave the abandoned building. They got back into Hanna's car and drove away, not discussing the disappointing mission.
Hanna didn't let go of Spencer's hand until she dropped her off at home.