I Dreamt About You Last Night--Spanna
“I dreamt about you last night,” Hanna said softly, her rubbing circles on Spencer’s bare collarbone. The brunette frowned, looking down at the girl in her arms who had refused to look her in the eye.
“Is that why you came here?” she asked carefully, anxious not to upset the blonde. Hanna shrugged, and one of the burns littering her body glistened in the moonlight. Ever since Hanna had shown up on her doorstep, she’d wondered why she’d chosen her. Hanna had immediately apologized for kissing Caleb—a kiss Spencer hadn’t even known about—before noticing the room full of people. Her face had turned red, and Spencer had ushered her out to the barn, not giving their friends a chance to ogle Hanna’s nearly naked body. She’d fussed over Hanna’s injuries, helped her into sweats, and made her tea, all without questioning why the blonde had chosen to come to her house. While Hanna talked to Aria, Emily, and Mona, Spencer had pulled Caleb into the other room and broken up with him. He hardly even seemed to care, and Spencer had been glad when Hanna asked if she could kick everyone else out. When Hanna asked in a small voice if she could stay with Spencer, she hadn’t hesitated to say yes. Still, she wondered why Hanna chose her.
“Do you want to talk about your dream?” Spencer asked, wondering if Hanna had had some sort of weird sex dream about her.
“You were in that room with me. You said if there was a way in, there was a way out. You saved me,” she said. Spencer didn’t know what to say to that.
“Are you mad at me?” Hanna asked.
“For dreaming about me?” Spencer asked, though she knew that wasn’t what the blonde meant.
“No, for kissing Caleb,” she clarified. Spencer didn’t answer, and Hanna started to get up, suddenly feeling incredibly guilty for seeking comfort from the friend she’d just betrayed.
“I’m not mad at you,” Spencer said, grabbing Hanna’s wrist. Hanna winced and pulled her wrist away, and Spencer remembered the rope burns she’d seen earlier.
“Sorry,” she said. Hanna shook her head.
“I’m fine.”
“You were scared. You wanted comfort. Whatever. It’s fine,” she lied, jumping back to the Caleb topic.
“No, it’s not. And I swear it didn’t mean anything. Maybe I thought I still loved him, but I don’t.”
Spencer didn’t point out that Hanna had spent the last several weeks trying to convince her that she didn’t still love Caleb.
“When I was in there, and I was hurt and scared, and I really needed comfort, I didn’t dream about Caleb. I dreamt about you,” she said.
“What are you saying?” Spencer asked, though she thought she knew the answer.
“I’m saying that when A was torturing me, I was thinking about you,” she said.
“You were feeling guilty about kissing Caleb,” Spencer reasoned, trying to convince herself Hanna hadn't wanted to kiss Caleb.
“You seriously think I was thinking about feeling guilty when A had a cattle prod set to high?” she asked. Spencer flinched.
“No. I guess you weren’t,” she admitted.
“You’re the only person I wanted to see,” Hanna said. Spencer’s breath caught in her throat as Hanna looked up at her for the first time. The moonlight trickling through the window illuminated Hanna’s face, pale save for a couple of bruises. Even with the bruises, she was beautiful as ever.
“You have a fiancé,” Spencer reminded her softly. Hanna wrinkled her nose.
“He won’t want me when he sees how damaged I am,” she said.
“You’re not damaged. You’re perfect,” Spencer said. Hanna snorted.
“See, that’s why I dreamt of you and not Jordan. I can’t be his trophy wife anymore, Spence. He won’t want me like this,” she said. Spencer struggled with what she wanted to say and how it might affect her friendship.
“I want you,” Spencer whispered breathlessly.
“Yeah, I want you too,” Hanna whispered back, equally breathless.
“I’m going to kiss you,” Spencer said, wanting to give Hanna a chance to back out. Hanna’s lips were on hers before she could make the first move. Too quickly, Spencer pulled away.
“Han, I don’t want you to make any hasty decisions right now. You’re hurt, and you’re afraid of how Jordan is going to react. Give it a couple of days,” she said. Hanna raised an eyebrow.
“Like you did with Caleb?” she asked. Spencer grimaced.
“That was different. I don’t want to be with someone who’s in love with someone else,” she said.
“And I don’t want to be with someone who’s in love with someone who doesn’t exist,” Hanna countered.
“Jordan loves you,” Spencer said. Hanna shook her head.
“No, he loves who he thinks I am. Do you remember that first night we were back, when Aria asked how I knew when it was time to tell someone about our past?” she asked. Spencer nodded.
“I said when it’s ready, you know. And I guess that’s true. But I never told Jordan.”
Spencer frowned.
“You didn’t tell him about the dollhouse?” she asked. Hanna shook her head.
“I didn’t tell him about the dollhouse, about being arrested, about anything,” she admitted. Spencer’s frown deepened.
“Why did he think you came here?” she asked.
“He thinks we came here to support Alison, which we did,” she said, blushing.
“Oh, Han. You really didn’t tell him anything? You’re engaged!” Spencer exclaimed. Hanna sighed.
“Yeah, I know. And I meant to tell him… I just never knew how. And after this… I don’t know how I can be with someone I can’t share these things with,” she said. Spencer cupped Hanna’s cheek.
“Hanna, you only feel this way about me because you had a dream,” she said, voicing her fears. Hanna shook her head.
“No, I had the dream because I already felt this way. I trust you, Spence. More than anyone else. And I want to be with you,” she said. Spencer sighed.
“I want to be with you too. After you break up with Jordan.”
Hanna groaned, but didn’t protest. She understood Spencer’s reasoning.
“Sleep, Hanna. You need it,” Spencer said. Hanna curled up closer to Spencer and closed her eyes.
That night she had a different sort of dream about Spencer.