Sex As A Weapon
Abby took Rindy, Harrison and Cantrell to strategically place the panties all around and inside the Lincoln Tunnel. They had abandoned the idea of nailing them on the walls or otherwise artificially attaching them to surrounding surfaces. “We’ve been so turned on all this time they will stick to anything like post-its,” Abby had explained after careful consideration. They would be gone for a couple of hours and should anyone wonder the aliens’ skimpy attire or what they were doing in the first place they’d just say they were about to shoot a science fiction film in the tunnel.
“It gives us the opportunity to restrict public’s access to the place in general,” Carol had mused wistfully. “Collateral damage should be avoided at all costs.” She still didn’t have a clear idea how exactly the Dickheads were to be stoned to death but she relied on Belivet’s invention. Neither Cantrell nor Harrison had seemed particularly concerned about this itty-bitty detail. Rindy was too busy sulking and Abby – well, Abby was being Abby, the coltish, Cantrell-fawning gamester who was more or less oblivious to the lurking menace.
Finally alone, Carol and Belivet fell silent for a fleeting moment. Belivet appeared embarrassed, which bothered Carol. What is it? she asked her alien who was twiddling an antenna she had come up with the night before. Reluctant to meet Carol’s gaze, Belivet remained quiet. Do you think I look like her? Carol spoke going straight to the point.
Bewildered, Belivet raised her head to face the unexpected question and the person who'd posed it. No… she managed to mumble. It wasn’t very convincing.
All this time and you never told me, Carol stated in an accusatory tone of thought. And I assumed you liked me for myself. Scoffing inwardly, she turned away and walked over to the metal case found in Todd-1961. Rummaging its contents she let out a deep sigh. Why does it affect me so? Haven’t I been the one with a one-track-mind all this time and not really focusing on deeper emotions? She pulled out an impressive khaki uniform with shiny golden buttons and ornately decorated epaulets. It had a sewn-in name tag on its chest. Sister Alicia. It was Carol’s size. But I do love her...
Carol-2015… Belivet’s thought was pained and thus muffled. Please believe me when I tell you I have never treated you as Sister Alicia’s clone. She waited for Carol to turn around and really hear her. I do know that Sister Alicia visited Earth some 41 years ago and stuck a sphere in a woman called Mrs. Ross…
By now Carol was indeed paying attention. So Mom wasn’t a schizo after all? All her life she’d thought her mother had been just a frustrated housewife prone to spin preposterous yarns over a UFO encounter to get the much needed attention. She had gotten it alright after sharing a rather salacious depiction of her wanton fuck fest with a blonde extraterrestrial - she had confided to great many guests of a garden party Carol’s father had arranged for the city council. It all came back to Carol now – the lewd details of how her mother - according to her - had first been tied down to a lawn mower, then to a porch swing and lastly to the much loved sloth mobile in the nursery. Those sloths do swirl around, her mother had grunted when her father had found her hugging the vacuum cleaner in the broom closet.
Carol’s older sister Eileen had allegedly witnessed this fabulous finale at the tender age of eleven months. Standing in her crib she must have seen everything. No one had paid any real attention to her first word – alllssiaaaccceee – but now it made perfect sense! Alicia, the name our mother must’ve screamed in her ecstasy. Most of the weird stuff Eileen had done during her childhood was of course unfamiliar to Carol but she did remember how her sister used to pool her mashed potatoes into… a melting pot? And now she was living a life very much like their mother’s raising two daughters named Alice and Theresa !
As far as Carol knew her crotch had never glowed nor had it ever signaled to anyone. Well, that’s not exactly true… she admitted after thinking it through. Still she had led a relatively normal life up till now – or at least as normal as one can call a life enriched by erotomania. Oh my god, I am Sister Alicia’s illegimate daughter!
When it hit Carol, Belivet was right by her side. And her rightful heir. She helped Carol to sit down, to digest the shocking news and by god, there was a lot to swallow. Kneeling reverently before Carol, she started licking her knees.
What the hell do you think you’re doing? Carol nearly exclaimed. She was somewhat ticklish.
I am anointing you, Belivet explained. This is the second part of your holy anointment… the first one is with the ankles but I thought I’d skip that for now since we’ve done it so many times with those stilettos. She kept adding generous saliva on Carol’s kneecaps.
What’s the third part? Carol asked suspiciously. She tried to figure out the ankle-knee ratio in terms of her other body parts.
It’s further up, Belivet replied, and we’ll get to it once we’re done with the Dickheads. Her emerald eyes shining, she was eager to elaborate. It is the most important phase of your royal ceremony lasting up to eight continuous hours. Taken aback by such ceaseless adulation, Carol cleared her throat.
Maybe it’s not all that bad… this commander business, Carol mused enjoying the sight of harnessed Belivet down on all fours. I can even make my own rituals, I’m very resourceful. A smug smile spread on Carol’s face. Not bad at all.
When the others finally returned, Carol’s knees were shinier than ever. It was noted by both Cantrell and Harrison who promptly kneeled before Sister Alicia’s successor – Cantrell did do it rather begrudgingly.
“What the fuck’s this all about?” Abby questioned displeased to see her warrior behave so erratically. “And what’s with the knees, Carol? Have you been toying with the furniture polish again like you did at the Dinah Shore Weekend? It took you weeks to get that stuff out of your crack.” Carol couldn’t help but cringe at the sticky memory.
Irritated, Harrison shot an impatient glance at her. It’s Sister Carol for you – for all of us. She is our next High Commander... Before Harrison could go on, an irreverent snort interrupted her thought flow.
“And I am the High Priestess of Horny Mountains,” Rindy shouted out, “with the Space Cadet of Benevolent Bush by her side,” she continued pointing at Abby. “Who elected you to be the leader?” Peeved, Rindy wasn’t going to accept her mother’s new status just like that.
“Turns out I had two moms…” Carol mumbled self-consciously. “Your grandma and Sister Alicia…” Flabbergasted, Rindy couldn’t get a word out of her mouth but Abby was outright overjoyed.
“So good ole Granny Ross wasn’t lying when she told me she’d climaxed 47 times on the rocking chair!” The expression on Abby’s face was worth seeing. “I thought she was totally off her rocker instead of having alien sex on it.” She was roaring with laughter.
“So Sister Alicia is… was my grandmother as well?” Rindy specified. “That must count for something?” Always bargaining, that girl… Carol mused furrowing her brow.
“And I’m Sister Alicia’s daughter’s best friend,” Abby hastened to add, “I think it entitles me to some prominent position in your future administration?” For the love of god! Carol shut her eyes to collect her thoughts.
If I may suggest, Sister Carol, let’s not form a government just yet, Belivet spoke softly, we still have some Dickheads to deal with. Her eyes sought Carol who was more than grateful for her interference.
“Belivet’s right. We need to focus on the upcoming apocalypse,” Carol stressed, “If we don’t get our shit together, there won’t be any shit to rule together either.” Surprisingly both her daughter and her friend seemed to find some sense in her words.
When Harrison’s nipples started chirping incessantly, everyone knew the hour was nigh. The Dickheads had penetrated the Earth’s stratosphere and were about to land on top of the Jacob K. Javits Convention Center.
Cantrell kept watch on the horizon trying to spot possible unmanned kites hovering above. It’s not likely they use it as their first strike, she transmitted. Judging by what happened in Terez, they will first get their stinky feet on the ground and only then operate the kites with remote control. The disgust in Cantrell was brimming over rapidly.
Her chest still lit like a Christmas tree, Harrison ran over to the metal case and piled their arsenal on the bureau. What Carol, Abby and Rindy saw didn’t exactly resemble any gun known to them – in fact they looked like… “That’s a vibrator,” Rindy said pointing at an elongated pink cylinder Harrison was currently holding.
No, it’s a powerful handgun designed to shoot unconquerable pleasure at one’s opponent. Rolling her eyes, Harrison found her human’s quip seriously amusing.
“That’s kind of its purpose”, Rindy grumbled but dropped it all the same.
Cantrell was stuffing her black leather belt bag with hollow marble-sized balls. “Geisha balls for combat, huh?” Abby inquired bemused.
What the hell are you talking about? Cantrell griped. These are Terezian grenades made to enhance our efforts. When she fastened a tube resembling a penis enlarger on her waist, Carol signaled hastily to Rindy and Abby behind the aliens’ backs. Better not to ask.
Checking the devices, Harrison felt the need to further explain their weapons. I know it’s not much but when connected to our fully charged crotch batteries, it yields astonishing results. Her smile was sheepish but hopeful all the same.
Never did I expect to see someone using sex as a weapon – literally, I mean, Carol snorted before remembering her newly acquired position as the leader of the free alien world.
Sex, yes – if that’s how you want to call it, Belivet confirmed, and this is where Rindy and Abby come in. The humans in question looked both puzzled and far too excited. You will have to accompany Cantrell and Harrison to keep them turned on at all times – in order for our warriors to overcome the resistance, juices must be flowing.
Hearing this Carol grew exceedingly worried and the gleam in her loved ones’ eyes did little to help her in her anguish. “Please be careful,” she addressed hugging both Rindy and Abby affectionately. “Should anything happen to you…” Facing the unthinkable, her voice died down.
“Aww… honey, don’t worry,” Abby consoled her. “We’ve dealt with some major Dickheads in our time, haven’t we?”
Humbled by her mother’s abrupt grief, Rindy kept her arms wrapped around Carol for an extended time. “It’ll be all good,” she said her voice genuinely moved. “When we’ll get back, we’ll celebrate, okay? I love you, Mom.” All the aliens tilted their heads adoringly before such a touching display of family love.
“I love you, Rindy – now go kick some dick!” Swallowing her tears, Carol winked her eye at her daughter. My brave girl…
Agitated, Carol paced the dining room floor for the next hour. The others gone, Belivet climbed out of the penthouse window to install her last contraptions on the roof. Coming back, she connected them with cables and tubes to the massive, fur coat covered table.
Harrison was sending frequent messages covering the Dickheads' movements. Getting ready to land, the giant dong-like spaceship had blocked the sunlight and turned the early evening into a pitch black night.
Are you ready for this? Belivet finally asked Carol. Do you know what we are about to do? She motioned towards the massive tabletop.
Yes, Carol responded, and yes. Undressing swiftly, she first looked out at the skies and then at Belivet.
Now starts the countdown for our hot fusion.