Fated

The next year is busy for Lexa. She doesn’t have the chance to come back for summer break as she gets an internship in Polis and decides to enroll in a few summer classes as well. Lexa is so busy but she always finds time for Clarke. Her and the blonde facetime regularly now. Lexa loves talking to Clarke. The age difference is barely felt at all anymore. But there are topics neither will dare to bring up...like dating. Lexa never mentions Luna, who she still fucks on the regular. And Clarke..well Clarke never mentions anyone because there is no one. She’s so head over heels blindly in love with Lexa Woods that she doesn’t see anyone else. Hell Clarke hasn’t even had her first kiss yet.

Lexa doesn’t have the chance to come home at all next year. Her parents went on a two month cruise during November and December, so Lexa decided to stay around Polis for Thanksgiving and Christmas. She actually went to Luna’s parents. Lexa’s relationship with Luna is slowly advancing. They are still casual but now they are actually friends. They hangout alot. Lexa thinks Luna is a great girl but she knows she not the one for her and Luna says the same about Lexa. But they have still come to care about each other and love being in the other’s presence.

The older alpha constantly tells Clarke to come visit Polis University, to get a feel for the school. Clarke has always said she wants to go there so Lexa always tells her to come up anymore. So during spring break of Clarke’s junior year, the blonde decides to come up and visit Lexa..as a surprise. Anya knew though. Clarke texted the other alpha and asked her to come pick her up from the train station. Anya gladly agreed. She loves the blonde omega almost as much as she loves Lexa.

Anya and Clarke walk into her and Lexa’s shared dorm to find Lexa and Luna heatedly kissing one another, in only their underwear and bras. Lexa’s hands are roaming all over the beta girl’s back and ass as the girl grinds down on the alpha’s thigh. Lexa is letting out an explosion of pheromones. Clarke has never been in the company of such strong pheromones so she immediately collapses on the floor as soon as she enters the dorm room. Clarke can’t control herself and she starts sobbing on the floor. She feels so stupid. How could Lexa ever look at her like that? Suddenly, Clarke grows mad at herself. Furious even. Why did she fool herself into believing she has a chance with the beautiful older alpha?!

Lexa and Luna break apart and Lexa’s eyes widen as soon as she sees the omega.

“Fuck! Clarke! What the hell are you doing here?” Lexa screams out. Lexa doesn’t mean to come off so angry but she’s so shocked right now. She’s embarrassed and naked and freaking out. She sees a flash of pain in Clarke’s eyes and she doesn’t know why it’s there. She doesn’t know why Clarke is crying and she doesn’t know why she cares so much that Clarke has seen her with another girl. Sure it should be awkward that her best friend has seen her making out with someone but that’s all it should be. It shouldn’t feel like her own heart is being torn to shred when she hear’s the omega’s cries. She doesn’t know why but she’s starting to.

Lexa immediately leaps off the bed as if she’s been burned. Lexa starts grabbing at her clothes, cursing when she can’t find her shirt. Anya shakes her head in disappointment at Lexa and helps Clarke up off the floor. The omega runs out of the room and sprints until her legs can’t take it. She can hear Lexa calling out to her but she doesn’t care. She needs to get away. It’s not everyday that you see the person you thought was the love of your life, your true mate, in bed with another. Clarke feels like she’s never experienced such heartache. Clarke’s wolf is a whimpering mess, crying out in agony. Her omega is in distress and anyone in a twenty mile radius can tell.

Clarke plops down on the grass in the campus quad and pulls her knees to her chest. She feels like an idiot. It’s not Lexa’s fault. Lexa cares for her but not like that. Clarke is the one who has changed. She’s the one whose feelings have changed. Lexa never changed.. but god Clarke has.

“Clarke please don’t cry.” Lexa comes up from behind and sits down right next to the blonde. She tries to wipe the blonde’s tear stained cheeks but the omega flinches. Lexa’s wolf howls from the rejection.

“I - I don’t even know why I’m crying.” Clarke lies and it’s the first time she’s ever lied to Lexa.

“It’s okay. You’re okay.” Lexa pulls the blonde in so that the omega is resting her head on the alpha’s chest. The contact puts both their wolves at ease in a matter of seconds.

Clarke sniffles and cries a bit more in Lexa’s soothing arms. Once she’s done she leaves the brunette’s embrace.

“I should go.” Clarke gets up to leave but Lexa gently catches her wrist.

“Please don’t go. I’ve been trying to get you to visit for months. Don’t let this ruin it. Please.” And there’s Lexa’s signature puppy dog pout again. How could she refuse Lexa?

“I just - I don’t want to interupt your weekend.” Clarke really means she doesn’t want to interrupt her and Luna again. Lexa picks up on the double meaning and winces a bit.

“You’re not interrupting anything I promise.” Lexa plainly states.

“I just - fuck Lex - do you love her?” Clarke looks away from Lexa while she whispers the words. She can’t bare to hear her say ‘yes,’ but at the same time she needs to know. She can’t keep wearing her heart on her sleeve if she knows she’s going to get it broken someday soon.

“No. But sometimes it’s not about love. I don’t even know what love is Clarke.” Lexa quietly says it and it’s the second time she’s lied to Clarke because whether she realizes it or not, Lexa knows exactly what love is.

Clarke mutely nods and wipes away her tears. She’s not going to force Lexa to love her. She needs to move on. This isn’t healthy. She loves a girl who will never love her back and that’s never going to get easier no matter how much time passes.

Clarke decides to stay for the weekend after Lexa pleads and begs literally on her knees for another half hour. Lexa gives Clarke a tour of the university and introduces her to some of her professors. She even shows Clarke the art building even though she has never once stepped foot in there. It’s a nice afternoon albeit awkward. Once night time comes though it’s all types of awkward. Lexa and Clarke still can’t meet each other's gaze. They’re just sitting in the dorm room staring at the walls so the other alpha decides to cut in.

“Alright you two weirdos get up and get dressed. We are going to a party.” Anya declares.

Lexa whips her head in Anya’s direction and her eyes darken to black. Her teeth even make an appearance as she gets ready to snarl. She doesn’t like Clarke at parties.

“Relax there Lex. It’s going to be fun I promise.”

Lexa hasn’t calmed down yet and Anya starts to think maybe it would have been a better idea to let the pair stare at the walls all night. Clarke scoots over to Lexa soon enough and touches her shoulder. Lexa instantly relaxes into the touch, almost purring. Lexa’s hormones and emotions are at an all time high right now. She’s only a few days away from her rut so she can’t really control her over protective nature. But Clarke always calms her.

“Lexie it’s okay. I wanna go. It’ll be fun.” Clarke assures Lexa although she’s not even sure why Lexa cares.

Lexa nods and clenches her jaw. She doesn’t like this one bit.

They get to the party an hour later and everyone is there. It’s at one of the more popular fraternities. Clarke has grown into her omega curves and gorgeous body even more so and Lexa can’t take it. The blonde is wearing tight black jeans that hug her ass perfectly and a white blouse that shows off her ample cleavage. Lexa feels her member twitch in excitement.

What the fuck?! No! Bad Alpha! You and your goddamn impending rut. Don’t objectify Clarke! Fuck she’s your best friend and she’s only 15! Calm yourself.

The party is in full swing. Clarke is drinking water and Lexa decides to do the same. Anya is drinking the shitty beer from the keg. Lexa introduces Clarke to some of her friends from her law classes. It’s unclear whether or not it’s intentional that Lexa only introduced the blonde to other omegas and betas. No alphas.

Lexa is by Clarke’s side the whole party. They actually start to let loose and have some fun.

“Come on Lexie! Dance with me.”

Lexa shakes her head furiously. Dancing with Clarke will be a recipe for disaster. She can already imagine Clarke swaying her hips, her hands pulling at the blonde waves as she angles the omega so she has better access to the omega’s gorgeous long neck.

Fuck she did it again.

It’s just because of my upcoming rut. I would sexualize anyone right now. It has nothing to do with Clarke. Yeah that’s it. Absolutely nothing to do with Clarke. Noooothing. Shit I need a drink..

“I’m not a good dancer Clarke. Here hold on a sec, I need something stronger than water.”

Lexa tugs Clarke to the kitchen. Lexa drinks two cups of the house’s jungle juice in a span of a few minutes. She knows it’ll hit her soon and she’ll feel much better. She won’t be worrying about her attraction to Clarke. Wait did she just say her ‘attraction’ to Clarke? Na. No way.

Fuck I need another drink.

Lexa grabs another drink and another drink. Clarke stands off to the side talking to Anya, worriedly looking over at her alpha every now and then. Wait did she just say ‘her’ alpha? Clarke shakes the thought from her head. She would love more than anything for Lexa to be her alpha. Unfortunately she’s starting to realize there’s little merit of her dream coming true. Lexa doesn’t see her like that. She doesn’t want her. Hell, she wouldn’t even dance with her. Clarke is overwrought with sadness at the notion that Lexa will never desire her.

Luna walks into the party and comes over to the group smiling. Clarke wants to punch the happy beta girl in the throat. Flashbacks of her and Lexa in bed together plague Clarke’s mind. The omega girl wants to be sick and she hasn’t even had a sip of alcohol. Lexa notices Clarke is pumping out distressed pheromones and immediately appears at her side with a concerned face.

“Clarke, are you okay? What’s wrong? Is someone bothering you?!” Lexa looks Clarke over for any obvious injuries.

“No Lexa ‘m fine.” Clarke mumbles. The beta is getting closer and closer. Clarke just wants to hide in a hole somewhere.

“Lexa! Anya! There you two are. I’ve been looking for you guys everywhere.” Luna calls out as she approaches the group. Luna and Lexa don’t do public displays of affection because they aren’t a couple. They are friends who fuck. That’s all they are. Neither of them have feelings for the other beyond platonic friendship. They are good friends though.

Lexa turns to the curly haired girl and smiles. Maybe if Clarke got to know Luna she wouldn’t feel so awkward right?

“Hey Luna. This is my best friend Clarke.” Luna’s eyes rake over Clarke’s body and she smirks. Clarke is definitely an attractive omega and her smell is very inviting..even for a beta whose smell is dulled compared to that of omegas and alphas.

“Nice to meet you Clarke. Sorry about earlier.”

Clarke tightly nods. She’s not going to be a bitch to this girl just because she’s with Lexa. Lexa doesn’t owe her anything and neither does this girl. The blonde is going to take the high road.

“It’s alright. Don’t worry about it.” Clarke tries to say it lightly but her voice cracks by the end. Luckily, no one but Anya notices.

An hour later, Lexa, Luna, Anya, and Clarke are sitting on the couch surrounded by other beta and omega friends of the three college students. They’re all laughing and having a good time...even Clarke. Lexa has loosened up a lot after four cups of the house drink. She’s drunk but good at hiding it. Lexa is a cuddly drunk though. She desperately wants to have Clarke in her arms purring but decides against it. Instead she keeps her distance and lays her head on Luna’s shoulder. It’s not romantic and it could even look like a friendly gesture to everyone else..but to Clarke, it only crushes her heart further.

The group gets on the topic of first loves and Clarke inwardly winces. She doesn’t want to talk about this because her first and only love is sitting right across from her, cuddling with someone else. Everyone goes around talking about it but Lexa is unusually quiet. They skip over her and Clarke is begging that they will show the younger omega the same mercy. Luna just has to involve her in the conversation though.

“So Clarke..tell us, have you ever been in love?”

Lexa’s head shoots up at this. For some reason, she desperately wants to hear Clarke’s answer but dreads hearing whatever Clarke has to say at the same time.

Clarke spares a glance at the alpha she wishes was hers and notices the clench in her jaw. Suddenly the blonde feels flustered.

“Uh I - I uh um” Clarke nervously laughs as her cheeks grow red. Anya decides to cut in and save the poor omega.

“Clarke here is a pure omega.” Anya pats her hand on the girl’s back and they share a look where Clarke conveys a ‘thank you for saving me from further embarrassing myself.
Lexa’s eyes light up at that. She’s beaming with pride. A pure omega.

Wait why does Anya know this and I don’t?? Since when are Clarke and Anya close.

“A pure omega? Wow Clarke I’m impressed. Have you ever kissed anyone? Are you saving yourself for anyone in particular?” Luna asks. She is genuinely curious. Clarke is absolutely enthralling. She could have anyone she wants.

Clarke looks over to Lexa again briefly. Lexa looks all the more curious for the answer as well.

Fuck it. I’m just going to tell the truth.

“I’ve never kissed anyone. And I was saving myself for a specific someone yes.” Clarke quietly says. Lexa has to stop herself from growling.

Who is Clarke saving herself for? I bet it’s that Raven Reyes. Clarke deserves so much better. Lexa clenches her fists.

“Was?” Luna asks yet another question but not out of malice. More so out of genuine curiosity to learn more about the enigma omega in front of her.

“Yes. I realized that the person I uh” Clarke shakes her head a bit, trying to hold onto to the courage to continue. “The person I’m in love with will never love me back so I have to let them go.” Clarke stares right into Lexa’s soul with the last sentence.

Oh shit is she talking about me? Fuck she’s totally talking about me. And Lexa finally gets it..well partially at least.

Clarke is in love with her. Clarke Griffin. The girl she used to feed smushed up bananas to as a toddler. Clarke Griffin. The girl whose first word was her name. How could she not see this? Clarke Griffin was in love with her! Lexa Woods. Fuck. Lexa’s wolf swoons at the idea but Lexa pushes the thought down. Clarke is her best friend. Not her lover. She’s never seen Clarke like that (but really she has, she just hasn’t allowed her mind to fester on the thought for too long).

A bunch of surrounding betas and omegas let out a group ‘aww’ for Clarke. Nobody but Anya and now Lexa knew that Clarke was talking about the older alpha sitting across from the blonde. Clarke smiled through the conversations and about an hour later excused herself for the bathroom. Lexa desperately wanted to follow but had no idea what to say. Lexa decided the best (but really worst) thing to do was keep drinking. In her drunken deep thoughts, Lexa didn’t even see Anya go after the blonde omega.

Anya approaches the sniffling omega in the corner of one of the empty frat bedrooms and sits on the floor next to her. They sit in silence for awhile until Clarke breaks it with her heartbreaking words.

“I thought one day I might be good enough. I thought one day she would look at me and realize she loves me too.” Clarke sobs and Anya’s heart breaks for the poor girl. She knows her best friend loves Clarke. She’s just too blind to see it. Goddamnit Lexa.

“Oh Clarke it’s okay. You’ll be okay. Lexa is just confused. I know that’s a shit answer but it’s the truth. For what it’s worth I think she lo-”

“Please don’t say those words Anya.” Clarke croaks out, sufficiently cutting Anya off.

“Don’t give me false hope. I thought maybe she was my.. my true mate. I know it’s stupid but I thought maybe we were so young when we first met that we didn’t realize our connection. We didn’t know what that shock of electricity meant when we first touched. But I guess that was just me being young, dumb, and blindly in love. She’ll never love me back. It’s okay. I’ll be okay. I’m not going to break. We just aren’t fated.”

Anya sheds a tear for the girl and held her close (it’s important to note that Anya never cries but she was watching Clarke’s heart break right in front of her very eyes and it was just too much to take.) Clarke cries a bit longer on her shoulder as Anya whispers assurances to her. Anya knows Lexa loves Clarke though. She sees it in the way Lexa hovers over her. The way Lexa is wildly overprotective of the blonde and irrationally jealous. Lexa’s alpha is not aggressive like ever. She’s calm...except for when she’s around Clarke Griffin. Everything is heightened. Lexa loves Clarke and Clarke loves Lexa. She just hopes Lexa doesn’t take forever to figure it out because Clarke might not still be here when she finally gets her head out of her ass.

Anya winds up carrying a very drunk Lexa back to their dorm. The alpha sleepily mumbling Clarke’s name like a mantra. Anya huffs.

My best friend is a dumbass. An oblivious lovable idiot who doesn’t see her true mate is right in front of her.

The next morning Lexa wakes up to an empty room. Her first thought is of blonde hair and blue eyes. She becomes distressed.

Where is Clarke?! I remember going to the party and I wasn’t going to drink but Clarke looked so good and I just needed to stop my dirty thoughts so I drank. But what happened after? Come on Lexa. Think. Think..

Lexa closes her eyes tightly and tries desperately to piece together the night. The fact that Clarke is nowhere to be found at the moment isn’t helping her calm down.

Oh fuck. And then it all comes rushing back. Luna’s tireless questions to Clarke. Clarke saying that she’s in love with someone who never will love her back. The heartbreaking look on the blonde’s face as she sadly smiled at Lexa. Clarke’s piercing blue eyes always hold the truth in them so as soon as Lexa peered into them, she knew. She now knows that her best friend is in love with her. And what does Lexa do? She drinks until she passes out.

Fuck fuck fuck. I messed up. I messed up. I messed up so bad.

What should she do? What should she say? How does she even feel about this?

Anya walks through the door and Lexa springs out of her bed, groaning at the killer headache and all consuming nausea she’s currently battling.

“Anya where’s-”

“Clarke left Lex.”

Lexa’s eyes widen.

“Wha-what do you mean she left?!”

“She wanted to go home this morning so I drove her to the station.”

Lexa shakes her head and starts to throw her clothes on. She feels like she’s suffocating and she doesn’t know why. Lexa knows what she has to do. She has to catch Clarke before she gets on that train.

“Her train left about a half hour ago kid.” Anya says softly.

“Fuck.” Lexa defeatedly plops down on the squeaky dorm bed.

Anya comes over and sits next to her but doesn’t say a word. Lexa is the first to break the silence this time as well.

“I - I...fuck.” Lexa mumbles. “I don’t know why I’m so upset.”

“Oh Lexa come on. You’re a smart girl. Think about it. Figure your shit out before it’s too late.”

Lexa nods. She’ll think about it. In fact, thinking about Clarke Griffin is all she’ll do for the rest of her semester.

///

It’s been about a month since Clarke visited Lexa at college. The pair doesn’t talk as much after that. Neither girls bring up Clarke’s inadvertent love admission because neither know what to say, especially Lexa. Clarke takes Lexa’s silence as rejection and tries to move on with her life. It’s hard but it’s necessary, Clarke constantly reminds herself. They text every few weeks and talk on the phone occasionally but never facetime. Seeing each other’s faces is just too much.

Raven asks Clarke out on a date one day and Clarke says yes, much to Bellamy’s discontent. It turns out the two older alphas have both been vying for Clarke’s affection for years but she was too blind to notice because of Lexa. She decides to give Raven a chance.

The date goes surprisingly well. Despite Raven’s vulgar teasing nature, she actually has a sweet side to her. Raven is respectable and brings her home at a reasonable hour, chastely kissing her on the cheek. Clarke likes the attention and starts to develop some feelings for Raven. They’re nowhere near as intense as her love for Lexa still burns but Raven causes butterflies in her stomach and it’s enough for now.

Raven takes her out a two more dates before she kisses her on the lips. Raven’s lips are soft and warm. Clarke loves the sensation of them pressing lightly against her mouth. Two more dates and her and Raven become official. Raven is the most popular girl in high school. She’s toned and smart and witty and caring. She’s the perfect alpha and Clarke can’t help but fall under her spell. But it’s not love. Clarke disclosed to Raven early on that she’s in love with Lexa and needs time to get over it but that she really does like her. Raven snarled at the idea of the omega having feelings for another alpha but nevertheless accepted it. Raven respects her for being honest and since then have never once lied to the other.

///

Lexa’s summer break has just started. She can’t stop thinking about Clarke Griffin but she’s afraid. Clarke is so pure. So beautiful. And who is she? Lexa can feel Clarke distancing herself from her since her visit two months ago and she doesn’t blame her. She’s a coward. Too afraid to admit her own feelings for the blonde and to herself. Too afraid of what unleashing those feelings might mean.

Lexa ended things with Luna as soon as Clarke left that morning. Luna understood and they’ve remained close friends..just without the sex. Clarke is always on her mind. She finds herself daydreaming what her lips would taste like on a daily basis. She misses Clarke’s birthday again. Clarke told her not to come back for the weekend. It stung Lexa’s not going to lie. They always spend birthdays together and this was Clarke’s 16th! Clarke wasn’t trying to be harsh, she was just trying to move on and Lexa respected that.

Lexa, Luna, and Anya decide to go to the beach to celebrate the end of the semester. Lexa comes back to her packed up dorm with sandy hair and a smile on her face. She decides in that moment that there is only one person she wants to share her laughs with. And that person is Clarke Griffin. She misses her smile and piercing blue eyes. Her soft touches and tight hugs. She misses her linen and dragonfruit exotic scent. She misses the warmth that radiates around her heart when she’s around the omega. She misses her and she needs to see her. That’s why tomorrow after she drives home and drops her things off, she’s going straight to see Clarke. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say or what she’s going to do but she wants to see the blonde and she’ll take it from there. She goes to sleep dreaming of soft blonde hair and perfect azure eyes.

///

After a month of dating, Clarke’s heat is rapidly approaching and will be here earliest in the next week or so. Her and Raven haven’t had sex. They’ve had intense makeout sessions sure but all clothes have remained on. Clarke is very hesitant to take that next step as much as her inner wolf desperately craves it. It’s about two weeks before her heat when Raven comes over to hang out on a Friday. Now on Fridays, Clarke’s parents always stay over the Woods’ house so Clarke. Raven has come over every Friday for the past few weeks and nothing beyond some light grinding and kissing has happened. This week is different though.

“Hey Rae.” Clarke greets Raven and kisses her cheek before letting her in. They go upstairs to Clarke’s bedroom and lounge on the bed like usual. Raven goes to Ton DC college now. She’s just finishing up her freshman year. The alpha opens up her laptop and starts working on the finishing touches of her mechanical engineering homework as Clarke lays next to her sketching away. This is what they usually do. It’s nice. It’s comfortable. It’s is burning with passion and raw. It isn’t some all consuming love. But hey it’s nice.

Clarke grabs her phone, tired of sketching and scrolls through her Instagram feed. Of course Lexa Woods just has to pop up with a big grin on her face. Clarke inwardly smiles at the picture until she sees who else is in it. That Luna girl. Her, Anya, and Luna at the beach smiling and laughing. Jealously coils in Clarke’s stomach but it dissipates sooner than usual. Maybe she really is moving on. Clarke gives herself a mental high five and dances a little in her seat. Raven looks over at her with a smirk and a questioning gleam in her eyes. Clarke bites her lip and smiles.

That goddamn lip bite gets Raven every time. Raven closes her laptop and puts in on the nightstand. She turns back around and pulls Clarke in close. Their lips softly dance against one another until it’s not so soft anymore. Both girls inner wolves are howling in pleasure, but Clarke...well Clarke’s wolf is obviously aroused but recognizes this isn’t her true mate. It doesn’t feel as right kissing Raven as it felt merely being in Lexa’s embrace. Clarke shakes off the feeling and fervently kisses Raven back with all she has.

Clarke unbuttons Raven’s blouse and pulls the top off of her. Soon Clarke’s own shirt is shed. The girls are squirming messes left in only their bras and shorts. Raven goes to unbutton Clarke’s shorts but stops and hovers over the blonde.

“Clarke..” Raven breathlessly says. “Do you want to? I won’t pressure you. We can stop here and now.”

Clarke nervously gulps so Raven takes that as a no and begins to climb off the blonde. Clarke, however, has other ideas and shoves Raven’s hands in her pants. Raven smirks and quickly throws off Clarke’s pants.

“I’ll go slow babe. I know this is your first time.”

Clarke shakily nods as Raven takes off her pants, leaving her in tight boxers. They heatedly make out as Raven’s hand makes it’s way down to the omega’s soaked panties.

I can do this. I want this. Please brain just stop thinking about Lexa. Please stop thinking about how soft her hands are in yours. Stop thinking about the twinkle in her green eyes whenever she wins an argument. Forget about her signature smug smirk too. Don’t think about her laugh, her smile, her overprotective yet still simultaneously endearing nature. Forget what it feels like to wake up in her arms. She’s not in love with you Clarke. She doesn’t want you. Just lose yourself in the moment. You can do this. You want this.

Raven sucks at Clarke’s neck, surely causing a series of bruises. The alpha removes Clarke’s underwear and then her own. Clarke pulls her up for a bruising kiss. Her legs are shaking in anticipation. Raven’s hand is snaking up her thigh, so so close to where she wants her. Suddenly Clarke feels hot..and not in a good way. She feels like she’s suffocating, like she can’t breathe.

Fuck I can’t do this. I love Lexa. I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I don’t want to do this.

“Stop! Stop. I’m sorry I - I can’t.”

The omega whimpers and pulls away. Raven immediately retracts her hand and removes herself from on top of the omega.

“I’m - shit - I’m really sorry Rae I just - I’m..”

“Shh Clarke it’s okay. I’m the one who should be sorry. I don’t want you to ever think I need that from you okay? We will go at your pace. Always babe.” Raven presses a kiss to Clarke’s palm before she gets up and collects her clothes.

The truth is though Clarke couldn’t stop picturing green eyes where there are brown. She couldn’t stop hoping Raven’s metallic scent would be Lexa’s earthy smell. Clarke couldn’t stop thinking of Lexa when she should have been thinking of Raven. Because Clarke is absolutely ready to have sex..just not with Raven. So it turns out Clarke isn’t as over Lexa as she thought.

Raven holds Clarke as sniffles and cries for the next hour. Raven leaves around 1 a.m. once the omega falls asleep in her arms. She really does like the blonde omega, but deep down she knows why Clarke was crying. She was crying because she will never love Raven the way she loves Lexa. The pair breaks up the next day. It’s amicable. Both girls don’t want to keep lying to themselves and decide to stay friends. Raven tells her to ‘get get your girl’ and Clarke dryly laughs, hoping maybe someday fate will give her heart a break.

///

Lexa comes home from college two days after Raven and Clarke break up. Some would say it’s perfect timing, but Lexa didn’t even know Clarke was dating someone. Lexa and Anya got back to the Woods’ house late Sunday night. It was summer so of course there was a party at the lake every night. Lexa texted Clarke and asked if she would be there and Clarke responded with a one word cold ‘yes.’ Lexa frowned at the text. Clarke never texted one word responses with periods. Maybe she’s just being silly or over analyzing but Lexa has a feeling something is up with her best friend.

They haven’t been in a good place since Clarke visited and it’s all Lexa’s fault. She owns up to that and plans to fix everything. She hasn’t been able to get Clarke out of her mind. Even well after her rut, Lexa is dreams about Clarke. Sometimes the dreams are innocent. Just the two of them walking and laughing, holding hands. And other times...well let’s just say they are not so innocent. Lexa knows Clarke was in love with her..but what if she’s moved on? Lexa growls to herself just at the thought of the blonde with another alpha or anyone really. Why? Well because Lexa loves Clarke Griffin and she’s this close to figuring it out for herself (finally).

Lexa quickly gets dressed. She chooses one of her favorite crop tops that show off her toned abs and some faded cutoff shorts. The older alpa wants to look good.

“Damn Lex lookin good. You didn’t happen to get dressed up because a certain blonde omega is going to be at this party?” Anya says as she applies copious amounts of liquid eyeliner in a nearby mirror.

“Wh-what?! No of course not Anya.” Lexa mumbles as puts on her makeup, creating a smokey eye.

“Ooh okay. How about your signature ‘getting laid’ smokey eye?” Anya teases and Lexa’s eyes bulge out of her head.

“I’m not getting laid Anya.” Lexa scowls.

“Yeah not with that attitude. You’ve been so testy lately. You have a rut coming up or something?”

Lexa thinks for a minute.

“Uhh yeah actually. Maybe like three weeks.”

Anya hums in recognition that she heard the other alpha. After a few finishing touches they hop in an uber and go to the lake.

“So what are planning on saying to Clarke? Have you figured out how you feel?” Anya asks after putting her seatbelt on.

“I honestly don’t know. I mean I know there’s something here I just don’t know what. She’s my best friend Anya. I don’t want to fuck this up because I’m attracted to her. Not to mention the age difference -”

Anya puts her hand up, signaling for Lexa to stop.

“I’m going to have to stop you there Lex. Don’t mess with her feelings if you’re still confused. I don’t think you are confused though. I think you know exactly how you feel and it scares the shit out of you. Oh and come on it’s only a four year age difference. I think you’ve been using her age as an excuse to not deal with your feelings for a very long time now. She’s 16 and you’re 20. Is it ideal? No. But that’s life kid. I'm not saying jump her or anything. You can take it slow. Just start by being honest.”

Lexa gulps. She is scared. She’s scared Clarke has moved on. She’s scared it has taken her too long to get her head out of her ass. She’s scared of the intense rush of emotions she feels for the omega. Her alpha is out of control around the omega. Her body feels lighter and heavier at the same time when the blonde is around. It’s like she finally finds her footing, her place in the world, when she breathes Clarke in. Clarke was always there. She has always been in her life. These past few months of scarce communication have slowly eaten away at Lexa’s heart.

“What if-” Lexa closes her eyes and shakes her head before she continues. “What if she doesn’t love me anymore Anya? What if I’m too late?” The nervous alpha whispers.

“Listen to me that girl is in love with you. That kind of love won’t just disappear in two months no matter how much Clarke wants it to.”

It hurt Lexa’s heart that Clarke might want her love for Lexa to go away but the alpha understands. She swore to protect Clarke and it turns out she’s the one who hurt her at the end of the day.

Lexa nods as the uber turns the corner to the lake. The party is already in full swing. People are drunk and pairing off like they’re in heat (some even might be). Lexa eagerly looks around for the love of her -. Wait stop right there. Did she really just think that? The love of her life. The words terrify her but at the same time, those words feel as if they are the only right thing the alpha has ever said in all her years. Lexa spots Clarke across from her, surrounded by her friends. The alpha quickly straightens out her shirt and makes her way over to Clarke.

Clarke looks gorgeous. She’s wearing a sundress that clings to her curves in the best possible of ways. Her breasts are full and barely clothed. Lexa can feel her member twitch in excitement just from looking at the blonde omega. Lexa comes closer and is suddenly hit with an unpleasant smell. Her stomach curls in on itself and her wolf whimpers. Alphas. Not just other alphas around Clarke. No. One distinct alpha smell is mixing with her omega. Her omega. There Lexa said it.

Raven Reyes suddenly appears from behind Clarke and hands her a drink before kissing the blonde on the cheek. Lexa can’t help it. Her blood is boiling. That Raven alpha just put her lips on Clarke. Lexa reluctantly inhales Raven’s scent to test her theory. Her alpha growls out in anger and jealousy. Raven’s scent is the scent mixing with Clarke’s. An omega and alpha’s scent only mixes if they spend a lot of time together. Lexa closes her eyes and tries to calm her inner wolf. When she opens them, she sees Clarke and her friends looking back at her. Actually everyone around her is staring. I guess her growl was a lot louder than she thought.

Clarke’s face goes from shock to worry rather quickly and she rushes over to where Lexa is standing a few feet away. Clarke caresses Lexa’s cheek as she looks the alpha over to see what’s wrong. Lexa shuts her eyes and revels in the touch of the omega. Now that she’s embracing this feeling for Clarke, her wolf is at ease and so is the rest of her body.

“Lexa? Open your eyes. Are you okay?” Clarke worriedly demands.

Lexa opens her eyes and the are black as day from arousal and anger. Arousal for the omega. And anger that another alpha has been spending so much time around her. Lexa reasons that she has no right to be jealous. She pushed Clarke away time and time again. Besides, Clarke could just be hanging out with another alpha platonically. It doesn’t have to be romantically. The smell of the alpha wasn’t so strong as it would be if Clarke mated with someone else. Mated with someone else. Lexa’s wolf whimpers. Images plague her mind of Clarke with another. It’s maddening. She can only imagine how Clarke must have felt to see her with Luna. All she wants to do is push Clarke up against that tree and take her, show her how much she wants her...needs her. Show her that nobody else matters. Only Clarke. Her Clarke.

“I’m fine Clarke. I just - I missed you that’s all.” Lexa does her best to shyly smile at the omega.

Clarke sadly smiles. She knows that Lexa doesn’t miss her the way Clarke misses Lexa. Clarke misses Lexa with every beat of her heart. She lies awake at night tossing and turning, thinking about green eyes and pink plump lips. She misses Lexa with her soul, her wolf, her mind, her body. She knows Lexa doesn’t feel the same. But oh how wrong Clarke is. If only Clarke knew that Lexa spends every spare moment daydreaming of blonde hair and blue eyes. Even before Lexa realized her feelings for the blonde, she always thought about Clarke. She was wondering if she was okay, how she was doing, and when she could see her again. Since discovering her romantic feelings for the omega though, Lexa can never seem to shut Clarke out of her mind. It’s always Clarke and it always will be.

“I missed you too Lex.” Clarke softly says as they stare into each other’s souls. Lexa’s eyes make their way to Clarke’s lips. She feels daring and decides to take a risk and take a look an Clarke’s creamy long unbitten neck. But Clarke’s neck isn’t just creamy. There are red angry splotches littering her neck. Lexa sucks in her breath and her heart starts beating. Her wolf is thrashing violently inside her desperate to break free and pummel the alpha that dared to touch Clarke. Lexa can’t help herself as her hand gently touches Clarke’s neck. As soon as she touches the hickeys splayed across Clarke’s neck, Lexa winces back as if she’s in pain.

“I..I didn’t realize you were seeing someone.” Lexa defeatedly croaks out, already feeling her heart dying.

“I’m not.” Clarke awkwardly mumbles as she covers her neck with her hair.

“Did someone do this to you against your will Clarke?! Because I will rip their throats out if they even touched one hair on your head without your permi-”

“No! No Lexa it wasn’t like that. Me and Raven were uh dating. It was consensual.”

“Oh...” Lexa feels her eyes growing watery. Images of Clarke and Raven assault Lexa’s mind. Clarke and Raven. Clarke and Raven kissing. Raven sucking on Clarke’s neck and Clarke moaning out in pleasure. Clarke and Raven naked together..in bed. Lexa physically has to shake her head from the thoughts. Anya was wrong. Lexa was too late.

“Lex..are you okay?”

Why is Lexa acting so weird? She never wanted me. Why does she care? I can’t take this back and forth. It gives me hope when I know there isn’t any.

“I’m fine. I just didn’t realize you were seeing Raven.” Lexa mumbles.

“Yeah we started dating after I visited you.”

Lexa swallows hard. This is all her fault. If only she took her head out of her ass sooner, Clarke would have never been touched my another alpha. Clarke would be hers just as she is Clarke’s.

“That’s - um...well that’s -” Lexa rambles a bit, trying to find the right words before Raven cuts her off.

“Hey Woods. Didn’t realize you were back in town.” Raven saunters over with a smile on her face as she puts her arm around Clarke just like she always has, even when they were just friends.

Lexa sees red. Her alpha roars out and the next thing she knows Reyes is on the floor, clutching at her bloody nose. Bellamy sprints over to the altercation and starts growls at Lexa, challenging her. Anya sees the fight and curses Lexa under her breath for being a goufa who can’t control her inner wolf. Nevertheless, Anya still hurries over to back her friend in the fight.

Alpha pheromones are pumping out left and right. Clarke can barely stand upright as her omega desperately attempts to submit to the alphas. The blonde omega hesitantly approaches a snarling Lexa and touches her cheek. One touch from the blonde and all her tension drains from her body as Clarke pumps out soothing pheromones. Lexa manages to calm her inner wolf as Clarke goes over to Raven and Bellamy and calms them down as well.

“I’m so sorry Raven. I don’t know what came over me.” Lexa offers her hand to the other alpha but she slaps the gesture away.

“I do. You love Clarke and you don’t want any other alphas touching her.” Raven says it low enough so that Clarke, who is off to the side with Anya, can’t hear. Lexa looks at the ground guiltily.
“Look Clarke still loves you. We ended things because of you. Clarke deserves the goddamn world Lexa. Give that to her and we won’t have a problem. But if you continue to have your head up your ass, another version of tonight’s fight will happen again.. only this time you’ll be the one on the floor bloody.” Raven finishes her spiel and quickly transitions from her rare serious side to her normal smartass self.

“Alright someone get me a strong drink to numb this killer headache I suddenly got for no reason at all!” Raven sarcastically winks at Lexa before walking into the crowd.

Clarke manages to cease fire between the two massive alpha forces before real damage could be made. But why did Lexa punch Raven? Lexa doesn’t love her like that. She made it perfectly clear months ago. So why punch another alpha touching her? Clarke knows Lexa is protective of her and she used to not care because she thought that meant Lexa might be in love with her too and just not realize it. But now..now Clarke is pissed. Clarke tries to move on and what does Lexa do? She punches someone for innocently putting their arm around the omega.

Clarke stomps up to Lexa and causes yet another scene.

“Are you kidding me Lexa?! What the hell was that little display huh? You punched Raven for no goddamn reason. Me and you aren’t mated! We aren’t even together and last time I checked you didn’t want to be! What makes you think you have the right to fight off any potential suitors I may have? You have Luna. Why do you even care what I do?! ” Clarke is full on screaming by the end. She’s mad. Lexa can’t have both ways. She either is in love with her or isn’t. But she can’t stop Clarke from trying to move on.

Clarke knows it won’t be easy to stop loving Lexa. Hell, she doesn’t think she will be able to ever really stop loving the green eyed pouty alpha but maybe one day she will be able to give herself over to another and truly mean it. Maybe one she can find someone to love who she also loves back. It might not be tomorrow. She might be alone for a very long time, but it’ll happen eventually as long as Lexa stops giving her false hope. It isn’t fair. Clarke isn’t even asking Lexa to love her back. She’s just asking..no begging...for the space to get over her.

“I care Clarke.” Lexa croaks out as Clarke scoffs and walks away.

“No listen to me.” Lexa screams out to her, not caring about the crowd watching their “non” lover but totally in love lover’s quarrel. Lexa pulls Clarke into the empty woods near the lake and the crowd groans as they were eager to see what happens next between the alpha and omega.

“Well?! We are alone now. What do you want to say to me? You want your rejection to be done in private to save me the embarrassment?? Is that what you’re doing? Do you-” Clarke angrily demands answers.

“Clarke! Will you just shut your beautiful mouth up for five seconds so I can tell you that I’m in love with you!”

And finally, Lexa gets it. She's in love with her best friend.