Radioactive

Erin was playing with Holtzmann's penknife.

Holtzmann stared. The mugs burned in her hands. She didn't know how to feel.

"I... I brought you coffee." Holtz said, weakly. She trusted Erin implicitly, but Erin hadn't trusted her enough to tell her about her new relationship. Not that that would have made Holtzmann jump for joy, but they were friends.

Erin didn't move. Holtzmann nudged her with her foot, and Erin practically leaped into the air, dropping the penknife. On a normal day, this would have made Holtzmann grin. Now, she just shoved the coffee in Erin's general direction, the warm liquid spilling slightly onto her hand.

"Jesus, Holtz! I didn't notice you." Erin laughed nervously.

No, you didn't. thought Holtzmann, as she bent and snatched up her Swiss Army knife.

"It must have fallen out of my pocket." She said, straightening. Erin stared.

Holtzmann stared back, her eyes pricking. "The knife." She held it up as proof, then turned on her heel and headed for the railing. New York City stretched below her. Usually, it made her feel safe. Now it just made her feel alone.

Erin stared at her back.

"Holtzmann?" She asked, tentatively. She sounded scared, timid. Holtz knew that it was her fault, she was acting unfairly. Erin could date who she wanted.

"He finally get the hint then?" She asked, turning and winking, lamely.

Erin tilted her head.

"What? Who?" She asked. She sounded genuinely confused.

Holtzmann drew her best 'duh' face up and looked at Erin.

"Kevin. Obviously. The rose? Although black's a bit morbid for a love-flower. So what's in the box?"

Erin's jaw dropped.

"Kevi- wait, you think black's morbid?"

Holtzmann shrugged.

"Personally I love black roses. I think they're an excellent gift. I just didn't think they were something someone might give you. I'd have thought you were a yellow rose kind of gal, myself."

"I am! I love yellow roses!" Erin blurted. "The box and the flower... They're not from Kevin. I bought them."

Holtzmann looked shocked. Erin did not seem the type to make the first move. Then again, Kevin would never notice on his own time.

"When are you planning on giving them to him then? Because that rose won't last forever." Holtzmann tried to grin.

Erin grimaced and tried again. This was not going how she'd planned it. Her voice was louder than she'd meant it. "Holtzmann, they're not for Kevin, they're for- oh, forget it. I need to go home."

She grabbed her pillow, and stormed towards the door. Holtzmann called after her.

"Erin! Your book!"

"I can do it at home, Holtzmann!"

-----

When noon came, Holtzmann was still not in her lab. Abby sat on Erin's desk, sighing loudly.

"What, Abby?" She said, snapping slightly.

"Where's Holtzmann? What did you do?" Abby asked, knowing that with Erin, there was no point sugar coating it.

"I don't know. I'm not her frickin' keeper, am I?"

"Erin, I am not an idiot." Abby said, glaring. "I know you aren't attracted to Kevin. Why you keep up the pretense is beyond me. You can't stand to spend more than a minute around anyone with an IQ below 110, and that poor boy has the brains of a goldfish with a concussion."

"Get to the point, Yates."

Abby winced at the use of her surname. "I can see through you. I saw the rose, and the box. What did you do?"

Erin slammed her hands flat on the table. "I didn't do anything, Abby! I left! She thought they were for him!"

And with that, Erin stormed up the stairs, headed for the roof.

-----

Holtzmann was sitting next to Erin's cold coffee, wrapped in the space blanket. She'd been there since Erin left, God knows how long ago. She didn't understand how it had gotten to this.

The door to the roof slammed. Holtzmann turned. Erin. The other woman had her head buried in her hands, and hadn't seen her yet. Holtzmann silently extracted herself from the blanket, sneaking behind an abandoned attempt to build a ghost-o-scope. If Erin moved, Holtzmann could sneak downstairs, and find out who that damned box was for.

Erin stared at the blanket. Wondering how long ago Holtzmann had left. Wondering if the trail of destruction the wild woman left was reserved for hearts, ghosts and nice tidy rooftops. She wandered over to it, picking the noisy material up.

The door slammed behind her. She turned, but nobody was there. Erin was sure the door had shut when she walked onto the roof. She furrowed her brows.

----

Getting off the roof had been the easy part. Getting into Erin's locked desk drawer was even easier. What was not easy was trying to explain to Abby why she'd been in Erin's desk, and where she'd been all morning.

Abby had not accepted her answer. ("I left my, uh, my favourite screwdriver in here. The one with the tiny hammer carved into the wood") but rolled her eyes and left anyways, muttering about drama. Patty was apparently not giving up so easily.

"What is going on with you, baby? You've been all jumpy for weeks, and you haven't finished a single invention for over a month."

Holtzmann shrugged. Patty dragged her into a bear hug in response.

"Is this about Erin?" She didn't let go when Holtz tensed. "It is, huh? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing. Alright, something, something. I think she's dating someone. And..." She trailed off, digging in her pockets for the pocket knife that was not there.

"...And it's not you" Patty finished for her, pushing her arms out to look at Holtzmann.

Holtzmann nodded, her brow furrowing as she dug harder, searching desperately now. Out of nowhere, she descended into sobbing.

Patty was at a loss. She knew a lot about Holtzmann, and one of the main things she knew was that the woman did not cry. When she was upset, she sucked on-

"Your Swiss, where is it, honey?" She asked. Holtzmann pointed at the ceiling.

"Your lab?" Patty asked. Holtzmann shook her head. "Oh. The roof. You want me to get it?"

Holtzmann shrugged, body shaking from the sobbing. Damnit, she wanted Erin to be happy.

She hadn't realised that that was conditional.

She wanted Erin to be happy, as long as happy was with Holtzmann.