Allison had one rule: Never stay the night. Ever. With anyone. Under any circumstances.
Spending the night with someone makes everything more real, and that scared the shit out of Allison. She'd rather be left alone at night, with her demons dancing around in her skull.
But she broke this rule once, and that was a lifetime ago with Seth. Seth was an exception, and a damn good one at that. With Seth, this rule ceased to exist, vanished from her mind.
With Seth, everything was real, but not in a bad way. Allison had grown to love the angry boy, more than she loved money or sex or even herself, although that wasn't very hard to outlove.
And once he was gone, she felt herself slip into a shell, hardening around her. Her number one rule sparked up again. She forgot her friends, her responsibilities, she forgot herself without him by her side.
She never remembered the sun looking so dim and dull all the time; but then again, she always compared the giant star to the millions in Seth's eyes.
Renee was the only one to pull her back to Earth and hold on to her to make sure she stayed. She was there for the panic attacks, the sudden rage and the constant depression. Renee was there for all of it, she helped Allison become Allison again.
She never broke her number one rule, unless it was for him; but here she was, about to break it again.
For Renee.
Renee was asleep next to her, her legs were curled up and her face was calm underneath the storm of colorful hair. Her hand, which was on Allison's neck, twitched, making Allison hold her breath until Renee was at peace again.
Slowly, Allison ran her hand through the other girls hair and smiled to herself. Renee, even when Seth was alive, was one of Allison's favorite people. So why did it bother her that she was spending the night with her?
"Because," she answered herself mentally, "it's making things real. All I want are lies and fictional promises to ease my heart, and this is all very real and it's scaring me."
Renee opened her eyes and studied her under the colors of her hair, smiling and nuzzled closer to Allison.
Allison kissed her forehead as Renee fell back into peaceful slumber. Allison tried to forget about the rule she was breaking, not only to herself but to Seth too.
Allison has tried to forget about Seth and all of those bittersweet memories, with the help of alcohol, drugs, and Betsy. Nothing was working, and she felt herself slipping again.
She wanted her mind to refresh; to starve itself from Seth and get full and nourished off of Renee. She wiggled closer to her, wrapping their legs together and kissed her forehead.
Renee whined in her sleep, making Allison smile. Allison ran her hand through her hair, bringing it to her face and smelled her shampoo (it was strawberry, and that made Allison smile again; she loved strawberries).
Yes, Allison was breaking her rule, and it wasn't for Seth; but knowing that it was for Renee, her Renee, it seemed to put her at ease.
"Goodnight, sweetheart." She murmured against her colorful hair and fell asleep peacefully in Renee's arms, despite all of her demons trying to suffocate her in her sleep.