Winter Formal Confessions [Kate x Victoria]
Despite the heavy bass of the music drowning almost everything out, Stella jumps as I shove my way out the double doors of the Blackwell gym. I know Victoria’s coming after me, I know it, but if I can just get outside maybe I can think, cool off.
I can barely hear with the dull resonance of the music in my ear, but I can feel her hand fall on my shoulder before I’ve gotten far from the gym. I couldn’t hear her footsteps, only the music pulsating somewhere inside the gym and the gurgling of the fountain maybe ten paces ahead of me.
When I turn, I wish that the sweat would hide my tears, but with the way her whole face is down turned, I know she can see me crying.
“Kate, why are you leaving? Did I do something wrong?”
No, Victoria, no. You did nothing wrong. You took me to winter formal and it was beautiful. You were beautiful. You were perfect. And somewhere in our dance, I let myself forget why you asked.
“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” I know I’m talking too fast, and my eyes won’t settle on her. I can’t look at her right now. If I look at her she’ll know.
“Then Kate, what is it?”
I think I shudder, almost in pain from the way my throat is closed up tight, when she rubs my arm comfortingly. She can’t do this.
“You can talk to me.”
I know I can talk to you. But if I do that, I risk everything else. I risk you touching me. I risk you kissing me in front of your friends. I risk our dates that end up almost immediately on Instagram.
But if I don’t talk to you, maybe I risk you.
“Dammit,” I say through gritted teeth, lifting my hands up to my eyes. I know my makeup must be smearing everywhere. How can I tell her like this?
I splay out my fingers, not even capable of dropping them entirely. I need their protection, their camouflage.
“Victoria, I’m in love with you. For real. I know we’re supposed to be pretending but I … I’m in love with you.”
I don’t even know how to trace all the stages her face goes through. Concern into shock. Shock into confusion. And then, it’s just like her face goes flat, neutral. I can’t see anything in her eyes, and in that moment, I shut my eyes tight.
She’s closed me off forever. I know it. How could someone like her love me b-
Suddenly I feel her hands around my wrists, and my eyes blink back open. Victoria is a step closer now, and her face is still empty, but her eyes look … sad. I don’t know what that means, but I let my hands fall as she slowly drags them down away from my face.
“Kate?” She asks, but I have no idea what to say. My body is frozen, my mind is blank.
Please, just don’t run away. Not now.
“I love you too.”
I’m suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of vertigo, but as my legs give out from under me, Victoria wraps an arm around me, and I instead fall against her body. She is big and warm, and I can’t fall, not while she’s holding me.
“I know it was supposed to be a show. I know that. But these past few months with you have been …”
Is Victoria choking up? What is happening?
“ … they’ve been amazing, okay? And I fell in love with you.”
I’m afraid. I’m not sure I’ve ever been so afraid, so unsure. As I look up, holding myself back far enough from her to meet her eyes, I see that she’s afraid, too. Her lips are pursed, trying to hold back the tears that glaze her eyes.
Victoria loves me too?
My breath returns to me almost in gasps, like I haven’t been breathing since I confessed. Maybe I haven’t been. But I have something I have to say now, and I need air.
“Kiss me. If you mean it, kiss me for real.”
Not once have I ever seen Victoria hesitate before kissing me. It was always so easy, so … meaningless. At least, I thought it was. But now, I see her lips part, her body swelling in that nervous breath.
She bites her lip, and she nods.
And then, with me only suspended by her arms, we kiss, and everything else is held out by the dull hum left in my ears by the music. It’s just me and her, finally just me and her. I’m not hiding, she’s not faking.
We kiss, and we mean it.