It was a Sunday afternoon in the lab and the Ghostbusters plus Kevin had just finished eating lunch and looking at the schedule for the upcoming week. Holtzmann figured now was as good a time as any. She cleared her throat and rose off the bar stool she’d been perched upon.
“Ok, listen up, fellow humans. It has been brought to my attention that I need to clear up a few...misunderstandings in this here Firehouse, if you please.” Holtz’s eyes scanned the room before locking on Kevin. She nodded once, leaned over so her hands were on her knees, and looked into his eyes.
“Kevin, my man. You first. Listen, Kev, I love ya like a brother, but my feelings for you are entirely platonic. I’m not into dudes. I’m sorry for making out with you on your birthday and giving you the wrong impression. I was accidentally exposed to some pretty intensely altered aphrodisiacal gas at the time and it made me a little frisky. I am doing everything in my power to ensure that it NEVER happens again. I am flattered by your attempts at courtship, but please move on to someone more...well...straight.” She patted him on the knee kindly, straightened back up, and paced the room a little, hands clasped behind her back.
“Who’s next? Ah, Patty. Yes. Thank you for raising your hand. Patty, I am deeply sorry for using, nay, wasting your shampoo on this, quote, ‘rat’s nest I call hair’. I did not realize that, uh, ethnic hair requires special expensive products. I have added ‘white girl shampoo’ to the shopping list. Frankly, the consistency of that stuff you use is terrifying and I have a new level of respect for the time and tools it takes to make your hair look so good. So damn good. With this apology I offer you...ten…? No? Twenty bucks so you can replace it.” Holtz pulled a crumpled twenty from the pocket of over overalls and pressed it into Patty’s outstretched palm.
“Up next is Abby. Abby, open your eyes, my friend! Benny? Totally has the hots for you. He’s flirting with you via take-out food and it is sailing right over your head. I can no longer in good conscience stand by and watch this upstanding gentleman struggle to get your attention, so I took the liberty of setting you up on a date with him. He’ll be downstairs to pick you up in,” She glanced at her watch, “An hour. You’re welcome. I recommend using that time to find some pants to wear that don’t have ectoplasm on them.” Holtz cleared her throat.
“Now if you don’t mind, I have some rather pressing matters to attend to.” She gestured toward a box on her workbench that seemed to be pulsating. “Thank you. Please feel free to leave a comment in the comment box,” she said, nodding at an overflowing trash can under her desk surrounded by pizza boxes and take out containers. She took a slight bow and held the door open as the others walked out one by one. Erin was fiddling with something in her purse and Holtzmann grabbed her by the elbow as she walked by and placed one gloved hand on her shoulder.
“Erin. Wait. I feel like I owe you an explanation.” Erin stopped walking but fixed her eyes on a spot on the ground. Holtzmann felt like it had been an eternity since Erin had properly looked her in the eyes and she hated it. She took a deep breath and continued.
“I created what I thought was a sealed chamber for releasing positively charged helium into, so that I could test the effect of it on different classes of apparitions. I was attempting to recreate a study done in 1989 where two parapsychologists were able to positively charge a type of ectoplasm and use it to neutralize malevolent spirits. I didn’t have any ectoplasm on hand, but we had those canisters of helium from Kevin’s party, so I thought I would try that instead. Unfortunately, the seal must not have been tight enough because the gas seeped out and I felt the...effects.” Holtzmann glanced nervously up at Erin, who remained silent.
“I had had a couple of drinks. And the gas, well, it was supposed to create positive feelings. And...it did. In my pants. No, no, I’m kidding. Well, kind of. I’m not going to lie, it kind of woke up part of me that’s been sleeping for a while. Haven’t exactly had time for that kind of thing. Kevin was the only one still awake or so I thought and I was sort of compelled to start putting the moves on him. He had a few drinks in him, and yeah, well, we made out a little. I’m sorry you saw that.” Holtz distinctly remembered the feeling that she’d been punched in the gut when she caught movement in her peripheral vision and realized it was Erin, watching her make out with Kevin.
“Once I fully realized what was happening, well, I made it stop. That was it. I promise I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings or anything. He is all yours. Like I said, I’m not into men. It was a freak lab accident and nothing more. I hope you’ll forgive me.” Erin had never seen Holtzmann look so sincere before.
“Holtz...I don’t think you...It’s not...I mean…” Erin sighed and finally lifted her eyes to meet Holtz’s gaze. “Look, I do forgive you. But I wasn’t upset because I thought you were trying to steal Kevin from me or something.”
“Are you sure? You’ve been giving me the cold shoulder all week. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Holtz said in a dejected tone that was very out of character for her. Erin winced. She hadn’t realized how obvious her dismissal had been.
“I mean, I have been upset. You’re right. But it’s not because I was jealous of you. I just...I can’t believe you made out with Kevin. Kevin!”
“If you’re not jealous that I made out with Kevin, why have you been avoiding me all week?”
“Well, I was jealous...of Kevin.” Holtzmann’s eyes widened.
“You were jealous of Kevin?” Holtz laughed. “That makes about as much sense as...”
“I was jealous of Kevin because he got to kiss you.” Erin said quietly.
“Are you messing with me, Gilbert? I didn’t think you were into ladies.”
“I’m into you. I like you. A lot. And I thought maybe you liked me too, until I saw you getting it on with Kevin and I figured I must have been dreaming.” Erin slumped against the door frame.
“Erin, please. I don’t even like men. I gave them up in high school.”
“Wait, you’ve actually been with a man before?!”
“Let me spell this out for you. I am 98.5% lez. I like women. I am gay. Always have been. But I was kind of in denial about it in high school. I was already weird as hell, and I didn’t want to give anyone an additional reason to pick on me. So I tried not to be. I went out with a couple of guys. They were nice enough but It didn’t feel right. I thought maybe there was just something wrong with me. Until the first time I was with a woman and I realized what it could be like. What it was supposed to be like. Haven’t been with a man since then.” It was hard for Erin to imagine a Holtzmann who was anything other than 100% comfortable being herself. But kids were mean. Erin knew that well enough.
“But I digress. You’re into me, huh? You diggin the Holtzmann?” Jillian smiled in that adorably dimpled way of hers and waggled her eyebrows at Erin, who rolled her eyes at the cheesiness of what she’d just said. Holtz reached out and took Erin’s hand in hers, cocking her head to the side as if asking permission and looking for confirmation. Erin smiled, nodding, her face flushed. It was the first time in a long time that she’d told someone she liked them. She felt jittery, a mixture of excitement and nerves and she wasn’t sure what to do next.
Holtz knew though. She squeezed the fingers that were entwined with hers and pulled Erin closer. With her free hand, she tucked a stray lock of hair behind Erin’s ear. Holtzmann lightly ran her fingertips down the side of Erin’s face. She leaned into Erin until their foreheads were lightly touching and they were gazing into each other’s eyes. Holtz’s characteristic smirk became a genuine grin.
“Well, that’s good,” she whispered, ”because I dig you too,” Holtz gently pressed her lips against Erin’s. “I’m glad we cleared things up.”