Across The Hall

After a fun little smoothie date with Kelley, Christen walks into Hingst Hall with a new burst of energy. Maybe Emily put a little more than just extra greek yogurt in her smoothie. Not that Christen’s complaining if she did, she really needs it after her eventful weekend. In fact, Christen might have to pay Emily another visit. If one smoothie can give her enough energy to carelessly glide into the building that she fled in an overwhelmed panic just a few days ago, then she might have to become a smoothie shop regular. That, and the idea of seeing Kelley squirm in the company of the smooth smoothie barista, is enough incentive for Christen to make a return trip to the establishment.

When Christen enters the lecture hall, she immediately spots Tobin sitting in her unspoken designated seat. In the chair to the left of her, however, sits a backpack in Christen’s usual place. Is someone else sitting there? Should I look for a new seat?

As Christen hesitantly walks down the aisle and roams her eyes across the room for an open place to sit, Tobin notices her out of the corner of her eye. She turns her head and smiles in Christen’s direction. Then she starts waving to get Christen’s attention. When their eyes connect, Tobin gestures for Christen to come over. Christen obliges but skeptically eyes the backpack on the chair.

“Is someone sitting here?” Christen tentatively asks as she pauses just behind the chair with the bag occupying its seat. Tobin responds by smiling even wider and reaching over to remove the bag from the chair.

“Only you” Tobin grins as she nods for Christen to take a seat. The standing girl slips her own backpack from her shoulders and pulls the chair out slightly, allowing her just enough room to slide between Tobin and the table to sit down.

“Were you saving the seat?” Christen questions as she settles in. Tobin purses her lips ever so slightly and shrugs.

“Maybe” she simply answers. Christen observes the girl to her right, her eyes scanning Tobin’s face. She seems like she’s withholding her real answer.

“Why would you do that? Everyone always sits in the same place anyway” Christen comments, still curious about Tobin’s way of thinking. Tobin’s eyes seem to twinkle with amusement at Christen’s puzzlement.

“Not always” Tobin corrects while pointing her pen directly at Christen, “I do recall a time where a certain green-eyed girl sat all the way across the room instead of her rightful place by my side.” Tobin raises an eyebrow challengingly as Christen averts her eyes in embarrassment. I kind of thought she already let that go but I guess not. Christen awkwardly plays with the end of a strand of her hair as she tries to think of something to say back. Only, the more she thinks about the time she avoided Tobin, the guiltier she feels about it. Finally, the only thing she can think to do in the moment is apologize.

“I am really sorry about that” Christen quietly begins as she refuses to return her gaze to Tobin, “That was really rude of me and I shouldn’t have treated you that way.” Although Christen can’t see it, Tobin’s expression softens.

“Hey” Tobin immediately consoles as she reaches her hand over and places it supportively on Christen’s forearm, “I was just teasing, you don’t have to apologize again. It’s all water under the bridge, trust me.” Christen looks from Tobin’s hand that feels like it’s burning into Christen’s skin, to her face. Her face appears nothing but genuine, and Christen senses the anxiety that has built up in her chest leave her body as she lets out one deep breath.

“Really? Are you sure? Because I still feel bad about it” Christen admits through a scratchier voice than she had intended. Tobin nods assuringly and gives Christen’s arm a light squeeze to punctuate her sincerity.

“Absolutely” Tobin firmly confirms, a new smile forming on her face, “Just promise never to ditch me again and this will all be behind us.” Christen looks into Tobin’s playful eyes and feels a smile slowly creep onto her own face. Christen nods affectionately as the corners of Tobin’s eyes crinkle even more. “Pinky promise?” Tobin asks with a goofy grin.

“Pinky promise” Christen agrees as she reaches over and wraps her finger around Tobin’s. The girls smile at each other while shaking their joined hands up and down a few times. Soon they both giggle at the juvenileness of the manner of the deal, and tenderly draw their hands away from each other. The action is almost reluctant on both sides, but the two know the small amount of contact they shared couldn’t last forever. Christen’s eyes linger on Tobin’s and are only pulled away when she hears the loud opening and closing of the door at the front of the lecture hall.

Upon glancing to the front of the room, Christen recognizes Dr. Stevenson placing his briefcase on his desk and opening his laptop to queue up the power-point for today’s lecture. After the projector finally hums to life and its images gradually become more and more visible on the blank white screen, Christen is able to read to the heading of the topic of the lesson. The Importance of Nonverbal Communication.

As Christen opens her notebook and begins jotting down the heading in her notes, she feels an elbow bump into her own. She glances to her right and sees that Tobin was doing the exact same thing. Both she and Tobin look between their elbows and each other. Tobin finally shrugs as if to say ‘Sorry, I’m a lefty.’ Christen just shakes her head dismissively and continues to copy down her notes. Their elbows bump a few more times during the lecture, and Christen isn’t entirely convinced that each time is an accident. Not that she really minds though.

After class, Tobin walks Christen as far as the Campus Center before they both have to separate and head in opposite directions. During their stroll, they talked about class and roommates and soccer. They conversed easily and airily as the pavement seemed to disappear behind them much quicker than either one of them would have liked. It was nice though. It was the first time they’d been able to spend time together, just the two them, since Friday night. It was the first time the got to talk since ‘the talk.’ And even though Christen had been unsure what to expect when she and Tobin would eventually find themselves alone again, the moment didn’t feel awkward. It actually felt comfortable and easy, and it was something Christen definitely couldn’t have anticipated.

When they say goodbye, Tobin offers to hang out later and Christen immediately confirms. All she wants to do is spend more time with Tobin. No more avoiding her. Just because they’ve agreed to stay friends doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy the other girl’s company. They like hanging out together and that’s all that matters. That’s all that should really be important. And to Christen, it is.

She strolls into her Freshman Seminar feeling light and like nothing can get her down. When she takes her seat, she realizes she has a pretty good idea as to who’s responsible for her chipper mood.

Unfortunately for Christen, that mood doesn’t last later into the evening.

Currently, Christen sits curled up into a ball on her bed as tears stream down her face. Lightning vehemently strikes as thunder explosively claps in the distance. The vibrations are enough to cause the window to rattle as the rain violently pelts against it.

Christen takes staggered breaths as she rocks herself back and forth, desperately trying to calm her hyperactive nerves. Her syncopated sobs bounce aimlessly off the concrete walls in her room as she sits alone and terrified. Another wave of thunder roars, causing Christen’s body to quake with fear. Please stop. Please stop. Please stop.

Even though Christen was aware it was supposed to rain tonight, she had no idea is was going to be a storm as violent as this one. She also hadn’t expected Kelley to be studying late at the library, consequently leaving Christen by her lonesome to have to cope with the storm. At the moment, it’s all too much for Christen to handle. She has no idea what to do other than rock in place and hope that this form of torture ends soon.

Lightning strikes again and the gusts of wind pick up. The window rattles louder and more aggressively than before. Christen winces as the thoughts start entering her mind. This is just like that night. Just like that awful night. The night when – No! Stop! Don’t think about. I don’t want to think about it! I can’t handle it. I can’t. I can’t. I can’t. Christen rocks faster now as her body shudders and more tears escape from her eyes. It hurts to think about it. I need to stop. I can’t stop. It hurts so bad! Why does it still hurt so bad? Another boom of thunder echoes through the room. Stop, stop, stop. Please stop! Christen clutches her knees to her chest so tightly that she can barely breathe.

Then she hears a knock on the door.

Christen stays in place as her muscles remain tensed in their current positions. She’s not sure if what she heard was really a knock or just another unforgiving bang of thunder.

Another knock.

This time Christen turns her head towards the door. She knows now that it was definitely a knock, but she still makes no effort to answer the door. If it’s Kelley she can let herself in. If it’s someone else they can go away, I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

“Christen?” A muffled voice sounds through the door, “Christen are you in there?” Christen’s eyes widen with alert. I know that voice. And before Christen knows what she’s doing, she’s up on her feet, weakly making her way to the door. Her previous thoughts are long forgotten when she slowly cracks the door open.

“Hey Christen, I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to – ” Tobin enthusiastically begins before she takes in the distraught appearance of the girl hiding in the doorway in front of her. Tobin’s eyes instantly fill with concern. “Are you crying?” she gently asks in a soft voice, barely above a whisper.

Christen doesn’t know how to respond so she lightly opens the door a little bit wider. Tobin takes Christen’s lack of an answer as an invitation to come in. Christen makes way as Tobin pushes through the doorway and shuts the door behind her. Then she grabs Christen’s wrist and leads her to the bed so that they can both take a seat.

“Christen, what’s wrong? Did something happen?” Tobin asks with a voice laced with worry as she turns in her seat to get a better view of the girl beside her. Christen takes in Tobin’s worried expression and feels the need to ease her mind. I need to say something so she stops looking at me like that. Christen clears her throat and tries to regain some of her composure.

“I’m just bad with storms” Christen simply answers, trying to sound as nonchalant as she can in this moment. She doesn’t really sell it though, there are still traces of fear and distress in her voice.

“Are you sure there isn’t anything more to it?” Tobin questions, silently encouraging the girl to voice her worries is there is, in fact, more to the story. More than Christen is letting on. And Tobin is correct in her suspicions, there is a lot more to it, but Christen isn’t ready to delve into that. She’s not sure she ever will be. So instead Christen just shakes her head, determined not to think about it anymore.

“No, I just don’t like storms. They upset me for some reason, I don’t know why though” Christen lies with a shrug. This time her act has a little more zeal to it so Tobin just nods as she tries to understand.

“Alright, if you say so” Tobin concedes while still wearing a sympathetic look on her face, “But even if there is a reason, just know that you can tell me. Maybe not now if you don’t want to, but if you ever do, I’ll listen. I’ll listen to anything you want to tell me, even if it scares you. I’m here for you, alright?” Christen nods appreciatively as she lets Tobin’s words sink in. She really sounds like she means that. But I can’t tell her. Not now anyways. I just can’t.

“Ok” Christen rasps out as she wipes her hands over her face in an attempt to dry her eyes, “I’ll keep that in mind.” Tobin nods approvingly as a small smile makes its way back to her lips. “So why did you come over here in the first place?” The question takes Tobin aback for a second before she remembers the purpose of her visit.

“Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to come over to my room the watch the storm – we’ve had a really good view of all the lightning strikes so far – but I’m getting the feeling that that isn’t the best idea now” Tobin admits with that same radiant charm she seems to carry with her everywhere. Christen can’t help but let out a teary chuckle.

“Yeah I’m probably going to have to pass on that” Christen jokes. Tobin flashes her and amused smile and Christen instinctively smiles back at the girl. The girl who makes her smile even as an unrelenting storm rages on outside her window. The pair get lost in each other’s smiles when suddenly another giant crack of thunder interrupts the comfortable calm the two had momentarily created. Christen immediately flinches and a pained expression takes residence on her face. Unwillingly she feels herself getting worked up again. She feels the hopeless fear course though her unsuspecting veins. She feels her heart as it tries to beat out of her chest. And finally, she feels Tobin’s hand as it reaches out and connects with her own.

Christen looks over to the girl through her increasingly blurry eyes and she sees a look a determination on her face. She looks from their joined hands back to Tobin’s face with confusion. Then Tobin scoots back further on the bed and tugs Christen by the hand to follow her. Christen gives the girl a quizzical look. What is she doing?

“Come here” Tobin instructs as she pats the place on the bed directly beside her. The place Tobin is motioning to is so close that if Christen moved there, she’d be practically on top of the other girl. After a moment of Christen failing to move, Tobin tugs her hand again. “Come on, human contact is therapeutic. If I can help by listening to what’s wrong, then maybe I can help like this.” Christen is shocked, she wasn’t expecting Tobin to say anything like that. And Christen is shocked again when she finds herself automatically moving to Tobin’s side. When Christen settles in, she feels strange. She’s oddly comfortable with her proximity to Tobin, but she feels the need to say something, to avoid any silence between them.

“How do you know it’s therapeutic?” Christen asks as Tobin smiles back at her.

“You’re not the only who’s ever taken a Psych class” Tobin smugly informs, “Wait, aren’t you supposed to be a Psych Major? Shouldn’t you know that already?” Christen laughs.

“Hey, I’m only a freshman, give me some time” Christen retorts as she steadies her breathing.

“Alright, fair enough” Tobin allows, bowing her head. Then the biggest, loudest, scariest thunder clap tares through the sky. Christen reactively clutches onto Tobin’s side as Tobin wraps a protective arm around the cowering girl as the lights in the room begin to flicker. Tobin pulls Christen closer so that she can bury her face into the nape of midfielder’s neck to escape the threat of unfriendly storm. After a few moments, the lights return to their usual yellowish haze, and Christen gently lifts her head from just above Tobin’s chest. Their eyes connect but neither of the two shy away from the other. Instead they just hold each other close, as their chests rise and fall in unison.

“Uh-um, don’t you have to get back to your room to watch the rest of the storm?” Christen finally asks, the heat radiating from Tobin’s body seeps through Christen’s skin and sets her insides ablaze.

“I’m fine watching it right here” Tobin answers without even the slightest moment of hesitation, “I mean, if that’s alright with you.” Christen smiles. She knows Tobin’s only saying that for Christen’s benefit, but it still means a lot to her. And she even lets the little voice in the back of her mind say She wants to stay.

“Yeah” Christen grins, “I think that would be alright.” Tobin smiles again, this time it reaches her eyes, as she pulls Christen closer. Christen snuggles into her side once again, entirely without protest.

“Hey Christen” Tobin speaks after a few moments of comfortable silence. Well, as silent as it could be during the midst of a severe storm.

“Yeah?” Christen answers as she readjusts her head on Tobin’s shoulder.

“You know how they have those thunder shirts for dogs to wear during storms? So like, they can feel safer or whatever?” Tobin questions. Christen hums in acknowledgement. Why is she talking about thunder shirts? “Well” Tobin begins again, “What if we make an arrangement?” An arrangement?

“What kind of arrangement?” Christen asks, curiosity peaked.

“Now here me out” Tobin prefaces as she adjusts her arm around Christen’s shoulders. Christen melts into the contact. “What if, whenever there’s a nasty storm like this, I come over and we spend it together, just like we are now.” Why would she want to do that? “That way, you wouldn’t have to feel as scared and I could have multiple vantage points to watch the storm from. It’s a win-win situation.” Christen takes a few seconds to really understand what Tobin is proposing.

“So what you’re saying is” Christen starts as she puts the pieces together, “You want to be my thunder shirt?” Tobin chuckles as she glances down to the beautiful girl in her arms.

“Yeah, pretty much” Tobin confirms. Christen looks back up to Tobin and stares into her compassionate brown eyes. If I get to look into those eyes every time it storms, I hope it storms every night. Christen’s mind is easily made up.

“Sure” Christen warmly states, “Be my thunder shirt.” Tobin smiles as Christen returns her head to her shoulder and the two go back into to their silent, but comfortable bubble.

And that’s how the two spend the remainder of the night; wrapped in each other’s arms while listening to the other’s breaths and bracing against the roars of the storm. Together.