Across The Hall

It’s Friday morning and Christen arrives to her communications class 15 minutes early this time. During her entire walk over, she spent the majority of her time thinking and strategizing about how to interact with Tobin in class today. She doesn’t want to take a far off seat again and risk receiving another pitiful look from Tobin, but she doesn’t know what she’ll do if they sit next to each other. It’s been nearly a week since Christen has really talked to the girl and their last lengthy conversation almost ended in what would’ve been a major shift in their relationship. A major shift that, good or bad, Christen isn’t sure she’s quite ready to experience just yet.

So now what? Christen asks herself, Where do we go from here? This is all uncharted territory, I have no idea what to do. Christen sulks hopelessly in her seat as a few more students enter the lecture hall. Without even having to look, Christen just knows that Tobin is one of them and that she’s making her way over to take a seat next to Christen. She does. Christen sighs as she tries to gather her nerves and face the girl to her right. She turns her head and is meet by a vibrant smile from Tobin. Oh god. No matter how many times she’s seen that smile, Christen is never prepared for the breath-taking feeling it causes in her lungs.

“Hi there” Tobin grins, her eyes sparkling in the process. Those eyes. Wow, just…wow.

“Hey” Christen cautiously returns. Tobin’s eyes light up even more as Christen acknowledges her presence. She looks like a child opening up a present on Christmas morning.

“So I saw you at the tryouts last night” Tobin begins, attempting to spark a conversation with the nervous girl next to her. Ok, we’re just making casual small talk, I can do this.

“Oh, um, yeah I was there” Christen sheepishly confirms as she plays with her fingers.

“You should’ve tried out” Tobin states as her grin grows wider, “You have quite the leg on you there.” Christen blushes as Tobin pokes at her right knee for extra emphasis. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

“Oh, well uh, I was really just there for Kelley” Christen quickly explains, obviously flustered. Tobin just continues to gaze upon Christen like she’s the most amusing thing she’s ever seen.

“Kelley O’Hara? You know her?” Tobin questions further, adamantly trying to coax Christen into comfortable conversation. Attempting to get Christen to open up more is like pulling teeth at this point.

“Yeah” Christen simply replies, “She’s my roommate.” Christen then pulls out her phone from her backpack and starts fiddling around with that instead. Right now she’s desperate for anything to distract her from Tobin’s unrelenting gaze.

“So Kelley’s your roommate” Tobin repeats as Christen just nods her head. “Lucky girl” she flirtatiously comments as she nudges Christen’s elbow with her own. I can’t do this! I can’t do this!!

Just as Christen feels like she’s about to explode from sheer panic, and excitement, and all the other emotions violently flashing through her body, her phone rings. It’s a call from Kelley. Oh thank goodness!

“Speak of the devil” Christen rapidly acknowledges as she firmly grasps her phone and rises from her seat, “I should really take this, it could be an emergency.” Tobin nods while simultaneously a look a suspicion appears on her face. Christen reaches down to grab her backpack but Tobin stops her as she wraps a hand around Christen’s wrist.

“You can take the call here you know” she states as she skeptically looks between Christen and her backpack.

“Yeah but I don’t wanna interrupt class” Christen replies with a hint of panic in her voice.

“Class hasn’t started yet” Tobin points out as she scans Christen’s face with her eyes, looking for any kind of tell that will give away what’s really on Christen’s mind.

“Still” Christen responds as her phone continues to vibrate in her hand, “I don’t want to be rude.” Tobin continues to train her unconvinced gaze on Christen and Christen takes this moment of hesitation as an opportunity to pull her wrist away from Tobin’s steady grasp. When Tobin’s eyes leave Christen to look down to her now empty hand, Christen throws her backpack on her shoulder, spins around, and all but sprints up the aisle and out of the room. Once safely in the hallway, she answers her phone.

“Hello?” Christen answers, her heart racing and her head pounding.

“Hey roomie!” Kelley greets enthusiastically from the other end. Christen tries to catch her breath.

“What’s up?” she asks, attempting her absolute best to sound calm and not emotionally unstable, which she very much is at the moment.

“Well I seemed to have locked my key in the room” Kelley timidly admits, “I was wondering if you could come let me back in. Are you close?”

“I’m in Hingst Hall” Christen answers as she begins walking down the corridor. She wants to be sure that just in case a certain someone followed her out, she can’t be found.

“Oh shit! Do you have class right now? I’m sorry for interrupting you, I’ll just get a key from the front desk and pay the fine later” Kelley figures as she’s about to end the call.

“No, it’s fine” Christen quickly replies as she pushes through the front doors to the academic building, “I’m on my way back anyway, I’ll let you in.” Christen hears Kelley let out a relieved sigh through the speaker of her iPhone.

“Thanks, Pressy! I really didn’t want to have to pay that fine” Kelley honestly informs.

“No problem” Christen returns as she begins to relax now that she’s put some distance between herself and the lecture hall. “I’m happy to help.” Very happy to help.

After letting Kelley back into the room and receiving one large bear hug for her efforts, Christen decides to grab some lunch at the dining hall. Since she would normally be in class right now, Christen thinks that considering she isn’t, she may as well get something to eat. There’s no sense in being behind on the class notes and hungry.

When she grabs a plate and stands in the buffet line, she feels someone poke her on the shoulder. Oh god, please tell me it’s not…

Christen turns in place and feels a wave of relief as she recognizes the girl in line behind her.

Ali.

“Hey Christen” Ali warmly addresses as she offers Christen one of her signature friendly smiles. Ali’s smile always make Christen smile in return. Because how can she not? It’s contagious.

“Oh, hey Ali! Are you here for the pulled-pork too?” Christen jokes as she gestures to the brown, mushy pile of ‘meat’ in front of her.

“Only if it’s still warm” Ali quickly replies with a wink, earning a chuckle from Christen. Thank goodness for people like Ali Krieger.

“So we all missed you at floor dinner the other night” Ali continues, catching Christen slightly off guard.

“Oh, um, I’m sorry. I just had a lot of reading to do for class. You know how it is” Christen nervously rambles. I’m such a terrible liar. In any other circumstance that would be considered a good thing. Ali just nods, not completely in understanding but definitely without judgement. That much Christen is thankful for.

“It’s cool” Ali reassures, “Just don’t make a habit of it, the girls were pretty excited to see you. Tobin even saved an extra seat for you and everything.” Christen’s heart drops to her stomach at that last part. She did? For me?

“I’ll try not to” Christen concisely responds as she attempts not to get lost in her own head again. Ali smiles and nods approvingly as Christen moves ahead in the buffet line and absentmindedly slops a pile of food on her plate.

Later in the evening, Christen and Kelley lay on their beds and talk about any and every random thought that pops into their heads. Currently, they are on the topic of Becky’s elegant braid that she sports every day.

“So do you think she does it herself or she has someone else help her out?” Kelley asks while tossing her soccer ball up in the air and bouncing it on her head a couple of times.

“It’s hard to say” Christen thoughtfully responds as she considers Kelley’s question. “I mean, one the one hand, she’s an RA so she lives in a room by herself. But on the other, it always seems so perfect.” Kelley hums as she takes in Christen’s observations. “Maybe we should just ask her?”

“No way!” Kelley exclaims as she continues to bounce to ball on her noggin, “That takes all the fun out of the mystery.” Christen giggles with amusement as she watches Kelley and her ball finally find a rhythm.

Then their light-hearted moment is interrupted by a knock on the door.

Both Christen and Kelley’s eyes dart towards the door and Kelley’s ball falls to the floor, instantly forgotten.

“Who do you think it is?” Kelley whisper-yells to her roommate.

“I don’t know” Christen whispers back with a shrug, “But whoever it is, I’m not here.”

“Wait, so I have to answer it?!” Kelley whisper-yells again.

There’s another knock.

“I’m not here, remember?” Christen cheekily replies as Kelley reluctantly gets up from her bed and pads over to the door. All the while Kelley shoots daggers Christen’s way. When Kelley finally creaks the door open, her demeanor changes immediately.

“Hey Kelly” a familiar voice wafts in from the hallway, “Can I speak to Christen please?” Shit. It’s Tobin. Christen instinctively coils up on her bed, trying to make herself as small as possible.

“Christen’s not here” Kelley bluntly states. Atta girl, Kelley. Way to have my back! I need to buy her some ice cream or something. Something to let her know how thankful I am that she –

“I know she’s here” Tobin’s voice interrupts Christen’s premature celebratory thoughts, “My door is open, I saw her walk in like ten minutes ago.” Shit. I have the worst luck. The worst possible luck. Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up, obviously not prepared for Tobin to call her out like that. Kelley turns to look back into the room.

“Oh, Christen!” Kelley exclaims with fake surprise, “How long have you been here? I didn’t even notice you come in!” The doors creaks open some more to reveal a determined looking Tobin standing just outside the door frame. Kelley mouths a regretful ‘sorry’ with her back to Tobin.

“Hey” Tobin simply states as her eyes lock on to Christen. There’s no escape this time. Nowhere to run.

“Oh, what’s that Kling? You need some help with your window fan? Sure, I’ll be right over!” Kelley yells as she hastily slides past Tobin and into room 317. In the distance, Christen can hear Kling’s voice. ‘Kelley? What the hell are you doing in here?... Wait, no! Don’t touch that!’ A crash soon follows. This gives Christen a brief moment to uncoil and prepare herself before Tobin turns back to face her once again.

“Can I talk to you?” Tobin asks as she waits for clearance to enter the room. Christen shifts uncomfortably from her spot on the bed.

“We’re talking right now, aren’t we?” Christen returns, trying to sound as casual as possible.

“No” Tobin sternly responds, not accepting any of Christen’s nonsense, “I mean really talk.” Christen sighs dejectedly. She knows she can’t avoid Tobin or her feelings any longer. Here we go. Christen finally nods and Tobin enters the room and shuts the door behind her.

“So” Tobin begins as she makes her way over to Christen and sits beside her on the bed. “Why are you avoiding me?” Christen instantly feels panic, she wasn’t expecting Tobin to be so outright with it. What do I say?

“What do you mean?” Christen feigns ignorance as she tries to buy herself more time. Shit, what the hell do I say?! How do I fix this? I need to fix this!

“You know what I mean” Tobin replies, again as blunt as ever. She really isn’t in the mood to beat around the bush. The little cat-and-mouse game she and Christen have been playing for the last week is really starting to get old. Frustrating even. “Why do you keep avoiding me like the plague? Every time I try to talk to you or spend time with you, you shut me out. Like, in class today, you just left.” Damnit, I knew that was a bad idea at the time, but I didn’t know what else to do! I still don’t… Christen thinks as Tobin’s questioning eyes observe her and soften a little.

“I just need to know what wrong, Christen. I’m kind of going crazy here not knowing why you don’t want to be around me.” Christen feels a pang of guilt, she didn’t think Tobin would be this upset about it. “You can tell me, I can take it” Tobin continues, “Did I do something wrong?” Those five words cause Christen’s heart to shatter. No! No, of course not! Christen wants to shout out. You’ve been so kind, so sweet, so patient, so perfect. I’m the one in the wrong, I’m the one who messed up! Yet here you are, sitting here blaming yourself because I’m too stupid to tell you how I really feel. You’re beating yourself up because I’m a coward. A stupid, selfish coward. I’m so sorry…

That’s what Christen wants to tell Tobin, but she can’t bring herself to do it.

Instead, Christen just shakes her head as tears begin to well in her eyes.

“Hey” Tobin gently consoles as she supportively places a hand on Christen’s back. “Just let it out. Tell me what’s up. You don’t have to keep everything bottled up inside. If I did something wrong, just tell me.” Christen lets out a heavy sigh as she looks up into Tobin’s concerned eyes. I can’t lie to her anymore. I can’t watch her suffer at my expense. I just can’t.

“You didn’t do anything wrong” Christen shakily admits.

“Then what is it? Why have you been so distant this week?” Tobin questions as she begins to rub comforting circles on Christen’s back.

“Because I…” Christen starts. It’s now or never, Christen. And never is no longer an option. You have to do this. Now.

“I…” Christen releases one last breath, one she’s felt like she’s been holding for a week.

“I like you.”