Chapter 2
Lexa stood in front of the mirror. She had been looking at her own reflection for quite a while, taking notice of every shade and curve whether it had been enhanced or not. She wasn't foolish - she could see the appeal. She was medium height, fairly muscular, she had a strong jaw and piercing eyes. She was very well aware of her effect on people, especially when she put her mind to affecting them. It was the mystery in her that often drew girls in, but it was the kindness and humility that they fell for. The two later being aspects of her personality that she couldn't really turn off, even though it would have saved a handful of broken hearts. She wasn't proud of it, although she tried not to blame herself since she was honest about not being interested in the long run.
Her reflection was hard. Cold. Dark. The black fabric of that sleeveless shirt hugged her breasts just the right way and showed off that grand pattern of flowers she got tattooed a few months earlier. It was a gift from Costia. A last distraction. Her eyes were painted hard with black eyeliner and maroon eyeshadow. Light and bright had never been her thing.
She could see the flash of the phone screen in the mirror and knew instinctively that it was Clarke calling, probably to get her to hurry up and come get her. Patience wasn't one of the blonde's strongest traits. Lexa took one last glance of her outfit in the mirror, a second to gather her senses, before she stepped over to the bed to retrieve her phone.
“Alexandria Woods you better be in your car”, came Clarke´s voice through the device, confirming that it was the blonde was in a hurry.
“Would it hurt you to say; hey Lexa, what are you doing”.
Clarke sighed heavily. “Hey”, she then said and put a smile over Lexa´s lips.
“Good girl”.
Clarke scoffed on the other line and the sound made Lexa´s lips twitch. “Are you on your way?”, the blonde then asked with a softer voice.
Lexa made sure to turn off the light as she left her room, then every other light she walked past on her way to the front door. The house was empty besides for her and would most definitely be until she got back later that night. It wasn't uncommon. All throughout Lexa´s upbringing had the house stood more empty than not. That was just how things were. Her parents were hardworking, to the point of being anonymous in Lexa´s life. It wasn´t that they didn´t took care of her, but attendance at things like matches or simply being home at the end of the day wasn´t things they prioritized. She had always gotten everything she wanted, so things could have been worse. At least, that was what Lexa had always told herself. She locked the door carefully. The night was chilly but welcomed, Lexa sure needed some time to cool off before getting comfortable with the blonde and the state she would certainly get herself in within the next few hours.
“I´m getting into the car right now”, she informed the blonde as she got into her black Ranger and then closed the car door.
“Great!”, came Clarke´s reply, which was quickly followed by, “could you hurry up?”.
“Why so rushed, Clarke”, Lexa laughed.
“Because…”.
Lexa huffed as she started the car, the AC immediately sending a shiver through her whole body. She could feel the goosebumps all over her arms and legs.
“Then you should have taken your own car”.
“Don't be silly, I'm getting drunk tonight so you have to be my driver”, Clarke answered, and Lexa couldn't help but roll her eyes.
“Ha funny”, she said. “I'll be there in ten”.
“Put me on speaker”.
Lexa did as she was told and placed her phone on the dashboard in front of her. She pulled out of the driveway to the sound of Clarke singing in the background. The green-eyed girl couldn't distinguish which song it was, but the mere sound of the blonde's voice was good enough for her. It was beautiful.
“How´s Raven getting there by the way? Are we picking her up?”.
Clarke´s singing stopped, and Lexa glanced down at her phone to see that they were still connected to the call.
“No, she´s already there”, the blonde told her, and Lexa was left smiling.
“I think I need some time to wrap my head around this”, she said, knowing that Clarke would understand her without spelling anything out.
“You and me both, babe”. Lexa drew for air, her chest once again feeling tight and strained. The blonde didn't mean, didn´t know, what uttering that word did to Lexa. Nor was Lexa ever going to let it be known. “I'm happy she's happy”, the blonde continued.
“Yeah, me too”, Lexa forced herself to answer.
The rest of the drive remained quiet. It was nice. They would do this every now and then. During the summers they used to just drive around, with and without Raven, and it could be quiet. It didn't really matter to either of them if they talked or not, what they wanted was to just be and be with each other. Which after some time proved to be easiest while driving around. That, then having created this space of comfort and safety just for them, was something that Lexa feared would crack if she would ever let on how she actually felt for the blonde.
“I´m here”, the green-eyed girl said and broke the silence as she pulled up to the house. She glanced up towards the second floor where one of the rooms were lit.
“Come up”.
“Clarke I´m not in the mood for games”, Lexa replied, her knuckles flashing white as she grabbed the wheel. She would have much rather just gotten to the party already and had a drink. Or three.
“I´m not playing. Just get up here”, the blonde told her.
Lexa glanced back up to that lit room, in which the other girl was waiting. Her stomach hummed silently as she exhaled. She thought that maybe she could handle a few minutes, just a moment more, until she would cave. A moment. That is what she promised herself was all she'd give as she turned off the engine.
“Fine”.
She didn't wait for a reply, only ended the call and got out of her car before she could change her mind.
Stepping into the Griffin’s household was like stepping into a dream, warm and familiar. Lexa had always liked it best there, in the safety of people that were constant and gentle. Calling that house a second home would be under exaggerating. Clarke and her whole family had always been Lexa´s family too, which made this her home. There wasn't a moment in Lexa´s life spent in this house that hadn´t made an impression on her. She could hear music playing from the middle floor and through it she could hear the sound of someone walking around. She made her way up there, taking her time as she did so, but was pulled to a jerking stop as she stepped onto the second floor. The door to the blonde's room had been left ajar and through the small opening Lexa could see the figure of the blonde laying on her stomach across her bed. Clad in a black, eye-catching dress accompanied by red high heels she had her eyes fixed at her computer at the foot on the bed.
The sight made Lexa´s body ache with wanting. It also made her incredibly ashamed of herself, mainly for taking that moment to watch someone that wasn't hers. Although Clarke could certainly argue later that night that she was in fact ‘Lexa´s girl’. Just not in the way needed for the green-eyed girl to not feel bad about her carvings.
“Are you coming up or what?!”, Clarke yelled, clearly unknowing of Lexa´s presence, her voice carried through the house like a song, a melody that sent Lexa´s heart into a panic. It was the blonde's suspect behaviour that made her nervous.
“You don't have to yell”, Lexa answered with a soft voice and pushed through the door.
Those blue eyes looked up at her and the beating heart in Lexa´s chest stopped. She was stunned by the blonde's looks, how that even was possible after all the years she had spent watching her grow into this beautiful and mesmerizing woman, she wondered. That was that she was. Completely and utterly mesmerizing. The blue shined with happiness, which quickly spread to her lips and Lexa felt her own mirror that silly smile.
“Hi”.
“You look great”, Lexa caved, more so into her own craving than complementing the blonde. The flush through her body didn't bother her too much. Not like this anyway. Not tonight.
“Nothing compared to you”, Clarke replied and Lexa´s heart sung to those words. “Casanova”.
The nickname pulled a scoff from Lexa. She might had grown used to that nickname, but it still made her nose crinkle in dislike. When her friends first started using it back in sophomore year when she really started dating to the extent that she did it did bother her. Especially since they didn't understand why she was so content to do what she did. Although, she could understand the humour in it, at least for them. She wasn't too happy though with being associated with a man who preyed on weak and manipulatable woman.
They joked around with the fact that Costia might have been the one to break the bad cycle of her going through girls quicker than the rising and setting sun. When things ended with her, they didn't use that nickname for quite a while, despite the fact that the green-eyed girl went straight back to the habit of dating one girl after another. Perhaps they saw that as a coping mechanism. Which it had been, but not in the way they thought.
“Are we going?”.
Clarke didn't answer, at least not with words, instead she patted the spot next to her as she sat up. Lexa didn't hesitate and sat down next to the blonde, quite eager to find out what all the fuzz was about. The blonde interlocked their hands, lacing her fingers with Lexa´s with gentle movements. Lexa was taken aback by the blonde and the silence that fell over them, her gaze darted down to their hands where those blue eyes had stayed. Without a word the blonde turned Lexa´s hand over, pressed it lightly to her own knee and unlaced their fingers. As the blonde began to trace the lines of Lexa´s palm the green-eyed girl started to grow worried, this was quite out of the ordinary behaviour for the blonde. She had always been intimate and gentle, but it was the silence and unsettledness in the air that bothered the other girl.
“Clarke”. The name rung through Lexa´s body like a prayer and she swallowed back the urge to reach out and touch the blonde's cheek. “What´s going on?”, she asked, on the verge of demanding an explanation to this behaviour.
She got a sigh in return, heavy and deep it rolled off the blonde's lips. Lexa ached more and more to lock eyes with hose blue wonders, to search through them to find an answer, but the girl denied her that wish by keeping her gaze firmly fixed at Lexa´s open palm.
“I don't want it to end”.
She could resist it anymore and reached out. With the pad of her thumb she brushed over the blonde's cheek, wishing quietly but yet so loudly within herself that the other girl would look up.
“What will end?”, she asked.
“This”, the blonde answered. “Us”, she clarified and then let out a deep breath.
“Clarke-”, Lexa started but was silenced by those blue eyes as they finally looked back up to meet her green ones. She grabbed a hold of the other girl´s hand and squeezed it tightly. “Talk to me”, she insisted, or more like begged.
“Graduation is in a few months and after that we´re gone. You're off to New York, I´m going to Boston and Raven´s planning on taking a year abroad”, the blonde explained, and Lexa could detect the hurt in her words.
“We've talked about this since we were kids, Clarke”.
“I know, but I… I don't want to lose you girls”, Clarke answered, her eyes now wandering off, far away from Lexa and their joined hands. “I can't lose you”.
The green-eyed girl scoffed. “You wouldn´t even if you tried”.
“It´s not a joke, Lex”.
“I understand”, Lexa then said, her stomach still flipping after what the blonde just said. She squeezed the blonde's hand gently. “You'll never lose me, I promise”.
Those blue eyes returned to look into Lexa´s green ones. No matter how hard it was for Lexa to hold back and simply not tell the blonde what she felt for her in that moment, it was harder to watch the pain and anxiety in the blue of her eyes. Clarke surged forward, pulling the green-eyed girl into her embrace. It was a hard one. A loving one. And Lexa barely acknowledged the fact that her fingers itched with want to touch the blonde in all the wrong ways, to do anything and everything to distract her from the sadness that had filled her.
“Alright, enough of this”, Clarke laughed and leaned back, her hand coming up to catch a tear dancing down her cheek. “I said I had something I wanted to show you”.
The blonde got up from the bed and walked over to the closet, she dug around for a bit until she stood back up straight. A silly smile had found its way to her lips and Lexa was relieved to see it. With a small box in her hands Clarke return to sit by the green-eyed girl´s side. She took a moment, her thumb simply gracing over the lid before she removed it. From the box Clarke took out an intricate bracelet, it looked like it was designed as tree trunks swirling around each other with flowers shooting out from the trunks. It was beautiful.
“Wow”. That was all Lexa could manage as she took in the jewellery.
“Niylah sent it”.
With those three words something cracked inside of the green-eyed girl. “She did?”, she questioned.
“Yeah, we've been texting a lot the last few weeks. She sent this as a Christmas gift”, Clarke explained with a soft smile spreading across her lips.
It caused fire to ignite in the green-eyed girl´s chest.
“I didn't know you´ve been talking to her”.
“It wasn't anything serious, just… fun”. Lexa bit her lip. Hard. She saw the signs; however small they were - Clarke liked her. It wasn't breaking news, Lexa was aware of the fact that the blonde had been infatuated with Niylah, but once Niylah had moved and changed school, Lexa didn't think much about it. Niylah was as far away as Costia, neither of them affected their lives. Until now. “She's planning on coming back for a semester”, Clarke continued, and Lexa cleared her throat as she got up from the bed, suddenly very restless.
“Really?”.
“Yeah”, the blonde answered with the touch of a smile at the corner of her mouth. The kind of smile that set off an avalanche of emotions in Lexa´s already fragile core. The kind that meant that she was starting to fall, quickly and roughly. The blonde shook her head and got up from the bed too, those blue eyes of hers met Lexa´s green ones. The blue was glowing with happiness, and it made the green-eyed girl´s throat tighten. “Anyway, I wanted to show you because it's so cute, but now we really got to go”, Clarke said and brushed past Lexa, snatching her leather jacket from the hook next to the wall on the way out.
The green-eyed girl had to close her eyes and focus on breathing, but in that particular moment her lungs had lost their taste for air.