Raibow Falls, New York.
“You looked so cute, Rosie!” Rose’s mom squeals after turning some pages of an old album. “I hope your baby will be as cute as you.”
“Excuse my mom, Kanaya.” Rose was clearly embarrassed of the display of photos of herself wearing frilly dresses and tiaras. “She can be a bit nostalgic.”
“My mom also has a collection of family albums.” You remember one night catching your mom watching an old album while crying. “Some of the photos were from before my transition.”
It is like a vague memory now, but your old reflection is something you can’t forget. You remember a small kid with a boyish haircut and wearing a skirt every time you entered your sister’s room.
“Girls, have you thought about any names so far?” Mom Lalonde asked you two.
“Kanaya and I made a list of possible names, and each name must have an opposite gender equivalent or at least be a name for both boys and girls.”
“I can’t let our child have the same limitations people like me had. I want them to have the opportunity to identify with the gender they want and not feel ashamed of what we would think about them.”
Years in the past, but not so many.
Age 5.
Miami, Florida.
“It is your fault he became a fa…!”
“Don’t dare insult my child, you bastard!”
Mom and Dad are fighting, and all you can do is cower below the table and wait for it to end.
“I should have raised him like a true man, instead of letting him be close to you and those women. That is right, I know you are one of those lesbians!”
“You are wrong, dad!” Porrim enters the room and she is stomping. “Mom isn’t a lesbian, but I am one!”
Dad slaps Porrim and Mom screams with anger; this makes mom take out the turkey saw and point it at Dad’s face.
“If you touch my children again, I will cut your ugly face to pieces!”
“You are crazy, you know that?! All of you!”
He went outside and never returned. After that, you and Porrim slept with Mom in the same bed to keep her company.
Some time later.
Age 6.
Maple Valley, Washington.
Moving to a new town is a difficult choice, but you three decided it was the best decision to start anew. Once the local church of the county names you a sexual deviant you can’t continue living with those people.
“Hi, I am Vriska.” A girl with messy hair and glasses greets you.
“Uh… I am Kanaya.”
“Hey, wanna join me and my sister Tez is a game? We are playing to be pirates.”
“Sure.”
That day you met your first crush, and her name was Vriska Serket. She was the complete opposite of you, and that was exciting. You liked princesses, she liked pirates; you liked bright colors, she liked dark colors; you liked classic music, she liked rock music. You two had many sleepovers over the years, and it was nice when she rested over you.
“So you were born with a boy body, but you are still a girl?”
“Pretty much.”
“You are so cool.”
Being called “cool” was one of your bests moments in your life. Unfortunately, she wasn’t aware of your crush for her, and she hurt you sometimes.
Age 13.
“Hey Fussyfangs, are you still mad at me?”
“Leave me alone, Vriska.”
“Jeesh, I didn’t knew kissing Toreadork would get you upset. I should have known that you liked him. Don’t worry, he doesn’t like me, and I am sure you two would be a nice couple if you still want to date him.”
“You are such a horrible person!”
Your heart broke that day, but you moved on and continued with your transition. It took you some time to forgive Vriska and still be friends, but you promised yourself to no longer fall in love so easily.
Age 16.
“I am so sick of this school!”
After a long day at the Alexander Hamilton High School, you want to cry in your pillow and punch a wall.
“Why can’t I have my fucking gender be right in my ID!”
Your mom sits next to you and tries to calm you down.
“Darling, the school is allowing you to dress the way you want and you have many supportive friends.”
“Mom, I am not allowed to shower close to the other girls, and I am lucky that they even let me enter the girl’s bathroom! Yesterday I saw boy crying in the girls bathroom because an asshole thinks he isn’t a real boy but a girl to be abused! How am I supposed to be safe when others like me get beaten mercilessly?!”
“Kieran, please…”
You know it was an accident, but the feeling of your own mother deadnaming you is a horrible one. Your mom tried to apologize, but you spend the next hours crying and shouting at god.
Today.
“Mom?”
“Darling, how hat you been?” your Mom says through the phone. “I heard you and the Rose girl are a couple now.”
“Word spread faster than what I thought. Anyway, I am calling to tell you some important news.”
“What is it, my child?”
“Rose and I are having a baby.”
“Oh my god! I am going to be a grandma!”
It is good that your Mom took the new well, but part of you has the idea that the fact that her “boy” got pregnant a girl makes you less of a woman.
“I am sure you two are going to be great moms. Kanaya?”
“I… thank you mom.”
You are smiling and crying a bit. You are genuinely happy.