Chapter 6
Kate sat on the living room floor with her long legs stretched out in front of her and with her back leaning against the new sofa. Beside her, on a rug, playing contentedly for now, was her daughter, Caitlyn. Kate was sorting through the last couple of packing boxes from the move. It had been just over a year since that awful night when the fire had all but gutted Caroline and John's house but, as fate has a habit of doing, everything had turned out for the best in the long run.
As Caroline had suspected, John had been overwrought with guilt at causing the fire and also had a desperate need for cash, having squandered all of his money, so he accepted a much lower price for his share of the house. It was a price Caroline and Kate could afford. Kate had put her cottage on the market and it had sold within a month. Conveniently, the new owners had bought it as a place to retire to when they eventually finish up at their respective jobs overseas but, for the moment, they were looking to rent it out so Kate, Caroline and family were able to remain there while they rebuilt Caroline's house. It was a little crowded at times, occasionally causing tempers to fray but they managed. Things had fallen into place so neatly that they often thought that it was as though it was meant to be.
The outside of Caroline's house had been cleaned of the black stains from the fire but was essentially unchanged from before. However, the inside had become an eclectic mix of both Caroline and Kate. Caroline had given the house an understated, elegant touch of muted tones and textures whereas the splurges of colour that brightened the place in the form of cushions, soft furnishings and covers were Kate's touch. Somehow the two tastes melded together perfectly to create a very liveable home for them all.
Kate opened the box that was nearest to her and began to sort through its contents. It was mainly filled with books to which she was too attached to give away. As she dug towards the bottom she came across, to her surprise, some of her old diaries. She wasn't a compulsive diary writer but she had found that during the lonelier, less happy times of her life it had often helped her to write down her thoughts. It was as though putting the problems down on the page helped to purge them from her mind. Kate removed the diaries from the box, there were three in all, and began to flick through the earliest one…2008. It had been the year of her reawakening as old feelings and attractions were stirred up. While she had been married to Richard for almost five years, it only took a matter of weeks for the arrival of her new neighbour, Annabel, to cause her attraction to women to resurface. Annabel was French and she had been highly impressed by the fact that her neighbour, Kate, could speak French like a native. Kate had found the combination of Annabel's intelligence, sense of humour and wild beauty irresistible and it hadn't taken long for the attraction to find its way to the bedroom.
Kate flicked forward several pages, remembering the intensity of the ensuing months and the unexpected end of it all.
December:
Annabel told me today that she is returning to Paris…going back to her husband…a husband I knew nothing about. I'm heartbroken…..
Kate tossed the diary aside, unsure whether or not to keep it or to put it in the bin. She then turned her attention to her daughter who was beginning to grizzle tiredly. Kate picked her up out of her pile of toys, put her on her lap, attached her to her breast and gently rocked her. Before too long her eyelids had closed and she was sleeping peacefully.
As Kate sat there nursing her daughter, she opened the next diary...2010. As she recalled, the first few months had been full of the discontent of being trapped in a marriage that she felt was no longer working for her. She'd originally met Richard at a pub when she was out for the night with some university friends. He had been fun and easy to talk to and they had a lot in common. Just over a year later they'd moved in together but it wasn't until a few years later, when they had both expressed the desire to start a family that they had decided to marry. Over the following years Kate had fallen pregnant several times but each time she'd lost the baby before she'd reached the twelve week mark. Each time it made their relationship more strained, each feeling the blame of the other for the loss. In 2009, after Annabel had left, Kate, in a misguided attempt to focus back on her marriage and put it back on track… and to find happiness… fell pregnant for a fourth time. However, despite the best care and caution, it wasn't to be. Finally, Kate called an end to the marriage and moved out. Tears welled in Kate's eyes as her diary entries brought back the sadness of that time of her life…the sadness when she told Richard she was leaving…the sadness of leaving their lovely home…but in her heart Kate had always known that to stay on and pretend to be happy would have been far worse.
October:
I found a lovely cottage in Harrogate today so I put an offer in and it was accepted. I can move in next month!
There's a job going at Sulgrave Heath Independent School for a modern languages teacher…I think I'll apply….can't hurt and it's much closer to where I'll be living.
November:
Moved into my new house…still a few things to fix up but I love it.
Interview next week for that job at Sulgrave Heath…I'm nervous just thinking about it. I'm very impressed though…the Head Teacher is a woman…not too many women get that kind of job…she's probably an old dragon.
Kate turned the page with a smile on her face as she remembered her interview with Caroline…or Dr Elliot as she was at that stage.
OMG…I wasn't expecting that…Dr Elliot was an absolute vision of gorgeousness….startling blue eyes, a shock of blonde hair….the way her hips swayed as she walked was enough to make me swoon…. and then there's those legs in those ridiculously sexy high heels…I can't even remember a word I said….she was MAGNIFICENT.
"What are you smiling so broadly at?" Caroline asked.
Kate jumped in surprise. She'd been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn't heard Caroline enter the room.
"Oh, nothing really," Kate answered innocently.
Seeing the rather tattered books beside Kate, Caroline asked, "Are those diaries?...I wouldn't have picked you as a diary writer."
"No…well, yes, they are old diaries but no, I don't write in them regularly…usually it's just when I'm feeling 'down' or have no one else to share my thoughts with…that's all."
"I'll have to have a read," Caroline joked but at the same time wondering how many times she'd gotten a mention in the diary clearly marked '2012'.
"It won't do you any good…they're all written in French," Kate laughed as she tossed them back in the box.
Caroline reached down and lifted the still-sleeping Caitlyn from Kate's lap so she could get up off the floor. Sensing the shift, Caitlyn opened her eyes and, seeing Caroline's face, muttered a sleepy 'mummy'.
"Yes, love…mummy's home," Caroline whispered as she placed a soft kiss on each of the child's cheeks. Kate watched on, besotted anew with both her partner and their daughter. Once she was on her feet again, Kate wrapped her arms around Caroline's waist and placed a loving kiss first on Caroline's lips and then on Caitlyn's forehead.
"Do you want to bath Caitlyn? Then she can have her dinner and you can put her to bed while I get some dinner ready for us," Kate suggested.
"Sure."
While Caroline took Caitlyn upstairs, Kate tidied away the toys, slid the box of books and memories into a corner for another time, and then headed to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Upstairs, Caroline fed and bathed her daughter and eventually laid the child in her cot, after which, she then took the opportunity to have a quick shower and freshen up herself. Before going back downstairs, Caroline opened her handbag that she'd left on the bed and took out a small, velvet box. She opened it to take one more look. Inside it was a stunning platinum ring with a single dazzling diamond set into the band. Caroline thought it was beautiful and hoped that Kate would like it too for tomorrow night, after she had made her partner a special dinner, she planned to propose. Caroline had already arranged for her mum and Alan to babysit. They would stay the night in what had previously been Celia's little flat but had now been done up as a guest's retreat for anyone who wanted to stay overnight…William and Roxy, Kate's mum or perhaps, on the odd occasion, Gillian might stay if she can find someone to feed the sheep. Tomorrow, they would, hopefully, have the entire night to themselves if things went to plan.
Caroline closed the box and put it back in her bag, took one more peek in at Caitlyn and then went back downstairs to join Kate. As Caroline entered the kitchen the delicious aroma of one of Kate's curries greeted her. Kate was on the phone.
"I have to go now" she heard as Kate ended the call.
"Who was that?" Caroline asked casually.
"No one important."
Kate's non-answer niggled Caroline's interest for a moment until Kate announced that dinner was almost ready and asked her to set the table.
Caroline asked, "Is Lawrence in for dinner did he say?"
"No…it's Friday…he and Angus have gone off to a movie and then he's staying overnight at Angus' place."
"He treats this place like a hotel…just a place to crash occasionally…I'm going to have words with him about it…Friday night dinner isn't too much to ask is it?"
"Oh, Caroline….he's 17… a teenager…that's what teenagers do….and it's the weekend," Kate explained patiently.
"I suppose…but it would be nice to see him occasionally," Caroline replied a little less huffily.
Kate served the meal and the two women sat for some time eating, chatting, enjoying each other's company over a glass of red wine.
As they later cleared away the dishes and tidied up, Caroline let Kate in on the first part of her plan for the following evening.
"I've arranged for mum and Alan to babysit tomorrow night and I'm going to cook something special for dinner for us…if that's alright?" Caroline asked.
"Of course it is…it would be lovely," Kate replied, flattered by Caroline's attention. "What's the occasion?"
Caroline hung up the cloth she had being wiping down the surfaces with, moved in close so that they could feel each other's body heat, held her partner's face gently in her hands and delivered a long and delving kiss. When their lips finally parted, Caroline answered, "The occasion is that I love you and I want to cook you a special dinner. Any more questions?"
Kate laughed. "No…not at this point in time." Then her expression changed. "Caitlyn's asleep…we could make the most of this time alone…upstairs….if you want."
"What? To get some sleep?" Caroline asked, knowing full well that sleep wasn't what was on her girlfriend's mind.
"Well…yes…that too…eventually."
oooOooo
Sleep-ins had tended to become a thing of the past with a one year old in the house but Kate had gone into Caitlyn when she had woken at 5:30am, fed her, changed the nappy and then brought her back to the bed with her where she lay snuggled peacefully between her mums, allowing Caroline to sleep in until 7:00am.
A little later, over breakfast and a morning coffee, the two women chatted as Caitlyn sat in her high chair and expressed her artistic talents with her food.
"I'm taking Caitlyn over to visit my mum this morning so we'll be gone for a few hours," Kate informed Caroline.
"I have some grocery shopping to do for tonight's dinner," Caroline replied. "Why don't you and Caitlyn come with me?….I won't be too long…and then we can all go to your mum's for a visit?"
Kate thought about it for a moment and then said, "No…it's alright. It's such a hassle taking Caitlyn to the shops. We'll go on our own….I think it would be best."
Although understanding what Kate was saying, Caroline couldn't help but feel a little hurt but she let it go.
Caroline put the baby bag in the boot of the car while Kate secured her daughter into her car capsule in the back seat. Kate then gave Caroline a quick kiss and a "See you later". Caroline waved them out of the driveway before getting into her own car and heading for the shops.
It took Caroline longer than she had expected to procure all the fresh ingredients she required and at the end of it all she felt like she could 'murder' a cup of tea so she quickly dumped her shopping in her car and headed for the nearest café. She entered, placed her order and found a seat at a small table near a window.
It was just as she had finished the first cup of tea and was considering a second one when she happened to look out the window and spotted Kate and Caitlyn on the other side of the street. Caroline was about to get up and go and greet them when she saw another figure with them... Greg, Kate's ex-boyfriend from a hundred years ago and Caitlyn's father.
"What the hell is Kate doing with Greg?" Caroline asked herself as she watched on with initial interest.
Her curiosity soon turned to mortification as she saw Greg turn to face Kate and take something out of his pocket…a small box similar to the one Caroline had in her bag containing the ring…then he opened it to show her what was inside. Kate took the open box, obviously admiring its contents as a huge smile spread across her face. Then to Caroline's shock and disbelief, she watched as Kate threw her arms around Greg and gave him a hug and kissed him on the cheek.
Caroline felt dizzy with shock. It was as though someone had literally kicked her in the chest. She found it difficult to breath and bile rose in her throat. She put her head in her hands and concentrated on keeping the rapidly forming tears at bay. When she looked up again she saw Kate and Greg, who was pushing Caitlyn's stroller, heading off up the street looking all 'happy families'.
"What's Kate playing at?" Caroline asked herself.
Somehow Caroline managed to drive herself home although she honestly couldn't remember any of the journey. Her mind was too busy trying to make sense of what she'd seen.
Once inside the house, Caroline found some temporary solace in the mundane chore of putting away all the groceries she'd bought, although her enthusiasm for cooking the special dinner had waned considerably. As she made her way around the kitchen, putting various items in their place, she made the decision not to mention what she'd seen to Kate. She wanted to see if Kate had any intentions of telling her what was going on or was she going to simply disappear from Caroline's life without warning?
It was a little after three o'clock when Kate finally arrived home carrying a very tired Caitlyn in her arms.
"You've been awhile," Caroline stated, trying to keep the anger out of her voice.
"Yeah….I sort of got carried away at my mum's and before I knew it I was running late."
Kate dumped her bag on the nearby sofa and carried her now sleeping daughter up to her cot.
While Kate was upstairs Caroline heard Kate's phone ring. She reached into her bag to retrieve it. The call was from Greg. Caroline let it ring out then she wrestled with her conscience…while the phone was in her hand she could check Kate's text messages and see if her suspicions were accurate but she knew that that would be wrong….she should trust Kate to tell her if there was something happening….but could Kate be trusted after what she had seen that morning? Caroline quickly found the phone's menu and went into the messages, all the while, her heart thumping recklessly in her chest…How would she explain this to Kate if she caught her doing it? However, the result of her search justified to Caroline her actions. There they were, dozens of text messages from Greg…each one seemingly innocuous in their language but each one arranging a time and a place for what was clearly a meeting. The texts went back weeks.
Caroline's shaking hand placed the phone back in Kate's bag…. a large part of her wishing she hadn't looked…wishing she didn't know what she knew now. Suddenly Caroline had the desperate need to escape…to get away and think things through. It was as Caroline was putting on her coat and grabbing her bag and car keys that Kate came back downstairs. When she found Caroline and saw her pallid face and sombre expression she asked, "Is everything alright?"
Through clenched teeth Caroline replied, "I have to go out."
"Where are you going? What about dinner?"
"I don't know" was the simple reply.
Caroline got into her car, slammed the door shut and left, the speed of her departure spraying gravel in all directions. Kate was left standing at the door completely puzzled and confused as she felt a slow anger building inside…Caroline had walked out on her again.
Not fully aware of where she had been heading, Caroline found herself pulling up almost an hour later at Gillian's place. As she parked, she noticed Gillian working on the engine of the tractor. Caroline continued to sit in her car, not really sure as to why she was even here. Gillian rested the tractor's piston on the seat, attempted to clean her hands of the grease and oil with some grass and then walked over to Caroline's car and knocked on the window. As Caroline turned to look at her Gillian couldn't help but notice the sadness of her features and the reddened eyes. She opened the door to encourage Caroline to speak to her.
"What's up?"
Caroline shook her head.
"Come inside and I'll put the kettle on," Gillian offered kindly.
Mutely, Caroline alighted from her car and followed Gillian inside where she sat at the warmly familiar table, her chin propped up on her hands. Gillian busied herself making them a cup of tea each. When she turned to put Caroline's mug on the table in front of her she saw the tears flowing unchecked down the woman's cheeks. Her heart reached out to her. What could be causing her so much pain?
"Caroline…what's happened? What's going on? Is somebody hurt? Is it my dad?" Gillian asked, her voice suddenly fraught with worry.
Caroline shook her head and then, finding her voice, she said sadly, "Kate is having an affair…with Greg…Caitlyn's father."
"No…she can't be…she's not," Gillian insisted. "Blind Freddie can see how much that woman loves you. I don't believe it. How do you know?"
"I saw them together this morning at a café …Kate, Greg and Caitlyn. I'd been grocery shopping …I was planning a special dinner for tonight and then afterwards I was going to propose…but I think Greg has beaten me to it…I saw him showing her a ring and then she hugged and kissed him albeit on the cheek…and then they walked off together down the street all 'happy family'."
"I can't …I don't believe it."
"Then this afternoon," Caroline continued, " while she was putting Caitlyn to bed her phone rang …it was Greg…I didn't answer it but…and I'm not proud of this….I checked her text messages….they've been meeting up about three or four times a week for almost two months."
Gillian was momentarily at a loss for words at this revelation until the obvious question hit her.
"Well, what did Kate say about all of this?"
"I didn't ask her…once I saw the text messages I had to leave…I had to get out of there so I got in the car and ended up here."
"So you haven't discussed this with her or given her a chance to explain?" Gillian reiterated.
Caroline shook her head.
"You pillock," Gillian said, exasperated. "For someone with a PhD in ….whatever…you're not always the sharpest knife in the drawer are you?"
Gillian softened her words by giving Caroline's hand an affectionate squeeze.
"What's to explain?" Caroline asked. "I saw what I saw."
"There could be a perfectly rational explanation."
"Yes," Caroline replied harshly, "and it goes along the lines of 'she's had enough of me and wants her daughter to be with her father' like it or not."
The two women sat quietly for some time, drinking their tea, neither knowing exactly what to say until Caroline broke the silence.
"How's little thingywhatsits? Calamity?"
"She's good…growing faster than gossip in a church yard. Raff and Ellie have taken her down to visit Harry."
"How's Robbie?"
"Oh, we've had a bit of a falling out….again…but it will sort itself out…it always does eventually."
Caroline covered her face again as she sobbed through tears, "What am I going to do?"
"You're going to put yourself back in your car and you're going to drive home and talk to her," Gillian instructed firmly. "That's all you can do. I've seen how much that woman loves you…she'd walk barefoot over broken bottles for you…there's got to be another explanation."
Caroline looked at Gillian, almost daring to believe that what she said might be true. Slowly she got up from the table and walked with Gillian by her side back to her car. Just as she was about to get in Caroline turned and hugged her. "Thank you."
Gillian hugged her back. "It will be fine."
Caroline looked at her doubtfully and gave her a weak smile then got in her car, reversed it out of the yard and drove off down the road.
oooOooo
It was dark when she got back and all of the lights in the house were off but one. Caroline nervously searched for her house key so she could open the door but before she could use it the door opened and Kate's figure stood in the doorway, arms folded across her chest and a stern expression on her face.
"Evening," Kate said frostily.
Caroline replied with a quiet 'hello' and then slipped passed Kate, walked inside and hung up her coat. "Where's Caitlyn?" she asked.
"Celia and Alan are looking after her. Seeing that they made the trip all the way over here especially to babysit her I thought they could have a visit while I tried to work out where the hell you were," Kate explained. "I couldn't even call you….you left your phone on the kitchen bench."
In her rush to leave, Caroline had forgotten all about Celia and Alan coming over.
The two women walked into the kitchen and out of habit Caroline reached for a glass and a bottle of wine and proceeded to pour herself a generous amount of the usually soothing red liquid.
Frustrated with not getting any answers Kate asked, "Where have you been?"
"I drove over to Gillian's….I don't know why I chose there exactly but I did."
Kate's mood melted slightly as her desire to get to the bottom of it all overcame her anger.
"Caroline, what's up?...Talk to me. I've been worried out of my brain…I've been trying to think of what I might have done to upset you so much and I've come up blank," Kate pleaded.
It was Caroline's turn to be angry. "Oh, really? How's Greg?" Caroline retorted.
"Greg? What's he got to do with this?"
"I was shopping this morning and I stopped at a café to have a cup of tea….imagine my surprise when I looked across the road and saw you and Greg getting all cosy."
"Oh, Caroline…it's not.."
Not to be interrupted, Caroline continued talking. "Then, when you were putting our daughter down in her cot, he rang you. I didn't answer…I let it ring out." Caroline paused for a moment, embarrassed to admit to Kate what she had done. "Then …. and I know I shouldn't have done this but I did…I went through your text messages….there were dozens of them from Greg going back weeks, all of them arranging secret trysts…"
Kate hid a small smile behind her hand.
"How can you possibly think this is funny, Kate? If you want to be with Greg then at least be up front about it rather than go sneaking behind my back." Just as Caroline seemed to be reaching full rage, her voice quietened to a whisper. "I don't think I will survive if I lose you and Caitlyn."
Realising how things must look from Caroline's perspective, Kate's expression became more serious. She stepped in close to Caroline, put her arms around her waist and placed a loving kiss on her mouth. Wanting nothing more than this woman, Caroline let herself be drawn into the kiss momentarily but then she drew back, wanting answers to her questions.
"I'm sorry, Caroline. I should have told you what was going on right back at the beginning but, knowing how you feel about Greg, I thought it best at the time to just do what I had to do and not tell you…I can see now how that has led to a total misunderstanding," Kate attempted to explain.
"So what is it that you had to do with Greg that you couldn't tell me about?"
Kate took Caroline by the hand, led her into the living room and indicated for her to sit. This wasn't going anywhere towards quelling Caroline's uneasiness.
"Is this where she tells me she's leaving?" Caroline wondered to herself. "She thinks I'll take it better sitting down?"
Kate sat closely beside her, still holding her hand.
"Greg met this woman in Paris about six months ago and fell head-over-heels in love with her. She speaks a little English but not much and Greg has only got very basic French so he asked me if I would teach him some French. We've been meeting three, sometimes four times a week…he's super keen to impress this woman…and I've been giving him French lessons….He's done very well."
The tears of fear and sadness that had been welling in Caroline's eyes flowed as tears of relief. She swallowed hard to contain the lump in her throat.
"What about the ring he showed you?" Caroline managed to ask. "I thought he was proposing to you."
"Tomorrow he's going to Paris to meet up with this woman and he's planning to propose to her. He was showing me the ring that he'd bought her….it was a little too fussy for my liking but he seemed certain that she would love it."
Caroline leant her forehead against Kate's. "Gillian was right…I should have talked to you before I stormed out with my own version of events stirring in my head…she called me a 'pillock'."
"She's right, you are a pillock," Kate teased before continuing more seriously, "but I should have confided in you, Caroline. I'm very sorry that I didn't….I didn't want you to worry but in the end that's exactly what happened….please believe me when I say that you are the only person I truly, madly, deeply love."
Both women had the same idea at the same time as they both moved their mouth towards the other's, their lips meeting in an ardent kiss affirming that all had been forgiven.
As the kiss ended, Caroline got up from the sofa and offered to fetch the bottle of wine and some glasses. Kate made to go with her but Caroline insisted that she stay where she was. Caroline then went into the kitchen, grabbed the wine and the glasses and also the small, velvet box that was in her bag and returned to the living room. She put the glasses on the low table and poured the wine then she turned to Kate who looked bemused as she could tell that Caroline was up to something.
"Kate, I know I leave a lot to be desired sometimes as a partner…today being point in case…."
"That was my fault too…"Kate began.
"Ssshhh….let me finish…please," Caroline begged. "I will try harder because I love you so very much and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I would like nothing more than to make it…us together forever….an official thing….will you marry me?
Caroline opened the box to reveal the ring. Kate gasped at both the beauty of the ring and the magnificence that was her Caroline.