Today was a good day at the convention center of Seatle. The Christian Coalition of non denominational churches made an awesome convention where the faithful could share their beliefs and gain some fair profits as an exchange for their crafts inspired in the image of your Lord and Savior. However, just as you were going to your place in the parking lot to stash in your car your new home decorations, you saw someone you thought you wouldn’t see in a long time.
“Katrina!” You scream to your long lost sister, and she seems to be accompanied by Porrim’s sister. “I am so glad to see you!”
She seems to be angry at something. You wonder why. Whatever, you are already running to greet them.
“Of all the places in this state, why the fuck did I have to encounter YOU here?”
“I know we haven’t been able to reconnect since Dad got drunk and violent, but as your big brother I have a duty to care for you.”
“Ahem,” the woman standing next to her gets your attention. “That wouldn’t be necessary, since HE is my little brother and I care for him.”
“Since when do I need protect…”
The younger Maryam shooshes her and gives her a kiss on the head.
“I guess you are Porrim’s sister, Kanaya. I appreciate that you and your family took care of HER while our family was passing through tough times, and I would like to repay you for the favor some way. Maybe a cup of coffee in the convention center’s Starbucks?”
“I… I would like to, but we are busy running some errands. We only came here because some friends are getting married and there is a nice reception in the city that we needed to supervise while it is being decorated.”
“A wedding! That is wonderful news!”
“Yes, we are pretty busy.” Katrina looks angry and seems to want to get away from here. “So we better get moving before either Serket or Lalonde get each of us killed for being late. I wonder who is worst, Egbert’s control freak fiancée, or your yandere/tsundere girlfriend.”
“Shoosh.”
You forgot she is Maryam and that homosexuality isn’t punished by them. You hope Katrina isn’t being indoctrinated into their sinful ways. However, now that she identifies as a man, would that make her straight or lesbian? Anyway, she and her friend walk away without caring if you would have continued the talk.
“Hey, padre Vantas!” Kanaya turns around and gets your attention. “If you misgender my little brother again I will kick you in your balls!”
Now you have a flashback of Porrim kicking you in your balls after you politely called her out of her sexual escapades with two different girls. It was a painful experience not worth being lived again.
At Starbucks.
A capuccino macchiato is a good way to relax after three hours of shopping and a concert of your favorite Christian band. Now that your head is clear as a diamond, you have to think about current events, starting with this strange occurrence of homosexuality and sexual liberation going around. You remember being taught since kindergarden that boys and girls marry when they are older and then have kids to fulfill God’s plan for every person alive; it was simple and charming, but then you met Porrim at high school.
“I find you pretty, so I most politely ask if you would like to be my girlfriend.”
She just giggled.
“Sorry, but… I am a lesbian.”
It was uncomfortable at first, but you promised yourself that if you couldn’t date her, you would help her reach heaven. It didn’t work. She just went from one girl to the next and it was just a game to her and the ones involved. Then you met Damara.
“Hi, I am Kankri and I…”
“Wanna makeout?”
Ok, that was an interesting experience, but there was something really wrong with her. She just wasn’t into chastity and commitment as you were, and the only thing that you got were a few kisses, one night of passion, and a photo of her boobs. You still have it in your wallet when you feel that God wouldn’t care if you sinned bit.
“Hey there, pal.”
You turn your head up from your seat and see an old friend you haven’t seen since high school.
“Cronus! I haven’t seen you in a long time. How had you been doing?”
“Be careful with your words, Vantas, a guy not as nice at me would make a dirty joke without you noticing. As how I had been doing, my music career is just starting.”
“You are a musician now? Wow, I thought you were only focused on writing those sinful wizard stories.”
“That was the old nerdy me. Now I compose songs sell them at conventions. The trick is to adapt everything to make it said Jesus. Who would have thought the Lord makes shitty lyrics sound good.”
“The Lord makes artists create incredible music, like with the song from God Isn’t Dead.”
“I actually composed that song and sold it as a jingle to Pure Flix.”
“No way!”
“Yes way! God isn’t dead, he is living on the inside!”
“He is roaring like a lion!”
You and Cronus annoyed the other clients there and got thrown out. The two of you talked on and on about what you two have been doing. You told him about your work at a charity that helps drug addicts recover, and he told you about how he is travelling around the country playing his guitar at Christian events. It is good to finally have someone to talk about what is important.
Holiday Inn, Seatle.
Your head is a bit fuzzy and you feel the nedd to throw up. Did something happened last night? Your turn around and see A NAKED CRONUS NEXT TO YOU!
“OH DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD! DEAR GOD!
“…Eh, good morning pal.”
You jump out of bed and take your pants from the floor where they are lying. You can’t believe what just happened. You have practiced anal sex in the past to avoid taking away a woman’s virginity, but now you just fucked a man and he fucked you! This is so wrong in so many levels!
“I am going to hell! Please, God forgive me!” You scream while running through the floor of the hotel you are currently at.
After getting inside your car and riding away from Seatle with Praising Eagles coming out of your stereo to keep your evil thoughts out, you come to a stop at a gas station and vomit outside of your car. Then your phone rings.
“Hello?”
“Why did you left me here like a bitch!”
“I am sorry, I need some fresh air.”
“You were supposed to take me to the bus station this afternoon! I am going to miss my bus, man.”
“Listen, I am just trying to deal with the implications of what happened last night.”
“Dude, we just fucked, like regular humans do when they feel consensual and shit.”
“BUT THIS ISN’T PART OF GOD’S PLAN! I… I am sorry, but I can’t do this.”
“Vant…”
You shut down your phone and punch your car so hard that you leave a mark there.
“AAAAAHHH!!!! FUCKING SON OF AN ATHEIST! WHY THE FUCK AM I GAY?!”