Beefcake

Erin had been working on a problem for days. It wasn’t a physics problem, it was a Holtzmann problem. Specifically, she had been trying to figure out what to do about Holtzmann and the information Patty had given her. Holtzmann was one of her closest friends and as a person who hadn't had many close friends, Erin treasured her. She thought that Holtz was a beautiful genius, an incredible weirdo, a catch, but she worried about messing up their friendship or jeopardizing their work together. So Erin had treated this problem like any other problem. She’d made all kinds of diagrams and charts trying to figure out the right answers. She’d made lists of pros and cons, written out possible responses and reactions, a flow chart with potential outcomes. She’d kept it all in a red notebook that’d she had been carrying with her everywhere. There were also a few pages filled with physics equations to throw her colleagues off the scent, but no one had been too nosy, scribbling madly was not outside the realm of normal activity for Dr. Gilbert. She finally decided it was best to apply the scientific method. It had never failed her before. Step by step was the smart approach.

Ask a Question
Do Research
Develop Hypothesis
Test with an Experiment
Analyze Results
Draw Conclusion

She was going to do her damnedest to approach this situation scientifically. Feelings were messy but science was grounded in facts. Facts were comfortable for her. That’s how she saw the world, after all. Data to be categorized, problems to be solved, research to be conducted. The question was: what happens when you get involved with a coworker? The little research she’d done did not bode well. Things had become extremely awkward with Kevin for a period of time, which was uncomfortable. Plus, they’d not had an actual relationship, just sex. She wondered what Holtzmann wanted from her- just sex, or something more? She decided that further research was necessary and Facebooked an old friend from Columbia who had been in more relationships than Erin could count.

Erin: Hey, Sylvia! Doing some research on romantic relationships in the workplace and whether or not they work. Care to be part of it?

Sylvia: Ha! Sure. What do you need to know?

Erin: Well, first, I’m categorizing data in two different ways- simply being sexually involved with coworkers and being in romantic relationships with coworkers. And I guess the overall effects these circumstances have on your personal and professional lives.

Sylvia: As you know, I’ve got experience with both. I’ve slept with a couple coworkers with no troubles, although there was one time I had to quit a job because of it…But usually sex with no strings attached works out fine. It can be awkward, especially if the hook up doesn’t meet your expectations. Or if someone wants more. But you kind of have to find that our in advance.

Erin: Ok, and what about relationships?

Sylvia: This could be a long story...meet me for a drink to discuss it?

Erin: Sure.

Erin and Sylvia met up that evening at a bar not too far from the firehouse. Erin had a nice time with her old friend and Syl had a lot of input on the topic. She’d had one relationship that ended in a break up and her transferring to a different department, one where she secretly dated a guy who was technically her inferior and he had to quit so she didn’t get into trouble, and, currently, she and her fiance both taught at Columbia, though in different departments. They’d gone to Human Resources with the information to cover their asses once Syl and Ben realized it was not just going to be a short-term romance. Erin felt like Syl had provided a lot of interesting data. It was true that Sylvia had found the love of her life at work, but she’d also had to deal with the complication and heartache of ending relationships. It didn’t sound like fun. Sylvia kept mentioning the importance of communication in relationships and that gave her a squirmy feeling too. Sure, she'd been practicing, but it did not come naturally. Erin reflected on how things with Kevin had gotten less awkward since she’d confronted him and she wondered if maybe something casual was the best way to go. All that data was pointing to that hypothesis: serious work relationships complicate things, casual ones do not. Erin sighed. She did not do casual very well. She tucked her notebook into her purse and decided to that was enough research for one night. They had a couple of drinks and caught up on one another’s lives and by the time Erin was wanting to leave, Sylvia was pushing hard for a tour of Ghostbusters Headquarters. Erin checked her watch. 10:15pm. She knew Abby and Patty would be gone by then. Holtzmann was a maybe, she’d had a breakthrough on a project just the other day and was recovering from the string of all-nighters she’d recently pulled. Erin decided to gamble.

Erin gave Syl a tour of the firehouse and it was fun. Sylvia pleaded with Erin to release a ghost (Ben was a huge believer in the paranormal and Syl wanted a picture with a spectre) but Erin had learned that lesson and told her she’d have to settle for seeing the containment unit. They poured a couple of glasses of wine and Syl inched toward Holtzmann’s lab, where something was glowing slightly on the table. When she approached, it begin to emit a whirring noise. Startled, Syl dropped her wine glass, sending shards of flying all over Holtzmann’s workspace.

“Shit!” Syl screamed, “Erin, I am soooo sorry! What do we do?! This stuff looks dangerous!”

“Just...just back away. I’ll handle this,” Erin set down her glass and approached the bench.

“Stop.” Holtzmann materialized in the doorway, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. Erin blanched, unsure of what to expect. “Don’t touch anything. I’ll get it.”

“I’m so sorry Holtzmann. Let me help. Please,” Erin felt awful. Not only had her friend made a huge mess of Holtz’s space, but she’d also woken her up.

“I’m sorry too,” Syl squeaked, “I should probably go. It was nice meeting you! Bye, Erin!” Sylvia grabbed her purse and was gone in a hot second. Typical, Erin thought. The woman had never dealt well with stressful situations.

“What were you guys doing up here?” Holtz asked as she collected a broom and dustpan from under the sink. “It’s not exactly safe to bring people around here who don’t know what they are doing.”

“Sylvia’s a friend. She wanted to see a ghost but I told her the containment unit was as close as she was going to get.”

“Well, I’m glad you’ve learned your lesson there.” Holtz said with a sigh.

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. Please let me help. This is my fault. We never should have had wine glasses near your stuff.”

“If you’re going to drink and science, you gotta use the plastic cups.”

“I will keep that in mind,” Erin replied, glad to see that Holtz didn’t seem to be angry. She pulled on some rubber gloves and began delicately collecting the pieces of glass that Holtz couldn’t get with the dustpan. They worked together in silence for a few minutes. “I’m sorry for waking you up. I didn’t realize you were here or else I wouldn’t have had Syl back.”

“It’s fine,” Holtz said with a wave of her hand.

“Actually, it’s not really fine. I hate it when people say ‘it’s fine’ when it’s really not.”

“Well, what should I say then?”

“I think if you forgive someone’s mistake, you say, ‘I forgive you’. Not ‘it’s fine’. Because if someone does something that requires an apology, it’s obviously not fine,” Erin flushed a little, embarrassed by her sudden rant, “I know it sounds silly but it means a lot to me. I’ve spent too much of my life brushing off behavior that wasn’t fine and that I didn’t deserve.”

Holtz was silent for a moment and then, “I forgive you, Gilbert.”

“Thank you.” They were close now, looking each other in the eyes with only the corner of the table between them. Erin swallowed her nervousness and decided it was time for testing her hypothesis with an experiment.

She moved around the corner of the table so she and Holtzmann were facing one another. Carefully, she set the shards of glass into the dustpan Holtz had placed on the table. She slowly removed her gloves and tossed them on top. Holtzmann was looking at her curiously. She took one step closer.

“Erin?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing?” Holtzmann asked softly as Erin slowly placed her arms around her, through her wild hair that was loose around her shoulders and clasping her hands at the back of Holtz’s neck.

“I’m experimenting,” came Erin’s reply. “So I guess maybe I need your consent?”

Holtzmann smirked, sliding her hands around Erin’s waist and leaning in until their foreheads were almost touching. “Yeah, Gilbert. You’ve got my consent.”

Heart beating rapidly, Erin closed her eyes and breached the small gap between them and gently pressed her lips to Holtzmann's. They were soft and warm and Erin felt like her entire body was buzzing. It felt like her nerve endings were on fire as Holtz’s calloused fingers gently rubbed the bare, sensitive skin between Erin’s shirt and pants. Erin moved her hands to Holtz’s face, stroking the smooth skin of her jawline.

When she pulled away she felt dizzy and warm. She opened her eyes slowly to see Holtzmann smiling at her. It was somehow different, softer, than her usual Cheshire cat grin and it made Erin’s heart skip a beat.

“So,” she asked. “What are the results of your experiment?”

Erin laughed, considering.

“I think,” she said softly, before leaning in again, “I’m going to need to do some further testing.”