Beefcake

Erin was trying to work, trying to read a new study about dark photons, but she was distracted. She was trying to figure out how the outcome of this study fit in with the research she’d been doing, but her focus was waning. Holtzmann’s words were echoing in her head over and over again. There were two strands of the conversation that really stuck with her: what Holtz had said about being straightforward with Kevin rather than avoiding him, and what she’d said about looking in the wrong places. Both were separate issues, neither seemed to have an easy solution. Erin sighed as she set down the marker she’d been using to highlight the dark matter article. She felt like she’d made a lot of personal progress in the past few months, but confrontation was still not her strong suit. Especially with someone like Kevin. What were the chances she’d be able to have a conversation with him that would end with them both on the same page?

And the other issue, the looking in the wrong places thing, what did that even mean? Sure, maybe she’d been a little dramatic when she’d said she should be married with kids by this point. It was true that her life hadn’t gone according to her plans, but she did consider herself successful. She had a job she loved working with great people, she’d made important scientific breakthroughs, and she’d saved people who were in real danger. Would she have been able to do those things if she’d had a family? She had never really thought of herself as a person that was “looking for love” anyway. Wasn’t that kind of corny? She wasn’t using dating apps, wasn’t actively seeking out a relationship, wasn’t begging friends to set her up with someone. Yes, she’d slept with her employee. And yes, she felt awkward about it. But she wasn’t exactly “looking for love” when she’d made that choice. She had been looking for a good time. And a good time was had. Mission accomplished. So maybe she needed to clear that up with Holtzmann the next time she saw her. Yeah.

Erin did feel that talking with Kevin rather than avoiding his presence was probably a good idea. She wanted to be prepared for this conversation, so she tore a sheet of paper out of her notebook and sat down at her desk. She’d make a list of talking points, like she was going to give a lecture. Being prepared always made her feel more comfortable. Erin was a notorious list maker. She took pleasure in crossing items off of her lists, in reveling in her accomplishments. She jotted down a few ideas that could at least get the conversation with Kevin started. When she was finished, she had a short list that highlighted the main points she wanted to make. She hoped this would be an easy conversation. She read over the list one more time before tucking it into her pocket.

~Acknowledge what happened
~Apologize for any discomfort caused
~Explain it was a one-time thing
~Encourage maintaining professional boundaries moving forward

Erin nodded. It seemed simple enough. Avoiding Kevin had irritated the others, especially Abby, who’d fully taken over the job of double checking Kevin’s email each night to be sure he hadn’t missed anything important. So it was time to act. She stood up and walked down the stairs without checking to see if Kevin was still there for the first time since that night. She mentally patted herself on the back for this.

“Hey Kevin!” Erin called as she approached his desk, “Nice looking paperclip chain you’ve got there.” Kevin had managed to link every paperclip on his desk into a chain that was nearing six feet long. She wondered how long he’d been working on it and also how much they paid him. She shook that idea out of her head. That was a conversation for another time.

“Hey boss,” Kevin replied, smiling, “Thanks. Are you feeling better?”

“Oh, um, I feel fine. Why do you ask?”

“Abby said you had a wicked case of the stomach flu. Trouble from both ends. That’s why I haven’t seen you in a few days. I hope you’re feeling better.” She briefly considered punching Abby in the face for that, but decided that her elusive behavior had probably earned her that kind of rumor.

“Ah, that. Yes, I’m feeling much better. I was wondering if we could talk.”

“We’re talking right now! So I guess we can, huh?”

“Why don’t you step into my office for a minute?” Erin asked him, gesturing toward her office door.

“Oh. Ok. Am I in trouble?” He looked worried.

“Not at all. Come on in.” She pulled the door shut behind him and sat down behind her desk, her fingers rubbing the list of talking points in her pocket. She wondered if she’d need to give it to him as a reminder.

“So Kevin, about the other night. Thanks for that. It was a fun night. I hope what happened hasn’t made you feel...uncomfortable.”

“Well, I didn’t like being possessed by Rowan, but I’m glad I was able to save the city. It sure was a close one.” Kevin replied, completely misunderstanding what Erin was referring to. She squeezed her eyes shut and sighed, willing herself to be as frank as possible.

“Oh, I’m actually referring to the night we celebrated on the rooftop. And you ended up in my bed. And we, y’know, slept together? I hope that didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Since I’m technically your boss. I hope you didn't think I was taking advantage of you.”

Kevin shrugged. “No, I don’t feel uncomfortable. That sort of thing happens all the time.”

“Does it?” Erin’s eyebrows lifted of their own accord. Nothing like this had ever happened to her before.

“Yeah, of course. I mean, sleeping with people from work is just good business.” Erin decided it would be imperative to plow through the list of talking points and get this weird conversation over with.

“Well, I don’t know if I agree with that. I think from now on we should keep this relationship strictly professional. I’m not really looking for anything serious.”

“Oh, me neither. Sometimes you just have to nail someone and get it over with. Cuts the tension, increases productivity. You know how it goes.”

“Ok. Sure. So we both agree it won’t happen again? Great. I’m glad we cleared that up.”

“Definitely. I’ll probably move on to Holtzmann next, then Abby. Patty scares me a little bit. So I’ll probably save her for last.” Although dying to to ask how Kevin intended to get Holtzmann to sleep with him, Erin figured that that rabbit trail would likely take them so off topic that they’d never return and it was probably best to nip this in the bud.

“Oh, Kevin, no. I don’t think it’s a good idea to sleep with anyone else. I think you’ve...I think you’ve done enough. Why don’t you stick to answering your emails? And making coffee. I think that’d be a better way to spend your time.”

“Ok boss, if you say so.” He noticed a small plastic container of paperclips on Erin’s desk, “Oh! Can I have these? For my chain?”

“Sure, Kevin. Take them. I think we’re done here.”

“Great, thanks!” he said, grabbing the box and wandering back to his desk.

Erin leaned back in her chair and wished she had written having this conversation on her to-do list so she could cross it off.