Chapter 23
Lexa leapt up from the couch as though it had burned her and walked toward the kitchen. This was not happening. This was not fucking happening. Not only was Costia a lying cheat, but Finn? Finn! What the hell? They had known each other for years. Years! How could he? Why would he do that? Dead. So fucking dead.
Lexa didn’t know what to do, her brain wasn’t working. She couldn’t take it. It was like she was on fire, she could feel her temperature rising as her heart pounded furiously in her chest. The anger was so much - too much, it felt like it was splitting her. Reaching out, she grabbed the edge of the kitchen sink and squeezed as hard as she could. It was too hot, her eyes stung and her lungs were failing her. It hurt. Something had to give. It had to give, right now.
“Lex,” Clarke’s arms came around her from behind. “Lexa, take a breath,” her voice was firm, but calm.
Lexa tried to breathe as pushed back into Clarke’s embrace, her eyes stinging again.
Clarke’s arms squeezed around her stomach as she pressed her cheek against the back of her shoulder. “Breathe,” Clarke instructed harsher.
Lexa reached down, her hand finding one of Clarke’s forearms, she took a deep breath and was relieved when she felt the air move into her lungs. A few more breaths and Lexa began to feel her heart rate slowing. “Clarke,” she said quietly and gave her arm a squeeze. But, Clarke didn’t let go. Lexa felt her grip tighten as Clarke’s head shook against her shoulder and then Lexa heard it, the smallest of sobs and she knew, Clarke was crying.
Lexa gave her arm another squeeze and let her cry for a moment, before turning within her embrace and pulling her close. Clarke sobbed harder at this and tears began to fill Lexa’s eyes as well. Clarke’s head was buried in her neck and Lexa could feel her tears on her skin as she held her tighter. How the hell did they get here?
A sound behind them broke them apart and turning they found the confused faces of Octavia and Raven staring back at them.
“Clarke?” Octavia asked with concern in her eyes.
Clarke wiped her eyes. “Finn cheated on me,” she croaked.
Octavia’s jaw dropped as she stepped forward, looking like she was about to start crying as well.
“With Costia,” Lexa finally added as she quickly brushed the moisture of her cheeks.
“WHAT?” Raven and Octavia yelled together.
“Yep,” Clarke confirmed with a quick nod.
“You caught them?” Raven questioned as she moved toward the table.
Lexa glanced at Clarke. “Not exactly,” she answered.
Clarke shook her head as she sat down at the kitchen table and started to explain, while Lexa just paced in the kitchen. When Clarke finished speaking Lexa crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter, her anger was back. Feeling all of her muscles tensing, she took a deep breath. She still couldn’t even believe that this was really happening.
“That is so fucked up,” Octavia shook her head. “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to kill them.” Lexa responded matter-of-factly.
Clarke glanced at her, “You’re not,” she said calmly.
“I’m with Lexa on this one.” Raven chimed in. “Fucking Finn. I’m going to kick his hypocritical ass.”
“I’m going to kill him.” Lexa said again and Clarke sighed.
Lexa started to pace. Her mind went to Costia. This was so wrong. Why would she do this? Lexa began to rack her brain, trying to figure it out, but nothing came to her. No. She hadn’t done anything to deserve this. If Costia didn’t want to be with her, why didn’t she just leave? Her eyes went to Clarke. Neither of them deserved this.
“I guess it could be worse.” Raven shrugged absentmindedly.
Lexa spun around. “Seriously?”
“No, no,” Raven put her hands up. “I just meant, you know, at least it’s something that can be taken care of. Like, with all the shit out there, it could have been worse.”
Lexa rubbed her eyes in frustration. “Sorry,” she muttered.
“So, do you think it's Costia or Finn that’s also cheating with someone else?” Raven asked curiously. “One of them must be,” she added.
Lexa shook her head and shrugged. She didn’t want to think about it.
“How long have you know?” Octavia asked looking Clarke.
“A couple of days.” Clarke answered her with a shrug.
“And Finn’s still breathing?” Raven quipped. “How’d he manage that?”
“He’s at that training for work,” Clarke responded quickly, “with Lincoln. He doesn’t even know that I know.”
Octavia suddenly looked up, her eyes narrowing. “Lincoln’s home.”
“Excuse me?” Clarke’s eyes widened. “Since when?”
“Last night,” Octavia answered.
Clarke shot her a look and Lexa rolled her eyes as she began to pace again. Great. So chances were that these two were shacked up together somewhere.
“I’m going to kill them,” Lexa nodded to herself.
“Lex,” Clarke scolded lightly, causing Raven to smirk at them.
“Please, tell me that you’re done,” Lexa said before she could stop herself.
“What do you mean?” Clarke asked. “With Finn? I’m totally done. I think I already was after what happened at the showcase and everything.”
Lexa sighed, feeling slightly relieved as she leaned back against the counter again. Good. Finn didn’t deserve Clarke. He never had. No. In Lexa’s eyes Finn’s betrayal of Clarke was actually way worse than Costia’s. She and Costia didn’t have nearly as much time invested in their relationship as Clarke and Finn did. They had been together almost two years and while they had their issues, Clarke had always stayed, and she had always stayed faithful.
“What about you?” Clarke questioned her curiously. “Are you done with Costia?”
Lexa crossed her arms. “I’m killing them both,” she reaffirmed.
Clarke rolled her eyes and shook her head lightly.
“Seriously though,” Octavia said as she poured herself a small glass of the whiskey. “What are you going to do?”
“Are you going to confront them together?” Raven asked as she drank Octavia’s whiskey.
Octavia nudged her lightly.
“You’re driving me home.” Raven reminded her.
Lexa looked at them. She hadn’t really had a chance to think about what she was really going to do. It made sense really, to confront them together. She looked at Clarke.
“I think that’s a great idea.” Clarke told her.
“I couldn’t agree more.” Lexa nodded.
Later, Lexa and Clarke had moved to the couch and were sitting silent, just trying to absorb everything that had happened, when suddenly a surge of guilt flashed though Lexa. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Clarke looked up. “Sorry for what?”
“I’m the one that brought Costia around,” Lexa shrugged feebly.
Clarke brow furrowed. “This isn’t your fault,” she told her.
Lexa swallowed hard. “Isn’t it?” She asked. “If I had been able to see how awful she was to you, maybe we wouldn’t be here.”
Clarke shook her head. “You didn’t make them sleep together,” she pointed out.
Lexa sighed as she leaned back into the couch and then another question appeared in her mind. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She asked softly. “About how she was treating you. I couldn’t believe the things she was saying to you at the diner today.”
“That was actually the worst that it’s been,” Clarke looked down and began to adjust her shirt.
Lexa knew what she was doing. Between Finn cheating on her and Costia’s cruel words she could see that Clarke was starting to battle with her self-esteem. Her hand went out and grabbed Clarke’s. “Don’t,” she shook her head. “Don’t do that to yourself.”
Clarke nodded understandingly, her eyes moistening slightly and Lexa let go. Clarke changed positions, laying her head on Lexa’s lap. “I didn’t want you to think that I was meddling in your relationship,” she finally told her.
“I wouldn’t have thought that,” Lexa assured her quickly. “I was so confused when you said that Costia was shoving our relationship down your throat. I didn’t see it. I just thought she was really affectionate.”
“I just ignored her for the most part,” Clarke shrugged. “She’s an asshole.”
“I would have put a stop to it.” Lexa said firmly. “You know that, right?”
Clarke smiled. “I know,” she yawned.
“You should go to bed,” Lexa told her as she glanced at the clock. “You look exhausted.”
“I am. I’ve barely been sleeping.” Clarke nodded. “Will you…”
“What?” Lexa looked down at her.
“Will you stay with me?” She asked. “I don’t want to sleep alone.”
“Of course,” Lexa nodded as she kicked off her shoes. “Now, close your eyes,” she added as she started to brush her fingers through her hair.
After only a few minutes, Clarke’s breathing evened out and Lexa knew that sleep had taken her. She let her head lean back against the couch, she hadn’t actually realized how tired she was herself, until she started listening to Clarke’s breathing. It took only a few minutes for her eyes to fall shut, her mind briefly hoping for peaceful dreams, before her own breathing to even out and sleep took her too.