Chapter 21
Lexa paced in her room furiously, just trying to piece together all that had happened. Everything had escalated so fast - too fast. One minute she was looking at a painting of children playing in leaves and the next minute Costia was upset, Clarke was scolding the hell out of her and Finn was being thrown out of the gallery. She was angry. She was so angry that she didn't know what to do with it. She needed to think.
First things first. She was the one in the wrong. Of this, she had no doubt.
She really had no right to be angry at Clarke for including that picture in the showcase. It had been in countless showings over the years. Clarke had created right before her first showcase and had specifically asked if she could use it as a show piece, Lexa immediately agreed. When Clarke received recognition for the piece, she'd asked if she could include it in all of her showcases and again, Lexa agreed. It was a great piece. The way Clarke explained it; it was an extremely beautiful moment that had etched its way onto her mind and the way the piece came together, that's exactly what people saw and felt when they looked at it, a beautiful moment.
But, Clarke hadn't done a showcase in what felt like forever and her collection of works to choose from was now so extensive now that Lexa had never even considered that she would use that piece. It was her mistake. Had she thought of it, she would have addressed it with Costia. She would have. Right?
No. She wouldn't have. Clarke was right. She had seen the stress that their history had caused in all of Clarke's relationships and she didn't want to take the chance that her relationship with Costia would end up like Clarke's relationship with Finn. Clarke had been right in everything she had said. Well, almost.
Clarke had called Costia a devious little bitch. Where the hell did that come from? She had thought that Clarke and Costia were getting along just fine. They had all been spending so much time together. What was Clarke seeing that she wasn't? If Costia was intentionally shoving their relationship down Clarke's throat, wouldn’t she have seen it?
Suddenly her mind snapped to the words that she'd exchanged with Anya earlier; just try to keep her in line. Was it possible that there was something in Costia's behavior that everyone could see but her? No, that was ridiculous. Wasn't it? If Costia was being outwardly rude to Clarke - of all people, she' would have noticed it. Wouldn't she?
She thought back to her conversation with Costia, her stomach turned as her mind went over Costia telling her that she'd heard rumors about her and Clarke at Grounders, but that she never put any stock in them. She'd explained that she understood how people could misinterpret close friendships, that she'd been on the receiving end of such things before and that she'd figured if there was any truth to the things that she'd heard, Lexa would tell her. Why had she been so stupid?
She should have told Costia. She should have just made her position clear. Just like Clarke said, everyone had a past. Clarke was a part of hers. It was as simple as that.
Octavia. God. She owed Octavia an apology too. She was so rude to her, so incredibly rude to her.
And then there was Finn. What the fuck was he thinking going out there like that? Was he really going to destroy Clarke's work? That would have definitely been the end of them.
Her stomach turned again. She was the source of the mess at the gallery. She was the one who had ruined Clarke's showcase.
“Ugh,” Lexa grunted as she tossed her pillow against the wall.
Suddenly Anya came through her door. “Okay, that's it,” she said. “I've had enough.”
“I don't know what to do,” Lexa told her quickly. “I fucked up.”
“You did,” Anya agreed with a nod. “Now you need to deal with it.”
“How?” Lexa flopped down on the bed. “I was awful. I ruined her showcase.”
“Finn ruined her showcase.” Anya corrected her. “No one even knew anything was going on until he came out going all crazy.”
“But, he wouldn't have gone all crazy if I hadn't gone all crazy on Clarke.” Lexa pointed out. It was true.
“That's fair,” Anya allowed, “but, it still doesn't make it your fault. His actions, his responsibility.”
Lexa looked at her. “I should have just told Costia.”
“Why didn't you?” Anya asked curiously. “Are you ashamed of it?”
“God no,” Lexa answered immediately as she shot up off of the bed. “Never.”
“Then what?” Anya pushed.
“I like Costia,” Lexa admitted with a shrug. “I was afraid that if she knew, we’d end up like Clarke and Finn.”
“Ha,” Anya scoffed lightly. “You really are an ass.”
“I know!” Lexa groaned as she clapped her hands over her eyes.
They were silent for a moment before Lexa spoke again. “What did you mean earlier, when you asked me to keep Costia in line?”
Anya crossed her arms and eyed her. “You really don't see it?”
“See what?” Lexa asked quickly.
Anya sighed. “Costia is such a bitch to Clarke,” she answered firmly. “She makes little comments to try and get under her skin and then hangs all over you, while eyeing Clarke, like she's just trying to get a rise out of her.”
“She does?” Lexa's eyes went wide. Seriously?
“Holy shit, squirt.” Anya shook her head. “You really have been oblivious.”
Lexa thought for a moment. Sure, Costia was affectionate, but…
“Last weekend,” Anya's voice broke into her her thoughts, “when Costia came up behind you in the kitchen and started kissing your neck? Her eyes were on Clarke the entire time, like she was just begging for a reaction.”
Lexa felt sick. What the fuck? “Why haven't you said anything?” She asked quickly.
“You try to stay out of my personal life, I try to stay out of yours.” Anya shrugged. “It’s what we do.”
Lexa nodded. It was true.
“You need to fix it.” Anya told her.
“How?” Lexa asked foolishly.
“You talk to Clarke,” Anya answered simply, “and Costia more, if you feel you need to, but not Finn. You don't owe him anything on this one - he made his own bed.”
“Octavia,” Lexa added softly.
“Yes, Octavia too.” Anya nodded. “Clear the air with Clarke, and then talk to Costia, again - if needed. If she's as into you as you are to her, she needs to accept your friendship with Clarke and your history with her too. Clarke doesn't deserve the shit she's been getting from Costia. She hasn't done anything wrong.”
Lexa nodded, before her face suddenly flushed a light red. Clarke hadn't done anything wrong, but hadn’t she? When Clarke was going off, her mind went somewhere that it shouldn't have. Clarke was just so…
Lexa shook her head quickly. Fuck.
“Where do I start?” Lexa asked stupidly as Anya stood up and walked to the door.
Anya’s eyes floated to Lexa's phone, which was lying face down on the nightstand. “You check your messages,” she replied knowingly and left the room.
Lexa grabbed her phone and quickly unlocked it.
Clarke: We need to talk about this. We agreed, remember? No more bullshit.
Lexa smiled as a prickle of moisture threatened her eyes.
Lexa: We’ll figure it out, but not now.
Releasing a sigh, she laid back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. Not now, but soon.