Chapter 14
Clarke was tired. It had been a long day – a long week, really and all that she wanted to do was go home, pour a glass of wine and soak in the tub. Several new shipments had come in and she had been unloading and cataloging nonstop for what felt like years. Never fricking ending.
“So Clarke,” Kane said as he entered the room,” have you decided what pieces you'll be featuring yet?”
Clarke blinked and looked up in confusion. “I'm sorry, what?”
“In the showcase,” Kane clarified and eyed her curiously.
Clarke stood up and stared at him. Hang on. “I’m being featured in the showcase?”
Kane stared right back at her. “I did tell you, didn’t I?” He asked. “I know it was a while back, but maybe I wasn't clear enough when we spoke,” he scratched the back of his next.
Clarke couldn't find her words.
Kane watched her. “Yes Clarke” he nodded. “You're being featured in the showcase. In fact, you have the largest spot.”
“I do?” Clarke's blue eyes went wide. “How any pieces do I need?”
“Fifteen,” Kane replied simply. “Im sorry, Clarke. I probably should have reminded you sooner. I just assumed you and Lexa would have discussed it.”
“Lexa?” Clarke looked at him. “Why would we have discussed it?”
“Because she wrote the article announcing the showcase,” Kane answered and pulled a magazine out of his desk. He flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for and then turned the magazine over to Clarke.
Clarke skimmed down over the article, passing names, dates and times until her eyes fell on her own. The words jumped off the page at her and warmed her heart. She flipped it over and looked at the cover. This publication was several weeks old. A sudden thought popped into her head. “Is this what you were meeting with Lexa about?”
Kane nodded without looking up.
Shit.
She sat back in her chair as her mind reeled and pulled out her phone. God. Why had she been such an ass?
Clarke; Will you come by for a drink tonight?
Clarke: We should talk some.
Lexa: I have a few clients late this afternoon but, I can come by after?
Clarke: That works.
Lexa: Food?
Clarke: Yes, please.
Hours later Clarke found herself pacing the floorboards as she waited for Lexa to arrive. She had no clue what she was going to say or how it would all end, but she knew she had to say something. The needed to talk. It was time. A knock at the door frozen her in place. Deep breath.
Opening the door, her eyes found Lexa’s and she couldn't help the smile that crossed her face. Awkward moment, to hug or not hug? Suddenly a slight smirk crossed Lexa's face, obviously she had that awkward feeling too, as she stepped inside she nudged Clarke with her elbow. “Come on,” she told her, “let’s eat.”
“What is it?” Clarke asked as she closed the door ad followed Lexa into the kitchen.
“Chinese,” Lexa answered as she set the bag on the counter and started unpacking the contents.
They ate mostly in silence and just as the food was about finished, as always, Clarke finally spoke up. “You weren't trying to get Costia into the gallery,” she said. It wasn't a question.
Lexa put down her fork and took a sip of her water before finally shaking her head. The topic of what transpired at Polis seemed to instantly change her mood.
“I read your article,” Clarke told her. “I didn't even know that I was in the showcase, let alone that you'd written an article about it.”
“You didn't exactly ask, did you?” Lexa's jaw clenched slightly.
“I'm sorry,” Clarke said as she leaned forward.
“Do you have any idea how hard it is to write an article about how amazingly talented someone is, when all they've been is shit to you?” Lexa got up and took her plate to the sink.
“You'd been pretty shitty too, Lex,” Clarke said, feeling her own annoyance rising. Oh no. “I called you for days, trying to explain why…”
“You chose Finn over me?” Lexa cut in, finishing her sentence.
“That's not what happened,” Clarke stood up. “I mean, effectively, that's how it ended up seeming, but that's not how it was supposed to be.”
“Not how it was supposed to be?” Lexa's eyes were getting darker. “How the hell else could it be?”
Clarke picked up her plate and dropped it into the sink. “Look, I know what I said, but it wasn't meant the way you took it,” she said as she turned back to Lexa. “When I realized that was how you took it I tried to get ahold of you.”
“My phone was off,” Lexa shrugged.
“You never called me back.” Clarke leaned back against the counter, feeling her own temper starting to flare. “You never even gave me the chance to explain.”
“I didn't listen to your messages,” Lexa responded with a shrug. “Well, I did, but not for a while.”
“How long?” Clarke asked.
“Right before Polis.” Lexa answered, lowering her gaze some.
Clarke shook her head. “Nice,” she scoffed. Stop. Just, stop.
Lexa closed he eyes and shook her head lightly.
“You knew,” Clarke began again. “You know, that I would never choose Finn over you. I'd never choose anyone over you. Not like that. Not ever.”
“But, you did.” Lexa snapped through her clenched teeth.
“I didn't,” Clarke insisted as she tried to keep her own anger at bay. “Not intentionally.”
“Explain,” Lexa looked up and crossed her arms.
“I was trying to fix something that wasn't mine to fix.” Clarke replied.
Lexa's eyes narrowed as she waited for more.
Clarke sighed and over the next fifteen minutes or so, explained the conversations that had taken place between her and Finn, after the fight between him and Bellamy.
“So, hang on - I became the bad guy, because of Finn's weakness?” Lexa questioned angrily. “Because Finn has no belief in his own worth, you tore down every bit of mine?”
“No,” Clarke said loudly as she stepped forward. Shit. “That’s not how it was supposed to happen.”
“But, it is how it happened,” Lexa snapped as she turned on her heel and began to walk away. “To hell with this.”
“Don't you dare walk out on me, Lexa!” Clarke called out loudly.
Lexa spun around and stared at her with fire in her eyes.
Just then Octavia came through the door. Her eyes floated between the two of them. “Nope,” she said, shaking her head quickly. “Uh-uh. Not spending a night in the crazy Clexa house. You two have fun,” she said turning back to the door. "Don’t break anything.”
Clarke and Lexa glanced at each other.
“Crazy Clexa house?” Clarke questioned curiously as she tilted her head.
Lexa chuckled lightly and seemed to relax some. “How about that drink?”
Clarke nodded and walked back into the kitchen.
She returned a few minutes are with two glasses and handed one to Lexa. “We need to stop,” she said firmly. “We’re both being pigheaded.”
Lexa took a sip of her drink. “You sound like…”
“My dad?” Clarke nodded knowingly. “Well, he was the one that said it.”
“He's a smart man.” Lexa acknowledged with a simple nod.
“He also said that you and I don't know how to hate each other.” Clarke said as she stared down into her glass. “So can we please, try to figure this out?”
Lexa seemed to be letting these words absorb. “Do you ever wish that you could?” She finally asked.
“Hate you?” Clarke looked at her. This was an easy question to answer. “God, no. Not ever.”
“Me neither,” Lexa admitted softly.
They were silent for a moment, each collecting their thoughts.
“It hurt, when you said you didn't want to be around me.” Lexa finally said. "I wasn't prepared for how much."
“Lexa,” Clarke sighed. “It wasn't that I didn't want to be around you. I love being around you. So much so, that I'd never even realized how much time we actually spend together.”
“I guess we do, don't we?” Lexa shrugged.
“That was all I was asking for,” Clarke tried to explain again. “Just less time together so I could try to,” she shook her head. “Fuck. I don't even know anymore.”
“You can't fix Finn's problems,” Lexa told her. “But, maybe now that I'm with Costia, he won't feel so intimidated by our friendship.”
“You think so?” Clarke asked.
“Maybe,” Lexa shrugged. “I mean, he is Finn.”
Clarke chuckled. “He is.”
“Costia thinks that you don't like her.” Lexa said as she set her glass down.
“I don't know her.” Clarke pointed out. She didn't like her. Nope. Not one bit.
“That's exactly what I told her.” Lexa nodded, pushing her hair back off of her shoulder.
A while later they were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, facing one another, Clarke with her knees pulled to her chest and Lexa with one foot on the floor and the other tucked under her thigh. The conversation had been grueling, but they kept at it, they needed to get it all out and to deal with it. Clarke struggled as she tried to better explain what is was that she'd intended and why, while Lexa admitted that she hadn't made much of an effort to better understand, even after she'd finally listened to Clarke’s messages.
It was an evening full of words and emotion, but they were getting there.
“Lexa,” Clarke’s voice seemed to have shrunk, “do you think we can be friends again?”
Lexa looked at her, her eyes were warm as she shook her head ever so lightly. “I don't think that we'll ever not be friends,” she answered firmly.
Clarke leapt the length of the couch, wrapping around Lexa like a blanket as tears pooled in her eyes. “You have no idea how much I've missed you,” she whispered as the feeling of relief surged through her.
“I've missed you too,” Lexa spoke into her neck as she gave her a hard squeeze. “No more bullshit, okay?”
Clarke nodded feverishly. “No more,” she agreed.
Lexa hugged her a bit tighter. “Jake was right,” she said with a sigh. “We were both being stubborn and we probably could have avoided a lot of this if we'd just talked.”
“Speaking of my dad,” Clarke leaned back a little and released a small grin. “There's something else that I should probably tell you.” If she had to live with the embarrassment of knowing that her parents knew about her and Lexa, Lexa had to live with it too.
A few minutes later, Lexa's face flushed with a redness that simply wouldn't quit, as Clarke giggled into her neck.