Lena was worried about Jude.
She had noticed the subtle changes about her son over the past month, and she was worried. At some times, he was quiet and you could barely get a word out of him, and he seemed to close himself off when asked if he was okay. At other times, he was like his old self. Happy, smiling, but more at ease and relaxed. Also he was treating Callie with the most frigid ignorance either of them had ever seen. Watching the way his moods seemed to fluctuate from one end of the spectrum to another, she had taken her concerns to Stef. At first they just thought it was the stress of moving out of the house, but after a couple of days of observing Jude's behavior, she agreed that they both needed to find out what was going on.
So they decided to ask Callie. If anybody knew anything about it, it was probably her. So one day after dinner, they turned to where she was sitting at the table doing homework.
"Hey, honey, can we talk to you for a sec?" Stef asked.
"Huh?" Callie asked distractedly, looking up for a second before returning to her textbook, "Oh yeah, sure. What's up?"
"We wanted to ask you if there's something going on with Jude." Stef asked.
Callie froze, and looked up from her book with a look on her face that looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding car. She schooled her features into a mask of confusion but it was not quick enough not to fool the Moms.
"Um… what do you mean?"
"Callie…" Stef started warningly, "We know something is going on. He has been acting differently lately. One day he is practically catatonic, and then the next he is like his old self. What's going on?"
Callie sighed nervously.
"I don't know all the details, he won't tell me anything." Callie started, "He's been trying hard to ignore that I even exist."
"Yeah, we noticed. Why?" Stef asked.
Callie looked even more nervous.
"Promise me you won't be too mad at him if I tell you?" Callie asked softly.
"Callie, just tell us." Lena finally said, "We're not gonna haul off and hit him or anything."
Callie looked between the two of them first before sighing.
"Jude… has been smoking marijuana." Callie finally said.
Stef and Lena looked at her in shock. Stef's jaw had dropped, and she was doing what looked like an impression of a goldfish. Lena's eyes were as wide as saucers.
"Are… are you serious?" Stef asked alarmed, "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm sure." Callie said, "I came home from AJ's a couple days before Jesus's accident and Jude was standing at the counter eating chips. He smelled like a skunk, and he seemed out of it. I made him take a shower before you guys got home so you wouldn't find out. I asked him if it was something he did now. He said he took it once before a test because he was feeling really anxious, and he got an A on the test. Which wasn't a lie, I asked his teacher. But… yeah."
Lena ran her hand through her curls while Stef pinched the bridge of her nose to stave off the headache that was approaching.
"How long?" Lena finally asked, "And where is he getting it from?"
"It's only been a couple of weeks." Callie answered, "He uh, he got it from Noah the first time…"
"And how did a fifteen year old boy get marijuana?" Stef asked disapprovingly, her police officer instinct kicking in.
"His mother." Callie continued, "She got him, uh, a medical marijuana card for his anxiety and he let Jude try some of his edibles. Noah won't be giving him anymore, because I told his mother to make sure he didn't. Jude smoked it for the first time a bit later, but I don't know where he got that from."
"When did you speak to his mother?" Lena asked.
"She and Noah came up to the hospital when Jesus got hurt." Callie said, "She offered to help if she could, and I asked her to make sure Noah didn’t give Jude any more. She said she would. That's why Jude's pissed at me, because I told her and threatened to tell you both."
"Well, we're glad you did." Stef said, "Now we can do something about it."
"Yeah… uh, can I be excused?" Callie asked, and fled almost as soon as the Moms nodded.
They turned to each other and exhaled.
"Well, that was unexpected." Lena said.
"That's one word for it." Stef said, "Of all the kids I would expect this from, Jude is at the bottom of the list."
"Are you kidding me?" Lena countered, "Jude isn't even on the list."
"We need to talk to him about this." Stef continued, "Immediately."
"I know, but we need to stay calm." Lena said sternly, "We can't just charge in screaming, or we'll never get him to talk to us."
Stef nodded, and the two spent a few moments preparing themselves before they headed upstairs. They knocked on the door.
"Come in."
They opened the door and stepped in. Jude was lying on his bed, sat up with one of his headphones in and music playing. He looked up and flashed a small smile at them.
"Hey, Moms." Jude said.
"Hey, bubba." Lena said as she took a step forward.
Jude noticed how the both of them seemed tense.
"Is everything okay?" Jude asked, pulling the headphone out and putting his phone down.
"Yeah, uh. What were you doing?" Lena asked.
"Oh, I was just texting Noah. He…" Jude started, but froze when Lena cringed softly at the mention of Noah's name.
"He what?" Stef prompted.
Jude stared at them for a moment, before a dark look crossed his face. He exhaled angrily, and shook his head.
"I should have known… She told you, didn't she?" Jude said quietly.
Neither Stef nor Lena answered immediately, sharing a glance at the other before returning their attention to each other.
"Didn't she?" Jude asked again, angrier than the last time.
"Yes. She did." Lena said.
Jude exhaled and clenched his eyes shut tight.
"Go ahead. Shout." Jude said blandly.
"Jude, honey…" Stef began, "We're not here to shout at you."
"We just want to know why?" Lena asked, "What led you to start smoking marijuana?"
"I just tried it once with Noah." Jude explained, deflating immediately, "I liked it. It makes me feel better. It makes me feel like I'm not…"
"Not what, honey?" Stef asked.
Jude sighed and ran his hand through his hair. Stef and Lena were alarmed to hear his breathing shake, and then a tear fell.
"Like I'm not about to rip my own hair out…" Jude answered shakily.
"What do you mean, bubba?" Lena asked softly.
"I feel horrible half the time." Jude continued, "Some days, I can barely get out of bed, and… it helps. I feel more relaxed. I don't feel so anxious about everything, I'm not constantly scared my life's going to fall apart any more than it already has. I remember when I asked Noah on a date, and he said yes, in the back of my mind I was wondering what was going to happen to screw that up too. And, look at that. It's just happened. You two cringed when I mentioned him. I don't want to break up with him, he makes me happy…"
"Honey, you don't have to break up with him." Stef interjected, "We will want to speak to him and his mother about this, but you don't have to break up with him. You should have came to us. We could have helped you."
"I just don't want… I didn't want you to see how screwed up I was and send me away." Jude mumbled, "We're losing the house, Mariana is out of control, Brandon is dealing with Julliard, you two have considered divorce… I was afraid if I added to the problems, you would think I wasn't worth keeping…"
"Honey, we would never do that." Stef said firmly, "We would never abandon you…"
"That's what Connor said, but he did it!" Jude exploded tearfully, "When we got together that day at the hospital, he told me, Promised me, that he'd always be there for me, but he left! He broke his promise, and he abandoned me! To have the person I'd fallen head over heels in love with just walk away like that, after everything we'd been through? After everything we fought just to be together in the first place? It really hurt! I've gotten rid of everything that reminded me of him, even the PSP he gave me at the beginning, and he is still fricken haunting me! Then Jack died, and everything got worse. First Brandon moves out, then Jesus gets hurt, now you're selling the house! Hanging out with Noah, and then doing what I did… it made me feel like the sky wasn't falling. It made me feel like I wasn't d-dying a little inside."
"Oh, bubba." Lena whispered and kneeled in front of him to wrap him in a tight embrace, "Why didn't you tell us you were feeling this way?"
"I didn't want you to see how broken I was." Jude whispered pitifully, "I was scared."
"Jude, sweetheart, you never have to be scared to tell us how you're feeling." Stef said as she sat on the edge of the bed next to Jude and began rubbing circles on his back in comfort, "We would have tried to help, you wouldn't have had to do this."
"I'm s-sorry, Moms." Jude said quietly.
The three sat in silence for a bit while Stef and Lena comforted their son.
"Honey, I know it makes you feel better." Stef began, "But there is a reason marijuana is controlled. Especially medical marijuana. While you are underage, and don't have a card, you have no business touching the stuff. You have to get the card from a doctor, otherwise it is illegal to touch the stuff. How much do you still have?"
"No edibles." Jude said, "I've got three of the others left. Rolled ones, I mean."
"All right, well I want you to give them to me." Stef said sternly, "Now."
Jude reached into the crack beside his bed and pulled out a small bag, which he handed to Stef.
"Lena, would you please flush those?" Stef asked.
Lena nodded and disappeared into the bathroom, and a few seconds later they heard the toilet flush and Lena reemerged.
"Honey," Stef began again, refocusing on Jude, "We're glad you told us these things. We are disappointed, and you are grounded for a month… but what matters right now is getting you help with the way you've been feeling."
"So, I don't have to break up with Noah?" Jude asked again timidly.
"No, honey. You don't have to break up with him." Stef said, "But like we said earlier, we will be speaking to him and his mother."
"What kind of help?" Jude asked.
"We want you to see a doctor." Lena said, "And a therapist. Somebody you can talk to that can help you work through your problems and issues. Because from what you described to us, you sound like you're really depressed."
"As long as I stop feeling this way." Jude agreed quietly, "I hate feeling this way. I just want to be happy again."
"We know honey." Lena said, hugging Jude again, "We know, and we're gonna try everything we can to make that happen. We promise. We're not gonna let you sink."
"I know." Jude said with a sniffle.
"Have you ever hurt yourself?" Stef asked.
"No." Jude said, "I've thought about it, but I haven't done it."
"If you start feeling that way again, I want you to come to us immediately, okay?" Stef pleaded gently, "And we need you to promise us that you're not gonna do this again. It's illegal, and you have no business touching it. Do you understand, young man?"
"Yes, ma'am." Jude said, "I promise."
"Okay." Stef said, "You should get to sleep, bub. You've got school tomorrow."
Jude nodded, and crawled under his covers.
"Try to get some sleep." Lena said as she leaned down to give Jude a kiss on the forehead.
"Thanks for not shouting." He said.
"You're still grounded, but you're welcome." Lena said, "Love you, bubba."
"Love you too, momma." Jude said as he snuggled into his blankets, "Love you both. Good night."
"Good night, honey." Stef and Lena said in unison as they left the room.
They headed into their own room and began preparing for bed.
"We need to make an appointment for him as soon as possible." Lena said, "First thing in the morning."
"I agree." Stef said as she crawled into the bed next to Lena, "*Exhale* He's been through so much in his life, Lena. We're lucky all he did was pot. We're lucky he didn't do something worse, like trying to hurt himself, or worse…"
"I don't even want to think about that." Lena said, "He needs help. The way he described it… he sounds really depressed. If we don't do something it will only get worse."
"We'll do everything we have to." Stef said with conviction, "We always have."
"Never a boring day in this family though, huh?" Lena pointed out.
"We'll be alright, love." Stef said, pulling Lena closer, "We'll be alright."