We'll See

Four months and sixteen days

Laura shifted awkwardly as she made coffee. With Carmilla having been assigned to bed rest she had taken over the duty of breakfast.

“Do you want me to leave?” she asked suddenly.

Carmilla looked up from the book she was reading. “Huh?”

“I can go, you know, after breakfast. You can just say if it’s too much.”

“Laf spoke to you.”

“I can be intense sometimes.”

“I didn’t mean leave. But I know you’re not sleeping.”

“You got hurt.”

“And now I’m better. And if you sleep, or spend some time somewhere that isn’t work or here, I won’t go anywhere.”

“I’m scared.” Laura admitted.

“You’ll be fine.”

“Not for me, dummy.”

“Perry will be fine too.”

“Carm.”

Carmilla put down the book on the sofa and went to Laura. “As far as my mother’s concerned you dropped the story and we stopped investigating. Me getting hurt won’t happen. There’s nothing in it for them.”

“Can I teach you a bit of Krav Maga?”

“Excuse me?”

“The self-defence the Israeli’s use.”

“I know what it is. How do you know it? You’re four foot.”

“My dad.”

“Ah.”

“So you’ll let me?”

“I’m injured.”

“You broke three ribs that are mostly healed now. Don’t be a baby.”

Carmilla didn’t resist as Laura positioned her so they were both in front of each other. She was grinning widely, and took up what she guessed was meant to be a threatening stance.

“Fine. But only so I can touch you inappropriately and have it look like an accident.”

It wasn’t long before Carmilla ended up on her back. She groaned as she ribs ached, not missing Laura blushing and quickly standing up so she wasn’t straddling her.

“You okay there, cutie?”

“Stand back up.”

“Lie back down.”

“I’ll knock you over again.”

“What happened to not letting anyone hurt me, cupcake?”

//

Four months and ten days

“Carmilla. Welcome back.”

“Perry, did you clean our office?”

“Everything.”

“Looks nice. I should let you do it sooner.”

“You’ve been injured, so I’ll let you off with that.”

“Did you tell everyone I was mugged?”

“They kept asking. And I thought it sounded better than the truth.”

“Did you have to go with mugged, though?”

“I doubt they would have believed fought a bear.”

“You don’t know that.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. Got the cast off.”

“I thought something was missing.”

“Ell said the Vordenburg thing is moving along nicely.”

“Good. I’ll be relieved when it’s all over.”

//

Four months and two days

“I heard from Ell.”

“And a very good morning to you too, Cutie.”

“Carm.”

Carmilla smiled as she handed Laura the Sunday pastries and went to make coffee.

“Are you hungover?” Laura followed her, sorting out the plates.

“I hope so. If not I’m having a stroke.”

“Laf said your work took you out.”

“Yup. Being nearly beaten to death puts people in a drink buying mood.” Carmilla froze, suddenly remembered parts of the night. “Shit.” Laura was grinning at her. “I text you.”

“Seventeen times.”

“Shit.”

“You were very flattering.”

“Please don’t.”

“So do my eyes really look like freshly dripped honey on a summers eve?”

“I’m begging you.” Carmilla covered her eyes and leant her head against the fridge.

“And my hands, sculpted by Michael Angelo himself.”

“I’ll take back the pastries.”

“You get very poetic when you drink.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Laura leant over to pull Carmilla’s hand from in front of her eyes and turn her around to face her. “My ego could use a boost.”

Carmilla hummed, embarrassment fading the more Laura smiled at her.

“I could use paracetamol.”

“In the draw.”

“So you heard from Ell?”

“She’s nearly ready to bring charges to Vordenburg. She wants me to release the article at the same time.”

“The article you said you weren’t going to write with the file you weren’t going to take from me?”

“Yeah, that one. I told my editor.”

“And?”

“He accused me of being a proper journalist.”

“The audacity.”

“Can you read it, make sure it’s okay?”

“Sure.”

Laura handed her a stack of paper.

“It’s long.”

“I’ll cut it down.”

Carmilla read as they ate, aware of Laura’s eyes on her. She was no journalist, and the newspaper wasn’t really her thing, so had very little idea if it was a good article or not. But it was well written, and Laura was presenting Vordenburg as a villain without actually explicitly saying it.

“Thanks for not mentioning me,” she said when she was done.

“Of course.”

“It’s good, Laura.”

“Yeah?”

Carmilla nodded. “Between this and Ell, I think we’ve got this.”

“Well, my thoughts are pearls in an ocean of wisdom.”

“Why are you doing this to me?”

//

Three months and twenty nine days

Arms encircled Carmilla from behind, almost causing her to knock her burger from the counter.

“If that’s not Laura, tell me now,” she said seriously to Danny, who just smirked.

“Have you seen the paper?” came Laura’s excited squeal in Carmilla’s ear.

“No. Why, is there something exciting?”

Laura thrust the paper at her. Vordenburg’s Dark Secrets: Exposed glared at her from the front page.

“Catchy.”

“Thanks.”

“I like the addition of a colon.”

“I’m on the front page.”

Carmilla turned her head so she could mirror Laura’s grin.

“Yeah you are.”

“And…” Laura practically shoved her phone in Carmilla’s face. News of Vordenburg’s arrest was flashing on the screen. “We did it.”

“We did,” agreed Carmilla.

“Ell got all kind of crimes on him. Murder, insider trading, more murder.”

“I can see.”

“And maybe they’ll be able to find the people who attacked you.”

Carmilla’s ribs still ached in the mornings, and dark alleys have been added to the list of things she’s afraid off. “Maybe.”

“This is good, right?” She turned to look at Laura’s gleeful expression.

“Yeah, it is.”

Laura planted a kiss on her cheek before running off to talk to Kirsch.

“Kiss on the cheek.”

“Stuff it, Lawrence.”

“Almost as bad as a high five.”

Carmilla watched as Kirsch grinned while Laura talked animatedly to him.

“If she kisses him on the cheek I’m going to get you both fired.”

“We own the bar.”

“Try me.”

“You don’t seem very excited.”

Danny was watching her closely. She felt like she was being analysed.

“Stop.”

“Stop what?”

“Looking at me like you’re trying to figure out what I’m thinking.”

“You don’t look very excited.” Danny repeated.

“Having my ribs broken in an alley has dampened my excitement level.”

“You don’t think it’s over.”

Carmilla didn’t answer, just took a bite of her burger and shrugged. “I don’t think he’ll get put away. Fined, maybe, and his reputation is pretty much dirt now. But that’ll be it.”

“And you’re not telling Laura that?”

“She’s going to after my mother next.”

“Well that won’t be good.”

Carmilla snorted. “I’m striving for not good. I’m expected catastrophic.”

“At least having your ribs broken in an alley hasn’t stopped you from being melodramatic.”

They were interrupted by Kirsch’s laugh and Laura’s excited squeal. “They are far too cheerful.”

“We should dampen their spirit at some point,” Danny agreed.

“Don’t worry, my mother’s very good at that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I couldn’t stop Laura if I tried. So I guess just see what happens.”

//

Three months and twenty three days

“Caaaarm.” Carmilla turned from where she was talking to Lafontaine, only to be enveloped by Laura. The bar was hot and crowded, and Laf had had the idea to celebrate. Not in the mood for celebrating, Carmilla stepped back and let Laura celebrate for both of them.

“You okay there, cutie.”

Laura nodded seriously, a lazy grin developing. “I’m happy.”

“I’m glad.”

“Jack keeps buying me drinks.”

“That’s because Perry has laser vision when it comes to pens.”

“What?”

“Do you want some water?”

Another serious nod and a look at Laf asking them to get it left the two of them alone. Laura wound her arms back around Carmilla’s neck, her breath tickling far too close to her throat, and Carmilla was glad she hadn’t had too much to drink as she put an arm around Laura’s waist to steady her.

“I don’t want to break your heart,” she whispered into Carmilla’s ear, causing her to pull back and see Laura’s distressed face.

“What do you mean?”

“Your mother said I’d hurt you. Like she does. Break your heart.”

“Don’t you worry about my heart, cupcake.” She pushed the hair from Laura’s face, making her look up. “And you’re not going to hurt me. And definitely not like my mother does.

“I don’t want you to leave me.” Laura said it like a confession.

“I never will.”

“Pinky promise?” Laura presented her pinky, and the previous sadness was suddenly gone. Carmilla sighed deeply, before linking it with her own.

Laf returned with water, looking curiously between the two of them. “Laura, Jack’s looking for you.”

“Oh more drinks.”

“Maybe slow down a bit,” Carmilla called as she bounced away.

“What was all that about?”

“It’s fine. My mother’s just getting in her head.”

“You know what you need, don’t you?”

“Therapy?”

“Close. Tequila.”

//

By the time Carmilla had located Laura in the slowly dwindling bar, she was leaning on a snooker cue to keep her upright. Carmilla watched her with amusement as she swayed, finally taking pity on her.

“Laura, want me to take you home?”

Laura nodded, and Carmilla supported her as they left, waving goodbye to Kirsch who had a sleeping Danny leaning against him. The fresh air perked Laura up slightly, and she leant on Carmilla less for support, but still kept her close.

“Come up with me,” she said as they reached her apartment building. The shots of tequila had worn off and Carmilla agreed on the condition Laura drank water and went to bed.

When they entered the apartment she found herself pressed against the door, Laura’s lips on her. She didn’t remember much of their wedding night, only flashes, but if this is what it felt like Carmilla didn’t know how she could ever forget.

“Laura,” she mumbled as she pulled back. “You’re drunk.”

“Am not.”

Laura pulled her by the belt, leading her to the bedroom, and Carmilla felt powerless to resist. Laura’s lips reclaimed hers, and then she deepened it, her tongue brushing her bottom lip as Carmilla cupped her face. She was spun and her legs hit the bed, Laura landing on her without breaking contact. As lips were pressed against her neck, and Carmilla moved her hands down Laura’s body, a sudden rush made her pull back and move away.

“Laura, no.” Carmilla stood from the bed. “Not like this. Not drunk. Not again.” Carmilla never had many morals when it came to sex, she had taken drunk girls home before. But she had been just as drunk, and none of them had been Laura. “I’m going to get you some water. Then you’re going to go to sleep, okay.”

“Okay.” Laura sounded small and hurt, and Carmilla couldn’t even look at her as she found a glass and filled it. When she returned Laura was curled on her side with her eyes closed, and Carmilla placed the water and two tablets on the table nearby. She dithered for a moment, unsure what to do, then kissed Laura on the forehead before leaving.

//

Three months and twenty days

“She kissed me. I mean like properly kissed me. And it would have gone further if I hadn’t stopped her. But she was drunk.” Carmilla aimed a peanut at Danny. It sailed wide, but her heart wasn’t really in it. “And now it’s been three days and she’s either angry at me or embarrassed, but she can’t keep blowing me off like this.”

This time the peanut struck Danny’s shoulder, and she whirled on Carmilla. “For fuck sake, isn’t it bad enough we have to listen to you whine without dealing with this shit.” She kicked the peanut on the floor, throwing down the towel she was cleaning with.

“Dan,” Kirsch said quietly. Danny rubbed her eyes.

“Sorry, Karnstein,” she sighed. “Just a bit stressed.”

Carmilla put down the spoon and the peanuts. “Anything I can help with?” She didn’t miss the eye contact the couple shared.

“No.”

“Don’t worry about it, dude.”

She watched them as they looked at each other again.

“Will you just tell me.”

“I said don’t worry about it.”

“Well you two obviously are.” They didn’t answer. “I’m going to run out of goodwill in a moment. Tell me or I’ll find out myself.”

Danny sighed as she went behind the bar, producing a letter and handing it to Carmilla.

“You’re being investigated?”

“We’ve been accused of selling to underage kids.”

“Did you?”

“No!”

“Alright, just asking. Is this my mother again? I swear if you two look at each other like that one more time.”

“We don’t know.”

“We think so.”

“Okay.” Carmilla took out her phone. “I’ll see what she wants this time.”

“No!” They said it in unison.

“It’s fine, dude.”

“Leave it, Karnstein.”

“It’s already ringing.”

It took a minute of Danny and Kirsch watching her before her mother picked up.

“Carmilla.” She hated that fake pleasant tone so much. “You ring so rarely.”

“What do you want?” Carmilla turned her back to the bar.

“You rang me.”

“Cut the shit.”

“Careful. Language.” Her mother’s voice became sterner. Carmilla sought to keep her temper even. “I was thinking perhaps you would like to visit.”

“You?”

“I’ll book you a flight.”

“What do you want, mother?”

“We’ll talk when you arrive. And leave your little thing at home.”

“Laura.” Carmilla growled.

Her mother laughed. “Well I won’t have to know her name when she finally divorces you, will I. Your flight’s at seven. I’ll have someone pick you up.”

She hung up. Carmilla paused for a moment before turning to face Danny and Kirsch. “Guess I’m visiting my mother.”

“No!”

“Do you practice that?”

“Look, we can’t keep depending on you to get us out of shit.”

“It’s my fault you’re in the shit to start with. I’ve got to get a flight, don’t tell Laura were I’m going. Not that she’ll ask.”

They could only watch as Carmilla stood, knowing that no argument would get her to sit down and think for a moment.

“She’s probably ashamed and confused.” Carmilla glanced at Kirsch. “Laura. Kissing you like that. I don’t think she expected to fall for you. And I dunno to what extent, but she obviously has. But she can’t be pushed. And for what it’s worth, I don’t think Laura would ever want to be without you.”

Carmilla stared at him for a moment longer. “Thanks, Kirsch.”

They watched her grab her jacket and leave.

//

“Carmilla Karnstein!”

“Fuck, don’t do that.”

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“What brings you to the airport, cupcake?”

“My idiot wife running off like she’s some superhero.”

“I don’t do superhero, cutie. So the Kirsches ratted me out?”

“They told me you were going to fly to see your mother. Alone.”

“Bastards. I specifically told them to lie to you. That better not be an overnight bag I see there, Hollis.”

“You’re not going alone.”

“I am.”

“I’ve already got a seat. You can either let me go with you or I can follow a few feet behind you, talking the whole time about what an idiot you are.”

“Laura.”

“Quickly. Otherwise we’re going to miss our flight.”

//

Her mother hadn’t even splashed out for first class. Laura sat a few rows behind her, and after Carmilla refused to talk to her as they boarded, had huffed off to find her own seat. She didn’t mention that night, or made any inclination that she intended to. As far as Carmilla was aware she might not even remember it, or had put it down to a dream.

They landed and Laura found her again, keeping her promise of walking a few feet behind her and narrating the walk by telling Carmilla how foolish she was being.

“Alright, I get it.” Carmilla turned around. “You think I’m being stupid.”

“You don’t have to go alone.”

“She said to go alone.”

“So?”

“So. So you’ve ignored me for three days I wasn’t going to ring and invite you back to visit Hades.”

“I’m sorry.” Carmilla didn’t even know what Laura was apologising for. But she sounded sincere. And was pouting.

“Fine. But you don’t get to pout again this whole trip.”

“Deal.”

Laura sped up so she was walking beside her. After a moment of hesitation she slipped her hand into Carmilla’s, secretly relieved when she didn’t pull away.

“Mother’s going to be so pissed you’re here.”

“Good.”

//

Lilita was waiting for them inside her study. She scowled when she saw Laura hovering next to Carmilla.

“I thought I said to leave her at home, darling.”

“She’s persistent.”

Lilita hummed. “Perhaps she’ll be more comfortable waiting in the dining room while we talk.”

Carmilla nudged Laura, who was going to protest before seeing how serious Carmilla looked. She sent a final, what she hoped was piercing, look at Carmilla’s mother as she left. Lilita at least had the decency to wait until the study door closed and Laura’s footsteps disappear before she struck Carmilla hard.

“I said alone.” Lilita growled and Carmilla stepped back, cheek stinging but refusing to do anything that would indicate this.

“What do you want, mother?” Carmilla demanded. “You somehow managed to escape the Vordenburg situation unscathed. What could you possibly need now?”

“I recall being promised retribution by your wife. You’re to ensure nothing of the sort happens.”

“I can’t control what she does or doesn’t write.”

“Find a way.”

Carmilla stared into the eyes that she and her siblings all shared. They were dark, and cold, and Carmilla had feared them her whole life.

“No.”

This time, when her mother hit her, she staggered back into the wall.

“Stupid girl,” she growled. “I’ll destroy the lives of everyone you care about.”

“If you do that, I’ll expose everything,” Laura said, stepping into the study. Her eyes hardened as they met Carmilla’s, flickering to her bleeding cheek and then back to Lilita. “I mean it. I’ll make you seem disgusting, and diabolical, and evil. Basically, I’ll tell the truth.”

“You think you’ll be believed?”

“Do you want to find out?”

Lilita looked from Laura and to Carmilla. “Seems like we have a stalemate.”

“You don’t threaten Carmilla again. Or hurt her in any way. If you do, I’ll publish.”

“We have ourselves a deal, Miss Hollis. You can make your own way back to the airport.” She took a moment before leaving to sneer at Carmilla, who still had her back to the wall and was watching wide eyed. Her knees felt weak as the door slammed, and Laura appeared in front of her, both trying to cup her cheek and avoid hurting her.

“Are you okay?” she asked timidly.

Carmilla took a while before smiling. “That was amazing.”

Laura laughed. “I think I’m going to faint.”

Carmilla pulled her into a tight hug. “You just threatened Lilita Morgan.”

“Is this floor soft enough to faint on?”

“Where you bluffing?” Carmilla pulled back to see Laura, a guilty smile appearing on a face.

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“I have absolutely no proof of any criminal activities.”

Carmilla started laughing, pulling Laura back to her. “You’re something else, Hollis.”

Laura grinned. “Let’s go home,” she whispered. Carmilla nodded into her neck.

//

Zero days

“Happy divorce day.” Carmilla was smiling when Laura opened the door, but it lacked anything that Laura had seen for the past few months. She was wearing smart clothes and holding a paper bag. “Pastries to celebrate. Symmetry, and all that.”

Laura stepped aside to let her in, not saying anything. She had booked a divorce hearing months ago, for the day they were able. She hadn’t said anything to Carmilla about it, but hadn’t cancelled it either. She wasn’t even sure Carmilla would mention it, but she was here, and dressed for court, and smiling at Laura despite her chest feeling heavy.

“It’s at two, right?” Carmilla said, dolling out the pastries.

“Yes.”

“You’d better eat enough sugar to last you over lunch, then.”

“Carmilla.”

Carmilla looked at her, still smiling but with eyes that were sad. “It’s okay,” she promised. “Really, Laura. It’s okay. I’ll still be around, if you’ll have me?” Laura nodded earnestly. “Then it’s okay.”

“Okay.”

Breakfast was silent and stinted, neither knowing quite what to say or how to respond. Carmilla felt a profound amount of sadness, but was mostly grateful Laura still seemed to want her around. She would give anything to have Laura Hollis in her life, even if it wasn’t in the way she wished.

“We’d better get going, cupcake,” she said, looking at her watch. “Should probably make a better impression than last time.”

“Just don’t talk about our sex life and you’ll be fine.” Laura said, then instantly blushed. She remembered vaguely what had happened the night they celebrated, what she had done. She wanted to apologise, to explain, but with everything that had happened with Carmilla’s mother she never got the chance. She vowed to do it sooner rather than later.

Carmilla just sniggered. She opened the door for Laura and they both left.

//

Perry’s text had been vague and unhelpful. Carmilla wanted to go home, curl up with something alcoholic, and pretend for a second that she had kept her promise to Laura about not worrying about her heart. She did not want to go the Danny and Kirsch’s bar, but Perry had been adamant.

She swore to herself she would have one drink and save the rest for when she could be home and pathetic.

The bar was empty, there was a table for two in the middle with candles, and Laura stood at the counter, grinning but buzzing from nerves.

“Um?” Carmilla formed an incoherent noise as she tried fathom what was going on.

“I’m going to ramble,” Laura warned her. She was holding onto a stool like a lifeline. “And you need to let me. Because I have a lot to say and no idea how to say it. So you need to listen and not interrupt. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“When you said you were going to make me fall in love with you, I nearly laughed. The thought of even tolerating you was ridiculous. I figured there must have been a reason I thought it would be good to marry you that night, but just put it down to the fact you look how you look and speak how you speak, and I was drunk enough that it worked. Now I think drunk me knew exactly what I wanted, and sober me was dumb enough to try and let it go.”

Her grip on the stool lightened, and Laura moved so she was standing in front of it. Carmilla stayed frozen. “So I fought everything that told me you weren’t just some girl I accidently married. That told me that this wasn’t just some challenge to you, some goal you set out for yourself. That told me you wouldn’t make me love you then leave. And it was easy, to start with, because you are so annoying, and rude, and unable to be serious for too long. Then I realised you were all those things, but you were also kind, and accepting, and cared deeper than anyone I’ve ever known.

“And I did fall in love with you. I don’t know when, maybe it was instantly, maybe it was so gradual I didn’t notice. But I did. And I am.”

“Laura.” Carmilla’s voice broke, but she stayed standing where she was.

“I didn’t want to stay married to you because that wasn’t how I wanted it to go.” Laura continued. “When I marry you it will be sober, and not in Vegas, and you will have proposed because you’re chivalrous and seem like you’d like to do that kind of thing. And we’ll honeymoon, and slow dance, and you’ll complain about centrepieces because you don’t know what they are and will be too stubborn to ask. And it will be gross and lovely. But for now, Carmilla Karnstein, will you go on a date with me?”

Carmilla was so blindsided it took her a while to answer. “What?” It wasn’t her smoothest moment, and Laura’s panicked expression confirmed this. “Wait.” Carmilla tried again. “Use less words.”

Laura smiled, but the nerves were back. She approached Carmilla slowly, and took her hands. “I love you. Will you go on a date with me? Is that better?”

“Much.”

“So?”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Did you ever doubt it would be?”

Laura kissed her, and Carmilla pulled her closer.

//

The day after the wedding

 “Stop,”

“I’m not doing anything, cupcake.”

“You’re blowing on my nose.”

“It crinkles.”

“Stop.”

“Wake up, Mrs Karnstein.”

“Hollis-Karnstein,”

“Wake up, Mrs Hollis-Karnstein. I have a honeymoon to go on.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Who did you marry?”

“Some girl. Hopefully for the last time. Was too stubborn to fully appreciate it the first time.”

“She sounds terrible.”

“I’m quite fond of her.”

“Five more minutes.”

“That stopped being cute an hour ago.”

“Tell me more about this girl.”

“Doesn’t seem to get the concept of planes leaving at certain times.”

“I can’t imagine why she didn’t appreciate you the first time, what with those kind words.”

“She’s the one who insisted we get married on the same day we did the first time.”

“You said it was sweet.”

“The word I used was sappy.”

“You’re pushing it.”

“It’s okay, you can divorce me again in eleven months and twenty nine days.”

“We’ll see.”