Hay Between Hearts
With the spring, Hawke returned to Lothering. Red enjoyed the gentle riding and fresh grass almost as much as she enjoyed the open air and sky. They made it to Lothering after dark, the moon high as she unsaddled Red and let him settle into his stall. She opened the front door, making enough noise to alert her family there was someone there. And then a skillet came flying at her head. She hit the floor, barely dodging it. "Sweet fucking Andraste."
"Hawke?" Every candle and lantern blazed to life as her sister stalked towards her. "Rose Celene Hawke."
She smiled meekly up at her, eyeing the twined fire and ice wreathing Beth's hands. "The one and only."
"Where have you been?!" Bethany sank down on her knees beside her and began sobbing. Hawke wrapped her arms around her, suddenly feeling like she was made of too many elbows. "I didn't think you were coming back."
Hawke shook her head. "I went to Denerim, for the season." She pulled back from her long to see her face and then clung to her again. "Maker, I'm sorry. I will always come back."
"You performed for the court?" Leandra's voice was sharp from the other side of the room.
"No." Hawke stood and pulled Bethany up. "I tried but they wanted Papa or no one." The lie fell off her tongue so easily. Leandra nodded and went back to her room.
Bethany stared at her. "So what did you do?"
She sighed and slung her pack from her shoulders, the gold jingling inside. "I made do."
Leandra started chewing on her at the breakfast table. No thank you for the hard work or the sovereigns, not even a good morning. "You need to find something to occupy you. I won't have you lazing about here all day. Your brother is working with the guard."
Bethany snorted. "And the Templars."
Hawke set down her fork. "Why?" She got shrugs. Her mother continued on until Hawke sighed and drained her coffee. "I will stay out of your hair, don't worry." She tossed on her belt and strode out the door.
She hadn't made to the Chanter's board or the Isherwood's when Mira spotted her. "Rose!" The ear splitting shriek made her wince but then Mira wrapped her in a tight hug. "I missed you so much, I thought about you all the time."
Hawke patted her shoulder, telling her that the thought of Mira had driven her from lover to lover since Satinalia was best saved for later. "It's good to be home."
Those golden lashes fluttered at her and she felt it again, the tug in her chest that had never happened in Denerim. Mira's grin turned wicked. "How about you show me how glad you are to be home?"
She arched an eyebrow, well two could play that game, a use for a use. She leaned forward brushing her lips along Mira's ear before she whispered. "Do you still wear nothing under that dress?"
Hawke didn't make to any job that day but she sat content enough in the inn. The coin she'd made over the winter would last a time. Mira had been careful this time, no teeth had broken her skin and the scratch of her nails had been pleasant instead of brutal. She almost felt bad for her own behavior. When they were both sated in that dusty old barn, Hawke had walked away. She had settled into her clothes like a second skin and left Mira to fend for herself. She swirled her drink before scowling at it. "It's just sex. A use for a use."
"A use for trouble?" She grinned as David joined her. "I heard your mother bitching all the way to my house this morning about how you rudely awakened her."
Hawke snorted. "She went right back to sleep just fine."
"You should have come bothered me." He winked and Hawke settled back into herself, David was easy. Until that easy smile turned into a hard glare. "And I've already heard an earful from Mira about you."
She groaned. "So much for she needs to keep it a secret."
"It? Did you not learn a damn thing last fall?" He ran a hand through his hair and dropped his voice. "She's using you."
"I know." She snarled before deflating. "I don't know why. It's not like I have anything to offer."
He scoffed. "I know why and I'm not repeating it to you." He leaned against the table, chin resting against a fist. "I don't want to fight with you."
She laced her fingers through his other hand. "Then don't." She gave him a game grin. "Find me a job."
He sighed, staring at their hands. "Guard is full, but I heard that the trader is looking for a mercenary to accompany him to Redcliffe." She blew hard through her nose. "Mercenary work isn't bad, Hawke."
"I know." She scowled at him. "I just hoping for something close to home for a bit. Bethany is upset."
He nodded. "She cried a lot this winter. I think it's why Carver joined the guard and keeps trying to join the Templars. They think you abandoned them."
"Maker." She settled her head against her hands. "I just needed to get away, and I can't make that kind of money here." She gave a dejected sigh. "I'll talk to them."
It wasn’t a long talk. It lasted through dinner. Hawke had her boots resting against the window sill in her nest, watching the moon rise and fidgeting with a boot knife. Bethany and Carver were fine with her traveling, their only request was regular letters. Her mother had thrown a fit, claiming everything from her age to her unwed status was a danger on the road.
"Rose, you have to think of your virtue!" She railed and threw hands in the air. "No man wants a girl who's traveled alone and in questionable circumstances. Think of the kind of marriage you want to make."
"I don't want to marry." She took another drink as her mother molted in her shock. "And I'm as interested in women as I am men. Mira doesn't seem to mind my traveling."
Leandra's nails dug into the table. "A woman?"
Hawke shrugged. "If you really want to be all judgmental over it, there's been several women." Carver choked on his food and Beth beat on his back. Hawke's grin turned wicked. "I'm really not keen on being of interest to the men you have in mind, Mother. They are probably boring." Once her mother started breathing normally again she changed the subject. "There's a trader looking for a mercenary to accompany him to Redcliffe. It pays well. Would it bother you three if I took it?" She swallowed hard. "I know I left before in a shitty way. But there isn't many jobs here."
The twins stared at each other and shook their heads. Leandra scratched at her plate before sighing. "Go ahead and take it." They finished dinner in silence.
The job to Redcliffe was uneventful, but he paid well and said he would hire her again the next time he made the journey. Red had enjoyed the exercise and she came back into the Lothering with everything in full bloom. She took the long way home, going around the main part of town and avoiding most people. A familiar voice tickled her ears from amid the high flowers. She turned Red in that direction and found them. Mira was quite happy beneath the wagonmaker's son until she looked up and saw Hawke. She shoved the boy off her and called after Hawke as she rode away.
Hawke gave half the money to Leandra and then took herself out to buy some things they wanted. Mira found her at the General store. Hawke flinched away from her touch. "Hawke, I'm sorry."
"It doesn't matter, Mira."
She grabbed her arm again. "I thought you were going to be gone forever again. You can't blame me for wanting a little pleasure." Hawke glared at her until she let go. Her voice began to shake as tears filled her eyes. "My heart belongs to you, what's a little rolling in the hay to that?" Hawke sighed. "Do you not care for me?"
"Yes, I do." Mira clung to her again. "Alright, Mira. What's a little hay between hearts?"