Love Shouldn't Hurt
Hawke knocked on Mira's window and let herself in. Her friend took one look at her swollen eyes, the palm print still red on her cheek and pulled her into a hug. Hawke let her head rest against Mira's shoulder, breathing in her scent. She smelled like baking bread, the warm smell complimenting her fiery curls. Hawke took a deep breath, it shuddered through her as she backed away and wrapped her arms around herself. "Mother is sleeping off the wine Eliza brought."
"She drank all of it?" Hawke nodded glumly. "The twins?"
"Went back with the Isherwoods for the night." She settled on the window sill, curled around herself and drew her knees up to her chest before settling her forehead against them. "Mira? What if it really is my fault?"
Mira sat on her bed chewing her lip and twirling a strand of hair. "How could it be? You always scout ahead and make sure everything is safe when we go out with David. You had to take care of Bethany."
Her muffled voice barely reached Mira's ears. "I didn't scout ahead. We've fished there for years and never seen a Templar, much less ones with something to prove, even that close to the Circle."
“Well, I guess it is a little your fault then.” Hawke burst in to tears. Mira softened and leaned forward to tug on her friend’s arm. “Hey, we all make mistakes.” The sobs grew heavier and Mira reached forward with both hands and pulled Hawke on to the bed beside her. She stood and pulled off her boots before gently pushing Hawke back on the bed. “Stay here tonight.”
“We should tell your parents I’m here.”
Mira shushed her, a dangerous smile playing on her lips as her hands traveled Hawke’s body. She smirked as she flushed. “Our little secret. I know a way to distract you.” She leaned forward, her larger chest rubbing against Hawke’s and stopped a breath away from her lips. “Have you ever kissed a girl?”
“I haven’t kissed anyone.” Hawke squeaked.
Mira’s smile was dangerous and Hawke felt something slide down her spine. “Good.” Then her lips were against hers, demanding and practiced while Hawke fumbled. Mira laughed against her skin before devouring her.
Hawke was lost in the sensations. Mira was in twenty places at once, their clothes had disappeared like puffs of smoke and she wondered if this was some bizarre dream in the Fade, a desire demon here to taunt her. Mira’s teeth latched against her skin while her fingers played Hawke’s body and she let herself drown.
David found her the next morning on the edge of town, staring at the creek and twisting blades of grass into nothing. He flopped down beside her. “You never showed up last night. Mama is worried.”
She nodded absently. “I was with Mira.”
“That’s not what her folks said.” He scoffed until she turned to look at him. The dark circles were harsh beneath her eyes, but not as brutal as the bites that marred her flesh from below her ear until skin disappeared beneath her shirt. “What the void, Hawke?” Her wide eyes searched his beseechingly and then he felt her fingers tighten around his. “Mira?” She nodded. He stared at her a moment before a picking up a rock with his other hand and throwing it. “I guess that explains why you don’t like boys.”
A harsh laugh left her. “No, Maker. David, I do. I like everyone.” She shrugged lamely. “This just hurts, everywhere. With her, with mamae. Love hurts and I don’t want it.” Her voice softly broke.
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It shouldn’t hurt, Hawke.” He kissed her hair and rocked her as she cried, turning her face into his shoulder and neck. “Love should never hurt.” She sobbed harder, soaking his shirt.
She took a stuttering breath and then another, her body leaning limply against him. “With Mira last night, it was nice. I felt wanted and special.” She wiped her tears from her eyes. “Then this morning she shoved me out the window with barely a smile, like I was.” Her voice trailed off searching for the word.
“Like you were a whore.”
She wiggled under his bruising grip but nodded. “I feel used and empty.” She frowned. “I don’t even want to talk about my mother.”
He chuckled darkly. “You don’t have to.” They watched the creek for a long time, the sun was almost at its height before he spoke again. “You aren’t going to go back to Mira’s bed, are you?”
Before she could answer, Mira bound up to them. "Rose!" She planted a kiss on her cheek before settling herself between them. "I couldn't find you anywhere, sugar, I was so worried." She noticed their joined hands and giggled. "Seeing David too then?" Her eyes took on a feral gleam that slid down Hawke's spine like it had the night before as she wedged her fingers between them before purring. "I don't share, sugar. I'm sure David won't mind you being all mine."
He cleared his throat staring over Mira's head at Hawke's stricken face. "She was upset, Mir, I was just being her friend."
Hawke's voice was so small. "I'm not a trinket."
Mira kissed her on lips and Hawke felt herself slipping. "Of course, you aren't. But no one appreciates you, Rose. Not like I did, not like I will."
Hawke shook her head, her voice half pleading and lost. "Mira."
David stood and hauled Hawke up by the back of her shirt and out of Mira's clutches. "She's grieving, Mirabelle. Stop."
Mira batted her lashes up at them and began to cry. Hawke looked at him, bewilderment etched into every feature and he shrugged as Mira began to wail. "I only want to help. I'm not good at anything like you two."
David shook his head as Hawke knelt beside her and walked away without looking back, missing Mira's triumphant smile over Hawke's shoulder that had too many teeth before she pulled her down on the ground beneath her. "You've been a bad girl, flirting with David. I think you should make it up to me, Rose." She kissed Hawke again, laughing as she felt her melt and kept laughing as Hawke brought her to brilliance while she marked her as her own.
It had taken Eliza and Bethany two days to convince the Chantry to hold a memorial service for Malcolm. Hawke stood before the mirror, eyeing her handiwork with disgust. Her mother's makeup made Mira's marks less obvious, she was grateful most were hidden under clothes especially the claw marks. She had spent the past two nights with her and afterwards Mira had spoken sweet nothings into her ear until she fell asleep. Of how special Hawke was, how perfect, how she understood her pain. Hawke stared into the reflection of her eyes, she felt hollow except for those hours in the night. She traced the line of her face in the mirror, her father's chin and nose. Her fist slammed into the mirror, shattering it into a thousand reflections that mocked her as the blood welled from her knuckles.
Leandra ran into the room and stopped as she saw her daughter stumble and fall to her knees in the shards. She backed away as blood seeped from the cuts on her knees, staining her dress crimson and the air filled with iron and sulfur. She closed the door as the feral scream shook the house to its foundations and ignored the silence that followed.