Clouds
// Day 1.
Hope reluctantly presses on the brakes and feels her car roll to a stop. She glances at the looming clouds above her before leaning back into her seat and cursing under her breath. She’s been in traffic for the past twenty minutes, and she’s still an hour away from home. She sighs heavily, a poor attempt to settle her increasing heart rate. Hope grips the steering wheel tight, feeling her eyes sting with tears.
You should’ve answered it. She berates herself for not picking up her phone all morning. She had felt it buzzing in her pocket throughout her interview. Assuming that the kids had gotten a hold of Kelley’s phone, sending her nonsense text messages as they loved to do, she had reached into her pocket and turned it off. It wasn’t until lunch that she had turned it back on and watched as it flooded with notifications. She was surprised to see texts from numerous people including Natasha Kai, Heather O’Reilly, Christen Press, and even her mother, everything ranging from “Hope, please text me back ASAP” to “I’ll be there as soon as possible” to the most unnerving “Are you okay?” from Carli. But what haunted her the most were the voicemails from Christie, each one increasing in urgency.
Hi Hope, it’s Christie. I know you’re busy, but give me a call as soon as you can, okay?
Hey, it’s me again…wait, where are you taking them? Oh, okay, yeah I don’t know…hi, sorry it’s me again. Just uhm, please give me a call…or Kai or HAO or anyone really. I gotta go, but just give us a call please.
Hope, I don’t know what happened to you, but you better have a damn good reason for not picking up right now. You need to come home as soon as you can. Please call me back.
As she listened to the last voicemail, Hope’s heart tightened in her chest. She fumbled through her contacts and instantly returned the calls. Doing her best to ignore the fear in Christie’s voice, Hope listened as her former captain told her to remain calm. But as soon as the words There’s been an accident rolled off the older woman’s tongue, Hope had felt everything around her become a blur.
Now, sitting bumper to bumper on the highway, Hope knows exactly where she needs to go, but still has difficulty recalling the details. She really can’t piece together what Christie had told her. She can’t remember, and maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to believe.
-
Hope parks her car in the first available space she sees and allows her feet to carry her past the multitude of ambulances and through the sliding doors into the building before her. She contemplates taking the elevator, but when she sees a line, she opts to take the stairs. She runs up multiple flights until she reaches the sixth floor, Inpatient Trauma Center.
Still trying to catch her breath, Hope focuses in on the front desk. Finally reaching it, she lets out, “My…my family. I was told to come here, for my family.”
“Names?”
“Kelley and Kaden O’Hara Solo.”
Hope impatiently waits as the woman in front of her looks at her computer. She eventually makes eye contact again and says, “Well, we have a Kelley O’Hara.”
“Yes,” Hope’s eyes lighten up at the familiar name. “Yes, that’s my wife.”
“Okay, hmm, I’m not seeing a Kaden O’Hara Solo though. I’ll check recently admitted.”
Hope cuts in, “Maybe he’s under Kaden Solo. Try that.”
A few minutes late, the woman before her just shakes her head and informs, “I’m sorry, but I’m still not finding anyone under that name.”
“What?” Hope looks at her with disbelief. “No, just try O’Hara Solo again…he’s five years old, blonde hair- on the darker side, blue eyes, like mine.”
Hope continues to stare at the woman in desperation, but she just shrugs and sighs, “I’m sorry, I-”
“Hope?”
Hope swiftly turns around at the familiar voice, sighing in relief as she recognizes her former teammate. “Christie! Oh thank goodness.” Rushing towards the other woman, she rambles, “The front desk is a bit confused, I think. They seems to have Kelley and Kaden under different names, which is sort of ridiculous. You would think hospitals were more organized with these sort of…” Hope allows her voice to fade, noticing that Christie hasn’t said a word. Her fears begin to settle in; something wasn’t right. She realizes she had been stupid to think that everything was okay. It wasn’t.
Christie looks at her younger friend with sympathy. Taking a deep breath, she informs, “Kelley’s room is just around the corner and down the hall. She’s incredibly stable, totally responsive both physically and cognitively, but the doctors just want to monitor her over the next few days for precautionary measures.” Christie pauses before continuing, “But-”
Hope abruptly breaks eye contact with her friend and looks to the ceiling, falling into a defensive stance with her arms crossed and jaw clenched. Deep down, she already knew what Christie was about to say; she had sensed it the moment she had said her name.
Christie voice cracks as she reaches out, “I’m so sorry, Hope, but-”
“No,” Hope immediately interrupts. She doesn’t mean to sound so abrasive, but she doesn’t need to her another word. Her voice softens, “Just don’t.” Hope sighs, but then looks up at Christie in alarm, her eyes widening. “Atticus! Where’s Atticus?”
“He’s okay. He’s been with us…Heather just took him to the cafeteria for a snack.” Christie replies earning a few nods from Hope. She tries again, “But, Hope-”
“I don’t want to hear it!” Hope finally snaps.
There’s an edge to her voice that makes Christie drop the subject. She knows the younger woman well, and knows it wouldn’t be worth testing her. She’s hurting. Christie sighs and relents quietly, “Okay.” They stand there in silence for a moment before Christie pulls Hope in, embracing her in a hug. Hope tenses at first, but relaxes into her friend’s arms.
On the verge of tears, Hope murmurs adamantly, “I need to see Kelley.” Christie looks at her, nodding and motioning her to follow.
When Hope rounds the corner, she instantly recognizes many faces. She first sees Rylie and Reece, both sound asleep against Kai, whose expression is one of shock and distraught. Across from them is Tobin, who has her elbows on her knees and her head buried into her hands. Hope notices her back shaking slightly; she’s sobbing. Christen sits beside her, rubbing her back in comfort and holding her hand tight. Christen looks up and connects with Hope, but they’re both speechless. Hope opens her mouth to say something, but her breath hitches at the sound of a young voice.
“Mommy?”
Hope looks further down the hall and just makes out Heather’s figure with her son in her arms. Kai lets Atticus down and as he runs over, Hope drops to her knees and gives him a huge hug. Holding his little head close in the crook of her neck, she closes her eyes and breathes in his scent. She murmurs, “Hi buddy…I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I missed you, Mama.” Atticus solemnly stares in return, his voice a mixture of innocence and fright.
Hope gently kisses his head of hair and replies quietly, “I missed you too.”
Atticus just nods before looking around with intrigue. Hope tries to gauge his feelings; he had never spent this much time in a hospital before, and it wouldn’t be a surprise if he leaves the place doubtful and scared. He looks up expectantly at Hope, “Is Mommy awake yet?”
Hope bites her lips and looks in the direction of Kelley’s room. She replies honestly, “I don’t know…I was just going to check.”
“Can I come with you?” Atticus eagerly pleas.
Hope discretely looks at Christie and Heather, who are standing to the side. She isn’t sure how much Atticus knew; she figures not much, and she’s dreading how she and Kelley would break the news to him. She ends up compromising as best as she can, “I’d love that, Atty, but Mommy needs as much as rest as she can get right now and I need to talk to the doctor about some grown up things first. Once that’s done and if Mommy is awake, I’ll come out and get you, okay? Can you be a big bog and wait just a little bit longer?”
Atticus sighs in disappointment, but doesn’t make a fuss. He knows something isn’t quite right, but allows his Aunt Kai to lead him back to a seat. Hope stands up again and after giving Christie one last look, she opens the door to Kelley’s room. Upon seeing her sleeping soundly in the hospital bed, she sighs in relief, grateful that she’s alright.
The doctor writing down vitals on his clipboard off to the side eventually gains Hope’s attention, “Mrs. Solo, yes?”
“Hope,” She quickly says, “You can call me Hope.” Hope walks to the side of Kelley’s bed and holds onto her hand, asking, “She’s going to be okay, right?”
“More than okay. I expect a full recovery,” The doctor begins. “You’re going to have to ask your friends for details, but from what I understand, she and your son got caught out on the water when the storm rolled in. She took a knock to her head, but it wasn’t enough to render a concussion. She did lose consciousness when brought back to shore by one of your friends, but I believe that was from pure exhaustion, not a head injury. She was fighting some pretty strong waves out there.”
“When will she wake up?” Hope asks, pulling a chair beside Kelley’s bed.
“By this evening. With very little knowledge of the accident at first, we wanted to give her some medication to take away any pain and ensure a full rest. We didn’t want her waking up in hysterics; that might’ve injured her further, so we didn’t want to take any chances.”
“Right, thank you.” Hope murmurs as she stares lovingly at Kelley, moving stray hairs out of her face.
The room falls silent until the doctor clears his throat, getting ready to offer his condolences, “Hope, I’m so sorry for your-“
“Stop.” Hope puts her hand up, cutting him off completely. She repeats for a second time that afternoon, “Just not now.” She hears the doctor sigh, but before he can leave, she quickly stops him. “Wait.”
“Yes?”
Hope looks around the room anxiously, even though she knows perfectly well that they were the only three in the room. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, which were flying left and right in her mind. There’s only so much she can take and she can feel herself slowly breaking into pieces. Her incoherent thoughts manifest in stutters, “Doctor, I…we just…I don’t know if you know, but maybe it already…well, I just-“
“The baby?” The doctor questions knowingly, his brow raising. He watches as a glimmer of peace flickers through the devastation in Hope’s eyes, as if she’s slowly realize that maybe- just maybe- she and her family will be okay again. He smiles weakly, “Your baby is just fine.”
“Really?” Hope’s voice cracks with gratitude. “I thought…”
“Perfectly healthy.” The doctor reassures her.
“We just found out…last week.” Hope murmurs quietly.
“Congratulations,” The doctor smiles warmly before telling her, “In case you were wondering, Kelley is six weeks along and like I said, despite everything, your baby is one hundred percent healthy.”
“Thank you.” Hope breathes out, leaning down to kiss Kelley’s forehead. Not making eye contact with the doctor anymore, she respectfully requests, “Can we just have some time alone?”
“Yes, yes…of course. I’ll be doing round for the rest of the night, so if anything were to come up, just let me know.” The doctor pauses, but then informs, “I’m going to give you as much time as I can, but there are some difficult conversations we need to have still. You understand that, right?”
The sense of peace that Hope had felt just moments ago disappears in an instant. She feels her blood turn cold and reality sink back in. She mechanically nods towards the doctor as he exits the room, and then returns her attention back to Kelley, so fragile, so peaceful, and so unknowing.
Hope dreads the moment she awakes.
-
When Kelley stirs under the sheets and slowly regains consciousness, she notices a familiar hand intertwined with her own and after a few blinks, she meets a pair of tired, blue eyes. Hope inhales and exhales deeply before moving over to place a kiss on the younger woman’s lips, whispering a soft, “Hey.”
“Hey…” Kelley quietly croaks, still adjusting to her surroundings.
Hope notices the confusion filling Kelley’s eyes and is quick to diffuse it, “You’re okay, Kell. Don’t worry.”
Kelley nods, her trust completely in Hope’s hands. She begins to prop herself up when her memory returns in full and her eyes widen in alarm. Instinctively bringing a hand to her abdomen, she looks at Hope with fear, “The baby?”
Hope calmly nods towards a machine letting out an almost silent, but consistent and sturdy sound. She smiles, “Strong heartbeat, see?”
Kelley’s mouth falls open in awe as she stares and just listens to the heart rate monitor at the foot of her bed. She lets herself soak in the moment, committing every beat to memory. She eventually pries herself away and turns back to Hope. She looks at her keenly, “And the boys?”
Hope gulps as she gathers every ounce of courage and strength left in her. She starts slow, “Atticus is with everyone outside…Christie, Kai, Tobin and Press…they’ve been here all day.”
Kelley shakes her head, knowing that Hope’s purposefully avoiding the question, “No, but Kaden. Where’s Kaden?” Her eyes begin to dart around the room, avoiding Hope at all costs. She’s afraid if she were to make eye contact with Hope once more, then she’d have her answer.
“Kelley,” Hope prepares her, “Please look at me.”
Kelley stares into her lap, refusing to look up. She shakes her head, “No.”
“Kell, sweetheart…”
“Hope, no, I’m scared. I can’t-”
Kelley continues to shake her head until she feels Hope lift her chin until they were face to face. Not only does she see the pain in Hope’s eyes, but she feels it too. She just knows. Her vision becomes blurring and she feels her eyes begin to water, no matter how hard she tries to stay composed. She feels Hope’s arms wrap around her, pulling her in close. It isn’t until she feels the first few drops from Hope’s tears begin to dampen her hair that she loses all composure. As soon as she chokes out her first sob, she can’t seem to stop. She brings her hands to her face in a poor attempt to stifle the gut wrenching sounds and turns into the one person she could hold onto, only to find that she was just as broken.
“Shhh…it’s okay, Kelley…we’re going to be okay.”
Hope repeats the mantra over and over and over again.
-
A quiet and solitary hour passes. Hope’s still laying with Kelley snug against her chest when they both feel her phone vibrate in her pocket. They ignore it, but after a few more vibrations, Kelley mutters softly, “You should answer it.”
Hope pulls out her phone and upon glancing at it for the first time since arriving at the hospital, she says with surprise, “Carli’s here.”
Kelley’s eyes grow bigger, “Really?”
“Yeah, I guess someone called her…and she must’ve just driven out here.” Hope ponders, knowing that Carli lived the furthest from the rest of her Jersey teammates.
“I want to see her,” Kelley says plainly, receiving an inquisitive look from Hope, who doesn’t feel the need to question her request, but finds it a little odd anyways. Kelley tugs on the hem of Hope’s shirt, reiterating, “I want to see Carli.”
Hope nods and gently removes herself from the bed. Her body feels heavy with every step she takes, and though she appreciates everyone’s support, she doesn’t really want to face them. All she wanted was to be alone with Kelley; she’s always been one who genuinely valued her personal space. As soon as Hope steps into the hallway, multiple pairs of eyes stare at her with concern, but only one gets up to greet her.
“Oh, Hope…” Carli instantly brings her into a hug. Feeling her friend’s embrace, Hope can’t help the tears forming in her eyes once again. “I can’t even imagine how…” Her voice trails off. There are really no words to say.
“I know,” Hope whispers in understanding. “Thank you, for being here and all.”
“Yeah, of course…you’re family. You’ve always been.” Carli smiles, placing a hand on Hope’s shoulder.
Hope nods and before Carli can return to her seat, she lets her know, “Kelley wants you.”
Carli looks around hesitantly before casually pointing to her chest, “What? Me?”
“Yeah.”
“What?” Carli replies with uncertainty, slowly backing away. She’s been there for Hope and Kelley for years now, but nothing compares to where they stood today.
“She wants you.” Hope replies simply.
“No,” Carli replies, not trying to sound harsh. She tries to get Hope to understand. “I just…no, I can’t.”
“Carli, please.” Hope practically begs.
“Why me?” Carli asks in disbelief. “I want to be there for Kelley, and you of course, but I…I don’t know what to say. Can’t you get Christie…or oh, Heather! Heather would be good.”
“No, Carli, please…she’s asking for you.” Hope pleas, her voice so full of fatigue and ache that Carli simply can’t ignore. Carli sighs heavily and relents, giving Hope one last squeeze on the shoulder.
Hope watches as Carli enters the room, refraining from following. If Kelley wanted to have some one-on-one time with Carli, she shouldn’t feel the need to question it- especially not now. During times like these, the last thing she wanted to do was push people away. She had learned that from the past. Hope looks over to see Atticus fast asleep next to Heather who’s keeping an eye on him. She takes a step forward, but instead changes her mind and stops in front of her two teammates she yet had the chance to talk to.
Hope bends down and situates herself on her knees, whispering quietly, “Tobin…” She places her hand gently on the midfielder’s arm, a sign of support. “Hey, look at me.”
Tobin responds slowly, looking at her girlfriend before finally at Hope. Her eyes are red and puffy, and Hope’s heart sinks further. She hated seeing some of her closest friends hurting; they all considered each other family. Again, Hope didn’t know exact details. All Christie had told her was that Kelley and Kaden had been out on the water when a storm rolled in. The current quickly strengthened and somehow, Kaden had drifted away from Kelley’s reach and was pulled every which way in the water until he lost consciousness and drifted towards a rocky shore. In attempts to save him, Kelley also got tossed around by the waves, having hit her head hard on a poorly placed. She called desperately for help, but Tobin had been closer to shore and no matter how fast she swam, she couldn’t reach them quick enough. By the time she got to them, both were still breathing, but hardly awake. Tobin had just enough strength to swim them back to shore. Hope’s not sure what had happened between getting back on shore and the hospital, but here they were now.
Hope continues to receive silence from the distraught midfielder, “Tobin, this isn’t your fault…it’s no one’s fault, you understand?”
Tobin nods, and Hope knows she gets it. But she can’t help but notice the confusion in Tobin’s eyes as if she were searching for something. Hope quickly realizes that they’re all searching for something and that something was the answer to the big question looming over everyone’s heads. Why them?
Hope is also sure to hug Christen and give her a look of gratitude, but after, she heads straight for her son. All she wants to do is hold him, so as carefully as possible she moves him into her lap. While doing so, Atticus stirs awake and looks up at her with tired eyes. He mumbles, “Is Mommy awake yet?”
Hope kisses his head and rubs his back, trying to ease him back into sleep. She tells him honestly, “Mommy’s awake, but she still’s not feeling too good. You’ll see her soon, buddy.”
Atticus’ expression falls and Hope can tell he’s upset, but as she predicts, he snuggles back into her and falls back to sleep. She waits with Atticus in her arms and she almost drifts off, but Carli appears back in the hallway. Hope’s eyes shoot open and she looks at her best friend, but for some reason can’t get a read on her. She wants to know what had been talked about, but she refrains yet again.
Carli crosses the hallway and slumps into the chair beside her, and informs softly, “She’s asleep again.”
Hope doesn’t say anything in return, but instead hands Atticus off to Carli before entering back into Kelley’s room. She’s always been pulled to Kelley, but not like this. It’s not the light, fun attraction that they usually share; this- this is much darker. She feels like Kelley is tumbling down a never ending staircase and she’s terrified that if she leaves Kelley’s side for even just one moment, she’ll reach rock bottom where no one can ever reach her again. Hope knows she’s strong, but the longer she watches Kelley’s chest rises and sinks with every shallow breath, she’s not confident in Kelley’s strength anymore; she’s in the most fragile state she’ll ever be in. They both are. Hope watches as the clock strikes midnight.
It’s a new day, a new beginning, a new life.
And she hates it.