There is something about the way her dreams have spoken to her that makes her question this moment. She has dreamed of warm mornings such as this. Of mornings where she lies with Lexa in a sea of white sheets. Legs tangled beneath the soft fabric and arms encircling waists. Breathless ‘I love yous’ whispered into pale skin and mirrored against the soft tan of Lexa’s own. She has been here before countless times before and she truly hopes that this time it is real.
That soft brunette curls really do brush her nose when Lexa shifts in her sleep. The heel of her foot bumping against the curve of her foot behind Lexa’s. Her skin warm and soft where pale fingers lie against her toned stomach. Lexa’s soft voice mumbling something under her breath. Something she can’t quite make out but she knows it doesn’t matter. The only thing that does matter is that when she presses her lips against Lexa’s shoulder that the woman stirs. Her body stretching before she turns in Clarke’s arms. Green eyes meeting blue that blink slowly to chase away the sleep that calls to her. Warm breath against her collarbone when she suddenly buries her face in Clarke’s neck with a tired groan.
“It’s time to wake up Lexa.”
“No it’s not.” Lexa mumbles against her skin. Breath tickling her and she buries her face in wild curls. Squeezing Lexa tightly as if she’d disappear if Clarke blinked. As if holding her this tightly would keep her in this life and Lexa whines against her. “Clarke..”
“Sorry.”
Silence takes over for several minutes and Clarke thinks that Lexa has dozed off again but fingers slip beneath her shirt. Traveling up her back then back down before she speaks. “I’m really here Clarke.”
“But I’m still afraid..” She murmurs and it’s the truth. She’s afraid, so very afraid that in the next minute Lexa will be gone and she’s only been hugging a pillow to her chest. “I’m afraid this is a dream. That you’re not really here and I’m alone again without you for another life.”
Lexa pulls back. Hands reaching up between them to cup her head and force her to look into green eyes that brim with tears. “I’m real Clarke. I’m not leaving you again.”
Clarke takes a trembling breath when Lexa presses a kiss to her cheeks, her chin, the tip of her nose and then against her lips but this kiss is different from the one they had shared during the night. It tastes like promises, like love and vaguely of morning breath but Clarke doesn’t care. The feel of her lips against hers sets her on fire. Heart thumping in her chest and tears spill from her eyes when Lexa breaks the kiss. Nose rubbing against her in the softest way before she kisses her again. Harder this time. Tongue gliding across her bottom lip and asking for entrance that she willingly gives.
She’s not sure who sobs first but she feels it against her lips and it’s probably her own. This is what she had missed before. This feeling of being loved by someone she couldn’t live without. This feeling of forever spoken through a kiss that makes her willing to believe she could do anything as long as Lexa is there with her and soon Lexa backs away. Her nose rubbing against Clarke’s and foreheads pressed together. Fingers laying over soft curves that has yet to have a chance to explore but a phone begins to ring.
The shrill sound piercing the bubble they linger in and Lexa sighs against her lips. Pulling away only to grab her phone but returning as she answers it.
“Woods speaking.” Clarke can hear the person on the other end. No doubt a client and she buries her face in Lexa’s neck as she listens to them set up a meeting. Hand pressed against her chest over her heart and she can feel it steady beating there. Her mind silently counting the beats until Lexa is off the phone. “And the day begins..”
“I want to stay right here.”
“So do I but I have work to do.” Lexa kisses her temple and pulls Clarke closer into her. Minutes passing until she speaks again. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Probably sleeping in your bed again.. Why?”
“Will you go on a date with me?” She asks with hope in her voice and Clarke laughs. Pulling away and meeting her gaze. “What? Is that a no?”
“It’s not a no but a yes.. You don’t even have to ask Lexa. It will always be a yes.” She kisses her again but pulls back before Lexa can deepen it. “You should get up and get ready for the day.”
“And what will you do?”
“I guess go home and get ready for my own day.” She straddles Lexa. Thighs hugging her hips carefully and Lexa’s hands drop to the top of her thighs. Thumb smoothing over the exposed skin as her shorts had ridden up in her sleep. “What time is this proposed date?”
“Is seven okay?”
“It’s perfect.” She leans over her and kisses her but climbs off her. Crossing the floor of Lexa’s bedroom and gathering up her discarded clothes from the day before under Lexa’s gaze. “Shower?”
“Yes!” Lexa excitedly jumps up and Clarke chuckles. The brunette reaching the bathroom first but her clothes littering the floor.
It’s snowing again but Raven’s shop is open. Busier than usual today as she’s busy putting chains on tires free of charge and Clarke is growing tired of watching her. She loves her best friend but she’s bored. Not even the dog beside her is all that entertaining. His coat long, thick and white but his face black like he’s wearing a mask. Snow sticking to his whiskers when he runs off but follows Octavia up to the garage door.
Octavia bundled up in a thick black coat with a high collar and a white beanie over her dark hair. Black boots crunching in snow and ice before she comes to a stop in front of Clarke. Hazel eyes narrowed in disgust from the snow that falls outside. She isn’t the biggest fan of snow. It limits her physical activities and Clarke grins at her because now she can’t force Clarke into going for a walk.
“Snow ruins my day Clarkey.” She mutters over the top of her coat. The dog beside her brushing against her leg. Snow dusting off onto her jeans. “Zero!” She cries out and he barks in response. “You’re such an asshole!” She brushes snow off her leg.
“Hey now, he’s my asshole.” A voice speaks up behind them and Octavia turns to find Raven standing there. Wiping her hands off on a oil stained rag before tucking it into the pocket of her stained jeans. Thick boots thud against cold concrete before she wraps Octavia up in a hug. “Hey O.”
“Hey Rae.. fuck you smell like cars.”
“No shit.” She backs away and drags a finger down Octavia’s nose before the younger girl jerks away from her. “What are you two doing here anyway?”
“We talked about this yesterday Rae.. we agreed to lunch today.” Clarke cuts in, standing up from her seat and tucking her hands into the pocket of a coat she stole from Lexa. Her perfume still lingering when she takes a deep enough breath. “I’m going to guess you forgot though.”
“I.. uh..” Raven begins, her dark brown eyes widening before she sighs. “Fine. I forgot but it won’t take me long to get ready.”
“I have to be back at work by two Raven!” Octavia shouts at her but Raven has already darted off. Boots loud against the concrete but Octavia groans aloud.
“It’s only 12:30 O, we’ve got time.”
“Yeah but you don’t know my boss..” In reality she does know her boss. She knows her boss is Anya Woods, Lexa’s sister. She knew her in the life before this one but she doesn’t know her now. She’s heard her name but she’s yet to meet her again. “If I come in even a second late she’ll have me scrubbing her floors with a toothbrush.”
“I doubt she’s that mean.”
“You don’t know her like I do!” Octavia shouts with her hands in the air before she sighs. Dropping her hands but Zero butts his head against her hand for her to pet him and she obliges his request. Kneeling down to eye level and rubbing at his ears. “You don’t know her either do you Z? But she’d probably love you. Who doesn’t love you huh boy.” He whines and licks her face. “No! No kisses!”
“Aw he loves you O!”
“He licks his own ass Clarke!”
“But he loves you!”
“CLARKE!” She yells louder and Clarke finally reaches out. Wrapping her hand around Zero’s red collar and his chest to pull him back. Hugging him from behind warmly and his tail hits her ankle excitedly as Raven comes running up. Face and hands clean. Bundled up in her signature red jacket that probably isn’t very warm but she wears a thin pullover underneath. “Raven your dog tried to eat my face!”
“He just loves you O.” She pats Zero’s head as Clarke releases him. Octavia standing up and wiping dog spit from her face. “Leave his spit O, it’s quite the improvement.”
“I hate you Raven.” Octavia grumbles but wraps an arm around her waist.
“Liar, you love me.”
“I love your ass actually.” She smirks and for a moment Clarke is confused. Her confusion growing when Raven presses a kiss to her cheek. Sure Raven and Octavia had been close all their lives. From high school and beyond but this was still somehow different. The way they held each other was different. The way Raven looked at her was different. The way Octavia returned those looks was different and it hits her after a moment.
They’re dating.
“Wait a second.” She speaks as they walk down the snow dusted sidewalk and her two friends pause to look at her. Still wrapped up in one another and Raven is grinning but Octavia keeps her face straight and emotionless. “Are you two..”
“Are we what Clarke?” Octavia asks but Raven is struggling to keep herself contained.
“Are you two.. Dating?”
“Maybe.” Octavia speaks first.
“Yes.” Raven admits it right out and Octavia frowns at her. “She asked and there's no reason to lie O.” Raven reasons with her girlfriend and after a moment Octavia nods.
“Then yes. We are Clarke.. Have been for what.. Two months now?”
“Two months since the first real date. Been about six since we-”
“Don’t tell me.” Clarke cuts her off. Turning to continue down the sidewalk. Her friends quickly following but she ignores them for the most part. Pulling her phone from her pocket when she feels it vibrate and finding a text from Lexa.
[12:46 PM] Lexa - I miss you
[12:46 PM] Clarke - I miss you too
[12:47 PM] Lexa - Come here?
[12:47 PM] Clarke - I can’t, I promised lunch with O and Raven
[12:47 PM] Lexa - I’m home alone
[12:47 PM] Clarke - Tempting..
[12:47 PM] Lexa - I have cheesecake with your name on it
[12:48 PM] Clarke - Very tempting…
[12:48 PM] Lexa - I have suspenders on with my slacks
[12:48 PM] Lexa - And nothing else
[12:48 PM Lexa - But also cheesecake
She reads the text and falters. Sucking in a deep breath and coughing suddenly.
“Oh my god Clarke please don’t die on the sidewalk.” Raven says running up to her and patting her on the back. Taking the phone from her hand. “What the fuck has you choking on your own spit- what.”
Clarke snatches it back, locking her phone and taking another breath. “She’s trying to kill me Rae.”
“Isn’t that the same one who hurt you? Made you cry and made you sad?” Her friend is seething but Clarke nods because she isn’t about to lie about Lexa. She isn’t going to lie about the woman she loves who she will one day marry. “What the hell Clarke!”
“You don’t understand..”
“She hurt you Clarke!” She shouts and Octavia grabs her arm. Pulling her away roughly but Raven pulls herself free. Storming back up to Clarke and while she expects to be shouted at again it never comes. Her friend instead pulling her in for a tight hug. Squeezing her tightly for several minutes before she finally speaks. “If she hurts you again I’m killing her.”
It’s not the right thing for her to say but she understands. Her best friend just wants to protect her. She doesn’t want to see her get hurt again and cry. She doesn’t want more long nights of lying in bed with her phone pinned to the side of her head because Clarke can’t sleep. She doesn’t want sitting in her apartment with a teary eyed Clarke leaning against her shoulder. She loves her and she’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe because that is their bond. That is what connected them after the boy Raven loved before she began to date Octavia.
“I know Raven.. Thank you.” She squeezes her back before pulling back and waving Octavia over. Pulling her in for an awkward three way hug and when they split apart. They continue the walk to a nearby restaurant but Clarke tugs her phone out again. Reading the last few messages from Lexa with a smile.
[12:58 PM] Lexa - Clarke?
[12:58 PM] Lexa - Are you coming or not because this thing is melting
[12:58 PM] Lexa - And I’m very cold
[12:58 PM] Lexa - Clarke?
[12:58 PM] Clarke - I love you but put it in the fridge
[12:58 PM] Lexa - Fine but I’m still wearing those suspenders tonight
[12:58 PM] Clarke - And nothing else?
[12:58 PM] Lexa - No you missed your chance
[12:58 PM] Clarke - :(
[12:58 PM] Lexa - I love you
Her heart warms at the text but this isn’t the first time they’ve said it to each other. They spoke those three little words to one another the second time Clarke fell asleep in Lexa’s bed. The brunette awake before she was and kissing her forehead. Murmuring it quietly against her skin without hesitation because she knew it was true and Clarke had repeated it to her. Knowing it was true in her own heart as well.
[1:01 PM] Clarke - And I love you too
Clarke has lived a life that had always felt just a little too empty. She’d loved and lost people in her life. She’d gone from one to the other but never found what she was searching for. The only time she felt whole was when that woman came to her in her dreams. The woman with dark hair and green eyes so scattered across the color spectrum that she wasn’t exactly sure they even were green. A thin woman with a toned body. A woman who moved with grace that demanded to be respected.
A woman she never thought she’d meet.
But now she sits in her apartment. Two white candles flickering flames spread perfectly in the center. Clean plates set before her and a half full glass of red wine in one hand. Her dress perfect and wrinkle free but she suspects that if she’d shown up in sweats and a t-shirt that Lexa would still think she was the most beautiful creature on this planet. She appreciates the thought but Lexa is wrong. She isn’t the most beautiful creature on this planet because the most beautiful is Lexa herself.
Her heart and soul must have been forged by the gods themselves. Her love for Clarke so perfectly crafted that there is no mistaking it when she looks at her. Her soul that undoubtedly follows Clarke’s through countless lifetimes just to dwell beside her once again. Even if it's just for a moment, a day, a week, a month or a whole year. An entire life even. She knows that they will always find each other no matter where they go and when Lexa stands before her now. She has never felt happier.
“I love you Lexa.”
“I love you too Clarke.” Lexa leans down and kisses her softly before pulling back. Serving her a dinner that she’d probably worked all afternoon to perfect. A dinner that mainly consists of Clarke’s favorite things. Cheese, pasta and chicken, even bacon bits. It’s something that’s so endearing, so perfect that Clarke can’t help herself when she pulls Lexa in for a second kiss. The taste of bacon her tongue before she finally pulls away.
“Someone has been sneaking bacon.”
“What can I say.. I love bacon. Almost as much as I love you.” She sits with a smile. Hand reaching across the short distance between them and squeezing Clarke’s fingers. “I hope you like it.”
“I’m sure I’ll love it.” She murmurs squeezing Lexa’s fingers in return before she’s released and she was right when she said she’d love it. Everything is so perfect. From the food to the apartment to Lexa and whatever waits for them after this moment. Lexa sneaks sidelong glances at her but they don’t speak. They don’t need to or even have to for Clarke to feel happy and she knows Lexa feels the same. Her smile never fading, even when she’s collecting plates to wash them. Clarke beside her to dry them despite her almost too expensive deep blue dress.
Moments passing that feel like lifetimes until they retire to Lexa’s bed. Dress forgotten at the end of the bed and Lexa’s slacks beside it. Her shirt draped over a chair and shoes next to Clarke’s heels. Bodies warm beneath soft sheets and sleepy breaths chasing stray strands of hair from Clarke’s lips. Her body content as Lexa watches her and she feels her gaze. She feels her eyes rove over her thin shirt before she kisses her neck.
“Lexa?” She breathes out. Stretching out her arm to rest against Lexa’s back.
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“Show me Lexa.” She licks her lips as Lexa hovers over her. Her fingers soft at the edge of her shirt but they linger with uncertainty. “Make love to me Lexa.”
She smiles, “I’d love to.”
She didn’t think she could be any happier in this bed with Lexa but when lips press against her skin. When hands explore her exposed skin. Fingers tracing lines on her skin over her ribs and across the edge of her hips. Eyes dark and filled with desire before she dips her tongue against a wet center. Fingers pulling at soft thighs and coaxing release after release. Love whispered against her skin. Love traced against her skin. Love felt so deeply that it fills her. Love that she returns to Lexa in kind.
Touching her, tasting her, feeling her heart race beneath her fingertips and throb against her tongue. Her sounds filling the room that spur her on. That beg for more and her cries when she receives it. Gods, she could drown in everything that is her. In her sounds, her taste and when Lexa pushes her head away she pushes herself up her body. Kissing her lips and swallowing soft moans that escape through parted lips.
The hours passing until dawn creeps in slowly over the tops of buildings. Clouds gently gliding by and the snow stopping outside but Clarke is still wrapped up in Lexa. A song stuck on repeat in her mind. A song she’d heard Lexa singing as she cooked their dinner.
“One day we’ll wake up from this crazy dream and we’ll meet again after my lights dim out..” She begins and Lexa shifts beside her sleepily. Her voice low and rough when she follows Clarke into the song. Voices together that sound so right together that Clarke can’t hide her smile. “And I’ll be wondering.. Where will we go?”
“Where will we go after this Lexa?”
“First Clarke..” She begins sleepily. Eyes still closed but Clarke knows she means every word she is about to say. “I want you to move in with me. I want to wake up with you every morning until my last and further still. I want to put a ring on your finger. I want to marry you in front of our families. I want to proclaim my love for you from the tallest building in this city so that everyone may hear me and know that I love you. I want to have kids with you. I want to have to go to a meeting with the principal because one of our kids got into a fight with some other kid because they were bullying their sibling or some other innocent kid.”
“Really?”
“Really.” She sighs, “I want your annoyed face when I ask our kid if they won or not and if they did then I’m going to sneak them out for ice cream.”
“My annoyed face?”
“Yes, you pout and your nose scrunches up so adorably.” She smiles and meets blue eyes finally. “Kind of like that.” She presses her index finger lightly against Clarke’s nose. “So cute.”
“If you say so.. But did you have more? I kind of like your idea of our future.”
“Right, sorry.. Where was I?”
“Ice cream and social justice warriors for kids.”
“Of course.. I want our kids to grow up and follow their dreams. I want them to move out and get married themselves. To give us beautiful little grandkids so you can teach them how to paint and I can bore them with stories from when we were young. I want Anya to teach our kids and our grandkids curse words.”
“Are you sure you want that?”
“No but imagine a three year saying fuck in a tiny voice.” She laughs at herself and her eyes close again.
“I am and it’s not as cute as you seem to think it is.”
“It’s adorable.”
“Maybe.. But I think we may have to worry about Raven and Octavia too.”
“How so?” She asks because she doesn’t know them very well yet and Clarke knows that’ll have to change.
“Raven will teach them to take things apart and put them back together.. Correctly or not. She’ll build cars with them. Teach them to blow stuff up and Octavia will take them on world wide excursions. We’ll wake up one morning and our son or daughter is on a mountain in Spain.” She smiles because she knows it’ll happen. There is no question about it. “And Bellamy.. Oh Bell. You and Bell will have to fight over who gets to teach them all about Rome or Greece.. But he’ll take over myths. Just as he did for O.”
“These kids of ours are going to be quite interesting.” She yawns and buries herself in Clarke’s chest warmly.
“That they will Lex.. That they will.” She murmurs but Lexa doesn’t reply. She’s already sound asleep and snow begins to fall outside again. The sun already higher in the sky and the day has truly begun. A day that she knows Lexa is real in. She breathes on this day. She exists on this day and will continue to exist a hundred years from now if her body permits. Her soul will live beside Clarke’s until the end of time itself and that Clarke is sure of. There is no more questioning and while she knows one day that she’ll lay her hand over Lexa’s chest and find silence. She knows that it won’t be today nor the next or a year from this day or thirty years even.
This day is just the beginning.
The beginning of a lifetime and many more to come.