Flicka
Each Heda had their own war paint to identify themselves. Leksa kom Trikru was no different. She thought the simpler, the better. The key was to be intimidating on the battlefield as well as in front of her subjects. Her style was two straight black bands covering her eyes, spanning into her hair. A column of her rich brown tresses was pinned to the back of her intricately braided mane on either side, allowing the black to fade into her hair.
Costia had said that anyone to face her in a battle or a meeting would surely be terrified as soon as they laid eyes on her. Her confidence fuelled Lexa’s. Being the Commander was a burden often placed on the shoulders of the Grounder’s youth. Lexa herself had only been fourteen when the spirit of the previous Commander came to her. The blood-filled conclave was still stained in her mind, the black blood of her bother and sister nightbloods never to be washed from her soul.
But focusing on the past was a sign of weakness. That’s what she had been taught from the time she arrived at Polis at the age of four. At this point, she bitterly thought, everything human about me is a weakness. Titus reminded her daily how her love for Costia would cost her someday. Lexa chose to heavily ignore his teaching that loving Costia was a weakness. Though, the thought of ever losing the woman she loved drove her to train relentlessly during any free moment, as well as keep Costia’s training up to date.
It wasn’t enough. None of it mattered in the end.
Azgeda, the Ice Nation, was still at odds with Lexa’s coalition with the other eleven clans. They threatened violence almost every week, causing the Heda to have constant patrols on the Northern boarders. She preferred to send her more seasoned warriors, should trouble arise, but Costia had been itching to go out and do some real work.
Lexa despised the idea, argued against it vehemently when her love had first brought it up. In an attempt to appease her, Lexa sent Costia on a few supply runs South, hoping the weeks of travel would discourage her dangerous desires. Her fiery and adventurous girl was only sated for a short time though. After months of conversations and several fights later, the young Commander allowed Costia to accompany some of her warriors on a unusually short patrol, about twenty kilometers from the physical boarder. It allowed Costia the change to explore up North and Lexa the to indulge her worried girlfriend side, knowing she wasn’t going to be all that close to any potential threats.
Costia’s training increased in the coming weeks, for endless hours everyday. She was taught how to handle spears, axes, scythe-like blades, and of course her signature double bladed sword. There was no doubt that the Commander’s love was already exceptional in combat, Lexa’s paranoia allowed her to perfect her battle skills.
The night before Costia was to embark on her two weeklong journey, she spent the night with her Leksa. There were few words spoken in that time, both wanting to physically assure each other more than anything. Costia insisted on having scores of candles lit in the room allowing her to commit to memory every inch of her love’s skin. She was also not a fan of the dark, but had learned to bury that weakness long ago. Her Leksa knew though, remembered form the years of their early childhood about how she felt suffocated by the darkness surrounding her. Back then, the now Heda would hoard candles, bartering what little she had to get them, hoping to make the nights more comfortable for her best friend.
In the early morning hours following their intimate night, Lexa held tightly to her girlfriend fearing her looming departure. It would only be another hour or so and the patrol would be gathering their supplies and horses to leave. She wasn’t ready to say goodbye, it was irrational, she knew. But being the Commander of eleven clans made her a target as well as anyone she cared for. Lexa didn’t know if she could deal with the possibility of anything happening to her love. The very thought caused her to become instantaneously nauseous. No, that’s not going to happen, banish your negative thoughts. Costia has trained vigorously for weeks, and she is one of the strongest warriors in your army. Have faith.
“What is occupying your mind so fully that it takes you away from me just before I leave?” Costia rested her head over Lexa’s heart welcoming the steady sound of the brunette’s heartbeat.
“Truthfully, Costia?” The younger teen nodded, wanting to know the thoughts running through Lexa’s mind. “I’m worrying over you. I try to silence my mind of the negative thoughts, but they are quite persistent. I don’t want anything to happen to you.” The Heda left out the fact that deep in her gut, beyond being a protective lover, she left a certain dread about this trip. Like all the spirits of the past Commanders were compelling her to realize that something bad was going to happen.
“Now I’m insulted, love.” Costia sat up, making sure to have a stern look on her face.
“What? Did I say something?” Lexa was confused, and flustered. She was also thrown by Costia’s sudden change in position.
“Do you think me weak?” It was a blunt but simple question.
“Of course not my adventurous fox.”
“Have I not thoroughly proven my abilities to you and every other warrior that is accompanying me?”
“You’re a talented fighter Costia. I would never question your abilities.”
The other girl huffed, slightly annoyed. “Then why do you continue to worry even though I’m obviously more than capable of taking care of myself? Not to mention that you only allowed your fiercest and most experienced warriors on this excursion. Did I comment on that? No. I indulged your paranoia, and put up with the endless sparring so that I would satisfy you. What more can I do?” The end of her last sentence came out more like a whisper, sounding like a desperate plea. It was her weakness for Lexa bleeding through, but she would hold her ground.
Lexa sat up, mirroring the position of her love, though more softly. This whole situation was tiring and all she wanted was to enjoy what little time remained before the sun rose. “I apologize for my behaviour. Now that you have shown me your perspective, I see how you might feel as if I thought you weren’t ready. That’s most definitely not the case. I just, Costia…” Her voice cracked. To show her vulnerabilities, even to Costia, went against her very nature. She could fight the tears no longer. Two weeks apart alone would be emotionally exhausting. Lexa loved her like no other. It was overwhelming. “I love you so much my fox. The thought of not being by your side gives me anxiety. The amount of love I hold within me will surely crush my soul one day. Do you understand? You are everything to me.” Her face was becoming flush, as her words had worked her up. The Commander’s mind was once again filled with thoughts of losing the precious woman sitting beside her and a wretched sob escaped her chest without permission.
“Oh Lexa, please, I’ll be alright. You know that you are the love of my life, right? You, my beautiful flika, are it for me. Yes, two weeks is an eternity to be apart. But think of how wonderful it will be to hold me in your arms again.” At this, she crawled over to the brunette allowing her to take her into her arms. “I’ll never leave you my love. Remember, always remember, that the love we share is not weakness. It is our strength. No matter what.”
They held each other close for a few more minutes taking in everything they could, holding onto it all to sustain them for the coming fourteen days. Their departure came too soon, neither ready to separate.
“Leksa, I must go. If I don’t leave now it’ll be dark when we reach our post.” Costia kissed her girlfriend encouraging her to let go.
“I don’t want you to go Costia. Let me hold you here forever.” By now the fierce Commander’s eyes were red from crying and her chest still heaving from her earlier sobs. She looked so lost it almost made Costia stay.
“This is something I must do. I promise that I will return to you, nothing could stop me.” She stood form her lover’s bed and gathered her undergarments, clothes, and armour. “Help me but these on?” she knew that it would bring Leksa some peace in mind to do something so simple, yet important for her.
“Anything for you.” Lexa reverently put on Costia’s complex outerwear. She double-checked every button and buckle, just to make sure. When she was finished, too quickly she thought, she stood in front of her best friend and love. “Ai hod yu in.”
How she longed to have said those words so many more times.
Reports from Costia’s patrol party came twice a day as per the Heda’s orders. The first week was completely uneventful much to Lexa’s relief. Though on the fourth day of the second week, the messenger was late. Not an hour late as they sometimes were, but three. With him, he brought troublesome news. A few warriors, including her love, had come into contact with Azgeda fighters. Some of her people had been severely wounded. The messenger was unsure of whom. One had also been captured.
Lexa’s back straightened uncomfortably. “How can you not know who was taken or who was injured?! I demand for you to find out.” The messenger stood frozen in front of her, unsure of what to do. “Will it be necessary for me to repeat myself? Now!”
“Yes Heda.” He bowed awkwardly and ran off to find a fresh horse to take him back to the post. The young man didn’t want to stick around long enough to find out what would happen to him if the Commander had to repeat herself. No wonder she’s Heda.
Despite adamant protests from Indra, her most trusted advisor and Trikru clan leader, Lexa waited at the stables for more news of the incident. She prayed that Costia was not one of the wounded, but even more so that she had not been taken. The possible torture she could endure at the hands of the Ice Queen made her involuntarily shudder. Stop. You don’t know anything yet. Be Heda, not Leksa. Easier said than done.
All too long later, surrounded by darkness, Lexa heard the hooves of an approaching horse. She stood eagerly, bursting with the need to for more information.
Before the female messenger had the chance to dismount her chocolate steed, the Commander was asking questions.
“How many injured? Did the party make it back to the post? Have there been any other attacks? Who was taken? Is there a search and recovery team being assembled?”
“My Heda, I can only answer one question at a time. Or I could simply give you a report as I usually do, which I’m sure would be quicker.” It was a sassy reply, one that the Commander would probably punish anyone for, but the girl was right.
“Give me your report, messenger.”
“Costia was not among the wounded, nor the one taken, my Heda.” A sigh of relief came from Lexa’s mouth. Thank you. And now it was time to be Heda.
“Continue.”
“There were two injured in the attack from Azgeda warriors. The one taken from the patrol party was Gustus. He has yet to be found, though there is a team searching the immediate area for Ice Nation camps. You did not lose any warriors my Heda, and Costia has given me a letter to deliver to you as well.”
Lexa’s head shot up, not sure if she had heard correctly. “What was that?”
“I have a letter from Costia addressed to you. She told me to deliver it directly to you, said it was urgent.”
The Commander snatched the folded piece of paper from her subordinate, more than eager to read what her warrior fox had written to her. She sat on a stool by the corrals, not caring if she dirtied her uniform. Costia. The messenger took that as a sign to leave the premises.
Leksa,
We should have expected an attack after so long a silence from the Azgeda warriors. I wasn’t paying close enough attention, but I vow to not make that mistake again. The wounded are recovering, and I have mounted a search party to find Gustus, though I’m sure that terrifying fighter is already plotting his escape and hefty revenge.
Regardless, I am well. I do trust that you are keeping yourself busy in my absence and not sulking too much. You know how that drives Indra insane. The last messenger told a story of a fierce and fuming Heda ready to take his head for knowing so little of the situation here… Have you gained a temper while I’ve been gone? Hopefully you won’t give the next messenger too hard of a time, she can hold her own. I think you’ll quite enjoy her lip. Reminds me of myself!
Must be off my love, there is much to do here in the coming days. Know that I am well and that you will hold me in your arms again. And I found the stash of candles you packed in my horse’s satchel, thank you. I love you my Heda, my flika, my Leksa.
Costia
In this semi-public place Leksa was Commander of the eleven clans, so she was required to keep her composure while reading Costia’s words. Hearing from her that she indeed was unharmed eased any lingering doubts. She hoped that her girlfriend would make it back to her before much else could go wrong at the boarder. One minute, that’s all you get. Let your love and worry for her take over or a single moment and then find a way to get Gustus back like a Heda should. All her pent up emotions were roaring against her walls, begging to be released.
Lexa stood from the stool and strode with purpose to the tower in search of a private space. When she found a vacant war meeting room, she allowed it all to flood her system. Her legs gave out from underneath her, her knees colliding with the concrete painfully. Her torso contorted into an odd bent shape, but Lexa was too overcome by grief, happiness, fury, hurt, worry, love and many other unidentifiable emotions to care about momentary physical pain.
She counted quietly, trying to grasp onto a shred of reality. 1, 2, 3, 4. Costia is safe. 27, 28, 29, 30. She wrote me a cheeky and absolutely adorable letter. 43, 44, 45, 46. My love will be back in three days and I’ll never let go of her again. Ever. No more adventures outside of freaking Polis. 56, 57, 58, 59… 60. Heda now took over. She gracefully picked herself up off the cold floor and dusted off any dirt covering her legs, then wiped her face to destroy any evidence of her weakness. Love is not weakness.
By the time the sun had risen the next day, the Commander had sent more warriors to aid the remaining able-bodied. Gustus had been an obvious target. It was well known that he was close to Lexa and that he was one of her strongest warriors. He also was often by the Commander’s side in Polis or on the battlefield. The Ice Queen was most likely attempting to make Lexa act irrationally, in order to have the advantage in any major conflict. That would not happen.
After much effort, and the spilling of substantial amounts of blood, Gustus was found in an Azgeda camp a day later. His recovery had been relatively quick, which sounded a warning bell in Lexa’s mind, but again much like the pit in her gut, she ignored it. Costia had been leading the warriors who found Gustus, much to Lexa’s chagrin. But no one had been injured, so the Commander swallowed her fears.
Tomorrow can’t get here fast enough.
“Heda?” Indra called out, trying to reengage her into the conversation with the other ten clan leaders. She didn’t want Leksa to seem unfocused. That was a form of weakness. “Heda, what do you suggest as a solution for the grain shortages in our Eastern clans?”
“Hmm? Oh, I, well…” What’s Indra asking? Oh right, grain, shortage, must fix. “Polis has more than it’s share of grain for this season. If people from each clan in need form supply parties, we will arrange for rations to be sent out.” The Eastern clan leaders seemed to be satisfied with her idea. Great, now I want to get out of here. “Today has been productive, ambassadors. We shall reconvene early tomorrow if there are any remaining topics to be discussed.” Without much of a care if anyone objected, the Commander exited the war room at a fast pace.
“In a hurry to be somewhere, my Heda?” Indra, of course.
“Indra, do you question my motivations for ending the meeting?” Lexa wasn’t in the mood to be scolded by one of her advisors. She might be seventeen, but three years as Heda had aged her beyond her years.
“I do not. It just might be a good idea to make your lovesickness less overt while in the presence of potential enemies.” She had a valid point. Lexa didn’t care though. Call it childish, but fourteen days apart from Costia had drained her in a way she had never experienced. Only one person could restore her, and she was supposed to come back home tomorrow.
“That’ll be all.”
Indra took her cue to leave, not wanting to push the Commander too hard. For now. The young leader still had much to learn, starting with better concealing her weaknesses. Something will happen, and she will be made to understand eventually.
When the leader of Trikru was out of sight, Lexa slumped her weary shoulders. The weight of all of her responsibilities and worry finally taking hold. She took a few deep breaths to cleanse herself of the long day. Just a single day was between her and her gorgeous Costia. All this stress and distance would be worth it in the end. That, and the added guards on Costia’s detail, and a ban on her leaving a two-kilometer radius of Polis… Maybe one kilometer, just to be safe. Yeah, that’s better.
After her thoughts went through the vicious cycle of worry a few times, Lexa had managed to stumble her way back to her bedroom. When she entered, the room was pitch black. Another stark reminder of Costia’s absence. She didn’t bother lighting any candles, settling for stripping out of her restricting ‘Heda monkey-suit’ as her fox liked to call it. Once she was free, using more effort than she would have liked, Lexa sleepily climbed into her vacant king-sized bed.
While in the arms of her lover, she would succumb to sleep instantaneously, alone, the Commander tossed and turned. Coveted rest evaded her, despite her best efforts. Ever since she was brought to Polis when she was discovered as a nightblood, she hated to be by herself while sleeping. That’s one of the reasons Costia and her had become so close in a short amount of time; they both needed something only the other could provide.
In the deafening silence of her luxurious quarters, Lexa spoke quietly into the abyss. “Goodnight my Costia, ai hod yu in.” No one was there to hear her profession of love, but she hoped that the wind would carry her sacred words to the woman she intended them for.
Sleep followed shortly after.
Sunlight seeped into Lexa’s vast bedroom, pooling around her fur-covered bed. Unlike most mornings, the intruding brightness didn’t stir her from her slumber. Her dreams still in control of her body and mind, floating amongst the endless stars above.
A figure silently maneuvered into the Commander’s room on a mission to deliver a blatant message. They carefully journeyed to the opposite side of the bed, pulling back the covers slowly so as not to disturb the Commander. When the message had been placed in an obvious place with no incidents, the figure excited the room quickly. Now it was a matter of the Heda receiving the message.
Lexa stirred, her body becoming too warm for comfort. She kicked her legs out from under the many furs covering her but it made little difference temperature wise. A few more minutes of chasing more sleep and it seemed as though she wasn’t about to get any. The Commander lazily rolled closer to the other side of her bed searching for some cool covers, but was met with something wet that had soaked into her sheets and now covered the left side of her bare upper body.
Confused, she lifted her hand wondering what the liquid was. Of course the damn sun blinded her as it shone through the bricks on the other side of her room making it impossible to see properly. I need some curtains, this is getting ridiculous. Then it hit her like a train. What the jok is in my bed, and who put it there? Lexa jumped out of her bed grabbing the blade she kept in her bed frame, taking a defensive stance. She examined the room from her position not seeing anything out of place. Internally she was still on high alert, but outwardly she lowered her sword and finally looked at her left side. What she was met with made her black blood run cold.
Red, blood red, unlike her own. Sticking to her arm, fingers, and side. Who’s is this? She panicked, what’s in my bed? Blood was never a good sign, especially in the most intimate place she had.
Making her way to the opposite side of her bed, she braced herself for whatever horror might meet her. She took a hold of the covers counting to three before she pulled them down. 1, 2, 3, and whipped the sheets to the end of her bed. A large portion of the left side was soaked in more blood. This was a message from one her enemies, it had to be. A bold and dangerous one. The intruder must have been exceptionally skilled to have gotten past her guards into the tower, through at least six more warriors and in and out of her bedroom without disturbing her.
But why red blood? Who’s was it? No, oh, please no. Costia’s blood was red, and that was her side of the bed, she was meant to arrive back in Polis today. Before Lexa’s thoughts could run wild, someone crept through one of her bedroom doors. The Commander quickly turned to face the threat.
“What have you done with her?” Lexa raised her blade once again, ready for a fight. “She best be alive or you will pay for her spilled blood with your own.” She angrily spat.
The figure turned around slowly to face the Commander, unsure of what was going on. “Leksa, what’s gotten into you?” You’d never guess who it was.
“Jok Costia! What, how… I almost cut off your head! Why is there blood in my bed?” Lexa was furious now that she knew her love was safe and that this was all for nothing.
“I’m a klutz, you know that babe. I brought you some winter lilies from the Azgeda boarder, your favourite, but I dropped the vase and managed to give myself a decently deep gash on my hand. I covered your bed in blood and I rushed to get something to clean it up with. You should have woken up to a message of love, I’m sorry.” Costia made eye contact with Lexa during her whole explanation and apology. But then they drifted south when she finished, and she smirked mischievously. “Sleeping nude, are we?”
Lexa’s face flushed beat red as well as the top of her ears. She had forgotten her state of nakedness in the heat of the moment. Completely embarrassed, the younger girl went to cover herself, however she was stopped mid-action.
“Hey woah, I wasn’t complaining. I have been deprived of this view for a solid fourteen days, I’d like to admire it for much, much longer.” There was no physically possible way for Lexa to get any redder, it happened nonetheless.
“Stop, I hate my naked body Costia.” She was bashful and ashamed of her heavily scared and broken body. Years of brutal training and countless battles had left her body marred and permanently marked. The reminders of her actions haunted her consciousness, and her body was just a material reminder of all the good and bad she had done in her short seventeen years. And no one had taught her to love her body, only to hone it as a deadly weapon.
“Don’t say that my love.” Costia took a few steps closer, reaching out to take her girlfriend’s shaking hands. “How could you ever hate something so precious, so incredibly beautiful?” The warrior reverently took in every inch of skin in the most loving way, still floored that this angelic woman loved her as well. “Ai hod yu in Leksa kom Trikru.” The words came out of their own accord, still sincere as ever. Maybe even more so. “You should be worshiped each moment of your life and reminded of your beauty. I love every part of you. Your brilliant mind, extraordinary physicality, unending kindness, your soft yet fierce love for me… Leksa, you are amazing, don’t you see that?”
Years of being Costia’s closest friend, plus two years of being in a relationship and she still managed to simultaneously melt her heart and surprise her with her love. “How do you see all of that in me? Surely I’m not worth all this love. Especially from you.” The Commander had many insecurities stacked up never having the chance of being addressed. She might be a powerful leader and an unshakeable warrior, but she was very much human underneath all that. Too human.
“My flicka, you are worth all the love I can give and oceans more. You deserve to have every living thing proclaim it’s love for you, to be praised by the sun. Heda of eleven clans, undefeated warrior, loving seventeen-year-old girl, my love. There is unending worth within you that I could spend the rest of eternity showing it to you.”
Love. Lexa was consumed by absolute love for the woman in front of her. “Why don’t we start with right now?”
Needing no further invitation, Costia closed the door behind her and followed Lexa to their bed. Not wanting to deal with the blood still staining the bed, they pulled the furs off and laid them on the floor.
Their day was filled to the brim with love, passion, and happiness. One of the last times they shared a day like this.
Nothing gold can ever stay.