It’s not that Lexa has a crush on her roommate. She doesn’t.
There are just some things that Lexa has learned since she’s moved into Clarke’s apartment. One being that she’s pretty. Like really pretty. Lexa wasn’t expecting that when she responded to the ad about a young twenty-something needing a roommate. She was caught off guard, not expecting this goddess like girl to be the one she was going to move in with. Lexa, however, could control herself. She’s been around pretty girls before in her life. Even if they weren’t this pretty.
The second thing she’s learned about Clarke is that it is impossible to not get along with her. Immediately, since the first day of Lexa living there, she’s been nothing but kind and giving. She doesn’t think there is a mean bone in Clarke’s body. When Lexa was sick the other day, practically dying in her bed with a stomach virus, Clarke knocked gently on her door before walking in with soup, a heating pad and a bottle of ginger ale. Lexa practically moaned at the sight.
The third thing she learned about Clarke is that she’s so so talented. The walls of the apartment are filled with Clarke’s artwork. Drawings and paintings all over the place, and the occasional photograph from when Clarke feels inspired enough. Lexa may be biased, but she doesn’t think she’s ever seen such beautiful work.
Okay, so Lexa doesn’t have a crush on Clarke. She doesn’t. She just happens to be madly in love with her. It’s not her fault that Clarke is generous, and talented, and perfect, and my god, so so pretty.
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The first time Lexa realizes she maybe, kind of likes Clarke is when she’s basically trapped at work.
Lexa’s always been one to plan ahead, and always makes sure things go the right way. She doesn’t like when things are thrown her way, when she least expects them. Which is why she’s cursing herself in this very moment.
She stares out of office window, wondering how the weather could change so quickly. When she walked into work this morning, the sky was a beautiful bright blue, not a cloud in the sky. Now, she’s wondering how the hell she’s supposed to walk back home in this downpour without her umbrella. It’s sitting back at the apartment, right by the door where she always leaves it, totally useless. Lexa hates rain.
She groans and looks around her office, hoping she can maybe find an old newspaper or something to hold over her head. The apartment is only a few blocks away from her office building, which is why it was so appealing to her in the first place. (The five star roommate was just a bonus.) She doesn’t want to have to call a cab for just a few blocks.
She sighs and admits defeat, entering the elevator that leads her to the first floor. As she’s about to step foot out the door and into the rain, she sees a figure standing right by the door with an umbrella over her head. Lucky, Lexa thinks.
It’s not until the girl turns, eyes widening and smile growing that Lexa realizes it’s Clarke. She opens the door and tries to shout over the rain. “Why the hell are you here?” she says, smiling, despite her worry that Clarke will be the one to be sick next. “It’s pouring.”
Clarke just shrugs, walking closer to the door and quickly pulling Lexa out by her arm and under the safety of her umbrella. “I just happened to notice that you, little miss prepared, seemed to have left your umbrella at home this morning,” she teases, wrapping her one free arm around Lexa’s, the other still gripping the umbrella tight as they walk. “I figured I’d come rescue you.”
Lexa stares, smile growing bigger and bigger as she takes in the girl’s giant rain coat practically down to her knees where they meet her bright yellow rain boots. She looks back up and sees the girl grinning at her, the dreadful weather doing nothing to mess with Clarke’s cheerful attitude. Lexa shakes her head, grabbing the handle from Clarke and pulling the girl closer to her side under the safety of the umbrella, away from the rain. “You are too kind for your own good, Clarke,” she says. “Thank you.”
Lexa thinks that the rain isn’t so bad after all.
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The time that Lexa realizes she definitely has a crush on Clarke is when they’re enjoying their weekly breakfast “roommate date”, as Clarke likes to call it.
There’s something about the little bakery on the corner of their street that Lexa and Clarke absolutely love. Maybe it’s the sweet little old lady that greets them every time they enter, or the absolutely to die for blueberry muffins. Whatever it is, it keeps them coming back. It’s sort of this unspoken tradition they have. Lexa gets up Sunday mornings, earlier than Clarke because Clarke “has to sleep in on Sundays, Lexa, it’s a rule.” She sits in bed, reading her paper until Clarke knocks on her door, and they both get up, still in their sweats and make their way down to the bakery.
This Sunday is no different than the rest. They’re sitting in their usual tiny table by the window. Lexa is eating a blueberry muffin and tea, and Clarke eating a chocolate chip muffin and coffee. Clarke has an extra chocolate chip cookie in a to-go bag for later, because she claims that they’re her weakness.
A little girl, probably no older than four, walks away from her mom who is in line ordering and climbs up on one of the chairs by the table next to theirs. Lexa doesn’t have a lot of experience with kids. She’s the youngest child in her family and her youngest cousin is already 15, so she’s not around little kids very often.
Clarke, on the other hand, seems to be doing absolutely fine, smiling at the other girl, who stares at them both, thumb stuck in her mouth. When the little girl just continues to stare, Clarke pulls a funny face, causing the girl to giggle and blush, running back over to her mom.
“She is too cute,” Clarke smiles, going back to eating her muffin.
Lexa really shouldn’t be shocked at how natural Clarke is with kids. She’s already perfect when it comes to everything else. The little girl returns to her table, this time with her mom. They’re sitting down eating, the girl babbling to her mom about something that Lexa has no idea of. The mom’s phone rings and she answers, the little girl becoming bored of having no one to talk to . She seems to remember something before she turns over to Clarke and holds up her chocolate chip cookie, proud.
“Look!” the girl says happily, before biting into it. Half of the cookie barely makes it into her mouth, most of it falling into her lap of leaving chocolate stains on her chin, but Clarke smiles anyway.
“Wow!” she exclaims, excitedly. “That looks so good.”
This causes the little girl’s eyes to widen and her smile to grow, glad someone is sharing her excitement.
Lexa just watches, smiling at how Clarke seems to be able to make everyone love her. She watches as Clarke pushes a strand of hair behind her ear that fell out of her messy bun, and wonders how someone can be so perfect.
Clarke is still smiling over at the girl, listening to her talk about her favorite type of cookies. The little girl seems to get too excited and the cookie falls out of her hands, onto the floor. She stares down at it, eyes watering before looking at her mom, then Lexa, then Clarke. Lexa looks over to the mom, wondering how she’s going to handle this. She doesn’t want to see the little girl cry.
Before the mom even realizes what’s happening, however, still being on the phone, Lexa sees Clarke reach down to pick the cookie up, tossing it in the trash behind her chair. Before the little girl can get even more upset at this, Clarke reaches into her own to-go bag and shows the girl her brand new cookie.
The girl’s eyes light up, and Clarke smiles handing it over. “It’s okay,” she says gently placing the cookie down on a napkin on the girl’s table. “Now you have a brand new one! Be careful, okay? You don’t want to drop this one, right?”
The girls smiles, shaking her head, before picking up the cookie and swinging it around, babbling just like she was before, apparently not learning her lesson.
Clarke just smiles, shaking her head, before returning her attention back to Lexa, picking up her coffee. “Disaster avoided,” she teases before taking a sip, completely unaware of the fact that Lexa kind of might be totally smitten.
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Lexa realizes that she really, really likes Clarke is when Anya comes to stay with them.
Anya is not the most friendly person, and it takes a lot to get on her good side. This is why Lexa is kind of nervous of having the girl stay at her apartment for the weekend while she’s in town for business.
“Please, just, don’t be so… you” Lexa says as she walks out of the elevator on onto the floor of her apartment with Anya. “Give Clarke a chance before you automatically decide to hate her.”
“I don’t just hate people automatically. They usually deserve it,” Anya says, rolling her eyes. “Besides, why are you so nervous about me getting along with Clarke? I’m only spending one night here.”
“I’m not nervous about it,” Lexa starts. “I would just like this weekend to be as drama free as possible.”
“Hm,” Anya hums, not believing her sister for a second. “Okay.”
“Thank you,” Lexa sighs, opening her apartment door and walking in, smile at the sight before her. Through the kitchen door, she sees Clarke standing by the stove, bright red apron around herself as she mixes a pot before looking up.
“Hey,” she says, walking into the livingroom and holding out her hand for Anya. “You must be Anya. I’ve heard great things.”
Anya quirks a brow at Lexa, smirking, before holding her hand out and shaking Clarke’s. “Hi, Clarke,” she says, and Lexa knows that teasing tone. She groans internally, knowing her sister is about to give her shit. “I’ve heard so much about you, too. Lexa here was talking all about you on our way up. I think she’s kind of obsessed.”
Lexa turns bright red and is about to yell at her sister, when Clarke’s giggle distracts her. She looks over at the girl and can’t help but smile at Clarke’s own smile being sent her way. “I’m kind of obsessed, too. Lexa’s the best roommate I’ve ever had.” She winks at Lexa, practically making the girl melt before reaching over and grabbing Anya’s bag. “I’ll take this to Lexa’s room for you. Be right back.”
Before Lexa can offer to take the bags herself, Clarke is out of the room, and Lexa sighs, just staring after her. A slap on her shoulder snaps her out of it, and she yelps, turning to face Anya. “What the hell?”
“You’re so into her,” Anya whispers, smirking. “I knew it! I knew something was up.”
“I’m not into her!” Lexa says, trying to convince Anya and herself. It fails with both. “She’s just cool. That’s all.”
Anya ignores her completely. “I mean, I get it. She’s totally hot, and really friendly. Basically everything you’re not,” Anya jokes. “If i wasn’t straight I would so be fighting you for her.”
Lexa is about to argue, when Clarke walks back into the room, hands behind her back smiling. “So Lexa told me you liked Italian food. I made some spaghetti if you’d like some,” she says, rocking on her heels.
Lexa looks over to Anya who looks pleasantly surprised. “Wow,” she starts. “Thanks, Clarke. That’d be great.”
Clarke just nods and makes her way back over to the kitchen. “It’ll be ready in five.”
Lexa is still smiling, looking over at Anya, brows raised expectedly. “See?” she says, “Totally great.”
“So far, so good,” Anya says, slapping Lexa on the back again. “We’ll see how good her spaghetti is before I decide if I like her, though.”
It’s about thirty minutes and two bowls later, when Anya sits back, rubs her stomach and looks over at Clarke. “It’s official. I think I’m in love with you, Clarke,” she teases, causing Clarke to chuckle. “I might have to fight Lexa for your love.”
At this, Lexa’s eyes widen, and she’s about to yell at her sister again, when Clarke speaks up. “I don’t know, Anya,” she starts, teasing, before sending a wink Lexa’s way. “Lexa’s more my type. You know, the silent, smart, mysterious type.”
She’s joking. Lexa knows this.
She is joking, right?
Either way, Lexa thinks she might have died right there.
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After a while, the moments that make Lexa realize that Clarke is kind of perfect for her all blend together. She starts to lose count.
There’s times when they’re just sitting on their couch, watching movies, and Clarke will just move over, and rest her head on Lexa’s shoulder, like it’s the most natural thing in the world.
At first when it happened, Lexa froze, totally shocked, until Clarke grabbed her hand and laced their fingers together, continuing to stare at the tv. Lexa wonders if this is something that roommates normally do. If this is something that friends normally do. She doesn’t think so.
Or there are times when Lexa will come home after work, tired, and annoyed by her employees, and just wanting to do nothing. Clarke will walk out of her room, hearing Lexa and immediately wrap her in her arms, rubbing up and down her back. It’s as if she knows exactly what Lexa needs. Lexa doesn’t think anyone has ever understood her as well as Clarke does.
Lexa just sighs, sinking into Clarke’s embrace and allowing herself to let go.
Or there are times when just the sight of Clarke alone will make Lexa smile, forget all her problems, and just be. It’s so cliche and so so corny, but Lexa doesn’t mind the cliches if they’ll make her feel this good.
She should be scared. Crushes never end well for her. She always ends up hurt in the long run. But it’s too late to be scared. This isn’t just a crush anymore, and Lexa knows it. Clarke is the best part of her day, and the main reason she smiles and laughs. So, yeah, she should be scared. But, she’d let Clarke break her heart a thousand times if it means having her in her life at all.
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So, Lexa is finally admitting it to herself. She loves her roommate. She is totally in love with Clarke. It only took her about five months of living together to realize it, but she knows now. Which is why this night totally and completely sucks.
She’s sitting on the couch watching crappy reality tv when Clarke walks into her apartment with her friend Octavia.
Clarke sends a small, unsure smile Lexa’s way, and Lexa doesn’t know what that’s about until Octavia speaks up. “So, are you going to say yes?” she asks, practically hopping onto the couch next to Lexa.
“I don’t think so,” Clarke answers from where she’s taking her coat off by the front door. “No,” she repeats, looking at Lexa quickly before realizing the girl is still looking at her, and turning her attention away quickly.
“Say yes to what?” Lexa speaks up nervously, looking back over to Octavia who stole the remote from her hand and is flipping through channels. Lexa would have tried to take it back if she wasn’t so concerned about Clarke’s unusually solemn mood.
Octavia, not looking away from the tv, speaks up again. “My brother asked her out,” she says, causing Lexa to practically choke on her own spit. “It’s about time. He’s only been in love with her for like ten years.”
Lexa doesn’t respond to that, just looks over to Clarke, who is standing at the entrance of the living room, still, picking at her nails. She’s not meeting Lexa’s eyes, and Lexa really just wants to know what she’s thinking. “Oh,” Lexa finally says. “Well, uh, what did you say?”
Clarke looks up at this, and finally meets Lexa’s eyes, before she bites her lip thoughtfully. “I said I’d have to think about it. It all depends,” she says to Lexa. She’s aware of the fact that Octavia is totally tuning them out right now; too focused on whatever she’s watching on tv.
“On what?” Lexa practically whispers, feeling like the can’t breathe.
“On…” Clarke starts before shaking her head. “I don’t know. Nevermind.” She clears her throat before speaking up again. “Hey, I’m gonna go make some coffee. Anyone want some?”
Octavia ignores her completely, still not listening, but Lexa just shakes her head, muttering a quick “no thanks.”
When she leaves the room to enter the kitchen, Octavia realizes she’s gone and finally turns to Lexa. “You two need to get your heads out of your asses,” she says, making Lexa even more confused that she already was. She didn’t think Octavia was listening.
“What?” Lexa asks, but Octavia just rolls her eyes, stands up and grabs her coat, walking to the door.
“Clarke, I gotta go!” she calls.
At this, Clarke moves to stand by the kitchen door, brows furrowed. “But you just got here?” she says, sounding like a question.
“Yeah, something came up,” she says, opening the door. “I’ll call you later.” She’s gone before either girl knows what just happened, and Lexa looks over to Clarke, seeing the girl already looking her way.
“She’s a weird one,” Lexa jokes, trying to break the tension. She doesn’t even know why it’s so tense right now. So what? Clarke got asked out. She’s allowed to do what she likes. She’s a grown woman. A grown, single, woman. She can go on a date with Bellamy if she pleases. Lexa clenches her jaw thinking about this. She really doesn’t want her to go on a date with Bellamy.
Clarke forces a chuckle at this, bringing Lexa back from her thoughts. “Yeah,” she sighs, before pointing over her shoulder. “I’m gonna go finish making my coffee.”
Lexa nods, but Clarke is already turning away from her. She sits in silence for a few seconds before standing and making her way to the kitchen, leaning on the door frame. “Are you okay, Clarke?” Lexa asks, because as much as this is killing her, she doesn’t know why Clarke would be so upset.
“What?” Clarke asks, turning to face Lexa. “Oh, yeah, fine. Why?”
“You just seem a little off,” Lexa shrugs, fingers fiddling with the bottom of her shirt, watching Clarke pour milk into her coffee from across the kitchen.
“I’m fine,” Clarke repeats, finally picking up her mug but not taking a sip. “Just thinking.”
“Okay, well,” Lexa moves into the kitchen to lean against the counter closer to Clarke. “What are you thinking about?”
“Bellamy,” Clarke says, causing Lexa to clench her jaw again. “And why high school me would have loved to be asked out by her crush,” she laughs, moving to stand by Lexa’s side, leaning against the counter next to her. “About how he should be someone I want to date. About how I should be excited about being asked out by him. But he’s not someone I want to date. And I’m not excited about being asked out by him.”
“Oh,” Lexa says, turning her head to face Clarke. “Well, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Clarke.”
“I’m also thinking about you,” Clarke says, meeting Lexa’s eyes.
“Me?” Lexa whispers, still staring into blue. “Why me?”
Clarke chuckles once at this, eyes moving all over Lexa’s face. “God, Lexa. When am I not thinking about you?”
Lexa doesn’t know what Clarke is talking about. She remains silent hoping Clarke will explain what is happening right now, because she is totally lost.
“I mean, you’re pretty much all I think about, now,” Clarke says, shaking her head. “Raven and Octavia make fun of me for how much I talk about you. I thought it was just because you’re like my best friend, Lexa. Of course I’m gonna talk about you a lot. We have fun together, and we have this own little bubble of a home that we created. You’re like the best thing that’s happened to me.”
“Clarke,” Lexa starts, small smile growing at Clarke’s words. “I feel the same way.”
Clarke just continues on, “And then when Bellamy asked me out, all I could think about was you, and how something didn’t feel right. My first thought was, ‘but what about Lexa?’. And that’s when I realized. I realized you’re not just my roommate or my best friend. It’s when I realized I’m kind of in love with you,” she sighs, running her hands through her hair. “I mean, sure I’ve always thought you were so sweet and so beautiful, but I thought it was just a harmless little crush. But it’s not, Lexa. It’s not just a crush.”
“Clarke,” Lexa tries to gain the girl’s attention finally, but Clarke is still stuck in her own head.
“And I don’t want this to make you uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel like I expect anything from you. If you want me to go on this date, I will,” Clarke says, eyes pleading. “We don’t ever have to talk about this again.”
Lexa shakes her head. “God, I don’t,” she starts, taking Clarke’s hand in her own. “I don’t want you to go on that date.”
“You don’t?” Clarke whispers, looking down at their hands.
“Jeez, Clarke,” Lexa says, chuckling. “I think the last thing on Earth that I want is for you to go on a date with Bellamy. For you to go on a date with anyone that’s not me.”
“What?” Clarke asks, shocked, looking back up at Lexa’s face.
“Clarke,” Lexa smiles, reaching up to push a strand of hair behind the blonde’s ear. “I think I have been in love with you from the moment I met you. I just thought you were out of my league.”
Clarke just shakes her head, biting her lip. “Really?”
Lexa nods, moving closer to rest her forehead against Clarke’s. “Really.”
“So,” Clarke starts, eyes darting between Lexa’s eyes and lips. “Now what?”
“Well,” Lexa whispers. She smirks, leaning in slowly to softy capture Clarke’s bottom lip between her own, moving to place her hands gently on the blonde’s sides. “First we do that,” she says, pulling away and rubbing her nose against Clarke’s, causing the girl to grin.
“Maybe a little more of that,” Clarke sighs, moving into reconnect their lips, causing Lexa to smile into the kiss. Clarke’s hands are resting against the back of her neck, playing with her hair. Clarke pulls back first this time, and smiles teasingly at Lexa. “And now, I go call Bellamy and tell him to pick me up at 7,” she jokes, causing Lexa to roll her eyes.
“As long as he has you home by 11,” she jokes back, causing Clarke to giggle. “Or,” she starts, hands moving to rest on Clarke’s jaw. “We can go out tonight? On our own date? If you want.”
Clarke smiles at Lexa’s nervousness. Even after they both confessed their love, she’s still cautious about asking Clarke out. Clarke grins, pecking Lexa’s lips one last time before pulling away. “That sounds better.”