Maya was confused. She liked Zay well enough, but he was not her type. She could feel a certain sense of irritation when Zay mentioned Riley and Lucas's relationship, and wondered if he had the same troubles she did. She wondered if he was full of unrequited longing for the cowboy the way she was for her princess. But he never seemed like the type to fall for his best friend. He wasn't like her. He was a laid back, awkwardly charming, ballet-dancing, normal kid. And she- well, she was a queer girl with a missing father and a dungeon of sadness. She wondered, then, if he asked her to go on dates with him because he liked her. Liked her, as in fall-into-your-lap-on-the-subway, kiss-and-give-flowers, romantic like. She could not lead him on, if that were the case. So she decided to ask him.
"Zay, can we talk?" she asked, right before lunch block. The two had the same lunch block on Mondays, as well as Riley. Zay nodded, and she grabbed his hand, leading him into an unused art classroom.
"What'd you wanna talk about?" Zay asked, giving a smile he only gave to comfort himself. He disliked private conversations.
"What happened on Saturday. You-you went on a date with me. I want to know why."
Zay had an answer ready in his mind. "Well, you're a pretty girl, and we're friends, so I didn't want you to be lonely. Therefore I decided to go all Prince Charming on your unsuspecting ass."
"But- do you like me? Romantically? Because if we're going to do this right, i want it to be fake on both sides."
"I-I don't know But I could never actually date you, so this will be fake on both sides."
Now Maya was more confused than ever. "Wait, why could you never date me?"
"Didn't you just say you didn't like me? Stop sending me mixed signals!"
"Yeah, I don't like you. But I want to know why you could never date me."
"How about this? I tell you why I don't know if I like you, and you tell me why you don't like me." Zay knew exactly why Maya didn't like him. But he expected her to back down on this, because she had almost as bad trust issues as he did.
"Fine." Maya said, planning on lying. "You first." She noticed the ensuing panic on Zay's face, and considered saying never mind. But he took a deep breathe, and began.
"Okay, so I've never told anyone this, not even Lucas. So you have to promise not to freak out or tell people or put any kind of pressure on me, okay?" Maya nodded. "Alright, so this was back in Texas, before I befriended Lucas. I was in sixth grade. Lucas would have been in seventh grade at the time, I guess. This was before we were friends. I guess I said that already.
Maya interjected. "You did."
"Alright, so I was friends with a boy back then. I don't want to tell you his name. We weren't all that close because we both had tempers and got into fights a lot. I guess his parent hit him or something. I dunno."
Maya interrupted again, kinda bored. "Okay, what does any of this have to do with me?"
Zay went on, hoping to make her eat her words. "He molested me. December of sixth grade. At his house. Nobody knows." Maya looked shocked and guilty, but Zay couldn't feel anything but fear. His heart pounded wildly, and his fists were clenched. He felt like he was reliving what happened. He told someone. He told someone. What if she didn't believe him? This kind of shit doesn't happen to boys, maybe he's made too big a deal-
"I-I'm sorry. That's horrible, Zay. I'm glad you trust me well enough to tell me. I mean, fuck. I want to kill that bastard!" Maya looked at Zay in a whole new way. Zay was hiding his inner turmoil behind humor, like Riley had said. She felt helpless, but knew that was nothing compared to Zay's feelings.
"Anyway, after that, I kind of- stopped having feelings anymore. Like I still would like to date someone, and am jealous that Lucas gets to grow up and be a normal kid in a relationship that will probably end in a few months, but I can't really trust anyone. It didn't help that I sort of had a crush on the guy. I dunno, I'm fucked. I started calling myself asexual, because I never want to have sex because I know it will remind me of him. God, it's pathetic. It's not like I was raped or anything. I guess now you get to tell me why I'm such a worthless loser not even you want to date me." He had forgotten, in his rant, about Maya's feelings.
"You not a worthless loser, Zay. The only worthless loser in this room is me, and we both know it!" Zay laughed, but didn't believe her. "And the reason I don't want to actually date you is because I'm a frigging lesbian who's in love with Riley! And, Zay, you are allowed to feel awful about this. What happened to you was awful, and as your fake girlfriend, I want you to know you can come to me. Okay?"
Zay smiled, exhausted but thrilled that someone finally knew. "Okay. I gotta go pay Farkle now. We made a bet about how long it would take for you to come to terms with your feelings."
"Hey! You put money on my sexuality?"
"Yep. And Riley's. I'm betting she's bi, Farkle thinks she's pan, and Smackle thinks she's straight."
"Well, thanks for looking out for me."
"Likewise." And with that, they walked off to college prep math, stomachs growling.