It was the end of what had been a very long day as Erin Gilbert, freshly showered, curled up in the recliner with her laptop and a cup of tea. The firehouse was quiet, the others had bolted after devouring the pizza they’d picked up on the way home from their evening bust. Erin was pleased that she was not the only one who had been slimed this time; no one had escaped the ectoplasm that had been spewed from the mouth of the specter that night.
Despite the firehouse being completely empty, Erin still glanced around the room nervously before entering the question that had been plaguing her for weeks into the Google search engine: “Am I gay?”
Thousands of results popped up instantly, providing links to articles, quizzes, and more. She wasn’t sure where to begin so she clicked on a BuzzFeed quiz entitled “How gay are you?” and began reading.
She’d always assumed that she was straight since she had only ever dated men. But she couldn’t deny that there had been women throughout the course of her life that she had been drawn to. She remembered a school play she’d been in in middle school, where she’d met a new girl, Lindsay, and couldn’t stop thinking about her. It didn’t feel romantic to her, but she couldn’t otherwise explain why her heart skipped a beat when the phone rang and her mom said it was for her, or the way her stomach fluttered when an Instant Message from the girl popped up on her computer screen. That particular relationship fell apart when Lindsay heard the ghost girl rumors and stopped talking to Erin, other than to say hi and quickly turn away when their paths crossed. Erin was crushed. She just wanted someone to like her.
That was the other piece of data that she wasn’t sure how to fit into the puzzle. Was she actually attracted to women, or did she just enjoy the positive attention that their friendship brought her? She’d never felt this way about Abby before. Abby had been her confidant, the bright spot in an otherwise dismal stretch of time in school. Theirs was camaraderie and companionship, and yes, she looked forward to Abby calling her and spending time with her, but it was purely platonic.
The BuzzFeed quiz turned out to be nothing but a bunch of stereotypes strung together (with questions about football fields and broadway musicals) so she abandoned the page and returned to the Google homepage. Suddenly, she remembered something she’d heard years before. A researcher who had spent a majority of his time focusing on human sexuality. Alfred Kinsey. The phrase “Kinsey scale” popped in her head and she quickly typed it in.To her dismay, the actual website had no real quiz she could take, citing that human sexuality was far too complicated for a quick internet quiz. She discovered that there was an entire library of resources dedicated to the subject and wondered if she wouldn’t be better off hitting the library the next day.
~~~
Erin waited for an afternoon lull before gathering her bag and heading down the stairs.
“Where ya going?” Patty called as she was about to exit the building.
“Library. I’ve got some research to do.”
“Oh, hey, me too! Can I tag along?” Patty stood, stretched and grabbed her bag before Erin could answer, “Sure. Of course.”
They returned from the New York City Public Library several hours later. Erin hauled an overstretched canvas bag filled with several tomes on dark matter, the first subject that had popped into her head when Patty asked what she was researching, and Patty grabbed several books on mass transit of the 19th century.
Erin placed the bag in her office and shut the door. She sat down behind her computer and decided that maybe she’d have to be content with Internet research for a while. She typed “Kinsey scale quiz” into Google and scrolled down for a while before finding something that appeared to be rather straightforward.
One of the first questions asked if she’d ever had a sexual encounter with another woman. She had not. The next question asked if she would consider having a sexual encounter with a woman. She sat there, staring at the screen for a very long time, before she clicked the bubble next to the word “yes”.
~~~
Erin wanted sushi. Unfortunately, it was past midnight and she wasn’t sure if the place down the street delivered. She felt a little weird getting sushi by herself in the middle of the night, but everyone else had gone home so it was that or starve. She hopped online to determine whether or not they delivered (they did not) when she heard music coming from upstairs.
“That’s weird,” she thought. “I thought Holtzmann went home hours ago. I bet I can talk her into coming with me.” Erin climbed the stairs to the second floor but the lab was empty. She could hear music coming from Holtzmann’s bedroom. It was a slower-paced song (which was a rarity for Holtz) that she didn’t recognize. She called her friend’s name but there was no response. She knocked lightly on the door. Nothing. So she turned the handle and poked her head in. What she saw made her freeze like a deer in headlights.
Holtzmann was lying on her bed, naked from the waist down. Her eyes were closed and her hands were...busy. Erin felt a flush creep up her neck and into her cheeks. Holtz was touching herself, and Erin was watching. She had not noticed Erin’s presence yet and Erin was panicking as she tried to decide what to do. It would probably be best to quietly shut the door and pretend that none of this had happened, but somehow, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Erin had never seen someone touch themselves before and it was fascinating and sexy but also a little educational.
“Like what you see?” Holtzmann said, eyes still closed, hands still moving.
“OHMYGODIAMSOSOSORRY!!!” Erin screeched, nearly jumping out of her skin. She slammed the door shut. Not knowing what else to do, she ran. Down the stairs, out the door, all the way down the street to the sushi place before she stopped. She felt lecherous. She was a voyeur. There was absolutely no way she could ever face Holtzmann again. She’d have to quit the Ghostbusters and move to a new state. That was the only solution.
~~~
After the incident, Erin ate her sushi and went home. She did not want to ever return to the firehouse. Luckily, it was Sunday so she didn’t necessarily have to go in. She could probably feign illness for a few days, buy herself some time to search for a new job and place to live. She would miss her friends, sure, but this was the only way.
She pulled up CareerAdvisor on her laptop. There did not appear to be many positions available for paranormal investigators and eliminators. She supposed she’d survive waiting tables or something. Maybe she’d go back to school and just start over. She could see herself finding a career in interior design.
A light knock at the door interrupted her thoughts. Brows furrowed, she peeked through the peephole before opening. Oh no. The mop of blond hair and yellow goggles told her she was in for a very awkward conversation. She found herself wishing she had a few drinks in her, then remembered it was 9am on a Sunday. She took a deep breath before unlocking the deadbolt and opening the door just a crack
“Um...hi.” She said awkwardly, wishing she could crawl into a hole and die.
“Hi, yourself,” Holtzmann replied. “Can I come in?” Erin opened the door and Holtzmann slipped past her and into the living room, where she sat down in an armchair.
“So,” Holtz began, “You must feel awkward.”
“I do. And again, I’m really sorry about that. I should not have barged into your room. I mean, I knocked but you didn’t answer and I just wanted sushi but I don’t really like walking alone at night…” Erin squeezed her eyes shut, willing the awkwardness away.
“Hey, it was an honest mistake. No harm, no foul. I thought I hear a knock.”
“What? Why didn’t you answer?”
“Well, I was a little busy…”
“God.” Erin buried her face in her hands, “I am an idiot.”
“You’re really not. I should have locked my door.” Holtz shrugged her shoulders. “Although you did seem a bit interested. I didn’t realize you were such a voyeur,” she said with a smirk.
“I’m not! I’m really not. I don’t know what’s wrong with me!”
“Relax. I’m teasing. And I don’t think being interested in women doing sexy things is a problem.”
“I don’t know…”
“What, surely you don’t have a problem with gay people? You’re friends with me after all.”
“No, I don’t have a problem with gay people at all. It’s just...I’m not sure...I don’t think I’m one of them. One of you. I don’t think I’m gay. But I’m not sure.”
“Not sure, huh? Interesting.”
“Well, I’ve only ever dated men. Honestly, I’ve been trying to figure this out for a while. I’ve been doing some research…”
“Oh, Erin, you’re adorable. What do you mean you’ve been doing research? Been sleeping with some women, have you?” Holtz grinned but Erin didn’t find the situation funny. She was confused and frustrated with herself and she did not feel like laughing or being laughed at.
“No. Don’t worry about it. Look, I’m tired. Can you just...go?”
“Hey! Hey. It’s ok. You’re just a bit of a late bloomer. Me, I knew I was gay by the time I was 12. But it was pretty clear from the get-go.” Holtz’s voice was gentle now.
“I’ve only been with men. I like men, I do. I appreciate the male form. But I’ve been having these...feelings...for women since I was in middle school. Not like, romantic. But just. Interest. I don’t know, it’s complicated.” Erin sighed.
Holtzmann nodded, “Here’s my question for you- do you want to have sex with women? Because that’s kind of the cornerstone of being a lesbian.”
“I don’t know...maybe. I mean, I’ve thought about it.”
“You know what, Gilbert? You don’t have to have a perfectly cut and dried answer to this. Humans aren’t always that simple. It’s okay if it’s a gray area.”
“I don’t like gray areas.”
“I know you don’t,” Holtz paused, considering, “Maybe we can make it a little more black and white.”
“That’d be great.”
“You are sexually attracted to men, correct?”
Erin nodded.
“Ok. And you are also interested in women?”
“I mean, I suppose ‘interested’ is pretty accurate. Yes.”
“All right. So you’re a woman who is interested in both men and women. That’s not so gray. There’s a name for that. You’re bisexual.”
“Bisexual?” Erin said it like a question, although of course she was familiar with the concept.
“Bisexual. Someone who is attracted to men and women.”
“Is that really a thing? I thought bisexual was just a cover up for people who are in denial about being gay.”
“Wow. Ok. That might be the case in some circumstances, but I assure that yes, being bisexual is a thing.”
“Huh.” Erin looked contemplative.
“What is it?”
“Well, I’ve never actually been with a woman before. So what does that mean?”
“It means that you’re a bisexual woman who has been in relationships with men but is open to being with women too.”
“Oh.”
“Yup.”
“So, now what do I do?”
Holtz laughed. “What do you mean, what do you do?”
“I mean, this feels pretty significant to me. I feel like a huge part of my life has changed!”
“I don’t think you’ve changed. I think you’re just figuring out how to label your feelings. Make it a little tidier.”
“I guess so.”
“But I mean, we could have a party or something, if you wanted. We could have cake. Balloons, maybe. I make a mean balloon-animal giraffe.”
“Oh God, that would be weird!”
“Yes, it probably would.”
“Well, what did you do when you found out you were gay?”
“For me it wasn’t so much a finding out kind of thing as it was an accepting what I kind of always knew thing. Like...when I was 6 and I asked my mom if Santa was real. I sort of knew the truth, but I needed some confirmation.”
“So what confirmed it for you?”
“I kissed a girl. And I really liked it.”
“Oh. I guess that would do it.”
“Yup.” They were silent for a few moments, a sort of tension growing between them.
“Have you ever been with a man?” Erin asked.
Holtz clucked her tongue. “Well, that’s a little personal, isn’t it?”
“Everything about this conversation is extremely personal.”
“True. I’ve never...slept with a man.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
“So does that make you...a virgin?”
Holtzmann burst out laughing. “Do I look like a virgin to you, Gilbert? I have not had sex with a man before but I have had sex with women before. So no, I am not a virgin.” Erin’s face was beet red.
“Hey, this is all new to me, OK?”
Holtz shook her head, smiling. “I guess so! You’ve never had sex with a woman, so does that make you a virgin?”
“No! I’ve...been with...guys before.”
“Same thing then.”
“Ok, OK! You’re not a virgin. I believe you.”
~~~
After Holtz left, Erin did a bit more Googling. She started by reading up on bisexuality (and discovered she wasn’t the only person with the same questions she’d asked Holtz) and then fell into a rabbit trail that led her to a Cosmo article featuring lesbian sex positions. Her face was bright red, but it didn’t matter because there was no one around to see it and besides, though she was a little embarrassed, she was also a lot turned on. She saw some things that she wanted to try but had no idea how to go about that. Holtzmann would probably know what to do, if Erin could work up the nerve to talk to her about it.
She sighed, reflecting on her previous sexual encounters. She’d been with a total of four men in her 42 years. There was Chad, whom she lost her virginity to her freshman year at Stanford. It was not good for her and she wanted to cry afterward but settled for ice cream and chick flicks with Abby, as well as never talking to him again. This experience left a bad taste in her mouth for a while. Then she met Michael. He was her first actual boyfriend and he actually tried to make it good for her. Most of the time, she ended up finishing herself off, just to get it over and done with, but at least he tried. They dated for a few months then went their separate ways when they got accepted into different grad schools. Third up was Jason, a man that her coworker at Columbia had set her up with. They were both extremely awkward, rather incompatible, and the sex turned out to be unsatisfying for both of them. The most recent had been Richard, a professor from Columbia’s chemistry she’d dated off and on before getting fired. It was with him that she got the feeling she’d been missing out on something all along. The sex was incredible. Unfortunately, they’d dated during an election year and some of the things that came out of his mouth about women’s rights and healthcare made her want to scream.
She wondered who number five would be. Would it be a man, or a woman? Sex with men was OK, but she was interested in seeing what it could be like with a woman, someone who was familiar with how the female body worked. Maybe she should try and find someone on one of the many dating apps that Patty had tried to get her to sign up for. She’d have to look into it tomorrow. She went to bed that night hopeful, and a little determined to test out this new side of herself.
~~~
When she arrived at the firehouse the next day, she found Abby standing over something on the kitchen with a confused look on her face.
“Morning,” she called. “What’s that?”
Abby shook her head, “I’m still trying to figure that out myself. It’s some kind of cake and it was taking up the entire top shelf of the fridge.” Erin set her bag on her desk and came up beside Abby to take a look. There on the counter was an enormous sheet cake, elaborately frosted in thick bands of pink, blue, and purple. In the center, written in script was the word “Congratulations!” and on either side of that, small black symbols, one a little man and the other wearing a dress, that reminded Erin of the symbols used to denote gender on the doors of public restrooms.
‘Huh, that’s weird,” Erin said, brows furrowed. “Why does it have the bathroom people on it?”
The front door open signaling Patty’s arrival. “Sup y’all?” she greeted, making her way to where they were standing.
“Why did you order a giant-ass bisexual pride flag cake?” Patty asked, lifting the windowed lid of the baker’s box. She dipped her finger into the corner of the frosting and brought it to her mouth for a taste. “Hell yeah, buttercream is the only way to go!”
“Bisexual pride? What?” Erin’s eyes widened.
“Yeah, the pink, purple and blue stripes are on the bisexual pride flag.” Patty said with a nod and she pulled off her coat and walked over to hang it in the closet.
“I thought the gay flag was a rainbow,” Erin said.
“Well, the gay pride flag is rainbow, yeah, but the bi pride flag is pink and blue, mixing to make purple in the middle,” Patty said matter-of-factly.
Abby scrunched her nose, “Why do you know that?”
“We talked about it in my Human Sexuality class last semester. It was designed to create more visibility for bisexual people.”
“All right. But why was this cake taking up precious real estate in the fridge?” Abby asked, “And where the heck are my leftovers?”
Erin wasn’t sure what to do. She assumed that Holtzmann, who was nowhere to be seen, was responsible for the cake, and that she was the intended recipient. She wasn’t certain how to talk to Abby and Patty about this, but she also suffered from extreme guilty conscience when it came to lying so she figured she might as well come clean.
“Um, I think Holtzmann got it,” Erin began. Abby nodded, as if that were explanation enough and turned to leave the room. “She bought it for me!” Erin blurted loudly, face reddening.
“Say what? That’s a weird-ass joke. Even for Holtzy” said Patty from her perch at the bar, where she had just opened a biology textbook. .
“It’s...it’s not a joke,” Erin replied. “I’m bisexual. I just came out to Holtzmann.”
Abby’s eyes widened, then squinted as she looked at Erin thoughtfully, “Huh. You know...I did not see that coming,” Erin swallowed, wanting nothing more than acceptance from her friend, “but if I’m being honest, it doesn’t surprise me.” She slung her arm around Erin’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze.
“It doesn’t?” It was Erin’s turn to be surprised. After all, it had taken her over forty years to figure it out.
“Nah. Remember Angela Thompson, from our psych class freshman year? The way you used to look at her…” Abby grinned, elbowing Erin and she cringed a little, remembering the gorgeous brunette all too well. She turned to Patty, nervous about her reaction.
Patty shrugged before wrapping her arms around Erin in a tight squeeze, “You know I love ya girl. Good for you. Now can we eat this damn cake?” Erin laughed and nodded. She turned to grab plates, but stopped.
“We should probably wait ‘til Holtzmann is here since she’s the one who got it.” Erin said.
“Well, how did the cake get here if she’s not here?” Abby asked, “It wasn’t here in there last night. The top shelf was full of delicious leftovers when I left.” Abby craned her neck, checking to see if her leftovers were perhaps shoved into a crevice somewhere.
“She probably crashed here,” Patty said, eyeing the staircase. It had happened before. Many times. They had furnished a spare room with a couple of beds for late night busts, but Holtz tended to semi-live at the firehouse since she didn’t keep a regular sleep schedule.
“I’ll go check,” Erin said and headed up to the lab. She quickly found Holtzmann passed out on the couch, obviously wearing yesterday’s clothes. Erin smiled. Her goggles were dangling awkwardly from her face in a way that did not look comfortable. Erin gently reached over to remove them and Holtz’s eyelids fluttered at the fingertips brushing her cheek. Erin pulled her hands back as Holtz’s eyes opened. A sleepy smile spread across her lips.
“Good morning beautiful,” she said as she yawned and stretched.
“Hey,” Erin said, “I didn’t mean to wake you up. We were just about to dig into that cake. Thanks, by the way. That was your doing?”
“That it was. I told you I’d get you a cake. No balloon animals though. I’m impressed that you figured it out so quickly,” Holtz said, getting to her feet.
“Well, Patty did,” Erin said sheepishly.
Holtz nodded, leading them downstairs, “That makes more sense.”
~~~
After cake and an orange juice toast to Erin’s sexuality, the women got to work. Abby and Holtzmann were making some upgrades to the Ecto-3 and had left to look for parts, Patty was studying for her Biology test in between answering the phones since Kevin was out of town for a Hide and Seek Tournament, and Erin, well, Erin was thinking. She wanted to ask Patty to help her get set up on Tinder, but she knew the other woman was stressed about her upcoming exam. She had an idea.
“Hey, Patty,” she called, “If I help you study for your test, will you help me make a Tinder account?”
“Hell yeah I will! Screw studying, let’s get you on Tinder, girl!”
They spent the next 45 minutes creating an account for Erin. Patty helped Erin choose pictures and they made a short description.
“So, should we put that you’re looking for men and women?” Patty asked.
“I mean, probably. Although…”
“You want to see what it’s like to be with a woman. ‘Cause you never have before. Ok. I get that. Let’s just put women for now and see what happens.” She was glad Patty understood without her having to verbalize what she was thinking. Patty was excellent when it came to understanding people. She was very insightful when it came to feelings. Erin envied that about her. Feelings were complicated and confusing. They finalized Erin’s account and scrolled through several profiles together, Patty teaching Erin to swipe right when she thought someone had potential.
“Hey, she’s cute!” Together they read the profile for a girl with brown hair and eyes and a coy smile.
“Oh God, she’s only 27. There’s no way she’d go for me!”
“You don’t know that! That’s only…15 years…”
“Should we have lied about my age?”
“I don’t think people take kindly to that.”
Abby and Holtz returned from their quest with several boxes full of odds and ends. Erin thought she saw a cheese grater poking out of the box and considered asking when Holtz leaned down to see what they were up to.
“Ohhhh, Erin’s on Tinder! Look out world!” she cried, winking at Erin.
“I think I’m too old for Tinder! Should I have lied about my age?”
“No way! There’s gotta be some sexy young thing out there looking for someone wise such as yourself,” Holtz replied.
“God, Erin, please don’t be a cougar. I will not be able to handle it,” Abby said, shaking her head and setting down her box.
“What’s a cougar?” Erin asked, instantly regretting it. Abby and Holtzmann burst out laughing, leaving Patty to tell her, “A cougar is an older woman who scouts out guys- or girls- who are much younger than her.”
“Oh God,” Erin said, shaking her head and clicking the side of her phone so the screen went dark. “There’s no way this is going to do me any good.” She set her phone down with a sigh and opened her notebook to begin working on a draft of an article that summarized their most recent paranormal findings.
“Erin Gilbert, you are a treasure! Some hot young lass is going to snap you right up. You’ll have a date by this weekend, mark my words!” Holtzmann said, hugging Erin from the side.
“We’ll see about that,” the older woman sighed as she picked up her pen and got to work.
~~~
It turned out Holtzmann was right. By the end of the day, several women had matched with Erin. Patty helped her type out replies and by the end of the night, one woman was interested in meeting her. Patty encouraged her to set something up but Erin was nervous.
“I have no idea what I’m doing! What if I’m super awkward?”
“Of course you’re going to be awkward, Gilbert, it’s you! But don’t let that scare you out of making a move. I think everyone expects these things to be at least a little awkward.” Holtzmann replied, ruffling Erin’s hair. Erin finger combed it back into place.
“Ok. She wants to meet tomorrow night. Should I do it? Is it safe to go out at night?”
“Yes, it’s safe to go out at night. Just meet her somewhere close by.”
“What if she turns out to be a serial killer? Then what?” Erin began panicking a little. She’d never met a stranger from the internet before.
“She’s not a serial killer. There really aren’t that many serial killers out there, statistically speaking.”
“I’m scared! Will you come with me?”
“What?”
“You know, just like...sit at a table nearby and keep look out. Make sure I don’t get killed. Please, Holtz?” Erin stuck out her bottom lip and batted her eyelashes a bit.
Holtzmann rolled her eyes, “Oh, fine. But just this once, just to make sure she’s not a serial killer, ok? I can’t come with you on all of your dates.”
“Thank you! You’re the best!” Erin squeezed Holtz’s hands before turning back to her work. Holtz smiled, shook her head, and headed to the garage to give the car a much needed oil change.
~~~
The following night, Holtz was waiting for Erin as the time for her date drew near, “Erin, c’mon! We need to slip in there early so we don’t blow our cover!”
“I’m coming!” Erin yelled. The door to the bathroom closed and Holtz’s eyes widened as she caught Erin descending the stairs. Erin was wearing a black skirt that fell a few inches above her knees- showing more leg that Holtz was accustomed to seeing. She’d paired it with a sleeveless gray and black striped scoop neck top with a simple silver necklace that rested right above her cleavage, which Holtz was unsure she’d ever seen before. She wore a bit of makeup and her hair was soft and shiny.
“You look beautiful,” Holtzmann said sincerely, holding out her arm. “Are you ready?”
“Ready to meet a girl I’m probably too old and awkward for? Sure, why not?” Erin replied, taking Holtz’s arm.
“You’re not too old for her!” Holtz began, before asking, “Wait, how far apart are you?”
“I’m 42 and she’s 34,” Erin replied as she grabbed her purse and they exited the firehouse.
“Psshh, that’s nothing. I’m 32 and I’d totally hit that,” came Holtz’s reply.
“Holtzmann!” Erin shook her head, “Wait, seriously? Am I that much older than you?”
“Gilbert, once you’re out of high school, age doesn’t matter. It’s all about your walk of life and your interests.”
“Ugh, that doesn’t make me feel any younger.”
~~~
They arrived together, twenty minutes early, and took their positions. Erin sat at a table for two and Holtzmann sat, facing her, a few rows back. They smiled at each other as they waited for Ashley, Erin’s date to arrive. When she finally did, Holtzmann shot Erin a double thumbs-up and a wink.
Holtz enjoyed her window into someone else’s date. It was the first time she’d been able to truly watch two virtual strangers interact with one another and she thought it was fascinating. She saw Erin blush a few times, but she also saw her laugh, and not just her nervous awkward titter, but her actual belly laugh, and that made Holtz glad. She loved making Erin laugh. It was a daily goal of hers, along with teaching Kevin a scientific fact and beating Abby in Words with Friends. Ashley was pretty and Erin seemed to be having a good time. Holtz was glad to see that her friend seemed less nervous as the night went on. She was proud of Erin for putting herself out there and truly wanted her to have a positive experience.
Ashley excused herself to use the restroom and it was then that Holtz did a visual check-in with Erin. She raised her eyebrows and gave an open-handed gesture at Erin to ask how it was going. Erin shrugged but smiled. Holtz put both thumbs up in front of herself and rotated them up and down, asking for Erin’s overall rating of the date. Erin gave one thumbs-up and crinkled her nose in a smile before adding a second thumbs-up. Holtzmann gave Erin a high-five through the air and did a little dance party from her seat. Erin laughed and shook her head, then busied herself in reading the dessert menu. Holtzmann turned her body slightly and saw Erin’s date returning to her seat. She winked at Erin once more before dropping the word “snoozer” on Abby and clinching her victory.
Holtz ordered herself another beer and wondered how the night would end for Erin. She didn’t exactly see her coworker as the type who would sleep with an internet stranger on the first date, but Erin had surprised her before. Like the time she unleashed a string of expletives when she’d started the coffeemaker without actually placing the coffee pot underneath it. Or the time she told an extremely dirty joke that made even Abby’s jaw drop. Or the times when Holtz had hit on her and Erin had flirted right back. Holtzmann smiled just thinking of that. She thought Erin was a beautiful person, one-of-a-kind and she wanted nothing but the best for her.
Around 11, Holtzmann had turned her attention to the news that was being broadcast on a large flatscreen TV mounted on the wall. She caught movement out of the corner of her eye and saw that Ashley had stood up and put her coat on. Holtzmann zeroed in on the scene like one would crane their neck to check out a bad car accident. She saw Erin stand too and watched intently. Would she go in for a kiss? Would they leave together? Holtz fidgeted in her seat a little and hoped that her staring wasn’t obvious. Erin pulled a few bills from her wallet and left them on the table, then grabbed her purse and arranged it on her shoulder.
And then, Erin surprised her. She walked out of the restaurant with her date.
They’d officially left. Together.
Holtzmann was surprised. It took her a few minutes to figure out what to do with herself. She knew it had been Erin’s intention to see what being with a woman was like, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit shocked that she was going to sleep with the first woman she found who was interested. She was surprised to find that deep down, she felt a bit jealous. Erin was a real catch, she hoped Ashley knew that. She hoped Ashley would be gentle with her, and patient with her, and that she wouldn’t make her feel uncomfortable about her lack of experience. Erin Gilbert was a gem and deserved to be treated as such.
Sighing, Holtzmann paid her tab and stood up to leave. She felt a little disappointed that she’d be walking home alone, but she’d just have to take her mind off of it with a good project. She and Abby had designed a new portable charging system for the car that would hopefully keep their proton packs charged longer, allowing them to respond to calls further away. With the rest of the night free, she could make some real progress. She wondered if Erin would be staying the night with her new friend or if she should wait up for her.
She walked through the doors of the restaurant and shivered a bit in the wind that hit her. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around her arm, startling her. She looked up to see Erin standing there, alone.
“Hey! Took you long enough to get out here! I’m freezing my butt off!” Erin said, yanking on her arm, “Let’s go!”
“What are you still doing here?” Holtz asked, peeling off her jacket and wrapping it around Erin as they walked toward the firehouse, “I thought you left with her? It looked like it went well?”
“It went fine. She was really nice. Funny. Pretty.”
“Then what happened?”
“Well, she asked me if I wanted to come back to her place…”
“And?”
“And I said I had to get home because my friend was waiting on me. I told her maybe we’d get together again another time.” They walked in silence for a few moments.
“I’m confused! I thought you wanted to see what it was like to be with a woman.I thought that was the whole point of this”
“I did. I mean, I do. But it just...it didn’t feel right to just jump in bed with the first girl I’ve ever dated, just to see what it was like.
Holtzmann considered this for a minute, then shrugged, ‘There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, any decent woman would probably think better of you for it,” she unlocked the front door and held it open for Erin, who slipped past her.
Holtzmann shut the door behind them and tossed her keys onto the table, rubbing her chilly palms together. “Fall sure snuck up quick,”
“It did,” Erin said, pulling her arms out of Holtzmann’s jacket, “Thanks for this, by the way. I probably should have worn something more practical.”
Holtzmann nodded, tossing her jacket onto the couch. “Hey,” she said, “I saw that you didn’t get any dessert. Should we bust out the cake?”
“I was just about to suggest it!” Erin pulled the cake out of the fridge, cut and plated a slice for each of them, setting them on the coffee table in front of the couch.
“Why are we keeping the cake in the fridge anyway?” Erin asked Holtzmann as she plopped down beside her on the couch.
Holtzmann shrugged one shoulder before answering, “My grandma always did. She said it stayed fresher that way, and moister. Keeps the frosting from melting off.”
“Fair enough,” Erin responded, lifting a forkful to her mouth.
“Wait!” Holtz said, pausing her fork before taking a bite, “A toast!”
“Of cake?”
“A cake toast! To Erin Gilbert, may you blossom as a bisexual human being. May all your sexual encounters be hot, wet, and not at all awkward!” Erin cocked her head at Holtz and wrinkled her nose, but a chuckle escaped as they clinked their plates together and dug into their dessert.
They ate quietly for a few moments before Erin set down her fork and turned to Holtzmann, catching her gaze and holding it.
“I want to thank you,” she said. “For being so supportive. For helping me figure this out. And for keeping me safe from Internet serial killers.” Holtzmann grinned and Erin continued. “It means a lot to be to have a friend like you, someone who accepts me for who I am and cares about me enough to babysit me on a date. I really appreciate it.”
“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” Holtzmann said, patting Erin’s knee. “You’d do the same for any one of us, right?”
“I’ve never been on someone else’s date, but yeah, if you asked me, I would go.”
“About that…” Holtzmann said, Erin looking at her intently. Her hand was still gently resting on Erin’s leg. “The thing is, I’m not sure I want to go on another one of your dates.” Holtz averted her eyes.
“Oh, I understand, you don’t have to!” Erin quickly interjected.
“I mean, I don’t think I want to go on another one of your dates...unless I’m the person you’re going with,” Holtz slowly brought her eyes up to meet Erin’s. The look she wore was hard to read and Holtzmann felt her pulse quicken in suspense.
“Oh,” said Erin softly.
“I’m sorry, I probably shouldn’t have said that.”
Holtzmann felt Erin’s hand gently wrap around her hand and squeeze.
“Well, I’m glad you said it. Because, well, there’s a reason I came back here tonight instead of going home with Ashley,” she took a deep breath, “I don’t want my first experience, my first relationship with a woman to be with some stranger from Tinder. I want my first time with a woman to be with someone I trust, someone I care about, someone who has my back and whom I can count on.” Holtz looked into Erin’s eyes and saw that she was smiling, they both were.
“I came back here because I realized that I didn’t need a stupid app to help me find a woman I want to spend time with. Because I already have that. I have you.” Erin’s other hand, the one that wasn’t resting on Holtzmann’s hand on her leg, came up to curl against Holtz’s neck.
“Interesting. Because watching you date another woman made me...jealous. Not because I haven’t been on dates with plenty of women. But because I’ve never had the pleasure of going out with you before,” the right side of her mouth curled into a grin, dimple indenting her cheek, “So what do you think? Would you be interested? In going on a date with me? We could sit at the same table this time, if you wanted.” Erin laughed, nodded, and leaned in.
“I’d love that,” she said softly, closing her eyes.
“Good,” Holtzmann said, and she met her halfway, capturing her lips in a tender, sensual kiss.
And that is how Erin Gilbert found what she had been searching for. It had been right in front of her all along.