Chapter Sixteen
Ann followed behind the gurney. Joan was in good spirits as they took her into the OR, and she held out her hands to both Vera and Ann and gave them a final squeeze before she was taken through the doors.
“Would you like to stay in her room?” Ann asked, “I’ll let you know when she goes to the ICU.”
“Thank you so much,” Vera was a bit uncomfortable with the intimacy this nurse seemed to share with Joan. She was grateful that Joan was cared for by this young and kind nurse but at the same time she couldn’t help feeling a pang of jealousy.
“You must be important to her,” Ann said, “she doesn’t recognize anyone who visits her. You are the first person she called by name.”
Vera buried her face in her hands. She could no longer hold back her tears.
She cried, pained by all that could have been. All that she had lost. She cried for Joan. Joan who had loved her and whom she had failed miserably. Ann placed her hand on Vera’s back and tried to comfort her.
“She’s strong. She’ll be all right.”
Vera lifted her face.
“Joan is such a beautiful person,” Ann whispered, “she’ll be all right.”
Vera had only seen Joan’s gentle side sporadically. Joan’s compassion had shone through from time to time but she was always quick to return to her cold and calculating façade. The night shortly before her relationship with Joan was irrevocably damaged flashed before Vera’s eyes. Joan had told her that she wanted to be more than a mentor. Vera had never seen her so hesitant.
Vera’s thoughts were interrupted as Ann said, “try to rest some,” while getting up to leave the room.
Vera was not there for Joan when she needed her most. Instead, Ann was by her side and cared for her in the most intimate ways. Vera had the chance to be everything to Joan and she had squandered it. Her pride had prevented her from seeing how much Joan had loved her. Her pride had prevented her from being honest with herself and with Joan. Was it too late now? Had she forever lost her? Ann was young, vibrant, and beautiful. Ann was there for Joan and it was clear that she cared deeply for her. Would Vera be able to compete with this young woman?