Carol
“I must admit that I’m not really surprised by this.”
Marjorie Aird Harrison looked carefully at her sister-in-law, who, her hands in the pockets of her impeccable navy coloured trousers, had been nervously pacing around her living room for the past half hour. Never one to easily share her emotions and doubts, Carol had taken her time before she had managed to tell her about her decision to leave Harge.
“Why?” Carol turned her gaze to Marjorie, who was sitting in one of the comfortable chairs that surrounded a lavish fireplace. Marjorie shrugged, balancing a glass of red wine in her hands.
“To be honest, I was never really convinced that the arrangement between you and Harge would last.”
Marjorie was one of the few persons who from the beginning had been fully informed about the nature of the relationship between her brother and Carol. She was the only member of their conservative family who knew Harge was gay and had always supported him. And she was one of Carol’s oldest and most of all loyal and trustworthy friends. Their secret had always been safe with her and Carol wanted her to know that she was about to end her marriage with Harge.
Shocked by her admission, Carol walked over to the fireplace and sat down in the chair opposite Marjorie.
“Whatever made you think that?”
Marjorie smoothed the wrinkles in her light red, linen dress that covered her long, elegant legs. Strongly resembling her elder brother, she was more handsome than pretty. At fourteen, Carol’s first serious crush had been on her school friend, who shared her love for outdoor games and debating. Marjorie had been kind but very straightforward in her rejection of her, leaving her heartbroken. Yet, their friendship had survived and Carol had been a witness at Marjorie’s marriage to William Harrison, a gentle paediatrician ten years her senior, who worked at the University Hospital.
“Let’s be frank, Carol, underneath that cool and controlled exterior of yours there is a passionate woman who needs to be able to live her life In a way that makes her feel free and happy. And I am certain that this life with Harge doesn’t make you happy.”
Listening to Marjorie, Carol remembered Abby’s analysis, a few weeks earlier, that she was “satisfied, but not happy”. She nodded, acknowledging her agreement.
“And next to that, it’s 2015 for God’s sake ! Even in Utah same-sex marriage is legal and although he was a Democrat, Harge’s colleague Scott McCoy was openly gay… It will be a shock if Harge comes out, but they will not kill him.“
She sighed.
“Carol, I love my brother and I know he is devastated by your decision. But I am certain that in the end he will see that this will be the best for him too.”
She took Carol’s hand.
“Let me talk to him, try to let him see things from another perspective. You know he can never say no to his little sister.”
They laughed, enjoying the familiar warmth of their close connection. Marjorie reached for the bottle of wine and refilled their glasses. Leaning backward in her comfortable chair, glass in hand, she smiled at her sister-in law.
“Now, tell me everything about this Superwoman.”
_____________________________________________________________________
That night Carol lay in her bed, having put aside the casefile she had tried to concentrate on. Her hands clasped behind her head she stared at the ceiling.
It was now two weeks ago that Therese had returned to New York. Their last night together had made Carol realize more than ever that she wanted to explore her emotions for Therese, wanted to explore the possibility of a relationship with her. Never before had she given herself so unconditionally and to her great relief Therese had accepted her shy offer. But Carol also understood why Therese needed time, suggesting that they would only meet again after a month. Carol too needed room to search her feelings, to reflect on their consequences, to start making the necessary alterations to her life, both practical and emotional.
She had first spoken to Jocelyn, her lawyer, about the legal and financial intricacies of the arrangement with Harge. She knew they were not bound to each other financially. Carol earned more than enough as a corporate lawyer and, being an only child, she had inherited her parents’ substantial estate.
On their marriage, they had signed a document that obliged them both to refrain from revealing the truth about their relationship. Carol did not intend to disclose the reasons of her divorce, thus protecting Harge against any speculations their break up might call for. It was up to him to come out or not. But Carol also knew that she would no longer hide her own sexuality.
Fortunately her work offered the balance and distraction she so needed in the turmoil that was her life after Therese’s departure. She was good at her job and loved the concentration and sharpness it demanded. Her colleagues noticed her greater eagerness but also a new warmness in her demeanour, that contrasted with her customary aloofness. Amused by their comments, she concluded that this apparently was what being in love was all about.
The most difficult issue would be the parenting of Rindy, but Carol was not ready yet to face this, knowing that Harge’s love for his daughter equalled her passion for the girl. She could not imagine her life without Rindy, but at the same time realized that a choice for Therese could mean just that. Would Therese accept Rindy as an essential part of a relationship with Carol? There had hardly been room for them to get to know each other during the week that Therese had stayed at the guesthouse. They had played soccer, ruining the lawn, and certainly had a good time taking photographs in Abby’s garden. But that surely was not enough for Therese to welcome the girl into her life.
After two weeks Carol’s body still yearned for Therese. Their last night together had been filled with talking, laughter and most of all making love. Carol had not tired of touching Therese’s slim, muscular body, kissing every part of her velvet skin. Therese had been an attentive lover, easily following Carol’s lead but not shying away from taking control herself. Carol’s lovers had always been women of her age and class and she was silently surprised to find herself being courted by a young woman from such a totally different background. Was it important? She could only find out if she was prepared to take the risk of getting to know Therese and her life in New York better.
Reaching for the bedside lamp, hoping she would be able to catch some sleep, Carol sighed.
“Still two more weeks to go.”