Sunday afternoon
To Abby Gerhardt Carol Ross would always be her first and greatest love. What started as a high school crush had turned into a lifelong bond, that had survived their breakup as lovers, Carol’s marriage and Abby’s numerous affairs. Carol knew she could always rely on Abby’s friendship, loyalty and if needed, straightforward point of view. Abby had never been intimidated by Carol’s cool and sometimes downright arrogant exterior, sensing the vulnerability lying beneath it. In return, Carol offered Abby advice and consolation in her often messy love life, next to an unwavering admiration for Abby’s down to earth way to handle life and its occasional setbacks.
“Darling, where on earth are you?“ Through the smoke of her cigarette Abby peered at Carol who, not reacting, distractedly sipped from her dry martini.
“Carol?” Abby touched Carol’s arm, trying to get her attention.
“I’m sorry I’m such a bore today.” Smiling apologetically Carol turned her face towards her friend.
They were on the terrace of Abby’s city apartment, enjoying their drinks in the still warm, late afternoon sun.
“I’ll live, but can’t you tell me what’s bothering you?” Abby could always sense Carol’s unease. Carol shrugged, reaching for the packet of cigarettes that lay in front of them on the low table that separated their lounge chairs. Handing her a lighter, Abby smiled.
“Let me guess. It’s that ravishing photographer Harge has hired.”
Carol’s face reddened and she started to cough, inhaling too much air through her cigarette. It took her some moments before she was able to speak again.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Not to others perhaps, but to me it is.” Abby refilled their glasses.
Being one of the main guests at the fundraiser, Abby had soon noticed the beautiful female photographer who followed Harge and Carol around. Although the young woman remained in the background, her appearance caused the necessary prying eyes. Abby had laughed at the men, Richard Semco among them, who in vain had tried to get her attention. It was clear the photographer’s focus had been on one person mainly. And that person was Carol. Abby couldn’t blame her. Dressed in a tight fitting, cream-colored Armani dress, Carol simply looked stunning. But watching her friend making her way through the crowd gathered at the tables, Abby noticed that, in her turn, Carol frequently seemed to focus on the photographer, especially when she turned her lens on Harge or one of the bystanders. What was going on here?
Carol sighed.
“Damn, Abby, you know me so well.”
“So, I am right?” Abby raised her glass. “Excellent choice, by the way.”
For a while they were both silent, Abby giving Carol the time to gather her thoughts. When she spoke, Carol’s voice sounded flat, almost indifferent.
“I don’t want this Abby, not now, when Harge’s dream is about to come true. I cannot fall in love and end the life I have with him and Rindy.”
“Wait a second, Carol, you’ve just met her. This is no time to talk about falling in love, let alone leaving Harge…” Bewildered, Abby fetched another cigarette from the packet that would soon be empty.
Carol smiled, a sad smile.
“You’re right of course. But this is different. Yes, I feel attracted to Therese. But most of all her being here has made me more aware of my situation, makes me question why I have chosen to live like this. Tied to a man, a child, my job, our ambitions … Right now I need order, predictability, no strong emotions. And she’s turning that upside down, probably without being aware of that. I don’t even know if she is attracted to me.”
Oh, you bet she is … Abby didn’t put that thought into words, but instead leaned towards Carol, taking her hand.
“You’re upset, I understand. But I think you need to explore your feelings. There’s Therese, of course, but most of all the doubts you now seem to have about your life with Harge and Rindy. I know how important they both are to you, but that doesn’t mean you cannot change.” Abby hesitated, knowing she was nearing dangerous terrain.
“Carol, you are the love of my life, but somehow a future with you was not to be. I don’t know if there will ever be anyone else for me, but I don’t give up trying to find her. You chose to marry Harge and have the occasional lover. For a long time now you have been satisfied, but not happy. If that’s what you want, so be it. But Miss Belivet seems to make you question that. Don’t ignore those questions.”
She squeezed Carol’s hand.
“I know you don’t want me saying this. But I just want you to be happy.”
Carol did not answer, letting Abby’s words sink in. As always she was touched by Abby’s loyalty. The break-up of their affair had left a permanent wound in both of them. Abby had been able to leave her anger and disappointment behind. Carol would always feel the guilt: somehow their love had not been enough for her, making her hurt the person she cherished most. It made her sensitive to Abby’s opinion. And of course, Abby was right. She had to face these questions and the unease and, she had to admit, longing that they provoked.
Carol raised from her chair, pulling Abby with her. Standing in front of her friend, Carol opened her arms.
“Come here,”
They held each other tight, their bodies still so familiar. Kissing Abby’s lips, Carol murmured:
“Thank you, dear, dear old friend.”
_______________
“You lose!”, Rindy cheered, after she had kicked the ball in the makeshift goal made out of two sweaters. Therese ran a few steps behind her, unable to tackle her and prevent her from scoring.
Both still panting they left the lawn and went indoors to the kitchen. Rindy took a bottle of water from the fridge and poured two glasses.
“You’re good, you know. Did you play soccer at school?”
Taking the glass Rindy offered her, Therese smiled.
“Not really. I used to go to the park with a bunch of friends and play. I was the only girl, so I learned it the hard way.”
“Cool.” Rindy sat down at the kitchen table.
“I hope your mother doesn’t mind us having ruined the grass… She seems quite strict to me” Therese looked at the clumps that were scattered on the lawn.
Rindy shrugged.
“Don’t worry.” She was silent for a while. Then she added: “I think she likes you.”
“You think so?”
Rindy nodded enthusiastically. Therese felt a blush colour her cheeks, excitement growing in her stomach. She sighed. So now what?