No Choice

Narumi P.O.V. (Two weeks after the Battle in Nagoya)

I'm on the floor on a large black plain that goes on forever. I recognize this place easily by now. Black cement-like floor, star-filled night sky above me, and a figure standing a few feet away. It's my own head where my demon waits for me. Everytime I fall asleep I end up here or in an inescapable nightmare curtesy of Genbushin.
"Finally asleep again? Seems you've been sleeping less recently." My demon calls out as I stand up from my place on the floor.
"Well your not really helping with that are you?" I say.
"Ahaha, Well as a demon you know I take advantage of your weaknesses so this shouldn't be a suprise." Genbushin turned to me with those hideous red eyes and a horrid grin before a flash of white covered my vision.
"Oh, Narumi there you are." Yayoi pips up and Kagiyama and Rika come to greet me as well. I'm already crying just looking at them. But I know what happens next.
"Ay Narumi? What goin' on? What's with the water works?" Kagiyama has gotten closer to me but I wasn't paying attention. He pats my back a few times like he used to and laughs deeply. Then he halts. It's happening again. The scene I've seen a million times. The scene I want to forget oh so badly.
Kagiyama and Yayoi falling to the ground after being slashed down by a vampire ambush. It always comes out of nowhere. Its always in a different location but always the same scene. Yayoi is on the ground, her glasses shattered beside her. She couldn't even scream and neither could Kagiyama.
Two of my best friends in the whole world and they're gone again. For the millionth time they've died and still it hurts just the same.
Rika is running. I can see her running with the other soilders. She didn't even wait for me this time. Even in a dream I'm tempted to join her.

I open my eyes without realizing I had closed them to find Shuusaku standing in front of me in casual clothing. Jeans and a long-sleeve black shirt.
"Makoto, you're back." The fake Shuusaku smiles slightly.
"Don't call me that, you're not real." I state. I know this is fake. It's just like my other nightmares but just like all the others I can't help but fall for it. Its Shuusaku. He's real. He never died. Everything is okay.
I wish all of that was true. Honestly demons are so harsh. Using the man I love, or loved??, and forcing me to watch him die. Over and over again, every night, every time I fall asleep. I can already feel more tears burning in my eyes threatening to fall. I didnt see her but I heard Rika scream. I refuse to look around to find her. I cant do this right now.
"Ma-Makoto! R-run!
I know if I look directly at him I won't be able to hold back my tears but its so realistic. How can I not? I look up and directly at him. At his dilated eyes as a metallic arm shoves through his shoulder, another one stuck straight through his lower chest.
"N-no... STOP IT!!!" I can't hold back, I can't, I just can't do it. I'm sobbing and screaming and yelling for him but he's gone. His body isn't even there anymore. That's the cruel part. Even after he dies, I can't hold him, I don't even get to see him fall. I'm in a different scene without having had my chance to save him.

***

Still Narumi P.O.V. (Present Time)

I was in a dream the second I closed my eyes. Genbushin must not of had anything to say to me this time.

At first, I actually wasn't sure if I was dreaming. Previously I only had nightmares about my squad and their deaths. I was in the room I had fallen asleep in but the atmosphere had changed. It seemed darker than usual and something was off. The only light was where the moon light shown through the peeked curtains though the thick glass window. In the moons light I could see the dust particles hangning in the air.

Slowly I stood from the bed and it creaked under the shift in weight. The door made an similar creaking sound as I carefully pushed in open. I spotted Shinoa and the other whispering quietly in th hallway. Yoichis eyes landed on me almost immediately.

"There he is." Yoichi noted, face expressionless. "We were just talking about you Narumi."

"Oh? So the failure of a leader finally woke up then?" Shinoa turned to face me and unlike Yoichi had a smirk stretched across her face. "Have another nightmare? You know, the ones where you watch your friends die again."

"Ha, They only died 'cause he failed them Shinoa. Maybe he deserves all the nightmares. Or maybe he should even die." Mitsuba commented.

"What? G-guys, Wait." I try to stop them from doing so but they are starting to close in on me.

"Wait for what? You to fail again? Maybe you should just die now?" Kimizuki sneered.

"Good Idea Shihou, Maybe we should just kill him." Yoichi agreed and, very unlike himself, flashed his fangs as if warning him.

"Yo-Yoichi? What are you doing?" I stumble out. "Th-This isn't real! Get away from me!"

I made an attempt for the door to my room but Yuu catches my arm. It takes all my effort to pull away from his tight grip but I lunge again and make it into the room. I slammed the door behind me and rushed to the far side of the room. I want to jump out the window now, get away from this. I can still hear them calling for me.

"Bad Leader." "Failure." "You killed them, you killed your team." "You should just disappear." It's all echoing in my head non-stop. The words began to overlap and blur toether. "You killed them, you killed your team." "Bad Leader." "Failure." "You should just disappear."

I didn't realize I was screaming and that I was crying until I was awake. Pushing myself out of bed, I hear multiple pairs of footprints aproaching my door. I leap for the window and for a momen think maybe I should run but I don't. I stop myself, I just lean my forehead against my windowsill and sob. It hurts so much. Why do words hurt like this?

"Narumi?" Shinoas voice called through the door.

"Should we go in?" The sound of Mitsubas voice only makes the situation worse. "Ha, They only died 'cause he failed them Shinoa. Maybe he deserves all the nightmares. Or maybe he should even die."

"No way, you're not barging in on him too." Its Yoichi. "Maybe we should just kill him."

"Yeah, Just knock." As a knock on wood rings through room I can't help but replay the horrible nightmare in my head. "Wait for what? You to fail again? Maybe you should just die now?"

"Shut Up!!" I yell unintentionally.

"Huh? Narumi, Are you okay? I'm coming in." Shinoas called out.

I didn't move. Not an inch. I heard her open the door and walk into the room but still didn't turn around. Another pair of footsteps followed behind her. I flinched when Shinoas warm hand made light contact with my shoulder.

"C'mon Narumi... Its okay. Its not your fault, you couldn't have saved them." Shinoa tried comforting me but it was different this time. I only opened up to her once and I was way to tired to lie about being okay. This time the dream was about them, not my squad.

What am I suppose to say? 'Oh No that not how it went this time. You see, in this nightmare you and your entire squad turned against me, calling me a failure of a leader and saying I should die.' Yeah, I don't think so.

No one was talking but whoever had followed Shinoa into the room had retreated to the others in the door way. Shinoa was rubbing my back in a comforting gesture but It was anything but comforting. Her hand was stiff and cold and she pressed on past wounds. "Its Okay..." She repeated under her breath but I didn't face her or anyone else. I stayed still at the window and tryed to calm my breathing enough to explain that it was 'Just a Nightmare.'

"Leave me be, I want to be alone." I barely even got the words out and there was no way they actually heard what I said but they got the idea and left me alone. Even Shinoa gave in and left the room.

As soon as I figured they had all returned to their rooms I stepped into the hallway. I found myself wondering through the hallways until I found the roof entrance.

I pushed open the door and stepped into the cold air. Memories of the nightmares and of my squad flooded me and it was hard to stand. I lowered myself to the ground and layed on my back on the freezing cold rooftop. The stars were beautiful tonight.

"Shuusaku Iwasaki... " I mumur to myself. I often say his name when no one can hear. It reminds me he was real, that I can't forget him. Without his name its like he didn't exist so I'll say it again and again just to know he existed.

I realize I'm still crying while staring deep into the expanse of stars. I'm sure that before the apocolypse there were to many lights to see all of the stars here. At least that one good thing came out of it.

"Shuusaku Iwasaki..."