Mmmmmmmkay Sera, Sera?
“GaahAAAWK!!!!!!” Sera shrieked as she plunged off the side of the tower and landed. Hard. At first Daphnis started to laugh, as much in shock as startled amusement but quickly stopped when the lanky blonde elf didn’t move. She froze and then started running towards her just as Solas went sprinting past. He was already casting as he slid to his knees. Sera remained motionless with one of her legs looking horribly wrong in a people-aren’t-supposed to bend-like-that way. Cole appeared at her elbow clutching bottles of healing potions and gazed at Solas who was casting a series of healing spells. “She is going to hurt” the spirit-boy intoned unhelpfully. Daphnis bit back the unfair urge to snap at him and took a deep breath instead. She placed her hand at the side of Sera’s head, gazed at her pretty face and prayed to the maker that she would be alright.
Sera’s eyes began to flutter and then opened fully as a long whimper issued from her mouth, they were black wells of pain and confusion. “Give her the elf-root one drop at a time. She needs it right away, but we can’t risk injuring her further by moving her head up so she can swallow larger quantities.” Solas ordered as he continued to cast something complicated at her head and neck. Daphnis uncorked the potion and began dripping it slowly into her lover’s mouth. Sera looked terrified, there was a tear sliding sideways out of her eye and her breath was catching slightly from distress. Solas moved his attention to her leg, casting to numb it and then moving the break back into place. Even with the pain blocked she moaned as he set the bone. “Solas! I think she’s going into shock.” Dapnis remarked as the elf turned pale and her face started going slack again. He turned his attention away from the leg and cast another spell which revived her, then resumed the healing spells to knit the damaged bone. Finally he accepted the splints which one of the healers had been holding out to him and stabilized the break. “The bone is healed, but it will be weak for several days, he said, “she must put no weight on it in that time, she should have bed-rest. The head injury is more concerning. I will remain with her for at least the first day.“ As Sera was carefully shifted onto a stretcher, he looked at the Inquisitor and asked ”Where to?” “Her quarters” she answered. Solas didn’t hide the flicker of annoyance that passed across his face. He seemed to find the tavern as distasteful as tea and was not going to enjoy this.
Really it would have made more sense in terms of facilities to put Sera in her own Inquisitor’s suite, but Daphnis suspected she’d get herself into more trouble confined in that quiet, well-appointed tower than in the bowed room off the busy, noisy tavern. She didn’t want to think what would happen if Sera were left alone long enough to get bored, which would probably be less than thirty seconds. She’d aim herself at the staircase in search of company and amusement, then have another fall in her weakened condition, either that or nearly drown herself trying to rig up some prank involving the bath. Given enough time, she’d turn the ceiling into a giant bee-hive and riffle through Daphnis’ desk for the names of especially peevish nobles to surprise with gifts of boxed wasp-nests.
Sera was shockingly silent that first day, responding to questions with one-word answers and occasionally crying softly. It was so unlike her and therefore truly disturbing. After she was finally allowed several hours of proper sleep, the old Sera returned.
Well, almost.
There was nothing unusual about Sera calling Solas “Yeh prissy bald git” or “fussy old elf-arse” or to refer to Daphnis herself, with phrases like “Marvellous Posh-tits” but eventually, amidst all the crude nicknames, it became apparent that she didn’t seem to know anyone’s actual name. She did know a little about the Inquisition or rather the whole “glowy-herald blowy-uppy conclave business”, as she put it, but not that she was a part of it.
Skyhold was a complete puzzle to her. She accused them repeatedly of having her on and became fixated on the temperature as she looked out into the warm, verdant courtyard since she could not reconcile that sight with the news that it was located on a peak in the inner reaches of the Frostback mountains. Attempts at explanation made it worse. “We don’t know why it’s warm, it just is, It was just slightly warmer than the surroundings when we arrived, which seemed like it was merely because of the walls sheltering us, but the longer we’ve been here and more people have joined us, the warmer it has become. It's like something holds on to all the warmth and energy of us. We have all sorts of gardens, even some fruit trees. We think there is old magic attached to the stones of this place that holds in the heat” Sera interrupted “It’s getting hotter the longer we’re here because of magic and people? MAGIC?! Magic is making it hotter? That’s never good. What if too many people show up all at once, like for a party or maybe yer enemies will just shove in a bunch of stupid gobshites an it’ll get too hot an roast us. I’LL BE BOILED IN MY BED!!!” Solas tried next with even less success to explain the ancient wards in simple terms, but that only resulted in Sera ranting about how he looked “like the type that would love old warts just for being old. And warty! Go away, yeh droning demon-licker!!!” He stood up and moved towards the door, gave a bow that managed to somehow be both slight and exaggerated at the same time and said “Sera, I am glad you have recovered your delightful wit and feel sufficiently well enough that you no longer require my attendance. Inquisitor, I have no doubt you will be overjoyed to take over from me in seeing to our patient’s every need.” Sera waved him away so frantically that Daphnis was sure one of the woman’s hands would fly off her arm if she continued.
“How do you stand that one? the quiet is worse than the talking, all that silent judging, UGH! He’s just lucky I wasn’t feeling well, otherwise there is NO WAY I would have let him lurk around and breathe pompously at me. I’d have kicked him out, well, if I didn’t have the broken leg problem, but I could have hit him with me crutch. Do I have a crutch? when do I get to walk around with a crutch? I want to find a stuck-up someone and then hit the idjit with my crutch.”
“I think I will just avoid confirming the availability of any crutches, canes or walking sticks” said Daphnis “Don’t mind me while I move some firewood out of the room, it’s clearly a hazard.”
“What should I call you, Oh glowy one?” one asked Sera. Daphnis considered her answer and then said “My name is Daphnis but you usually call me your Lady-Bits or Honey-handfuls.” Sera stared, then burst into loud giggles. “Ok, Quiztor.”
Throughout the next day, the other companions dropped in, even Vivienne, who brought a small box of exquisite Orlesian chocolates, then fled politely before she could be tempted into dropping a single barbed comment. The Iron Bull took one of them at Sera’s invitation and declared it wonderful but also inferior to the plain bars produced under the Qun. Having tasted both, Daphnis had to agree, the Orlesians made complex, delightful confections with it but they could not compare with the high quality and intense flavour of a simple piece of Qunari chocolate. Over the next three days, everyone except Cole had a pleasant visit with Sera. His attempt didn’t go well, not even with his pet rabbit, False-Nug in hand. Sera took one look at him and started screaming at him to get away from her. She was somewhat hysterical and she seemed to think he was going to use his eyes to eat her soul. Her comments were more than a bit cruel. Fortunately, he was out of earshot before she spat out the worst of them. After calming Sera, Daphnis followed him up to his attic, to see if he was alright. He didn’t say much, mumbled something about “they flew away but will return to roost.” and then fed greens to the bunny. Daphnis thought it would be best to avoid telling Sera that “away” for Cole meant lurking in a spot located a few feet over from her head. On her way out, some poncy loon tried to get her attention by making wind noises and swooping gestures with his hand, so she shoved him into the wall as she walked past. She was quite certain it was the same jerk who had pestered her in the cellars under the kitchen, and she didn’t want to think about where he’d turn up next. She would let Leliana know about him and the spymaster would make certain he permanently ceased to annoy. One way or another.
Daphnis anticipated a few boring days of watching Sera nap intermittently while she read through inquisition business. Instead, she was almost as active as when she was on a mission because of the frequent errands Sera had her running. Sera was never alone since, as Daphnis anticipated, the tavern room meant there was always someone dropping in. Most often it was Blackwell, who would bring carved toys to work on while he exchanged lewd stories with her which made the pair of them howl with laughter. Usually in the evening she'd sit holding Sera’s hand and reading to her from Sera’s favourite books of badly-written ribald tales. Sera would start leaning against her shoulder and sleepily twine Daphnis' chestnut hair between her fingers until her hand would slowly drop when she started to drift off to sleep.
Hey, Quiztor, How about a cheese sandwich then? I’m famished. Can you get me a some Ferelden cheese melted on bread in the oven so it’s nice an bubbly and a bit burnt around the edges?” She described the cheese she preferred and Daphnis went to the tavern kitchen herself to request the food. The cook was absent so Daphnis prepared the simple sandwich herself and while it melted, she made tea, gathered up some apples, pickles, a bit of dried sausage and a sweet biscuit to bring back to Sera to fill out the snack into a meal. She learned something. She learned that the particular Ferelden cheese, Okla, that she used was pleasant and mild tasting when eaten out of hand, she also learned that the faintly pungent smell it had became rank when heated, rather like a whiff of a hobo’s old clothes in a heatwave and that when the cheese scorched, it produced an odour that suggested the smelly hobo had been murdered and then cremated within the oven. Trying not to gag, Daphnis brought the food (of a sort) up to Sera. “Here it is”, she exclaimed, her face mask of false cheer as she took care not to inhale through her nose or actually really breathe at all. “Fuck that’s awful!” Sera yelled and hurled it out the open window. Iron Bull started roaring in disgusted outrage as Sera had apparently managed to skewer the goopy mess directly on one of his horns. “ I didn’t even know he was there, but I bet I could have done it anyway if I’d been trying” she sniggered. “No!“ said Daphnis and grabbed the apple out of the blonde’s hand before she could lob it at the other horn.
Hey, Quiztor, how about a nice warm blanket then? Asked Sera, making an exaggerated shiver “one of them silky down-filled ones?” “Silky down-filled ones… repeated Daphnis. “I don’t suppose you’d like a blue one?” “No the red is better, I like those pick-stitches on it.. “ Sera trailed off as she realized she’d been caught out. Daphnis stared at her and said nothing, waiting for her pain-in-the-ass beloved to speak first. Sera did not look remotely ashamed, only briefly uncomfortable and then started cackling “I’m not sorry at all, that was so much fun! It was hilarious keeping you hopping and you were so lovely about everything, you’re such a softy under all that sarcasm and that tight, tight uniform. I really didn’t know who you were at first, everything was so fuzzy and blank. I liked having you around though, it was so nice, even when I had no idea who you were or that I’d already seen your superb self naked." “Don’t count on refreshers any time soon.” Remarked Daphnis drily. “I think I need to take a walk and maybe destroy something.” “Did you just figure it out now, or did you already know?” asked Sera. “I’ve been suspicious for a while, you were laughing too much. By the way, I hope you didn't shriek at Cole like that as part of the joke, that was unkind.” said Daphnis. “Creepy just creeps me out. I didn't remember him and I over-reacted. Can you help me get downstairs before you go? I don’t want to be stuck in here anymore. Are you really angry at me?” asked Sera. Daphnis looked away, folded her arms and frowned before she answered. “ Yes, I will help you up. Yes, I am angry. Just how angry? I guess you’ll find out when I get you to the stairs." Sera side-eyed her and said ”You wouldn’t... do anything awful? Never! You wouldn’t? Would You?” Daphnis glared and pulled the elf up, handing her the crutch that she’d left out of sight beside the door. “Maybe I’ll leave you at the top of the steps and take bets on whether you can make it down by yourself, if you’re lucky, I’ll let you keep the crutch. Or I could just toss you at the Iron Bull and yell at him to “think fast”.” Sera giggled loudly. Daphnis put her arm around her to make sure there was no possibility the elf lost her balance and when they got to the head of the stairs, picked her up and carried her down to a chair near the fireplace. “You really are a dreadful asshole sometimes, well most of the time, really.” she said, then kissed her and left to go decapitate practice dummies.