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“Hey. Hey. Hey, Callie.”

Calliope gritted her teeth. “Yes, John?

“I have a present for you! It’s a really great present, trust me. Like, the best present.”

Calliope rolled her eyes. Knowing John, it was likely booby trapped with some sort of shaving cream device.

“John, I do hope this isn’t another ‘Barbasol Surprise’, because if it is-”

“No, no, no! I swear, it isn’t shaving cream. It’s actually super duper amazing. And fun. I put a lot of thought into it, ya know.” He shoved a medium-sized box wrapped in shiny blue paper. “Just sayin’, you should totally open this.”

Knowing John was attempting to be subtle, but failing, Calliope accepted her gift. However he may try, John had one glaring tell: When he got really excited, like if he was about to pull a prank on someone, John started subconsciously floating off the ground, gravity affecting him like he was on the moon rather than New Earth.

“Dear me, John. I do wonder what’s inside.”

Calliope sighed and used her sharp claws to pry open the box.

SPROING!

Out popped two paper snakes, like the kind one might find in a fake jar of peanuts.

“Oh my gosh!” Calliope shrieked, dropping the box in surprise. It was full of… Snakes! Blood rushed to Calliope’s head, and if it weren’t for her thick carapace, she would have turned a vivid shade of green.

“Hahahaha!” John doubled over laughing. Unable to contain his glee, he shot up in the air like a cork, and laughed so hard he accidentally flipped himself over.

“Get it? It’s full of snakes...cause….you turn into snakes...when you..have sex.” John crowed between tears of laughter.

Fidgeting with her cuff link, Calliope slowly stepped away from the lewd items.

“John!” she said, rather flustered. “I...ugh! I can’t believe you sometimes! That’s so inappropriate!”

Floating down to look her in the eyes, John scowled slightly. “Well, I think it’s hilarious.” He said.

Calliope glanced over again at the offending objects. They were so long, and scaly, and oh my goodness were they touching?!

Calliope couldn’t help but let out a tiny giggle.

Grinning, John said, “See? I knew you would love it. Now, ‘scuse me, I’ve gotta take Roxy on a romantic tour of New Cantown.”

Before he could fly away, Calliope snatched the tail end of his long hood and yanked him back to the ground.

“Stop just one moment,” Callie said, wagging her finger at John. “I was going to watch a screening of Dave and Karkat’s newest rom-com with Roxy! What ever do you mean by this ‘New Cantown’ business?”

John scoffed. “I’m taking her on a date, dummy. I know you two are pale and everything, but it’s super important I get some time with Roxy too. Besides, I’ve had this planned for like a month now.”

Calliope gasped. “How dare you insinuate my time with Roxy isn’t as important as yours!” She shrieked. “Why, I’ve know her longer than you and your rather impractical windsock ever have!”

“Hey,” John said with a frown. “Step off the windsock.”

Calliope stuck her tongue out at John. “Well, it is impractical.”

Just then, Roxy flew in, dressed in a lacy fuchsia dress and all dolled up with makeup.

“Hey guys!” She said cheerily. “What did I miss.”

Folding her arms, Calliope huffed, “I thought we were going to see Dave’s movie together, but John says you two are going on a date!”

“Yeah, Rox! What’s going on!” John said, still bobbing in the air.

Roxy stooped down and gave Calliope a great big hug. Ensconced in Roxy’s arms, Calliope was filled with a nice, fuzzy feeling that warmed her to the core. She had on nice perfume, Calliope noted.

Still hugging Calliope with one arm, Roxy gently tugged down John’s hood until his face was level with hers, and leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek.

FWOOMP! John went completely red and fell to the ground like a rock.

Picking him off the ground and bringing him into the group hug with Calliope, Roxy said, “You guys are so silly sometimes! Dave and Karkat are showing their movie in the city tonight instead of in the park like usual. Both of you knuckleheads are coming with me! Sorry guys, but you can’t escape hanging out with me. Or eachother, for that matter.”

Calliope let out a sigh of relief. “Well, I’m rather glad that’s cleared up! I still find it quite rude that John tried to gift me a… a snake!”

Roxy giggled. “Alrighty folks, we better start heading to New Can Town if we wanna catch the showing and grab some sweet grub.”

Scooping up Calliope, Roxy tied John’s hood around Callie’s waist as a sort of safety rope before taking off with her in her arms.

As they soared through the sky, wind ruffling their hair (or in Callie’s case, her bow tie), John said,

“You know, I think this might just work out.”