Masks

“I need to go. Bye Hinata-kun.” Nagito left to the checkout area with the items he had in his hands. Sure he needed a few more things but he had to get away from Hajime. He could tell that Hajime wanted to talk more. He could tell Hajime sensed something. He could tell that Hajime was different from other people.

Nagito stood in the short checkout line wishing for it to move faster. He felt bad for leaving so soon when the other obviously wanted to continue on with the conversation, but Nagito couldn't risk it. Not after all he’s been doing to prevent anymore accidents. He has had his fair share of despair and doesn't want to witness it again. Not after what happened last time.

The thoughts clouded his mind. The memories that he has tried so long to hide, the memories he thought he had finally kicked out of his head welcomed their way into his head once again. He thought that they were gone for good, now here he is, seeing them replay in his mind after one little thought.

He tried desperately to ignore them and continued moving along with the line. He was going to checkout these few groceries and book it home. He had responsibilities to handle and memories to overrun.

The cashier sent him a weird look which Nagito decided to ignore like he usually would. He didn’t really care about what people thought. Sure, he was low, hurt, and useless, he knew that much himself. He didn't need to mind other people saying that to him when he knew that already.

The cashier handed Nagito his light bag of groceries in exchange for the money that Nagito handed over. Nagito said a quiet “Thank you, keep the change.” and left the store quickly.

The deadly thoughts seemed to yell at him. His ears rung, it sounded like a siren going off or an air horn being blown right in his ears. He seemed to get weaker as the awful memories came back fast. He fought them, trying to push them into the back part of his mind but failed. Even though he kept trying. Over and over he fought the memories because he had to get home.

“I’m not going to break, I am not going to break.” He mumbled to himself so quietly that he couldn't even hear himself. He couldn't even tell if the words left his mouth. “I…..am not…” He couldn't finish his sentence that time. He could hear it. The obnoxious laughter of the voice. It was child-like, sounding immature and squeaky.

Nagito paused. Everything around him seemed to freeze. His eyes showed nothing but fear. Yes, fear. He feared the voice in his head so much that when it came around he would usually have nightmares.

It was silent, and for a moment Nagito thought that everything just suddenly disappeared. Well, it did disappear, only momentarily though. The stupid laughter of the voice filled Nagito’s head, as Nagito closed his eyes all he saw were flames. He opened them again, they were on the brink of overflowing with tears.

He couldn't be caught crying in public. Especially while wearing a Hope’s Peak Academy uniform. He couldn't set a bad example, have people thinking of Hope’s Peak students crying. Even though that's highly unlikely to happen he still didn't cry. There was a possibility that someone could see and if word got around the act he’s been putting on could shatter like a glass.

He moves his legs and ran home. The annoying, childish voice started taunting him. Coward. Useless. Undeserving. Trash. This voice has been with him ever since the accident. It told him they died because of him, because of his luck, and that it is and always will be his fault.

It told him that he doesn't deserve the life he’s living and that he doesn't deserve to be happy. Nagito knew these things were true, that's why he’s the way he is. He knows that the voice only speaks the absolute truth.

Nagito wants friends. He wants someone to talk to and be close to. He wants someone that he can call anytime and hang out with. He wants people to look at him and think they're equals. He wants to be friends with his classmates and have fun with them. He wanted to participate and be all jolly with the class and be close to them.

He wants someone to kiss as well. He wants someone who he can trust no matter what. Someone that would care for him the same way he cares for them. He wants someone that would be there for him in the tough times and help him and he would do the same. He wanted someone to love, he wanted someone to love him.

Wishful thinking one could say.

Nagito wasn't going to get close to anyone because he didn't want them to hurt. He didn't want to hurt them or worse….

Nagito didn't want to repeat that tragedy. He didn't want to live that despair again.

Rushing into his house he dropped the groceries and shut the front door. He leaned against the door as the thoughts all tackled him at once. He cried out and pulled at his hair wishing for them to go away. He didn't want to see this disturbing images anymore. He never wanted to.

He just wants to be normal. Not freaking out over everything. He wants to live not just sit here surviving.

An image popped into his head that blocked out everything else for the moment.

It was a picture of Hajime Hinata. The boy he just met today. In the image he was smiling, like he was at Nagito today. Nagito froze again at the image. He wanted to get close to Hinata, he wanted to have a friend. But he couldn't.

Youdon'twanttokillhimtoo, doyou~ upupup