Seizing Bullets

Clarke paced the engineering room nervously, holding the chip in her hand and waiting for the others to arrive. Raven was sat at the bench watching her, with a look of encouragement mingled with worry. It was not helping.

'Raven, if I can't stop her-'

'We'll bring you back.' Raven said. 'We can build an EMP. We just need another wristband...Jasper knows how to do it too now and your mom understands.'

Clarke nodded, her thoughts drawn to a place she had fled to in her grief.

'There's a place where there's a wristband.' Clarke said and Raven's eyes widened. 'It's in Trikru. Bellamy will know where it is. When he was looking for me, he found an outpost. It's there.'

'Do you want to go there first?'

'No.' Clarke said quickly. 'We've just reinforced this place. ALIE could have had a thousand people chipped by the time we get there. Half of our people are gone...they've even got Jackson. If we need it just send one person there, that won't get any attention.'

Raven nodded, determined.

'But if you think you can't-'

'Clarke, you'll be fine.' Raven asserted.

'If I risk anyone here you have to-'

'We're not doing anything.' Raven cut across again. 'You'll be fine. We can't lose you too.'

Clarke didn't get the chance to press her point as the door to engineering opened and Bellamy, Abbey, Octavia, Lincoln, Murphy, Sinclair, Kane and Lexa made their way in. Abbey looked around in alarm and Clarke worried that she'd put up another fight against the plan but Kane stepped closer to her mother and took her hand in his.

Lexa's eyes were fixed upon her and Clarke gave a weak smile when she met that blazing green gaze.

'Where's Aden?' Clarke asked.

'With Indra.' Lexa answered.

'We might as well get this started then.' Clarke began, trying to stop her voice from shaking but she knew how scared she was. 'Raven and Sinclair...just be ready.'

'We are.' Raven promised.

'Okay then.' Clarke said, looking down at her hand.

She'd forgotten that she was even holding the chip she was supposed to take. Her hand had been balled so tightly into a fist that the edge of the chip had drawn blood against the palm of her hand.

She recalled a time when Lexa had said one of her plans was nothing more than a prayer and this too felt like it. She was putting her faith in a huge gamble and she didn't know if she'd even be able to find a way to bring down ALIE, but it was the only chance they had. Yet, the risk of surrendering her mind was more frightening than anything she had yet faced. She'd always had to trust herself and her own instincts but this may wipe all of that out.

'We're here.' Lexa said softly, and Clarke looked up at her in surprise and found the comfort she needed in that gaze.

Clarke released a shaky breath and smiled at Lexa.

'Clarke,' Bellamy said gruffly, 'we can find another way.'

Clarke turned to him, her face strained.

'There is no other way.'

Clarke raised her fingers quickly to her mouth and slipped the chip between her lips. She swallowed harshly and looked back to Lexa, fearful.

Clarke's legs buckled and she slammed into the floor but she was hardly aware as her mind was locked into the memories that assaulted her.

The smell of Finn's sweat and blood invaded her nostrils. His head hung against her shoulder and she grimaced as she pulled away from him, revealing the pouring blood from his abdomen. There was a broken scream in the distance and Clarke watched as Raven fell to the floor in grief.

'Submit, Clarke.' ALIE's voice gently broke over the scene.

'No.' Clarke denied her coldly; she had expected this.

Anya whispered that her fight was over but Clarke didn't understand. She could only decipher the death that hung to her eyes and all hope of an alliance was gone. Her friends were left in the mountain.

'Clarke!'

Smoke gripped her now as she watched the ruins of TonDC. All those people died and she couldn't stop them. There was a bang and the Mountain Man fell to the floor and an injured Lincoln smiled at her, even though she had shot him but now Lincoln was tied up in the drop ship. The stench of burning flesh made her gag as Raven pressed the wires to his chest and he twitched in agony.

'Hold her steady, Commander!'

Her father gave a broken smile as the doors shut. He closed his eyes, steeling himself and in a flash the airlock opened and he was flung into the starry galaxy and out of sight. Clarke howled in grief, anguish ripping through her as she apologised over and over to her mother, as guilt of her father's death gripped her.

'Clarke, it is pointless to resist me.' ALIE urged. 'I can take away all of your pain.'

She realised: it was her mother. Her mother killed her father. All of this time, and now she had lost her mother too. Her mother had betrayed them both. She was going to be executed in that skybox and her mother had caused it all.

'Go to hell.' Clarke spat at ALIE.

'Clarke, it's okay! You're okay, Clarke. You're safe in Arkadia with us!'

She watched as hundreds of people crumpled to the floor, their faces burning with bursting blisters. A boy screamed in agony on the screen but his father couldn't get to him, before he fell to death too, clutching a soccer ball they had been playing with.

Jasper clung to Maya as life slipped away from her and grief swept through Clarke. She heard herself say to get their people but as she turned to leave she retched. Bellamy's arms grabbed her but there was no vomit. She felt a violent kick in her gut again but nothing came up. She shook as she pushed herself up from the bench she held onto and shook her head at Bellamy, begging him not to speak.

She pushed herself forwards through the corridors and onto level five. The dead lay scattered in the hall and Clarke felt a wild terror that they were pretending, that she and her friends weren't safe at all, but as she approached Jasper she knew that it was true. Maya would not leave him. Relief and guilt crashed through her and she flinched at the hatred in Jasper's eyes.

'I can't-' Clarke gasped.

'Clarke, just hold on.'

 'I can give you the worst of you.' ALIE chimed.

And now Lexa was walking away with Clarke begging her to stay. Anger at Dante ravaged her as he told her about the deal and there was a small flicker of bitter satisfaction as he fell to the ground dead. She left her people, and now she was living in the wild as Wanheda fighting panthers for her life, a secret hope that it would just reach out for her neck.

She was with Niylah, desperate, alone and angry and she wanted to hurt Lexa and to forget her. She wanted to cut her heart right out just so she could never feel anything for Lexa again.

She was holding a knife to Lexa's throat, too weak to do it. A day later, fighting for Lexa's life when Lexa was ready to risk death and leave her. Panic pounded through her heart as she saw the slaughtered army and Lexa called for war.

'Your shame Clarke...the love that made you weak, that left you alone and a mass murderer.'

'No,' Clarke cried, 'it's strength.'

'Clarke, you can fight this.'

'Your friend Raven gave me herself...I still hold her memories. She hated you for killing Finn...' ALIE said.

Clarke's face slammed back as Raven's fist connected with her.

'You're the only murderer here!'

She was in Lexa's tent desperately trying to scrape the blood off her hands. She couldn't. She didn't have any other choice. She'd tried to save him. She would have died fighting grounders to save him.

'Clarke,' ALIE said, 'I can give you her memories too.'

Clarke's head flicked around as she was tied to the bed, but her hands were darker and she was wearing a red jacket.

'No!'

'This could kill her!'

'We have to do something!'

The screech of the drill rattled through her core and she watched as it dipped down. Clarke released a piercing screen as the Mountain Men drilled into her.

'It doesn't matter what you do!' Clarke gasped. 'I will never break for you. I will never betray my friends! My mind will never be yours!'

Pain gripped her and Clarke was thrown back onto to the bed. Nausea crashed over her and she rolled over but once more nothing was released. The pain in her side was gone and when she rolled over she was on the ground again. Her hands were her own, her clothes were her own.

Her breathing was ragged but she stood up slowly, not recalling this memory. A twig snapped under her foot and she looked around but the only light there was came from the stars themselves. ALIE had left her, but she had not returned to life in Arkadia and this was definitely not the City of Lights.